This happened on a Sunday afternoon, so perhaps no alcohol was even involved
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IMO all colleges (certainly including Lafayette) should do a MUCH better job of educating incoming freshmen about drinking dangers – maybe have a one day or half day in person program during orientation. "
I get the impression it is discussed - repeatedly both at college and elsewhere. This is the generation that participated in DARE and all kinds of other health and safety programs and classes that include alcohol awareness.
To me, it’s part and parcel with that underdeveloped, risk taking teenage brain. Teenagers do stupid stuff no matter how often they are warned of the dangers. Plus, the 21 drinking age that creates a n allure, forbidden fruit thing. Plus a culture that glorifies alcohol.
Not sure why its having been a Sunday afternoon would rule out alcohol use (mimosas, anyone?), but I saw no mention of aclohol in the article I read. Isn’t it also possible he suffered a head injury from playing lacrosse or any number of possible health issues?
Too soon to speculate, probably, but that’s what humans do.
“A chain of events that started Saturday afternoon…” This was not an organized sports injury. This is speculating but
several of the chains that led to his passing involved alcohol and/or drugs. Accidents are reported as such. Tragedies are treated with much more care and deliberation. “it will take about two weeks for the results of the toxicology report.”
I think kids today are fully aware of the dangers/risks of alcohol/drug use. I will speculate that only the very sheltered/naive are not aware. I fully believe that they live in a world of " it will not happen to me" and while it is important to instill in our kids that watching out for your friends/peers is the right thing to do, the kids need to take ownership of their own actions too, we are quick to blame other kids for bad outcomes.
This is a tragedy regardless of how or why it happened. My sympathies are with all it has touched.
@doschicos I agree – my daughter had a whole day of education on these types of things at orientation. I assure you I didn’t have a minute when I went
“IMO all colleges (certainly including Lafayette) should do a MUCH better job of educating incoming freshmen about drinking dangers – maybe have a one day or half day in person program during orientation.”
These days you can’t be a freshman unless you have taken a battery of training classes on booze, sexual assault, drugs, etc. It is absolutely standard and mandatory at schools these days. Often online over the summer followed up by in-person during orientation.
Fact is, these are kids away from home for the first time. There’s limits to what education classes can do.
Unfortunately, these types of incidents happen with regularity. They happened in the past too – not sure they happen any more frequently now than they did back in the day. Overdoses, alcohol poisoning, falls, car crashes and other accidents. Suicides and sexual assaults too.
The first few months of freshman year are by far the riskiest. Commonly referred to as the “Red Zone.” If kids make it to Thanksgiving break, their risk profile for the rest of college goes way down.
I call/text my current freshman every Thursday and Friday late afternoon as a reminder to keep it safe and reasonable – it isn’t a good party if you don’t live to party another day. Who knows if that has any effect, but it is the best I can come up with.
There but for the grace of god…
@northwesty we do the same – we keep reminding them of the limits, moderation and the right things to do. It is scary for sure.
My daughter called an ambulance for a wasted friend and rode with her to the ER. The girl survived and so did the friendship.
“IMO all colleges (certainly including Lafayette) should do a MUCH better job of educating incoming freshmen about drinking dangers”
We, as parents, need to talk to and educate our own students so they are prepared to make good decisions when it really matters. We know that most college students drink, why do we think it won’t be our kid? The same sad story happens time and time again. Only the names change, but most parents continue to act surprised, think it couldn’t be their kid, blame the other students who were there or blame the school. I guess that is easier than taking a long look in the mirror.
Yes, students understand that drinking can be dangerous, but they don’t have a clear understanding of how to assess a difficult situation and make a good decision in real time. We parents need to prepare our own student for these difficult situations. Especially when we know that we are sending them into the alcohol war zone that is college in America. Telling them that drinking is dangerous, and not to drink, is just not good enough. The odds are that they will anyway, and even if they don’t drink, they may fail to make a good decision about a friend who is in trouble.
How many parents talk to our kids about how to make a good decision about whether to call 911 or just let someone sleep it off when they are drunk? How many discussions have we had with our own student about how much more dangerous that situation is when alcohol is combined with a trauma/accident/fall? If we, their parents, don’t know how to manage that situation, why why would we expect our kids, or someone else’s kids, to know how to manage it? And how many kids are afraid to ask their parents those questions?
Even worse, what percentage parents completely are confident that if their student has been drinking, and something bad happens to them or a friend, that their student will not hesitate to reach out to them, their parent, 24/7 for immediate guidance? Do they really know they can always count on you when the chips are down? If not, that is on us as parents.
Our students should never be afraid that we’ll be mad when they call, tell us the truth, and ask for help. That doesn’t mean we approve of them drinking. I just means that some things are more important, and many of those decisions decide between life and death.
One of our students’ schools have all kids do an online education on alcohol prior to stepping foot on campus, but not sure that is sufficient. Alcohol, forbidden fruit is so much a part of college culture and as stated before freshmen with new found freedom are so much more vulnerable to that and peer pressure.
If alcohol was a factor here - and we’re not sure it was yet - I’m sure this young man’s family warned him as we all do with our own offspring. I think these discussions do take place in most families. Let’s not place the blame on families all the time when college students do stupid stuff. Many of us, if we are honest, have done our own stupid stuff in our youth. Sometimes luck or the lack of it has a bit to do with it.
“If alcohol was a factor here - and we’re not sure it was yet - I’m sure this young man’s family warned him as we all do with our own offspring. I think these discussions do take place in most families. Let’s not place the blame on families all the time when college students do stupid stuff.”
Amen.
All my college kids got classes and training from their schools. All got extensive discussions and advice from me and my wife. Despite all that, we had several MAJOR screw ups while in college. Luckily, none that had permanent effects. But they easily could have.
Maybe I’m the problem – from what I can remember, I had my own major screw ups back in the day. I bet many of you did too.
Years ago I read something that said parents were a child’s biggest influence when a child was young. By their mid-teens, it was the kids’ peers that had the biggest influence. That generally seems to square what with I’ve observed.
@doschicos “Let’s not place the blame on families all the time when college students do stupid stuff. Many of us, if we are honest, have done our own stupid stuff in our youth. Sometimes luck or the lack of it has a bit to do with it.”
There is a lot of randomness. It is certainly true that there is no way to prevent all of the incidents. Especially for the student involved in the accident, often there is nothing a parent could have done or said. However, most students drink in a group. In many alcohol-related falling deaths the victims friends have an opportunity to make an informed, life-saving decision. Unfortunately, the friends are not prepared to make that decision.
What percent of parents really prepare their student to make a good decision in that situation? May the kid doesn’t listen, but that is no excuse for not trying. They listen more than they let on.
Still as this predictably happens repeatedly, there parents who are outraged at the school and the friends of the victim who were there. As parents we should focus on what we can control, and prepare our own kids, so more of these incidents can be prevented. As long as everyone is blaming someone else, the situation never improves.
@Much2learn Agree and it can start before college. In high school, my daughter and her friends knew if there were ever a situation they could call me day or night and I would come get them no questions asked. Before they rode in a car with someone, or in any other bad scenario, they knew they had another option. Luckily my daughter wasn’t into drinking in high school, but some of her friends were and I did get a few calls. And we had a situation after high school where mom was called to pick up a few kids after a concert. I did it no questions asked…doesn’t mean it’s never talked about…just not that night (and you bet you have to get up and go to work the next day!).
It may not work for everyone, but imo it is much better than years ago when nothing was discussed and it was presumed these things don’t occur. If we can take the opportunity not to speculate what may have happened, but instead discuss with our kids what to do if someone needs help, it could go a long way.
Why the assumption this isn’t discussed in households? It sure has been in mine, discussions about our own kids behavior as well as what they might do if a friend is in trouble. Incidents happen enough that, unfortunately, they present opportunities for talking points. I can’t believe we’re the only ones doing so. I’m sure we’re not. That said, talking about it and making the correct and timely decisions at the time, in the heat of the moment, are two different things.
I was in a fairly crowded room once when a person was literally choking to death. The poor reactions, decision-making, and pure lack of reaction and response on the part of 98% of the adults in the room, who were all sober, was shocking. I’m sure all of these people have heard multiple times what to do in such an instance but most failed the test. The outcome was not good. Why expect college aged students to be more competent?
I have had multiple discussions with my kids on this topic - from the time they were very young. But, I worry every day that something like this will happen. Even with good intentions, kids just don’t have the experience to know their limits.
I think this thread got derailed a bit…but as a parent, regardless of the cause of death, I would be devastated. I am so sorry for this family.
@doschicos I agree there is discussion in some households, but in my small sample size not much. My daughter and son’s friends are surprised how much is discussed in our family, including discussion with their friends. Some think my kids are lucky and others not so much. I do know there is more openness than when I was their age. And I agree it’s much more difficult to act when faced with a situation, we can hope they will.
So it sounds like alcohol was a major factor now as reported in the media. So sad.