<p>I just got off the phone with my college senior. A friend, two doors down in the dorm, collapsed and died a few hours ago. No drugs, no alcohol or any contributing factors - a gifted, active, healthy, young sophomore died from natural causes. His friends and classmates are struggling with grief and disbelief.</p>
<p>I don't know the family, and it is too early to reach out to them, so I felt a need to reach out to college parents through this community. </p>
<p>Hug your children and love them. They are a gift and we don't know how long we have them for.</p>
<p>My condolences to your senior on the loss of a friend.</p>
<p>At my D's boarding school last year, a senior suddenly died of an undetected medical condition - an athlete with a D1 scholarship committment signed. There was a lot of shock, but they pulled together well and the students have learned a great life lesson about enjoying the friends you have every day.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, these are far too common occurrences. That "I love you" at the end of every call becomes more important, once your realize this.</p>
<p>My deepest condolences to your son. What a shock. Out of the blue like that, how can it happen to die from natural causes when young and healthy? I'm wondering if the family will do an autopsy (if it's within their faith to do so). If so, for you S and friends to know the cause of death might help their grieving process, simply because if there is some underlying health issue that the family missed, the young college students won't feel like random sitting ducks. </p>
<p>If there's any grief counseling through the school, can the floormates put in a request to be told, that is, the college administrator (Dean of Students, I guess) write to the parents that the floormates care deeply on every level, and also want to know, if it's possible, what was the cause of death, if they choose to share that info eventually.</p>
<p>Does S have the family contact info, just in case he decides to write to them during the funeral days? Probably the college will publish it; I hope so.</p>
<p>A kindness the floormates could do today is kind of look at his stuff laying around, maybe judiciously toss out anything embarrassing before parents come to pack up the room. I'm not positive I'm right on that, because it is his stuff, but am just thinking about a Mom I once had to watch doing this. She found drug paraphernalia and it really upset her awful, but that kid died of a heroin overdose so it's entirely different.</p>
<p>The school brought grief counselors in right away and the Dean of Students was there immediately. (It's a very small school). </p>
<p>I did mention to my son that he might want to write the family in a while. My son has the family's address so that will be possible. I appreciate your thoughts about looking for anything that might embarrass the family and will pass that along when I can find an appropriate moment.</p>
<p>According to my son, the boy just collapsed while sitting with friends. The paramedics spoke of an internal hemorrhage - and I had supposed that they would automatically do an autopsy; But you are correct to point out that religious preference (and I suppose local laws) will decide this.</p>
<p>The students are caring for each other but as you said, they feel vulnerable and frightened by this. It's hard as parents to help from afar (and it makes us feel vulnerable as well). I do think the fact that they are a very close community (the dorm holds ~90 students from all 4 years) will help them pull together and support each other.</p>
<p>Doesn't this type of tragedy put all of this college admission angst into perspective?? Thank you for sharing this story. My heart goes out to that student's family.</p>
<p>^ Amen to that! Say "I love You" (with feeling) frequently, hug as often and you can, and be gentle with each other. There really are only a few battles worth waging with the kids.</p>
<p>First my condolences. No parent should have to bury a child. No friend should have to live through it at such a young age.</p>
<p>When my DH (2nd child) was born someone gave me the best piece of advice I ever received..."tell your kids 15 times a day you love them". Everyday I tell them when they walk out the door, walk in the door, everytime we speak on the phone, sometimes when they walk by me and always when they go to bed. Many days I will jokingly say did I tell you I loved you 15 times today? When they say no, I say Ilove you 15 times straight. They always smile after that.</p>
<p>Life is too fast, never have a regret! Never say what if...</p>
<p>There's nothing like an unexpected death, especially of a young person to make us face our own mortality. Went through it last summer when my nephew was killed in a car accident.</p>
<p>The student's parents must be in total shock, but they will appreciate your reaching out with a kind word, whether you've ever met them or not. It helps to know that someone's tragedy has been transformed into something positive (all the hugs our CC kids will get when they get home from college), although I'm sure they'd take their kid back anyday over the lessons we learn from this.</p>
<p>So, so scary to imagine life can be so fragile.</p>
<p>I've never ever been hugged or told "i love you" by my asian parents. I wish I had had that chance, but I guess the cultural differences are impossible to bridge after a certain point. I hope the poor guy who died of a hemorrhage left with no regrets, and that his parents have no regrets either. Sometimes parents need to remember that we have feelings too... a little emotional support goes a long way...</p>
<p>Oh amb3r, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's good that you can see this as a result of their background and not a rejection of you. I hope you can see their love for you in their other actions and other words.</p>
<p>My father told we once how proud he was of me and how much he loved me, the night before he died, true story. But, I knew he did and I've changed that tradition, as can you.</p>