Abuse and Financial Aid

Paying for College
1

Hello everyone.

My first post was one about my chances of getting into Columbia, but I have recently given up on that dream, and am no longer interested into applying for an Ivy League. I have lost hope, confidence, and there seems to be no way for me to make it.

I have taken the SAT twice. But my parents expected something around 2300. I did not receive a score of that at all in those two rounds.

However, because I did not get the SAT score we all hoped for, my mom went beserk. She grabbed a coat hanger and began to beat me with it. She then stormed out of the room. After five minutes, she stomped back into where I was studying, began to yell profanities at me, and punched me in the head. I can’t defend or attack her because she threatened to kill me, and my dad will kick me out of the house (he’s done it before when i tried to defend myself from her physical attacks.) After punching my head, she began to violently yank my hair. I yelled at her to let go, but she refused, and nearly broke my mousetrap car I had built for my AP Physics project. She finally let go, and then grabbed a large, and quite heavy pack of Latin vocab cards (2000 cards) and threw it at me. After my dad not doing anything but stand there, she stormed out again. It kind of hurts still, and I only have access to my computer for homework. But I am seeking help.

She called me over to tell me that she would not be paying for any of my college, and then proceeded to flip me off and yell, “Go marry a Mexican or black man, have five children, and live a suffering life as a insert bad word here”. She is very racist and offensive, and I almost exploded after hearing those words. My dad said nothing.

I don’t know what to do now. I have to apply for financial aid and scholarships, but how can I do that without the support of my parents? This is not the first time she’s hit me.

What scholarships can I apply for as a junior in high school? Can I apply for financial aid without my parents involved? I plan to cut all contact with them as soon as I leave them. What can I do now to help pay for my college expenses? I’m very confused and alone, and I want to take action immediately.

Secondly, I want to be sure. Could this be considered abuse? Hurting me because of an SAT score?

I’ve given up on Columbia. Please do not ask for my SAT score, as that’s besides the point.

2

Pretty sure your mom is overreacting, and likely will pay for some college (or your dad will). Your SAT score and GPA are not beside the point – there are colleges that give automatic merit for high stats, and you may be able to attend one even if your parents won’t fill out the FAFSA. You should develop a backup plan that does not depend on your parents if you can.

3

I think you got dozens of replies with suggestions about how to handle your situation. It seems that you like to describe the abuse in detail but refuse to do a thing about it. Seems like spinning your wheels. It does not do a lot of good to describe these abusive episodes to readers on this site but then not to discuss it with anyone and then report more.

4

I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. Personally, I would consider this an act of abuse, but I would highly recommend talking to a teacher or counsellor about this to make sure, because it might also help to talk with some sort of authority. A 2300 on the SAT is an extremely high aim and it’s definitely not the end of the world if you don’t get it. I’m very sure you’re a great person and hope that you won’t take your mother’s comments to heart.

Please do tell someone about this. I believe that it would help a lot.

5

My SAT score was actually a 2050. It’s not great, but it’s not a 1400 either. I really just want to go to college, but my mom withdrew her support ever since I told her I did not want to go to Columbia. I’ve told my counselor before, but of course, she does nothing about it. All I really want is some advice, not a lecture (not intended to offend).

6

What is your SAT breakdown and your GPA? What was your PSAT, and what is your home state?

7

At public schools, your teachers and guidance counselors are legally obligated to report abuse. So if you tell your counselor that your mom beats you and that your dad doesn’t stop her, your counselor is required to call child protective services. Period. It really is that simple. Are you at a public school or at a private school? If you are at a private school and no one is listening to you, you need to find an adult who will.

8

Every adult who works in a public school is a mandated reporter, which like @happymomof1 states are obligated it call child protective services regarding any report of abuse to a child. Your simply stating that there is abuse is not going to help your cause. You need documentation; reports from child protective services, police reports, orders of protection, if you have left home documentation from your school’s liason for temporary housing stating that you are an unaccompanied homeless minor, etc.

9

Both your parents should be arrested…not just your mom. Your dad is EQUALLY guilty for not protecting you…that is a parent’s responsibility…which is why they are BOTH guilty.

All teachers, public and private, must report child abuse.

Do you have siblings that witnessed any of this?

your parents aren’t allowed to abuse you for any reason, much less a SAT score.

10

@intparent

CR: 680
Math: 670
Writing: 700

PSAT: 1250/1520
GPA: Weighted: 4.75 Unweighted: 3.79

I live in Texas (a very competitive state, from what I’ve heard)

11

Thank you all for the advice so far. I attend a public school, so it’s very difficult to get any attention from the adults here, except for the teachers I’m close to, which is maybe 3. I do have recordings on my phone, and marks on my body as well if that could be enough proof. But I think I’ll wait for my mother to calm down a bit, but if the hitting starts again, I’ll take action.

12

Report the abuse. Are their relatives or other adults who might qualify to be foster parents? Or decent foster programs or group homes in your area?

That would serve two purposes. First it would get you into a safe and sane home. Second if you are in foster care it makes you independent for financial aid purposes and you would not need their information for financial aid applications.

And photograph your bruises.

13

Did you try taking the ACT instead? I agree with the others you need to report the abuse.

14

The thing is, it’s not abuse everyday. She only hits me when I get a B on a quiz or something, or get a bad SAT score, things like that. She’s very unpredictable and overreacts too much, and it comes to forms of telling me things like “you can’t even work at a gas station with that score”, to the point of hitting.

I’ve heard things about the ACT and my dad was considering letting me try it, but I heard that it’s harder if you’ve been used to the SAT format. I also heard that the math is difficult on there.

I’m not planning on taking the new SAT. But I’ve heard some discouraging things about the ACT.

15

Is your mother the Korean parent? Does she have unrealistic expectations for you that Asian parents might have?

What you have described is abuse.If you told your (guidance?) counselor what you have written here, than she is shirking her duty to be a mandated reporter.

Do you attempt to defend yourself when your mother batters you? Why not put some of that Taekwondo to good use?

16

Yes, my mother is the Korean one. Always comparing me to other children.

Of course I defend myself with my skills, but can I actually prevent bruises from a hanger with defense? No. I only allow myself to defend myself, not attack. I was kicked out of the house once from trying to push/kick her away. If I were to use my martial arts skills, my dad would instantly take my moms side and kick me out. It’s a really stressful situation.

17

You and your scores are not the problem. Most parents would be very proud.

Your mother sounds like she has major anger issues and very poor parenting skills.

I think you should speak with a counselor at your school. Public schools have counselors who specialize in mental health issues. You should speak with that person. Your family needs help and you need to be protected.

18

[QUOTE=""]
The thing is, it's not abuse everyday. She only hits me when I get a B on a quiz or something, or get a bad SAT score, things like that.

[/QUOTE]

Ok…you need to know this. Abusive parents usually do NOT abuse everyday. They may only abuse once a week, once a month…or once a year. ONE TIME IS TOO MUCH.

Let me explain this in a way that you can understand. Imagine, I was your parent and I cooked 3 meals a day for you. Each day, I spent many hours preparing those meals…and you loved those meals… BUT…maybe every 60 - 90 days, I would put POISON in one of those meals.

NOW…just because I made many, many, many GREAT and AWESOME meals for you, the fact that I put poison in ONE or MORE meals would mean that I would be an abusive mother…a criminal.

Do you understand. It’s not the frequency that matters. One time is too many times.

19

If you have spoken with your counselor at school and received no help, talk to one of the teachers you feel close to.

20

Think long and hard before bringing social services into your life. In some states it is not illegal to spank or slap your children, and I don’t know of any state where it is illegal to yell at them. It’s not right, but it is not illegal. Social services is not able to help everyone, and will sadly have to help those children most in need. They will not care that your mother will not fill out the FAFSA form even if it means you can’t go to college.

If you really want to leave your home, it might be best to do it now while you are a minor. You will then not have to deal with your parents when applying to colleges, applying for FA, as a homeless youth. Again, a serious and permanent solution. Most 16 or 17 year olds are not able to live alone to handle all the paperwork and finances.