Absolute no to a tip jar. We made it clear at the venue that tips to the staff (bartenders, bathroom attendant, waiters, valet parking etc.) would come from us directly.
Agree about avoiding tip jars with a hosted bar. We sorted that out for Dâs wedding. Also, the venue required valet parking on-site. We made it clear that weâd cover all tips. No idea how that played out; less visibility than the bar. Attended a wedding with a small sign at the bar with a graciously worded âyour host has covered your tipâ message. It all can get awkward.
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In our Dâs contract, we had NO TIP JAR. Luckily, one of my pals knew this and came to get me. While they technically did not have tip jarâŠtwo of the three bartenders left a lot of $1 bills on barsâŠwhich led guests to feel like they should tip. I was lividâbut calmâŠand told them I better not see that againâŠbecause the tip I had planned on giving them was in jeopardy now. And I hauled the event coordinator over and told her the same. And informed all those lined up at the bar, not to worry, we had covered the tips. It just frosted me because it was specifically in the contract (and I shouldnât of had to be policing this)âŠbut also, there was already a 22% service fee and I had been planning on tipping anyway. I get the bartenders want to make moneyâŠbut! I employed them and I didnât want the guests to feel obligated or think Iâm cheap!
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Thanks all. âNo tip jarsâ was in our contract and on the form that the staff had directing their day.
The venue was a hotel. Our main point of contact told me the offender was likely losing his job after that evening. Of course, I donât know if that happened. I have mixed feelings about that, but he didnât follow the rules set out.
Probably the hardest thing for me, is that I was trying not to take charge and direct the day. We had the hotelâs coordinator and our own day-of coordinator! I handed it off to them to handle, but I love the satisfaction of taking charge. Itâs a personality flaw.
I wonder if it would help if the host tip was presented to the bartenders at the start of the evening - even with a note âthank you for assisting with our special event. In lieu of a tip jar, our appreciation ($$$) enclosedâ.
Pretty nervy of bartenders to still collect/encourage tips when this has been discussed beforehand. I imagine though at a sizable wedding they make a fair amount of $$ on tips???
D1 and I went to a bridal show yesterday that was here in town. It was a good place to see many local vendors in one place and D1 was able to get information from them about what they provide and what costs are. She saw sample work from two photographers that she really likes so she was going to look at more pictures on their instagrams and websites. There was a fashion show of wedding gowns and suits for the groom as well as bridesmaid dresses. The wedding dresses all had way too many sparkles for D1, but at least she got an idea of what she doesnât like. Afterwards we had a lovely lunch downtown and talked about wedding stuff which was so much fun for me.
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My D isnât into sparkly wedding dresses. She thought sheâd like lace, but she didnât like it on her. She started to focus on satin, but she didnât like how wrinkled it would get over the course of the day. We ended up at a shop 2.5 hours away, because she saw a dress online that she thought she wanted & they were the closest shop that stocked it. It looked fine, but it didnât wow her. The salesperson suggested a very simple crepe gown & D tried it on. It was perfect. The moral of the story is that you may need to do a lot of looking & trying on ⊠and a good salesperson just might be a huge help. Good luck to your D as she continues her wedding planning.
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@kelsmom - I told D1 that she may need to research a few places before setting up appointments to see what the shops carry. She likes many of the styles that Anthropologie (BHLDN) carries and we have one of these just to the north of us. Since we are in San Diego she could also go to LA to try dresses if she doesnât find anything she likes here. D1 and her fiance are planning to get married in May 2024 so we have time to find just what she wants.
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My daughter in law wore a wedding gown by BHLDN earlier this year. They have lovely dresses. Good luck to your daughter with finding her dress!
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Dâs gown was from an independent designer in Chicago, but the brand is carried at shops nationwide. Itâs Alyssa Kristin, and I canât recommend them highly enough if their style is one the bride likes. Theyâll do changes for a very reasonable price. D had a different size on top than on the bottom (no charge), and she requested a deep v back instead of a camisole type back + dropped the bottom flared piece 2â to better suit her body (total $150). However, I do see that 5 years after she purchased her gown, theyâve gone up a lot. I suppose thatâs common now, though.
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Little kid considered Grace Loves Lace - beautiful gowns but $$$ (although the price includes made to measure). She also tried on Essence of Australia - their gowns are crepe and can travel well without wrinkling (even featured in a CNN article about a traveling wedding dress). When we were dress shopping back in November, everything was still shuttered due to Covid, and appointments were hard to schedule, and brides could only bring one person with them (or none at all - 
).
Do plan on buying the dress at least 9-12 months in advance if it has to be ordered and schedule alterations right away.
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My daughter got her dress at Grace Loves Lace. They have a showroom in San Diego. Their style is I think considered Boho. Not all dresses have lace, they have silk, crepe, lace, etc⊠She went to the showroom in Los Angeles. I didnât think it was that expensive (at least compared to what I see on Say Yes to the Dress). You can see the prices on the website. No altercations and since you are ordering from Australia we didnât have to pay sales tax (not sure if that is still the case).
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I think the prices included import duties but not our local sales tax. Beautiful gowns! Definitely a bit of that boho vibe. Kid loved a couple of pieces there but eventually picked a different dress⊠alterations were a race to the finish line! Covid made every timeline almost impossible to meet.
D used a local tailor who had rave reviews for wedding dress alterations. He did an unbelievable job. So much better than the alterations department at the fancy wedding boutique where I got a matron of honor dress many moons ago. They insisted that the bodice needed to be as tight as they were making it. The wedding was a week after my final fitting. When we got dressed for the wedding, the zipper on my dress gave way. One of the other bridesmaids sewed me in. You couldnât see it in the ceremony because the dress had a little jacket. The reception was hotter than blazes, so I took off the jacket & showed off the results of the poor alterations for all to see!
My D tried dresses at Anthropologie/BHLDN and really, really liked them. She then scheduled an appt at a local bridal shop, tried on a bunch, and ended up with a Maggie Sottero. Reasonably priced as these things go. Best of all, the delivered dress fit her to a T and no alterations were needed. (It could have been shortened a bit, but the affair was casual and we decided to live with it.)
On some of the subReddits for weddings, it seemed a number of women ordered dresses made in either Russia or Ukraine and then war and very delayed (Ukraine) or no (Russia) dress.
My D also really liked a BHLDN dress and also ended up with a Maggie Sottero!
I must admit D and I were long time âSay Yes to the Dressâ watchers so Dâs hope was to get a dress at Kleinfields with her âentourageâ in tow â and happily that happened pre-covid (complete with a celebratory lunch afterwards)! In retrospect it is kind of nice that she had her dream day at Kleinfields especially since the bridal shower never happened and wedding plans were dramatically altered due to covid. She did finally get to wear her wedding dress at a celebration party a year after their micro-wedding.
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Really glad she did get her experience. At least something was ânormal.â 
Our Say Yes⊠fan obviously would not have gone shopping at that famous place but was hoping to have her girlfriends to come and do something special. Well⊠she had to shop alone (or with mom only), masked up and hurried through the process, but she did have an amazing wedding even though about 20% of the invited guests could not come due to high prices and Covid concerns. I feel sorry for those brides and grooms and their families who got to be between the proverbial rock and hard place from the start to the finish.
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Daughter in law didnât get an ideal dress experience either. Her appointment with BHLDN was in 2020, masking , could only invite one friend. But, she did get the dress she wanted and it was lovely. They had a very small Covid wedding in fall 2020(with a different dress from Needle and Thread) but she finally got to wear her BHLDN wedding gown earlier this year in the second, bigger celebration!
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Sort of on and off topic, but is Say Yes still on (new shows?)??? We watched A LOT of those episodes as my girls were growing up.
I donât think so, but I sure miss it. Even H enjoyed watching it (he doesnât care if people know that).
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