heartbroken mom

<p>Last night our son told us that he didn't think he would proceed with his appointment to the academy. He told us that he was very affected by last week's death of the midshipman. He is concerned that he would not be able to handle the academics. We were just in shock as this is all he has talked about for the last two years. He loved summer seminar and CVS. The appointment was never anything we really encouraged - it was all him. We knew he was going through senioritis and struggling with a few things - baseball is not going well for him and he is getting a c in AP Chemistry. It is getting to be crunch time for returning responses to other schools - as a matter of fact he has already rejected several. What do you think we should do? Despite our reservations about the academy, we really do feel like it is the right place for him.</p>

<p>Where do you live? Is a quick trip to the Yard a possibility? It is a big decision and he needs to be sure of the path he chooses. Given that the Academy is not an institution that you can transfer to, rejecting an appointment is the end of the road. Would it help to speak with a current Mid or Plebe? I would encourage him to have that discussion with one if not more if possible. If you do not have any contacts, please indicate that and I will try to put you in touch with someone. The loss of the Mid was indeed a tragedy. Accidents and deaths happen on civilian campuses as well. My daughter at a civilian college has experienced two student deaths from her student body this academic year. If he decides on civilian school, that is an OK decision as long as he has carefully weighed all aspects of his decision. Best of luck.</p>

<p>Doglover: I've been through this -- I sent you a PM. Hope our story helps.</p>

<p>doglover, I sent you a pm also.</p>

<p>No commitment for two years......does he know of deaths of students at many other schools? How badly is life going for him? Is he depressed, is this why he is fearful of the stress?? How does he cope with stress now???</p>

<p>Just for the record: rejecting an appointment is most certainly not the end of the road. There is no evidence that the Academy is biased against a student who makes a thoughtful decision to decline an appointment and then applies again the following year. </p>

<p>Any coursework completed at a civilian college will not transfer and everyone starts as a plebe, of course. The application process is somewhat streamlined the second time through: letters of recommendation are retained and re-used and DODMERB is good for 2 years so you don't have to do that again. Of course, you still need a nomination, but there is no evidence that declining a nomination hurts you in applying for the following year either.</p>

<p>The important point is that the academy would far rather have a student decline an appointment and then reapply when they are a year older and perhaps more ready to make the committment, than for someone to come with half a heart and drop out.</p>

<p>Heartbroken:
This sounds sooooooo much like my daughter last year. I PM'd you as well.
NAPS05mom</p>

<p>He should talk to someone at the Academy and spend a day there. Also, in the last few weeks there was a death of a Kenyon freshman, a college really out in the cornfields of the Midwest, not considered a party school, a small LAC. It unfortunately happens everywhere. Good luck in this difficult time. They do get buyers remorse, cold feet, you name it. Hard to tell if it is anything more than that.</p>

<p>Doglover: I hope your son accepts the appointment. I didn't know about the death of the midshipman until I read your post. I did a little research and read a few articles about it. The Navy hasn't made any official determination but I did read that Midshipman Dixon's father AND grandfather died very recently. If he was depressed I'm certain it had a lot more to do with these losses than the work/academics at the academy. He was a physics major - I'm sure that's not an easy one. You might want to let your son know. The author of "Absolutely American", a book about four years at West Point, covers education. He recently wrote on a post on CC that the cadets at West Point are the HAPPIEST college students he's ever met. I'm sure the Naval Academy isn't much different. You might want to buy your son the book quickly - I know it's about WP but I"m sure it will resonate for him.</p>

<p>Doglover-- My son is completing his first year at the Air Force Academy and wouldn't trade the experiences for anything, although he had doubts last year at this time. Ask your son to ask himself if he will regret turning down the appoinment five years from now. We have always used the 5 year test, with my son and that has always helped him gain perspective on difficult situations. My son had serious doubts last year at this time and we used the 5 yr. technique with him.<br>
One of the comments he has made many times since arriving at the academy is that the support the cadets give each other is unequalled. He has spent many hours tutoring his classmates in calculus and Chemistry and has had the favor returned in other classes, the sense of community and team work is what has kept him going during his rough times.</p>

<p>I think I should say that the initial investigation shows that Midshipman Dixon's fall was an accident. Unfortunately, he liked to go out on that ledge to smoke. That's from a plebe in his company.</p>

<p>I think I should say that the initial investigation shows that Midshipman Dixon's fall was an accident. Unfortunately, he liked to go out on that ledge to smoke. That's from a plebe in his company.</p>

<p>I have also heard something like this. Apparently the kids use the ledges to climb up to their racks, sit in them etc. There was another fall a few years ago as well. Wouldn't want to speculate anything so bleak in the wake of this Mid's family's tragedy.
NAPS05mom</p>

<p>Your son needs to make a decision based upon the future and not school. This needs to be done with some great care because of the weight and importance. Balance the pros and cons, including NASS and CVW. I know if I sat on an admissions board and a candidate declined and then reapplied...a question would boggle in my head..."Why did he not accept the first time when we offered? And if he/she has been at college for year, how does his/her commitment to USNA and USN change in that short time?" There is no data to prove who declined then reapplied, but I am sure it is not many. The decision should not even come down to that...well if I wait another year...because we can only speculate whether or not the AB will give another appointment. The fact is your son has one now. He has to decide whether the Navy is right for him. Go over the pros and cons. There is no shame in trying. Additionally, he will be around his companymates and the bond that forms is amazing and life long...it also helps to get through the tough times.</p>

<p>Also, with the death of 2/C Dixon, NCIS is investigating and no cause of death has yet to be determined, so spreading rumors is of no good use...no one knows the cause. It could have been a lot of things. <strong>MM I agree, the decision should have nothing to do with 2/C Dixon.</strong></p>

<p>I agree, but I don't want people to automatically assume that it was anything other than an accident. It's the fourth such fall since 1988 and only one was on purpose. I think they've really tightened up the rules regarding the ledges and roofs and I suspect things will get even tighter!</p>

<p>I agree with Air Force mom. Sometimes these decisions loom too large for our young adults and what is overwhelming at the moment will settle in fine with time. I would certianly advise not making a decision on his own future and his own dream based on the unfortunate death of a young man he never met. While it is a tragedy and the whole academy family grieves, it certainly is not in anyway a precedent or indicator of any kind for any mids to be. I thoroughly endorse the "will I regret this decision" approach. While he may not be able to clearly see that he is 200% Navy, he may indeed be able to see down the road and KNOW he will regret it if he doesn't go. This "funk" they get in should not dictate their whole future especially if it has been a long standing dream. With that said however, he does have to want it. What is that old by line for decision making "never change a decision while you are in desolation that you made with consultation." I.E. don't let feelings rule but you be the captain of your ship and make good choices. Although plebe year has been a stretch for all to be sure, and mine has had his moments, but overall it is the time of his life and he loves it there. Have your son talk to some mids if he can. I would so hate for any young man to miss the adventure of a life time. And on the C in Chemistry..tell him that is probably the BEST training he could be having for plebe year. He has tasted his mortality in the ac department and will be a better student for it. Failure is not an option..you will fail at something at the academy from time to time and it is not how often you get knocked down, but how many times you get up. I am serious, that C in chem if he is trying hard and learning to dig deep will help him navigate. It's ok to struggle..that is what makes you strong.</p>

<p>"Just for the record: rejecting an appointment is most certainly not the end of the road. There is no evidence that the Academy is biased against a student who makes a thoughtful decision to decline an appointment and then applies again the following year."</p>

<p>Nor is there any evidence to suggest that "re-applicants" are not subject to bias from the admissions folks, though it seems far more reasonable to guess that they would be less likely to offer an appointment a second time. After all, if you have plenty of fresh faces, none of whom have indicated ANY reservations, why would you go with the guy who had already turned down an appointment? Damaged goods, in my book.</p>

<p>DeepThroat</p>

<p>I applied to the class of 2009 after withdrawing my application to the class of 2008 first semester of my senior year in high school. Just about everyone, my bgo, my congressman's nominating comittee, and an academy admissions coordinator asked me point blank how they could know that I was really committed to a career in the navy. It was hard enough trying to convince them when I had withdrawn my application so early; I can only imagine it'd be harder to convince them of your committment after turning down an appointment.</p>

<p>Mom of 4 and momof twins - if it isn't too much trouble could you pm me your story too, we have a son here with cold feet also, I can't say it was really one thing or the other,but same situation - it was his idea, was devastated not to get into summer seminar, and ended up getting an appointment with two medical waivers - thought it would be the happiest day of his life but now he is struggling with his decision, we know this is the opportunity of a lifetime and at this point its like we are awaiting for the "epiphany" to happen but of course we are running out of time, talk about stress! NYMINUTE - we are from NY if you have any suggestions - thanks all. And DOGLOVER - I feel your pain - believe me.</p>

<p>My brother decided to back out of West Point, and found out that his Army ROTC scholarship was rescinded upon his appointment to USMA. That was how he started college. He stayed the entire 20 years, and in the end felt he had made the best choice. From what I have heard, this buyer's remorse, cold feet hit especially hard for the kids who are making a huge change in life. Most are a rarin' to go to State U with many of their classmates, but traveling cross country or to a strange city or an unknown school really brings on a case of the willies. And those entering these academies are really plunging into a sea of change. No wonder they feel they want to back out!</p>

<p>Earlier this season, I started a thread as follows:</p>

<p>Unsure Appointee: Parents Please</p>

<p>I don't know how to tell you to go to older threads; but, if you are not tired of reading about how others have handled this, there were a number of good comments, stories, etc. that relate to your problem.</p>