Abuse and Financial Aid

Paying for College
21

I dont’ think this is legal in any state:


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She grabbed a coat hanger and began to beat me with it. She then stormed out of the room. After five minutes, she stomped back into where I was studying, began to yell profanities at me, and punched me in the head. I can't defend or attack her because she threatened to kill me, and my dad will kick me out of the house (he's done it before when i tried to defend myself from her physical attacks.) After punching my head, she began to violently yank my hair. I yelled at her to let go, but she refused, a

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I do have recordings on my phone, and marks on my body as well if that could be enough proof.


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22

“Could this be considered abuse? Hurting me because of an SAT score?”

Hurting a child for ANY reason is abuse.

23

Your mother is abusing you. Full stop. That is not a good environment for you and you need to get help.

College is absolutely secondary at this point. Physical scars from abuse heal, but the emotional toll takes much, much longer and the quicker you can get out of this situation, the better.

Please, please, please tell an adult at your school. You do not and should not have to live in fear like this. Nobody, absolutely NOBODY, has a right to hurt you.

Best wishes.

Did you READ the OP??? Her mom punched her in the head and threatened to kill her. That is illegal in EVERY state.

24

The OP should not be living with this. Does he have any relatives at all that he could live with? If so, he can just go to the school counselor and say, “I don’t want to go back to my home. My mother beats me because I made a bad score on the SAT.” He will have to spend a few nights with a foster family and then will be likely be placed with a relative.

This is a big step, but in my opinion one the OP should take. Nobody should have to put up with this.

In many states, kids living in fostor care when they graduate from high school are entitled to a free education at any state school.

25

We may be obligated to report what you’ve listed here, but I’m unfamiliar with how to go about that. We need a moderator who is familiar with interstate web law.

You are not allowed to be tormented and abused in any manner. You are considered a child and a minor. Your mother may be unfamiliar with US laws but it doesn’t matter because abuse like that is abuse worldwide. Screw her anger lack of control-over test scores??? Because she can’t brag to her friends??? Head case.

26

School personnel are mandatory reporters, and are required to report this to child protective services if the student is under 18 years of age.

27

Getting beaten with a metal object is abuse. But what do you do under those circumstances?

The racism is something that unfortunately would be a judgement call on being abuse. Being beaten is not. Take photos of injuries even if you are not sure if you want to report.

There are teen shelters available in major metropolitan areas, but as others noted, you need to report what happened to the authorities. And my parents lied about me being beaten by my brother, so be prepared for your parents to lie. Finding a sympathetic relative may be your best option.

28

@“aunt bea” Yeah, just to take that “duty to report” thing seriously, I arranged to have one of my son’s classmates picked up from outside her home, where I then took her to our local department of family services. I explained that I was acting as her legal counsel and allowed her to be interviewed alone. She was given an exam for a beating that had taken place almost a week before, so no real bruises were found. I allowed her to be interviewed alone, but heard the investigator literally browbeat her saying things like, “it was just a misunderstanding.” They told me later I needed to understand it was a cultural thing (she was from a Muslim family, so apparently that justifies beating children). And for whatever reason they had no interest in seeing the text messages that she had sent to my son right after her beating, even though I had gotten her to send photos that night. (I came across these photos about three weeks ago while looking through my archives, and just got all stirred up!).

Icing on the cake was the father called the police and said the girl was kidnapped, and there was a police officer on the scene. The family services people got really smarmy with me about the whole thing, suggesting that I shouldn’t have brought her in, and I finally said, “Look, I know the elements of kidnapping, and if you think these police should arrest me go ahead, but this is not going to go well for you.” In the end the girl went home to her family to be beaten some more and now is in the Middle East receiving whatever religious training the family wanted her to have.

I had only gotten involved in this because my son was kinda-sorta friends with this girl and she didn’t want to return to the Middle East. I said I was willing to try to get her minority removed for the purpose of deciding residency, should she wish. Before we got into any of that she took a thumping for talking to a boy.

These things vary. I lived in Kentucky and if anything found family services to be overzealous in protecting children (yes, it’s possible). This was in Mississippi, and all I can say is I don’t want to deal with those scumbags again. Since then I’ve just been willfully blind (or is it deaf) to a lot of things I’ve heard my children say.

29

@EarlVanDorn

I hear you. I worked in the schools…mandatory reporter. A child in my class came one day, well beaten up, with burn marks as well. I took her straight to the nurse. Pictures were taken, and child protective services was called. This was a 8 a.m. At 3:15 p.m. Dismissal time, they had not yet shown up. I refused to put the child back on the bus home. Refused…and said I would stay with the child until CPS showed up to get her. They claimed they needed a court order to do so. I suggested they get an emergency court order…because I was not letting the kid go home. They were not happy…told me I had to send her home. NOPE…wasn’t going to happen.

Luckily our school nurse was willing to stay with me. Some other staff got us food for dinner…and we patiently waited. I was fully prepared to sleep in the nurses office! At about 9 p.m. the case worker showed up…and surprise, surprise, agreed that the kid should not go home. She was able to get an immediate emergency court order over the phone to place this kid in a safe house foster placement.

In the meantime…the family never even called to find out where she was!

The case worker dealt with that.

Child never was returned to her home…and parental,rights were terminated.

Honestly, it was awful, but I would do it again.imwas only 26 years old when this happened.

30

Get help now. Abuse is abuse, the frequency is irrelevant. The fact that it happens sporadically makes it more unpredictable, and to my mind more frightening.

Document everything.

Please do something proactive for your health and safety.

31

Even though abuse is unpredictable, it is still scarring.

Please know that that there are a lot of people who wish to help you.

I seem to recall reading something somewhere that because you are a very good student with good grades, you are more likely to benefit from outside help, and are more likely to become a success story. If you were as dumb and stupid as your vicious mother complains, then you would be less likely to benefit from assistance.

Plenty of parents yell at their kids - lord knows I have raised my voice at my pups more than any of us would have liked. But everyone would agree that garden vanilla yelling is different than hair pulling, punching, and beating with a hanger. You need and deserve help.

As much as it pains me to suggest, I think your mom and dad both need help as well. And this is far more important to your long term future than your SAT scores.

Also, please understand that the vicious words themselves are abusive. Even if your mom calms down, and even if she apologizes - whether or not that is part of her pattern - you have been abused and need to take steps to prevent it recurring - you need to protect yourself.

Getting help does not mean your mom or dad goes to jail - it means that you get protected. Parents are rarely prosecuted for abuse even when reported - sometimes rights are terminated, but more commonly a child social worker and family services will step in to try to protect the child. We know this is not easy.

Please please get help, for everyone’s sake. Even if your mom gets angry in the short term, over time you all will likely agree that getting help was the best choice you had.

Whatever the family dynamic currently entails is not working. So it needs to be fixed. But before that can happen, you need to be protected.

Please let us know how things work out.

32

Do you have statistics for this?

It is definitely not my experience. Once social services is involved, you have no control over whether criminal charges are made, what kind of counseling or therapy is required, when the child can return home. It can take years, especially if the parents aren’t willing to participate in counseling or following the plan. It can take months just to get a court date and get a plan. And the reporter (child) has no control either.

33

If there is abuse involved…reoort it. Even if you have no control over the outcome…report it. Without reporting, you also have no control over whether this will continue…or get worse.

34

Document with pictures. Make up your mind now, before anything happens, that you’ll report to school with pictures THE DAY AFTER OR THE VERY DAY , ask to see the nurse, discuss the problem, show the marks, describe what exactly was done, what was said. Show the pictures documenting the abuse from before. Say you don’t feel safe at home (you may feel safe some days, but you’re not. An enraged parent is a dangerous parent, and you’re a minor in danger.)
If the abuse is documented and you are put in foster care, you will not have to deal with them for college, whereas if you’re 18 and older you will have to have their cooperation to fill out fafsa. If you’re declared independent (wich is automatic if you’re in foster care or under guardianship) you won’t have to deal with them to sign papers for college, and you’ll automatically be etc zero without needing them to input anything into fafsa.
Try to prepare hard for the psat over the summer (lots of full ride scholarships for the top scorers) and to get 1400cr+m for a chance at top merit, and as a junior in the spring look into questbridge or posse .

35

Keep in mind being independent for federal aid does not necessarily mean that you will be considered independent for schools that give their isn’t need based institutional aid, especially if rights have it been terminated. (this includes Questbridge and Posse). Make sure you read the policies for independence at the schools that you are considering.