Another who didn’t have a shower when I got married (though we had lots of other parties) and kids didn’t have showers either, just some other entertainments.
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Showers don’t have to be about gifts. My daughter didn’t want a traditional shower so my friend arranged a cooking class. The bridesmaids and bride to be went to the farmers market with the chef and we all met up later to cook a nice lunch. Everyone brought a recipe to share. A few people also brought a gift but it wasn’t necessary.
I also have been to a tea to celebrate the bride. Again gifts were optional. In some cases it’s an opportunity for those who can’t travel to the wedding to celebrate.
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That sounds lovely. A gathering of friends without any of the gift giving angst.
My daughter says she doesn’t want a shower. She is very uncomfortable receiving gifts, so a shower would be way out of her comfort zone.
Her future mil talked about giving her a shower, my daughter was going to have her fiancé tell her that she didn’t want one. We will see what happens.
Of course, the kids have 6 mismatched dinner plates. So there are things they could use 
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That’s a great idea. I even have a friend who teaches cooking classes in your home, and another friend (who happens to be the godmother to my kids) who has a big kitchen. That might work.
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Love the marketing/cooking class idea for a shower! It probably does work best when all (or most) participants live locally. But… even if not, recipes could be submitted from afar, kindof cool.
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Well…they could register for wedding gifts! A gift I like to give is everyday dishes…because I know the bride and groom will use them.
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Both my daughters declined showers. For one, the groom’s family wanted to host a large wedding shower in their hometown several hundred miles away. Instead they had a large party, couples and singles, with informal dinner and decorations and they were showered with good wishes. At the bottom of the invitation - no gifts please, the wedding couple will be traveling home by plane.
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This whole no shower thing has just opened up my mind and eyes to the concept of…no shower! My son and DIL did have a shower but also I feel like their guest list was more local. Most family, most friends, local - not that that is the only reason to HAVE a shower. And honestly they benefitted from the gifts as they were a little younger getting married (24ish?)
For D1 that is engaged both families have lots of members NOT in the couple’s town. Not enough friends/family here in her hometown (2+ hours from where she and fiance live) to warrant a shower here… and they are older - 34. I can see her/them opting not to have a shower - or even a big bachelorette - honestly the cooking class type thing or just a fun weekend without all the party hype seems more her/their style.
As @thumper1 said, they can have the option of registering for particular items for the wedding.
I’ll be curious what their thoughts are.
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Quoting myself as #3 engagement happened yesterday for a niece. I put on the family chat we are averaging an engagement every 6 weeks and one granddaughter to go…and younger DD puts in a “Who me?” gif 
(We’re guessing hers could happen at the end of this month when the sisters are meeting up for a lake weekend. But we could be wrong!)
It’s funny because these girls range from 22 to 31 but I guess this was the year (and for 1 it is a second go-round).
Meanwhile my engaged DD got her caterer booked. I’m glad she got her name in because I had a feeling they were the best value and best food options and I didn’t want her to be too late.
She’s decided for centerpieces she wants eclectic vase groupings in her colors, so we went to a thrift store and picked up 17 there. This weekend is city wide garage sales so we’ll do some more looking.
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I booked day-after-wedding breakfast (11/12) at the Holiday Inn in Poughkeepsie where rooms were booked for the wedding. Very reasonable with extensive menu, and they don’t need a headcount until the week before. Less work for mother!
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My daughter getting married next year is starting to book vendors. Her MIL owns the venue, so that’s easy but she was about to pay the photog in full when I suggested NOT to do that. Daughter said she just wants to finish this semester, graduate and then do everything.
I don’t have to do much.
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I’m 
that D and fiance make their final decision on a venue very soon. Nearly all of them are pretty inclusive with good food, staff, tables/linens - all that stuff so hopefully they won’t have TOO many contacts to make!
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D and her fiancé booked a venue today for April 2024 - whew, so glad that’s out of the way and I think they made a good choice!
This weekend she has her first two appts to shop for a dress - I’m excited! 
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Two weeks to go for D’s wedding. Everything seems to be more or less under control. We give the caterer our “guaranteed minimum” number on Monday and we can add a few more until Friday, but can’t go down. Still trying to chase down 3 or 4 rsvp’s, including a cousin of the groom.
The parents of the groom are coming from out of state (as are we) and the FOG insists on bringing his dog along. This dog is reputed to have terrible separation anxiety and dislikes everyone except the FOG. Because of this, after months of dithering they booked an AirBnb 30 minutes from the wedding venue instead of staying in our hotel block. (The hotel actually does accept dogs but of course expects them to be quiet.) D found a pet sitter for them and they’ve hired the sitter for 8 hours on the day of the wedding. It’s a mystery to me what’s happening with the dog during the rehearsal dinner. And FOG is using the dog as an excuse to come at the last minute (no hanging out in the guys’ get ready room) and leave early (asap after the cake cutting). I recognize that he’s somebody who doesn’t like socializing and that we just need to accept that he’ll be there for the most important parts.
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Update: 8 days to go. No sooner had we given the caterer the guaranteed minimum than 30 minutes later 3 people dropped out, lol. D remarked that every day now friends and coworkers ask her variations of: are you ready? are you stressed? you must be stressed! don’t be stressed! But no one asks her fiance the same questions, which D thinks is very sexist. She says the only thing she’s stressed about is whether fiance will take care of everything on his “to do” list! She’s on top of hers. 
She’s the highly organized type whereas he’s the type to procrastinate and then miraculously pull everything together at the last minute.
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My husband is a procrastinator, got to say that it causes ME a lot of stress. Husband not so much!
My mil called last night. My niece is getting married in two weeks. Apparently the ex wife sent her instructions for us.
Men must be in suits, with a tie and appropriate dress shoes. The women in dresses with heels (my 87 year old mil said that she will not be wearing heels).
I wonder who is dictating all this. The ex wife or the bride getting married.
We were given similar instructions for the shower. Unfortunately no one else was held to account. It was fine, it’s ok to be more dressy than the rest of the participants 
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That’s an interesting request; haven’t heard of anyone adding footwear guidelines apart from alerting guests of the disadvantage of narrow heels when outdoor weddings require walking on soft turf. I attended a family wedding in a tux look with dressy oxfords while recovering from foot surgery. I haven’t been able to tolerate heels since, but found dressy flats in greater abundance than ever. Wedding hosts aren’t always aware of the assumptions they have when sending out such requests.
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Speaking of shoes, my D will be wearing white/ivory Allbirds flats with her wedding dress. She declared early on that she wasn’t going to wear uncomfortable shoes and she didn’t need any extra height (she’s 5’10"). I’ve been all over the place with shoes. I have a narrow foot and generally wear size 10.5 which is hard to find. Over the last year I’ve bought 2 different pairs of dressy pumps with moderate (2-1/4 " heels) that would go nicely with my MOB dress. But despite efforts to break them in, I know they’ll be uncomfortable and don’t fit as well as I’d like. So in the end I think I’ll wear some dressy sandals that don’t look as fancy as the pumps but are a lot more comfortable.
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To my D’s wedding I wore pumps (moderately comfortable LOL) for the pictures, ceremony, and cocktail hour but once the party/dancing started (and after H and I gave our toast) I changed into flats. I had a long dress and don’t think one person noticed my shoe swap…but I enjoyed dancing the night away in comfort!
ETA: D did a similar thing…she got a lovely white pair of pumps and (at my suggestion) brought a broken in, comfy pair of very pale pink pumps with the same heel height to change into for dancing.
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There is nothing wrong with dressy sandals! You can also wear your pumps for photos and then change into something more agreeable to dancing! 
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