<p>USNA1985, we are dealing with parents here, parents who might not be aware that there are "procedures and bureaucracy that make any communications slower". I certainly empathize with their concerns. Maybe we should be a little more understanding.</p>
<p>I love it how people always jump to conclusions on this board, especially when they don't know the full facts.</p>
<p>It's the Naval Academy's policy to notify next-of-kin in person. Naval Academy officers showed up at the parents' home at 7PM, but, tragically, the mother had already gotten a condolence e-mail at 3PM.</p>
<p>This tragedy was magnified exponentially by the manner in which the family found out. My hope is that the Naval Academy will learn from this experience and find ways to ensure that it will not happen again. It was devastating to the family.</p>
<p>My family is grieving for Kristen and her family, as we know them very well. Kristen was an exceptional young woman.</p>
<p>jadler - I see it as simply as conversation based on information (not necessarily verified facts) of what is available at the current time.</p>
<p>You are correct though - conclusions have been jumped at. I don't know what happened and why it happened. It is clear that sadly a young midshipman has died.</p>
<p>I do know as a parent of young adults I would want to know immediately. I know I would not want to find out from an email from another parent - if that is what happened. Maybe that isn't what happened.</p>
<p>I take back my original comment that a grievous error had occurred. I do not know if a misstep occurred and it isn't for me to judge since I don't know all the facts.
I understand that there is protocol - USNA69 and USNA Dad&Grad explained it quite well and I thank them for that.</p>
<p>My thoughts at the time were those of a parent - when these sad situations occur we parents often personalize the situation - all we can think of is the grief this family is faced with - and think - there but for the grace of God go I.
Please forgive us for thinking like loving Moms and Dads.</p>
<p>Far be if from me to leap to conclusions but...</p>
<p>Kennett Square, PA is a 2 hour drive from Annapolis, Maryland.</p>
<p>Without speculation that any missteps occurred or that protocol was not followed - IMO - time is of the essence in these situations.</p>
<p>My thoughts and prayers are with Kristen's family and the larger Navy Family in this time of sorrow.</p>
<p>The initial notification will be in person by a trained CACO assigned to the nearest Naval facility. Grad & Dad, correct me, I think the goal is within 4 hrs.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I do know as a parent of young adults I would want to know immediately. I know I would not want to find out from an email from another parent - if that is what happened. Maybe that isn't what happened.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That is what happened. My family is good friends with the family and we found out firsthand. It is devastating.</p>
<p>No parent should ever have to bear the pain of burying a child. You bring them into this world and watch them grow along with your hopes and aspirations for their health and happiness; it's simply not a situation that I can comprehend. </p>
<p>Beyond the timing and how this unfortunately unfolded I am also having some difficulty understanding the use of an email to convey one's condolences for the death of a child; I don't own stock in Halmark or any card companies, I'm not sure how best to explain my feelings about it but on the surface it just doesn't feel right or appropriate to use such a medium for such a subject. What is the benchmark or threshold at which we should communicate with each other in a more personal and direct manner? Is the speed of communication more important than the medium? </p>
<p>Our society and indeed much of the world is now preoccupied, some would say obsessed with the speed and continuity of communication, many seem to treat their cell phone or computer like an umbilical cord that they just can't cut, as if they would die if they were denied the constant stream of communication; instead of enjoying the company of the person they sit across from at a meal, they blabber away on their phone...instead of talking to their partner in person, face to face about the troubles plaguing their relationship they send a text message announcing their intent to break it off. </p>
<p>I understand the many reasons why this information would have left the grounds of the Naval Academy as quickly as it did. I could understand someone rushing over to their house to grieve with them, perhaps a friend or member of the family that heard before they did. I really doubt there is a best way to hear about the death of your child; reading it in an email or hearing about it first hand on the news has to be one of the worst.</p>
<p>69,</p>
<p>Not sure about the timeframe, but "as soon as possible" is what I remember. In the first case I handled, the call came in around 10 PM on a Saturday night to my house, and I was briefed, dressed in uniform, and out the door within about 30 minutes. We were at the parents house within in an hour, but they were not home. So we waited for 3 hours for them to arrive home. Very sad, especially since they had already been contacted by their daughter-in-law.</p>
<p>I would not be surprised to see a new policy at all SA's mandating cadets and mids not to contact anyone following such an occurance. I would also not be surprised to see strong consequences for someone who violates such a mandate.</p>
<p>Hello - </p>
<p>I'm sorry to have found this board under such sad circumstances.</p>
<p>I would like to ask for some advice from board members:</p>
<p>My son is a plebe in 21 Company and knew Kristen well. He came home on intersession leave for 3 days and now doesn't want to discuss anything about her death with his family or close friends. He did not talk to any of the chaplains who counseled the 21 CO members. </p>
<p>Should I leave him alone? Is this a 21 Company-only, stay-out-of-it-Mom situation? </p>
<p>He's planning on a 25+ year career as a Naval aviator, so he very well may run into an unexpected death of a close colleague again - how should a mother of a midshipman help without being too intrusive?</p>
<p>(hope this makes sense, I am not a regular Web-poster)</p>
<p>I'm not a psychologist or a mother, but like most adults I've experienced my share of deaths. I've learned that there is no "right" way to deal with death and that different people deal with it differently. Some want to talk, some don't. Some don't want to talk now but may later. Not wanting to talk about it now doesn't seem all that unusual to me.</p>
<p>Thank you 1985 - that makes sense.</p>
<p>My son was very fortunate in high school not to have lost any close friends or family members. </p>
<p>I was wondering if perhaps the very close bonds that 21 Co (and other companies at USNA or within a unit) make it more difficult to share grief with 'outsiders' - even mothers. </p>
<p>This is a different situation from Joe College Sixpack - these plebes shared a great deal during this year, much more than the average 19- or 20-year old students do.</p>
<p>2011USNAMom:</p>
<p>I buried my best Navy friend in 1990. He was killed in a training accident as an instructor pilot. We were crewed together for two years in my squadron, and he was the Godfather of my second son, now a 2011 Mid who also bears his name. </p>
<p>When I got the call that he had been killed, I was literally hours away from leaving my squadron and driving to P-Cola - where he was living with his pregnant wife and daughter - to visit him on my way out West.</p>
<p>His wife asked me to be the escort for the body back to Kansas for his interment, which I of course agreed to do. I planned the entire memorial in Wichita, right down to the church service, flyover, rifle salute and bugler playing Taps.</p>
<p>We had a bunch of guys from the squadron come in to have a "Remember the time he...?" and laughed ourselves silly. He was truly a great guy, father, friend and officer.</p>
<p>I recall feeling very detached and unemotional about the whole thing until it was over, and then I kind of lost it when it everything was done. </p>
<p>The hardest part for me (and I suspect most young people) was that for the first time in my life that I felt mortal, and recognized that we're all going to leave this place sooner or later. It makes you a little scared but also appreciative of the people and things in your life.</p>
<p>JAMO4,</p>
<p>I agree with your thoughts on the circumstances surrounding the notification to the next of kin was wrong. However, I don't think blaming the leadership for not taking the appropriate steps is all correct either.</p>
<p>Anytime we lose someone in the military, it is a sad day. I send my condolences to the family.</p>
<p>Yes, jadler. Let us honor and respect our USNA leaders just as Kristen has done, confident that even in this tragic event, she will have made her beloved USNA a better place.</p>
<p>Let's please allow this thread to be enable our sharing our collective grief about this wonderful young woman and patriot. We don't even need to know her to be sure that she was one of God's beautiful and bravest of creations. Thank you Lord, for her life and witness to us all. Please be with her family, friends, and fellow Midshipmen as they mourn her loss and celebrate a beautiful, too brief life.</p>
<p>2011usnamom....thank you so much, dear mom, for coming here to share your mother's heart with us.</p>
<p>I can tell you that young adults - from a parent's perspective - is sooooo hard to help at times like this. </p>
<p>Your son has just spent a year having to live his life for himself, on his own, without his mom and dad for his support. His training has taught him to look deep within himself and his Plebe-mates to be his support-team.</p>
<p>So your son's quiet withdrawal in a time like this, especially as a Plebe from USNA, makes a great deal of obvious sense. It just doesn't make it any easier for a mom's heart!</p>
<p>I had to deal with shocked grief when as a 15 year old, on the day after New Year's, my father literally dropped dead of a heart attack right before my eyes. It took decades for me to want to talk, really talk through, that pain, that grief, that anguish. My coping was NOT to talk about it. I had too much to process internally before I could deal with things. I was the oldest of 4, continued to do well academically, was busy with all my high school activites that kept my mind off my internal grief - and when I was ready, I sought counsel. It may not have been the best way, the right way,or the most healthy way, but that's what I did.</p>
<p>Your son has a lot of Plebe-year-ending things coming soon, coupled with 2 Summer Blocks of training that will fill his mind and days.</p>
<p>If he were my child, I would simply tell him that I respect his decision to not seek any counsel, although I wish he would honestly consider it - and that if he ever needed someone to listen and love him no matter what - I, his mom and his dad would always be there for him. I would then drop it.</p>
<p>USNA will be very very aware of the 21 Company mids - and the
Chaplains and the Commissione 21 Company Officer, as well as the Enlisted Officer of 21...will be watching these mids for signs of stress related to this emotional shock. </p>
<p>All of us on this site are there for you, your son, and the family and friends of this mid who was taken from us all so unexpectedly.</p>
<p>I see that there will be a burial right there at USNA....a fitting way for this mid to remain with her classmates forever.</p>
<p>God bless you, dear mom, your mid, and our prayers go to one and all.</p>
<p>A couple years ago, a friend of mine was riding his bike to a baseball practice and got hit by a car. He was in a coma for about a week before his mom's dearest friend told me that he was gone. Hearing the news straight from the source, or actually experiencing it is hard. This boy was in my Boy Scout troop and we had our share of fun, scary, and crazy times(doesn't compare to the year in the boots of a plebe though).</p>
<p>It took me at least 3 weeks to even talk to any of my friends or parents normally. After that I hardly liked to hear his name or mention it myself. Never talked about how it made me feel or anything with anyone even my parents (Which for some reason, personally, I found hard to talk to about that because I feel they will give me advice, and just act differently than I would like. I was/am a bit naive, since I'm only 17 currently, so please forgive me). Recently though, a friend of mine lost a friend from their school. For some reason, I was able to connect with them... It was wierd, I was able to pour my heart out and finally kinda get it off my shoulders.</p>
<p>I believe that as mentioned above, it takes time. Also as USNA Dad&Grad said, I felt for the first time that I was not not invincible. Also made me realize that every second is precious and anything can happen. Kinda gives you a different outlook on life. But again, no offense to anyone, sometimes parents may not be the best people to talk to especially if they did not really know the person. The way I handled it probably was not the best way, or the right way. But it definently made me a better person. I am certain about that.</p>
<p>2011usnamom: Keep the faith, and I will keep all in my prayers!</p>
<p>DailyLocal.com
Coroner rules on local midshipman's death
By JENNIFER MILLER, Staff Writer
07/01/2008</p>
<p>Maryland officials have said the death of a local resident and U.S. Naval Academy midshipman was caused by a heart condition.</p>
<p>Kristen Dickmann of New Garden was found dead May 5 in her dorm room at the academy in Annapolis, Md., where she was a freshman.</p>
<p>The Maryland medical examiner's office said Dickmann, 19, died from cardiac arrhythmia, an irregular heart rhythm.</p>
<p>Dickmann, a 2007 Unionville High School graduate, was a standout volleyball player in high school and one of only two freshmen on the academy's volleyball team last season.</p>
<p>Dickmann's mother, Carrie Dickmann, said Maryland's medical examiner pulled together a panel to review her daughter's case. The panel, Carrie Dickmann said, determined her daughter died from a heart condition.</p>
<p>But Carrie Dickmann said the news has not given her or her family closure. The family, she said, is still working to determine how genetics played a role in Kristen Dickmann's death.</p>
<p>"The impact of not knowing is impacting my other children," Carrie Dickmann said. "If they find a genetic cause, it impacts their children. It impacts her cousins."</p>
<p>Kristen Dickmann has a brother and sister. Her sister, Cassie, is a volleyball player at Juniata College.</p>
<p>See the Daily Local News this weekend for more information on the death of Kristen Dickmann.</p>
<p>To contact staff writer Jennifer Miller, send an e-mail to <a href="mailto:jmiller@dailylocal.com">jmiller@dailylocal.com</a>.</p>