<p>SuperMom (you are!!),
My sister had the same situation as you. What worked for her was she talked to a few of her daughter’s friends that were excited about college and asked them to pump her up about the process. Its amazing what a great peer group can achieve. Also try and sit down with her and show her all her options. When things like paying rent, utilities, etc. for living on your own are shown in black and white she may change her mind quickly. Good luck. She still has time.</p>
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In other words, she’s 100% normal. ;)</p>
<p>About the “changing the list” thing–we also got to a point about this time last year where that became a hot-button issue. At first I was annoyed by the irrationality of it (why, suddenly, is your list set in stone, where just a few months ago you had no idea where you wanted to go, and had to be pushed to even think about it?). I think it’s just a way of taking some control of the situation, and I don’t think it’s mostly about taking control away from us–it’s more about the scary uncertainty, almost a sense of vertigo, that this stage of the process can produce. They need to push back against that by setting some boundaries, so they can say, “whatever happens, I know it will be one of these things.” </p>
<p>Are there some good choices already on her list? Are the places she already got into places where you think she would do well (even if she’s out of love with them at the moment)? If so, then there’s no pressing, urgent need to add schools to the list, and I’d let it be.</p>
<p>Supermom, I hate to say this but, imo, you need to let her do it in her own time. She will get it done if she wants to go to college next year. You have told her already what she needs to do and she knows the deadlines. If she doesn’t do it she might not be ready for college. Have you thought about suggesting a Gap year program to her?</p>
<p>SuperMom, I can understand why you are super frustrated! I know that some posters on this thread have done the meet once a week to talk about college and that’s worked for them. I think the list is a good mix of reaches, matches and since she’s been accepted at two - safeties. As hard as it is, stepping back, at least for a couple of weeks might give both of you a break.</p>
<p>ddd928, I’m with you on the frustration of getting big envelopes from schools that son has already applied to just to find another viewbook and invitation to apply. arrgh! </p>
<p>BTW, son is another Pitt applicant but I don’t have high hopes - Do they really accept a lot of B students? He did get in at Drexel though, so one in the bag!</p>
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<p>Supermom,</p>
<p>Not to be a party pooper, but you might want to check the SAT ranges of these schools. In general, if your daughter’s scores are falling below the bottom 25% marker, it is a very much an uphill battle for an applicant with no hook (ethnic diversity, geographical diversity, legacy, athletes, etc, etc). On top of that there are candidates with good GPA (due to grade inflation or hard work) who do very poorly for one reason or another on standardized tests. As such, in most colleges, the students who are accepted with scores below the bottom 25% market tend to be the ones either with major hooks or with good GPAs. </p>
<p>I genuinely mean no disrespect. However, if you are having a hard time motivating your daughter to get the necessary work done, it would be much easier to work with your daughter if you screen out schools that give your daughter a very, very slim chance so that she can focus on a few schools where she actually has a decent shot, rather than having to do a lot more work. For instance, Fordham’s CR, M, V bottom 25% are all currently at around 570. This means, with a score below 1140 for CR+M, you are at the bottom 25%. Their students GPAs are also in a pretty healthy (read: high) range. </p>
<p>Of course, if all the schools are using common app, and nobody requires additional essays, well, then, it’s just more application fee (your checkbook), and adding one more application is no extra work for your daughter.</p>
<p>Lizmane, Supermom’s daughter has been accepted to two - Towson and Salisbury? so she got in somewhere… I agree that most of the others may be reaches but with two in the bag she’s got something going for her and probably geographic diversity at some of those schools.</p>
<p>Supermom - She sounds very much like my S (who is now-sorta-a college sophomore). I hand held all the way thru applications and then he had a BAD freshman year. His heart just wasn’t in it yet. We had the “shape up or ship out” conversation and he was able to stay there and is doing much better this year! I sorta wish I would have suggested a gap year to give him time to adjust…I was too worried that maybe he would never go, but now I think he just needed to grow up a bit more and get his head around the idea of college.</p>
<p>I also agree with Racquetqueen - S had a couple friends not going to college, a few going to CC and most going to local (but nice) commuter school so he wasn’t getting that “pressure” from them. D, who also fits in this post gpa-wise, has most friends applying to top-ish schools - and THEY help put some of the application pressure on her.</p>
<p>I see her list is a bit all-over-the-place (which is fine!) but is it maybe that she doesn’t really know what she wants? As far as type-size-location-activities-etc…I mean just from what I know, App State and UD are VERY different as far as types of students, campus setting, location, etc.</p>
<p>Supermom - good luck. I feel for you. It does sound like your D is feeling the waters emotionally and in many other ways. It’s a hard transition.</p>
<p>I will mention something many parents have reminded themselves here, which I have respected and taken to heart: Sometimes we have to remember that the only goal worth striving for is to have a caring relationship when this is all over.</p>
<p>Good luck with it all, and keep talking to us if it helps.</p>
<p>Son brought home receipts from Guidance that show that 8 of his GC packets (transcripts, LOR) have been sent out. He still has to finish the essay on two, so that’s tomorrow’s goal. Feels good to get the applications OUT.</p>
<p>Thank you, all! Your responses are EXACTLY why I recommend CC to every parent I know!</p>
<p>ddd928/post#720 - I FEEL you on the big envelopes . . . AND sometimes the emails, that raise false hopes. I had amazingly little drama, however with the opening of the only “big envelope” we received. Thinking it was far too early/quick for an admissions decision, I opened the Salisbury envelope (10pts for Kathiep!! 
), only to discover that was exactly what it was! Closed it carefully and walked it over to D at work. General huzzahs all 'round the tiny coffee cafe as Salisbury is, indeed, an in-state school and amazingly half the patrons were alumni. Quite the delightful evening. The school is a top choice due to location/size/academic fit, but is not generous financially (high EFC/no need here, BUT also no $$/high debt). Emerging as a major consideration in terms of D’s easing into 1st yr socially - the existence of an Individual Event Forensics/Speech Team. D loves this activity and has excelled in local & national competition. Salisbury doesn’t have a team. Towson does, but – no big (or small!) envelope . . . yet.</p>
<p>nightchef/post#721 - LOVE the concept of “process vertigo” may I borrow that? Will be observant for additional symptoms.</p>
<p>emilybee/post #723 - I’ve only recently begun hearing/reading about “gap” years. It is not in my experience, so I’ve never considered it. Thanks for the suggestion - will further research.</p>
<p>lizmane/post #725 - tickled by your carefully diplomatic approach. Very sweet. Thick skin here & totally realistic. No expectation of a Fordham acceptance. D’s friends run in the “high achieving” crowd, & Fordham is a popular safety. While she’d love to go, even a surprise acceptance won’t make it so. We can’t afford it. In fact, most schools were selected w/cost in mind - specifically, schools w/merit aid for D’s stats & “hook” (adopted/AA). That said, D did agree to an SAT prep course she’ll complete today. SAT on 11/6 sooooo fingers crossed!</p>
<p>Kerrbo/post#727 App State/UDayton are very different, huh? WISH WE’D BEEN ABLE to VISIT & FIND OUT!! ARRRGGHHH!!! I believe you, but D’s a bit of a chameleon (perhaps being in foster care until age 5 contributed). She’s always loved sleep-away camp and appears to make friends wherever she goes. I recommended schools based on considerations stated above, as well as study abroad, grad rate & USNWR rank. Final decision is likely to depend solely on the merit aid factor.</p>
<p>Update 10/31. Have now completed 7 of 10 intended apps. D works 2nite. Has agreed to “college chat” on HER turf (in cafe) at 5pm (slow time). I LOVE coffee! Optimistic that venue change may turn attitudinal tide and allow real sharing. Kathiep? Will now put you out of guessing misery: <em>grin</em> Acceptances = Salisbury, Iowa State and, as of Friday, Ohio (has speech team!). Yayyy!</p>
<p>Supermom,</p>
<p>My son and I just went to Panther Peek Day at Northern Iowa. If you weren’t able to visit and have any questions I can try to answer them. UNI did advise a turn around time of 7-10 days once an application is submitted. If she is interested in the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences the reps giving the presentation begged kids to apply for their two scholarships. Both are worth $6,000 / year (possible to renew) and usually only about 30-50 kids apply each year (10-13 awarded/year). One of the scholarships doesn’t even require an essay and they are flexible on the requirements (top 15% of class and ACT 27). They said if you’re stats are close to apply.</p>
<p>Although my son didn’t come away loving UNI he was very interested in the Camp Adventure program. UNI runs the program though I believe other schools also send students. It would be an additional opportunity to go abroad. Students work as camp counselors on US (and I believe UK) military bases with the children of parents in the armed forces.</p>
<p>WOW proudwismom -Thanks for the tip! Psych is indeed her intended major. Will peek @ the panther site right now. :-)</p>
<p>Hi SMIA!</p>
<p>Nice to see you on a semi-mainstream thread!</p>
<p>This is what I’ll add.</p>
<p>Just visited with my “much better on paper” daughter, who is currently a junior at a big deal and expensive university. I am happy with the opportunities afforded, but don’t see evidence that kids without the internal motivation to be aggressive in the application process, will often rise to the level of peers who did.</p>
<p>Son had similar math and reading SAT’s, but abysmal, at least for the “CC crowd”, gpa. He has been much more motivated and receptive about making up for lost time in the application process.</p>
<p>I, OTOH, am much more cautious about the risks/benefits of “helping”.</p>
<p>I think many kid struggle at reaches, losing self esteem in the process and would have been bette off not just at matches, but at safeties, where they would have received the attention and merit $ of stars.</p>
<p><em>waves</em> @ Shrinkrap & nods w/yabeyabe2: You’re both absolutely right of course. I need to step back. I OUGHT to let her sink or swim on her own. I WILL stop meddling. I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT hover, prod, cajole, pry or take over. . . . starting tomorrow . . . I mean, next week; . . . well . . . DEFINITELY by December 1 . . . ;-)</p>
<p>SuperMom<em>I</em>Aint, just wanted to let you know I feel your pain. 
My son is similarly foot-draggy. I tell myself that I will get through this, he’ll either get the applications done or not, he’ll get in on his merits or he won’t, and he’ll keep on keepin’ on no matter what. I have a sticky note on my computer monitor at work that says “breathe” and I refer to it regularly. It’s probably what’s kept me alive through this process. </p>
<p>It sounds like you and your daughter are making real progress, though; I’m inspired to have a sit-down with my son tonight as a result!</p>
<p>emilybee, I just noticed your post in the Jewish B students thread that the safety college you visited was Hartwick. We visited Hartwick in early Spring after hearing about it on this forum. I thought it was nice but after talking for a good half hour with the CS professor, my son put it high on his list. If he had not made that personal connection, I’m not sure he would have even applied. What did you like/not like about Hartwick?</p>
<p>Here we are on the 3.X thread, with our kids who have so often made us sweat but do ultimately get things done just fine … so it naturally goes with the application process.</p>
<p>D is following through with her “essay-cranking” week, and I will finally be able to breathe. We’ll be at one of her safeties on Friday for a music event, and we’ll get some more information on how she would really feel about going there. For some reason she’s had a tendency to visit safeties last - not a strategic decision on our part, just how it’s worked out; some of that is because she’s fairly familiar with them and only needs details now.</p>
<p>I am firmly in the camp that if my D doesn’t have the kind of intensity it takes to apply to a certain school, she probably won’t enjoy the intensity of attending that school. My guess is that she’ll end up where she’ll have just the right amount of challenge and just the right amount of comfort. Not that all of her schools are alike - many are very challenging, and many might be a little more comfortable than her ideal. But the admissions outcomes will provide her with the opportunity to see where her admissions “intensity” takes her, and that will teach her something about herself.</p>
<p>At least we can be pretty sure that if she ends up at a “comfortable” school and has to work to find the challenges she wants, she will almost surely pay less, and that’s a nice little gift.</p>
<p>Kathiep, </p>
<p>I was more impressed with Hartwick than my son but it is a perfect safety school for him if all else fails and I think he could be happy there. They were very accommodating even though we showed up unannounced. They even found a tour guide who runs XC so they would have something in common and also asked if he would like an interview which was an added bonus. </p>
<p>I thought the campus was nice - not as big or fancy as some of the other schools on his list. It does, however, have pretty much everything he thinks is important - small classes taught only by Professors, excellent study abroad and internship programs and also the 3/3 program with Albany Law School. Son is especially interested in doing a Washington program as he want to major in Poly Sci/Econ/Gov’t. </p>
<p>Plus, with his grades and stats he qualifies for highest merit aid ($22K/yr.) </p>
<p>I think boychild can be a big fish in a small pond there which would be a change from his private prep school were he’s only a bit above the middle.</p>
<p>Well, I did sit down with son last evening and got him to start jotting down themes for the Oregon State “insight resume”. Slow to start, but once he got into it I could see the wheels turning and we’ll be revisiting the process again tonight at his suggestion.</p>
<p>The insight resume is actually kind of tough–six questions, addressing things like leadership, discrimination, goals, etc., but each answer to be limited to 100 words. </p>
<p>We’ve also got a campus visit at Southern Oregon U (including meeting a CS professor and sitting in on a class) scheduled for December 2nd, so we are making slow but steady progress.</p>