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All, please don't be offended, it wasn't meant that way. But are you certain that a parent that doesn't fund their child's college, doesn't value a quality education? Or is that just how you feel? Could it be possible for a parent to feel differently and still value an education?
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these are the dots I have trouble connecting. I have trouble connecting to the implied value proposition when kids need to pay everything. The cheapest way to gain a college education would be to take the books out from a library and self-learn the topics ... at the other end are a boat load of privates at $45+k/yr. In between are lots of options which have appear as different value propositions for different families. For kids who are not good candidates for merit aid I have trouble seeing the value proposition of community college or full-time work while being a part-time student or massive debt as being seen as the best value proposition when <em>some</em> parental contribution could move the student to other (to me better) alternatives ... and as I mentioned earlier my opinion does not (and should not) matter one bit to any other family other than mine.</p>
<p>I agree with you that people can feel differently and value education. Of course. Can you agree that not every child needs to take on debt to feel invested in his/her education? </p>
<p>Sure, there are a lot of snotty rich brats who squander their educational opportunities in college. But there are also kids whose education is being funded (not by the college or the federal gov't, but by dear ol' mom and dad), who are still thoroughly invested in the process. I did have a work/study job in college, and our children will be expected to pay books and expenses, at a minimum. As far as asking them to shoulder a large debt burden, my H and I believe that if we can help our children start adult life debt-free, we would like to do that. Some people think differently, but not requiring students to shoulder debt won't turn them (necessarily) into rich slackers. Really.</p>
<p>Hey i totally agree with your posts on my forum today but don't you think it's a lot of pressure on the kid....i mean she has sooo much to live up to and she is soo stressed out. I don't know if constantly reminding her that she is following in her older siblings' footsteps is such a good idea...</p>
<p>(don't mind my grammer "dmd" and "allmusic". i don't have time to check over the little things while TRYING to get my message across)</p>
<p>Yes, the OPs original question didn't focus on parents who will not pay on principle.</p>
<p>Rather, it had to do with expecting kids to do well enough in school to get a full merit scholarship to a selective college, even though the parents could pay.</p>
<p>What kind of message does this send to the kid ("it's a dog-eat-dog world")? Why put the kid under that kind of stress?</p>
<p>IMHO, parents should pay as much as they can; no more and no less.</p>
<p>17-18 years of age is awfully young to be learning such hard lessons about how much parents value their own money. Hell, come to think of it, spending their hard-earned money on my education was a convincing way of demonstrating to me 1) how much they valued education and 2) how much they valued me. </p>
<p>I ended up independent (parent's death) before my first year was done and way in debt by the time grad school was over. But I still got the point.</p>
<p>"I agree with you that people can feel differently and value education. Of course. Can you agree that not every child needs to take on debt to feel invested in his/her education"</p>
<p>absolutely, this is a situation where there isn't one right/wrong answer, just degrees of separation. What works in my household might be different in yours and the family down the street. </p>
<p>That is why it's kinda hard to judge what a parent is willing not willing to do. </p>
<p>Would I not support financially my kids college years. Well, is that before or after this months cell bill? :) </p>
<p>My D could be posting here pretty soon how daddy doesn't understand she has a boyfriend now and "needs" to call him... rather than walk down the hall, through some doors and knock on his door...., Well I'm going to try a sternly worded email finished off with a Love Dad, and then get ahold of my cell provider and bump up my plan.... For her brithday next month, a couple of soup cans and string.. I swear.</p>
<p>"Hell, come to think of it, spending their hard-earned money on my education was a convincing way of demonstrating to me 1) how much they valued education and 2) how much they valued me."</p>
<p>Marsden - that is exactly the message I hope we are giving our children. Thank you for putting it that way.</p>
<p>Actually, from what I have seen, wanting kids to get an athelic scholarship or choosing a school because that is where they can get one or telling a kid if he wants to go to an out of state school he can if he gets a scholarship is the norm, rather than the exception.This is from educated parents,often doctors and the like (Incomes of 100 K-400K+). Very few will ever want to pay full price even is they do not have to. They do not believe it is worth it. It is not at all related to wanting your child to do as well as they can at schoool and to developinto into productive citizens. An awful lot of folks just do not believe that spending a lot on college is what makes the child a success or a better person. Many of those that do go to spendier places do it becuase grandpa pays or their parents believe it is a learning process for the child to take on debt. I cannot not tell you how many parents have talked to me during parent teacher conferences stating these positions.</p>
<p>^absolutely..lol. im taking on debt as well...i just feel the pressure put on some kids to get a scholarship is so terrible..i feel for the girl.</p>
<p>I feel sorry for your friend, bsb2007. It does appear that she is under a LOT of unfair pressure. I understand your ire, also. Obviously, you see how all the "compare and contrast" from her parents affects her. You're a good friend.</p>
<p>Even if someone receives a full ride, or half ride, there are still a number of huge costs like room and board, fees, transportation, etc. Putting 3 kids through college is something I wonder if any of the kids who post today on c.c. would ever do for THEIR kids. Many young couples are limiting their families just so they can provide the finest. </p>
<p>You shouldn't look at parents as cheap just because they are feeling the strain. You aren't owed anything. Your parents gave you life, the biggest gift there is. Life is a gift, will you do the same without considerations for what it will cost? That is truly nobel.</p>
<p>It entirely depends on the parents' financial situation and the circumstances with their children. No rule that says when we procreate, it must be with a four year tuition bill attached. Anything worth having is worth working. When a child is given everything, they don't value anything. Not all parents can afford the tuition. Even if a parent can, should they if the child isn't into their studies? I know a man that must support his son through a divorce decree, for $20K a year, while that boy sits in his own apartment, not a dorm room, gets high and rarely goes to class. Meanwhile, the man's in near financial ruin, getting ready to loose his home. </p>
<p>When we met with the admissions officer from Yale...his first words..."parents, you aren't obligated". However, he mentioned Yale bases financial aid on Parent's contribution,Student's contribution, then financial aid. </p>
<p>Best case....prepare best you can for your childrens' education. If circumstances don't permit, be there for them, help with financial aid, with scholarship applications. But make certain your student is worth the effort to just stroke a check.</p>
<p>Parents make the decision to pay for high school in hopes that their son/daughter will get a better education and be able to get high scores on the tests and get full rides. Just because someone is rich does not mean that they don't respect their money, quite the opposite.</p>
<p>BSB, you said:
"(don't mind my grammer "dmd" and "allmusic". i don't have time to check over the little things while TRYING to get my message across)"</p>
<p>I will note that poor grammar and spelling are little things that often get in the way of the message. For example, I know of few people who ignore poor grammar and spelling in the body of a resume. If it's worth taking the time to write, it's worth taking the time to write well.</p>
<p>I understand that internet communications such as forums, bulletin boards, IMs, and email are often considered to be exempt from the usual rules of grammar. While they do have their own idioms, such communications nonetheless are subject to many of the same rules of common discourse, which is what grammar and spelling serve to simplify.</p>
<p>^i apologize if my language isn't clear. it's just that when i'm writing online, i don't bother with capitalizations or contractions....stuff like that. In the real world, i do...just not on here.</p>