<p>Well, I’ll state the obvious, another beauty of a school–Choate. Different strokes for different folks, but it’s hard to argue with the manicured playing fields, the new Baseball Diamond and Hill House Dining, Hogwarts style.</p>
<p>^^^No argument here. ;)</p>
<p>“BS4HYP+M/S…the issue that that divides a forum.”</p>
<p>Though the division is FAR from equal.</p>
<p>We sent our DC 7,000 miles away to BS, miss her terribly everyday, and are putting our retirement into uncertainty. I personally could not justify these sacrifices without expecting a concrete return.</p>
<p>Yet, the vast, vast majority of posters on CC choose boarding school to give their child the benefits of independence and a stimulating learning environment a few years early. I just don’t feel like those benefits alone are worth the sacrfices. And it surprises me that I am in the extreme minority on this issue. I really, really wish I could think like EVERY OTHER POSTER ON THIS THREAD, but I can’t…</p>
<p>I don’t think that there could be many truly wealthy folks posting on these boards. And that for the rest of us, writing these checks, whatever the size, creates all sorts of intensely personal responses, as to “value” and whether we are doing the right thing. Why do we spend more time than is logical on these boards? There are many reasons, like the oft-mentioned paying forward to new parents. Isn’t there also the desire to share the sentiment with others that what we are doing is literally “worth it”, the monetary sacrifice as well as the emotional, etc.? None of us can really know what we will have “bought” four years down the road, so we read these stories and hope. (And as the months unfurl, we “read” our kids for clues to their well-being and growth, a little bit like the Kremlinologists of old.)</p>
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A generation ago, going to a top BS might have been a reliable path to HYPMS, but not now. Thats why so many of us other parents dont bother holding our breath. </p>
<p>Heres another family that sacrificed deeply thinking Groton would be the ticket. Instead of their high-achieving son getting admitted into HYPMS, it was his lower achieving classmates who were admitted.
[WSJ.com</a> - For Groton Grads, Academics Aren’t Only Keys to Ivy Schools](<a href=“http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/Polk_Groton_Grads.htm]WSJ.com”>WSJ.com - For Groton Grads, Academics Aren't Only Keys to Ivy Schools)</p>
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<p>Jersey - you’re not alone in wanting to connect a top BS with Ivy admission. And like you, sending our boy to boarding school was a financial sacrifice that we will feel for years to come. The difference in our thinking is that we connect the boarding school decision to the longer game of life (I don’t mean for that to sound sappy, even though it does). The college admission is a battle, not the war.</p>
<p>I guess the risk, Jersey386, is that your child DOES NOT get the “Golden Ticket” that you desire for him/her…should it come to that, will you think that the money and effort has been a waste?</p>
<p>What if your child gets into an ultra selective LAC like Williams, would you still consider BS a waste?</p>
<p>I personally feel that Ivy-material kids are Ivy-material no matter what school they attend. And despite holding a degree from a certain institute of higher learning in West Philadelphia, I don’t hold my daughter to an “Ivy or failure” standard.</p>
<p>Like I said, it’s an issue that divides the forum.</p>
<p>And yet, does it really matter why you send your child to BS? Your child is going to get a great education and transformative life experiences. That’s all you can count on. Your motives don’t affect the college outcome. It is a fact that the majority of the graduating class at EVERY boarding school EVERY year does NOT go to an Ivy. As GMT indicated, those days are long gone. And it’s been said to death here that only those at the very top of the class have a shot (same as public school), and a kid’s chance of being in that pool is very small and probably less at BS than PS due to the extreme competitiveness of the pool. Those are facts. However, there are still parents here who either a) don’t believe this or b) don’t believe it applies to their kid or c) believe that the chances are still somehow better at BS that PS. Does it matter what they believe? Why should anyone argue with them? Reality will prove or disprove their notions eventually. All that will happen is that some parents might be disappointed, but all the kids go on to great schools. The kids are well-served; that’s all that matters. Is that not “concrete return” enough? It’s the only benefit you can count on.</p>
<p>Honestly? The reason that I sent my kid to boarding school, bottom line, was that he was SO sad and SO out of place at school and in our tiny little town that my heart was breaking, and I felt desperate to do something to get him to a place where he’d not be miserable for his entire adolescence. I suspect that many who write these heart-felt posts had similar motivations for sending their kids away to school, and the way that our chidren’s schools provide intellectually, socially, physically stimulating havens for our babies makes us break forth sometimes in song. :)</p>
<p>I agree totally with classicalmama’s comment above. My C was so unhappy in public school from K - 8, bored out of his mind, and concealing so much of himself to fit in with the Cool Dudes. Luckily, we didn’t have to look far for a great fit; he is now a day student at a local boarding/day prep school. This kid LOVES school for the first time EVER. It is beyond what we dared hope for, and I would do anything to keep him there.</p>
<p>But Jersey, for us, that is a very concrete return, and if our public school had been a great fit, a place where he could thrive, we would never have given prep school a thought.</p>
<p>I agree with a lot of what has already been stated:</p>
<p>1) BS ain’t what it used to be re HYPMS</p>
<p>2) the families that use BS because their kids were square pegs in round holes at their local public schools seem to appreciate BS the most</p>
<p>3) in the end getting into HYPMS is more about who you know vs. what you know whether you are coming from a BS or public school</p>
<p>4) IVY and “small ivy” i.e. prestigious LACs are basically both held in highest and about equal regard</p>
<p>I went into this with my eyes wide open. Before making this decision I saw the WSJ article on Groton and understood how BS may actually hurt DC’s chances of getting into HYPSM. But I made the leap of faith, and convinced myself the “other” benefits would be worth the sacrifices.</p>
<p>I can see needing to get a child out of bad situations described by “classicalmama” and “honoraryamom”. But any other metric used to justify the value of boarding school just does not resonate with me. The $200K needs to bring “$200K of incremental value”, above and beyond the benefits of the local option (since for us the local option cost $0).</p>
<p>DC was pretty “ambitious” even before BS, and as long she maintained that ambition, I am fairly confident she would have gained admission to a “solid” university staying at her local school, just not a HYPSM. Our local school has only sent 1 kid to Yale in the last 8 years and none to HPSM. There’s a VERY good chance I will spend $200K and get the same outcome as keeping DC at home. For us HYPSM provides incremental value, besides that I am having difficulty placing the incremental value of the “other” benefits at $200K.</p>
<p>Choatie - I agree the kids are “well-served”, but $200K more “well-served”? I ain’t feelin’ it.</p>
<p>ThacherParent - As for the long-term benefits, there’s simply no way to determine the long-term benefits of BS. A lot of very significant events happens between high school graduation and the day one sees “success”, like college, grad school, marriage. How can you possibly attribute that success to BS? Also, how can you know that same “success” would not have happened if you kept your child at home during those precious years?</p>
<p>More power to the folks on the board that can convince themselves it is worth the sacrifice. Really, I mean it.</p>
<p>If you’re looking at quantifying the life benefits of boarding school, you’ll certainly be unsatisfied. But if you ask a majority of boarding school graduates who are now in their 40’s and 50’s about the impact of the experience on the rest of their lives, I’ll bet big bucks they’ll credit their boarding school years as more transformational and educational than any other part of their youth - unique - and essential to their lifelong success. </p>
<p>There is a percentage of CC’ers for whom quantification of the boarding experience is the holy grail. If it can’t be scored and measured, it’s not real. I understand and respect that mind set, but for me (and others) the need to resolve the benefits of the boarding experience into some sort of geometry proof misses the larger, messier, longer-lasting and greater value.</p>
<p>Jersey: I respect your opinion and believe that no one here should try to argue with you because your opinion is as valid as anyone else’s. We all post what we believe and feel both for the lively conversation and for the benefit of all who read here, especially the silent readers. I’m sure there are many who hold your point of view and are glad for your voice.</p>
<p>What you’re describing sounds to me like buyer’s remorse; you’ve paid the bill, but you’re worried about being able to measure the “$200K of incremental value.” None of us will ever be able to monetarily quantify the effect of our kids’ BS educations over the PS educations they left behind. How would that be possible? As you said, “there’s simply no way to determine the long-term benefits of BS.” No argument there, so I ‘m not sure how you’re expecting to measure the return on your investment if you don’t value what your child is getting right now. I, too, have concerns over that $200k but more because I find [post=14478203]The Sanity and Morality of Spending $200K on High School[/post] to be more troublesome than any college outcome.</p>
<p>You say there is “a VERY good chance that I will spend $200K and get the same outcome as keeping DC at home,” which implies to me that you are OK with that gamble. If acceptance to HYPSM is the only way you’ll feel your money has been well spent and your DC feels the same way, then I hope that is the outcome for your child. If it doesn’t work out that way, I sincerely hope that, at the very least, your child values the extraordinary education and experiences s/he received at BS and you will be able to find some comfort in that.</p>
<p>(Cross-posted with ThacherParent whose comments about how your child might feel in 40 years is what I was alluding to in that last sentence. Thanks, TP.)</p>
<p>Jersey: I am not trying to be funny, but why not pull her out and send her back to the local school? You will save what remaining cost there is and will surely feel better about not (potentially) “wasting” the money? Is that an option?</p>
<p>If you are not willing to do that, then ask yourself why… maybe that will help you determine the value of BS for your child.</p>
<p>Jersey, actually I agree with you entirely. I would not foot the bill for prep school unless I thought it was a significantly better fit. My older one is a senior in our public high school. She is totally different kid with different strengths and weaknesses than my freshman in prep school. She has thrived in all aspects in public school, and has a great chance for a “little ivy”, which would be a wonderful fit for her.</p>
<p>I am also on the same page about the possible long term benefits of prep school, boarding or day. Even if stats exist to shore up this notion, there is no guarantee that YOUR kid will reap those benefits. It’s fine to take opinions and stats into consideration, but in the end you’ve got to think of your own kid: Is SHE one would benefit greatly from prep school.</p>
<p>London, despite my agreement with Jersey, I would not pull a thriving kid out of prep school just because I thought she’d thrive equally at the local public school. Arriving at the conclusion that public school would have been just as good for her is one thing. But thrusting a major disruption upon a thriving kid is quite another.</p>
<p>Hmm. My take is that Jersey values HYPSM, believes that BS MAY provide a better path to that end, and is willing to take the gamble. Pulling the child out extinguishes that possibility. But, let’s wait for Jersey to reply.</p>
<p>Except Jersey also said this:
“But I made the leap of faith, and convinced myself the “other” benefits would be worth the sacrifices.”
Maybe I’m wrong, but he sounds like a reasonable parent who is simply wondering if bs was worth even those “other” benefits, already knowing it probably would not increase kid’s chances for HYPSM.</p>
<p>Honorarymom: I agree not to pull a child. But if the parent is so upset about the cost, and if that parent (I don’t know that Jersey does this) complains about the lack of value within earshot of the kid, that can’t be positive either. The risk is that the kid could start feeling bad about going to BS.</p>
<p>But ultimately, my point was: either accept that there is value, or figure out where the value is better. Obviously that is not MY viewpoint, but I was thinking it could help Jersey figure out why they decided on BS in the first place… we all have different definitions of “value”. Mine just happens not to center on the $$ cost - I have my head buried firmly in the sand on that one! :)</p>
<p>Here is the next logical question - Is HYPSM worth the $200? How do you determine that attending Harvard is truly $200,000 more worthwhile than attending BC? I am married to a HYP in my same field and yet when we met 6 years post college I was making a higher salary at a more prestigious job than he had at that time, and the “connections” I made at BS were just as influential as the ones he made at HYP. There is no question we have both benefitted from these elite institutions but I’m not sure I could say that his college experience was that much more influential than my bs experience, nor do I believe the education he received at HYP was significantly better than my LACs (a good one). Some of us are just more into designer jeans than others…When it comes down to it, buying a name brand is no guarantee that you are going to be a more satisfied adult.</p>