<p>Laurie, I looked through your other threads, and it sounds like you’ve had a real battle with your older daughter and math. Your younger son has been watching the fireworks between the three of you, and probably has internalized it more than you’d like. This is meant as an observation, not a criticism. We have three kids and I too have seen behaviors form in the younger two as a reaction to the dynamics with my oldest. Somehow, I think you need to get across to him that he is his own person, and his sister’s issues are specific to her. </p>
<p>Some of this is the nature of birth order and how it impacts a person’s character traits. There are a number of good “birth order” books out there that can explain this. One basic tenet you will find is that the second child will almost always take an opposite route from the oldest child. </p>
<p>@Picapole, that is an interesting observation. And I want to thank everyone for weighing in. The truth is that I think my son sees himself as “the smart one,” both compared to his sister and to the majority of his peers. And when he doesn’t perform up to par, he gets upset with himself. We have reassured him many times that he is allowed to not be perfect. Some days he can shrug it off. Other days–who knows? Maybe he didn’t eat a big enough lunch and he gets irritable more easily. Overall, though, considering the struggles we had with our D over grades, I’d rather have it this way!</p>
<p>MiamiDAP, I think you should qualify your statements by stating that they apply to your daughter’s school and universities. In many schools, completing all of the homework correctly and on time is not sufficient for an A. I am somewhat surprised that it would be enough for an A at a rigorous private school.</p>
<p>Technically speaking, B is supposed to mean “good.” It is not a bad grade. D generally means “poor.” I would grant that a D is a bad grade–or at any rate, it is a poor one.</p>
<p>If a student sets a 4.0 average (unweighted) as a goal, that can lead to GPA protectionism, in some cases (not all)–that is, the student avoids challenging classes entirely, or avoids challenging classes outside of his/her areas of strength. Many of the posts I’ve read on CC show a bit too much GPA focus. When I am evaluating a transcript, I always look at the specific courses the student took, as well as the grades.</p>
<p>There is a quotation often attributed to Mark Twain, but probably originating with Grant Allen, to the effect that one shouldn’t let one’s schooling interfere with one’s education: <a href=“Never Let Schooling Interfere With Your Education – Quote Investigator®”>http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/09/25/schooling-vs-education/</a></p>
<p>I’d go a step further to say that one shouldn’t let the quest to maximize a GPA interfere with one’s schooling, let alone interfere with one’s education.</p>
<p>Here are some things I’ve said to my kids over the years:</p>
<p>Strive for A’s, but be happy with B’s.
If you already knew how to do it, you wouldn’t have to be learning it and school would be a waste of time. So you should be glad you don’t know how to do it since that means you’re learning something.
Do you have friends who don’t get all A’s? Are they stupid? No? Then you’re not stupid for getting a B either.
Would you call a friend stupid for getting a B? No? Then don’t call yourself stupid. Be a friend to yourself.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose older son (high school freshman this year) is getting C’s, D’s and F’s this semester. He may have to take biology again over the summer. He’s a bright kid, but he doesn’t turn in his homework and he doesn’t study for tests. She’s at her wits’ end with him. Meanwhile, her 7th grade son is stressing out whenever it looks like he might get less than an A. She says she’s getting whiplash from dealing with the two of them, and it’s really hard for her to tell her younger son to relax and not worry about grades so much, then go back to riding herd on her older son to get him to finish his homework.</p>
<p>Agree with post #5. Agree in spades. However, if you are concerned enough to post the question a public forum, i’d recommend following up with the school. I’d watch his behaviors around other stressful situations and how he handles stress and frustration in general, how he approaches competetion, his interaction with peers. Life is hard for teens. Sometimes they just need some room to fail. </p>
<p>@miamiDAP I know this is a bit off topic, but I just want to reiterate what others have said: that for many, many students, doing and turning in all homework on time and studying for tests does not guarantee an A (or even a B). That is like saying going to every football practice and going over all the plays will make you a star quarterback or running back. I know that nothing my athlete son does is likely to earn him As in academic subjects, no matter how hard he tries. His gifts are athletic talent and drive, and interpersonal and leadership skills. By the same token, academics come more easily to my other kids, but they will never be star athletes. Of course, there are some kids who are both academic and athletic stars, but usually through a combination of talent/ability and hard work, not just work alone.</p>
<p>OP, keep an eye on him. I disagree that it’ stop soon for counseling, although it may not ne something you do often (even once every other month would probably be fine) Think of it as a check-up. I’d want to have some professional,eyes on the negative self talk. I’d also suggest setting some limits. I’m going to sound like all kinds of crazy here on cc but… You know how some boys have to have their screen time limited or other kids have to have homework time mandated? Well, your kid might need to have some down time mandated OR you put the kabosh on that full slate of honors/AP that he wants to sign himself up for. Your know your son. And while the mantra on cc is go, go, GO!!! Sometimes we need to step in and keep our kids from burning themselves out. I think you’re right to wonder what this can become as the classes and competition for rank and college admission get worse.</p>
<p>Yep, we are definitely keeping an eye on him. He is just one of those kids who wants to be “the best.” But that’s only good if it doesn’t come at too great a cost.</p>