A beauty of boarding school?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>A few weeks ago, I had a chance to visit Thacher School for my son's first parent weekend. </p>

<p>Since we dropped him off last August for his first year at Thacher, we have been pretty anxious about how he would get adjusted to the new environment. I received some nice remarks from the parents who had gone through the similar mental experience with their children. </p>

<p>When I visited the school and saw my son, the first thing I asked was if he wanted to spend a night with me at my hotel. (The students were allowed to stay out of campus with their parents during the parent weekend). I have been dying to spend some private time with him and asked him many questions. He was very clear and simple. "No thanks, Dad, I would rather spend the weekend evenings with my friends." </p>

<p>While it was a little sad he declined, I was feeling, on the other hand, very relieved to see him want to spend time with his new friends. I could have been more worried if he had wanted to spend time with me instead. </p>

<p>I found he was slowly but surely becoming independent. He was trying to make every little decision of his own. Does he have to do laundry today or tomorrow? What about haircut and homework?? All those little things that he didn't have to/want to decide before. </p>

<p>I thought that was the beauty of going to a boarding school. Every kid learns to live with others, listen to them and do things that they don't necessarily want to do. Eventually, they will be more independent and autonomous. Day in and day out, they will learn to manage their time with trials and errors. By the time they graduate from a boarding school, what they have learned will make them more mature, co-operative and kind. </p>

<p>When people around me asked me about 'why boarding school?', that has always been my answer. A good day school may help students more for the college entrance, the experience that they can earn at the boarding school is unmatched and priceless in that sense. </p>

<p>After all, that is what I want from boarding school life, more than the college entrance. In that sense, the parent week visit was relieving enough to make me feel we have made the right decision.</p>

<p>If I may add my humble opinion, (to the prospective parents,) a boarding school does not guarantee the top colleges for many reasons. It is the life and interactions with people around your child at the boarding school that should be the true advantage of boarding school. You want your child to be a good person, not the machine for the college prep.</p>

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<p>Loved that!!!</p>

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<p>“More mature, cooperative, and kind” Love that line.</p>

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<p>Not sure I agree with spending $200K for boarding school to teach my DC independence a few years earlier then she would have learned in college.</p>

<p>I know I could be setting myself up for MAJOR disappointment, but I sent my daughter to a top BS so she would at least be in contention for HYPSM. If she stayed at home her chances would have been little to none.</p>

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<p>Well said patronyork</p>

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<p>Jersey - there has always been a difference on this board (not negative) between parents who order:</p>

<ol>
<li>HYPSM</li>
<li>Intrinsic value of boarding school</li>
</ol>

<p>vs.</p>

<ol>
<li>Intrinsic value of of boarding school</li>
<li>HYPSM</li>
</ol>

<p>Those who place the intrinsic value first (I am in that camp) most definitely want a great college outcome, but they want a few other things more.</p>

<p>It boils down to this in my view: your high school years set habits like no other time in life and far more than in college; it’s when behaviors and views become second nature. I’m a parent who sees spending $200k during this character-forming period to ingrain habits in my child like independence, time management, personal housekeeping, treatment of others, care for your surroundings and a deep love of learning as the right move. </p>

<p>Of course, I want her to go to a great college. It’s just that I want her to be a great person even more. A good child-boarding school match (and it has to be the right match) gives her that. I liked what Patron said about Thacher, and what TParent, Mussels and others have said about that School over the months and years. It sounds to me like a place that pays explicit and proactive attention to the character growth as much as the academic growth.</p>

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<p>“independence, time management, personal housekeeping…”</p>

<p>The above are ALL things I am 100% certain I would have taught DC very well at home without sending her away to boarding school for $200K. And eventually would have had to have been learned in college anyways. Not clear to me how much value there is to learning these skills 4 years earlier than the majority of the population. I am sure MANY of us have these traits in abundance and it didn’t require the sacrifices of boarding school obtain them.</p>

<p>"…treatment of others, care for your surroundings and a deep love of learning"</p>

<p>This is a bit idealistic, don’t you think? In no way do I think boarding school students have a monopoly on these traits.</p>

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<p>Did we read the same post? I think OP was describing “A” beautiful aspect of BS not “THE” beauty of BS.</p>

<p>Loved the post, Patronyork.</p>

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<p>Well, like I said Jersey, different strokes for different folks. The difference between boarding school and day school on these points is that the child learns the lessons on their own at boarding school, often through trial and error. Peer influence becomes vital. Further, the variety of faculty and house masters all provide guidance, discipline and encouragement that by its very nature is non-parental, which frequently makes it more influential. It’s an overall alchemy that cannot be replicated at home. But that is NOT to impugn your child-raising your prowess or question what you see as best for your child. These decisions are intensely personal.</p>

<p>On your point about “treatment of others, care for your surroundings and a deep love of learning” I did not suggest that boarding school has a monopoly on promoting these traits. They do, however, have a different path to that promotion rooted in an immersive, community model where no one is “teaching” them to pursue these ideals. The community is pursuing them en masse and the child is finding his place in that process on his or her own. It’s highly effective.</p>

<p>And yes, Photo, I got off point. Sorry (sheepish face).</p>

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<p>My post wasn’t directed at you, Parlabane. I agree with everything you said.</p>

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<p>Jersey, that’s OK. Folks choose boarding school for their kids for different reasons. If there’s no better option close to home you see would help achieve your goal of a top college placement than a top boarding school, then you ARE making a choice based on an evaluation of your priorities and available options. It’s just that - as I am sure you’d agree - there’s no linear relationship between going to a top school and the landing a top college admission. Wouldn’t it be nice to see your kid develop “independence, time management, personal housekeeping…” along the way on top of or even without a top college admission? 200K is a lot of money. You are better off setting up more than just one goal to achieve for that spending.</p>

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<p>Jersey: I am curious. Firstly, I respect your choice. But, why are you posting on a bulletin board dedicated to finding and attending boarding schools? Could it be you are actually undecided on the issue?</p>

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<p>London: <a href=“Does Off-Campus Interviews Hurt Your Application? - Prep School Admissions - College Confidential Forums”>Does Off-Campus Interviews Hurt Your Application? - Prep School Admissions - College Confidential Forums;

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<p>PhotographerMom: ah. I see. :)</p>

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<p>@jersey</p>

<p>I fully respect your opinion. People have different ideas and opinions. </p>

<p>I am the one who believes in the importance of family education. It is more critical in shaping kid’s personality and forming intrinsic value. But I don’t think what they learn at boarding school is just the same thing they can learn 4 years later. </p>

<p>Kids have to deal with the emotional ups and downs without family presence. They need to learn how to cope with it alone. If kids develop enemies, there is no hiding place. They need to come up with a solution one way or another. When they make friends and spend 24/7 with them, some of them become friends for life. You listen to them, try to share pain and joy with them. They walk at night and look at the stars above. They talk about dreams and dream girls. And I am not paying 200K just to have them look at the Milky Way. After all, it is the experience that I want to ‘buy’. If you think it is a waste of money, that’s ok with me. </p>

<p>Having said that, I would be a little disappointed if my son goes to a truly mediocre college. But I would have no problem at all if he doesn’t end up at HYSPM.</p>

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<p>Well said patronyork.</p>

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<p>Patronyork- I thought your first post was wonderful, but your most recent post was amazing. You beautifully sum up what so many of us feel.</p>

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<p>BS4HYP+M/S…the issue that that divides a forum. ;-P</p>

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<p>You can tell you’ve spent too much time on CC when you can look at SevenDad’s post ^ and translate it effortlessly.</p>

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<p>^^^and when you don’t post because you’re only going to say what SevenDad will say and you KNOW he’s going to jump in and say it better.</p>