What to do about my stressed mother and paying for college?

Paying for College
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<p>I wasn't sure if I should post this here or on the Financial Aid page, but my issue really pertains to my mom I guess.</p>

<p>I am going into my senior year in about 3-4 weeks, and I am trying to finalize my college list. I want to run the EFC calculator on my list to see what the financial situation would be for my schools, so I could see what adjustments I'd have to make depending on which school I get into/attend. I knew this would be tough with my mother, because she has a high income as well as significant assets, and consequently believes (understandably) that I will not receive any financial aid as a result (I am applying to a few schools without merit aid). She totally flipped out on me. She had/has a bad experience trying to pay for my older brother's college costs. I don't think (and they have admitted this several times) that my parents and my brother were as proactive as I am trying to be at the time, since he was their first child and wasn't really invested in the college process, and my parents both emigrated from the Caribbean, so they were not as familiar with US practices (as the secondary school process in Saint Vincent-our home country- is based on the British system). My mom is still paying a few hundred dollars a month for my brother's fees and has to pay bills for two residences in two states, as well as two cars, and well..the majority of my family's expenses. I don't really see any financial aid dudes taking a lot of sympathy for us.</p>

<p>Sorry for the lack of structure in my sentences...</p>

<p>My mother is (understandably) worried that she will be saddled with the brunt of the cost, and she won't be able to handle it all. She is a nurse, and the workload is already very heavy. My father works a standard eight hour job, although it is a night shift. He doesn't work nearly as much and a result, makes much less than my mother. He has not been successful in finding another job, for a myriad of reasons that I would rather not explain. He just doesn't make as much and the prospects of a new job do not look great.</p>

<p>My mother does not want me to enter any of her information, which I am 101% sure is not possible. My parents are married, but they are considered separated because my mom's primary address is in Pennsylvania while my father's is in New York, where I go to school. He has also claimed me in his taxes, as my parents did/do not do a joint file.</p>

<p>I don't really know what to do at this point. I would rather not be dishonest, but I don't want to burden my mom. But at the same time, I am not even doing anything permanent or binding, just checking to see what my options would be given my chosen schools. How should I approach this situation???</p>

<p>Also: Sorry for being so long winded, I just wanted to provide a thorough description. I hope I didn't give the impression that I am blaming my parents or being ungrateful/entitled. I am honestly very conflicted.</p>

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<p>Just because your parents do not live together, it doesn’t mean they are separated. Married couple can file separate tax returns. There is no getting around of giving out your mom’s information. </p>

<p>If you want help on this forum, you will need to share additional information: your stats (GPA, ranking, test scores), your parents’ income/assets, what kind of school you want to attend. You may think your mom is making a lot of money, but you may still qualify for FA if you have stats to get into some schools that meet full need. You may be able to get merit aid if your stats good enough too.</p>

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<p>The OP’s previous chance thread:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/what-my-chances/1659112-chances-for-an-extremely-nervous-stressed-urm.html#latest”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/what-my-chances/1659112-chances-for-an-extremely-nervous-stressed-urm.html#latest&lt;/a&gt;
Doubtful they’ll qualify for any need based aid with $150-200K income. Potential merit aid though. OP, look at the pinned threads in the financial aid forum.</p>

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<p>Thanks Erin’s Dad, I was not looking forward to retyping all of that!</p>

<p>I am looking for schools with merit aid, but that doesn’t negate the schools already on my list that don’t give merit. I just clicked on a whole punch of the pinned threads, I guess I’ll be spending a few hours there.</p>

<p>I’m sorry for not making this clearer, but I do not want to lie or omit information or be dishonest. At all. It makes me very uncomfortable and it is wrong overall. </p>

<p>I am not expecting much (if any) need based aid. I just want to see how my circumstances will affect my planning. The real problem is my mom, as she doesn’t want to share any of her financial information. She is acting as if I am forcing her to tell me, but we have to report it anyway.</p>

<p>I am trying to figure out how to talk with her and help her understand that I cannot lie or omit information in this process. I fear that my mother will continue to refuse and it will lead to late submissions and other problems I want to avoid. </p>

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<p>I would strongly suggest you look for merit awards that are not income dependent. If your stats are high enough, you could qualify for merit aid somewhere. There are two pinned threads in the financial aid forum…look there. One is for auto full tuition/full rides (there is a link to the current info on that thread). The other is for colleges that cost <$25,000 a year.</p>

<p>Have you discussed how much your parents CAN afford to contribute to your college costs?</p>

<p>If you reside in NY state, you have a number if great SUNY options to consider. </p>

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<p>Agree–look at where you are a resident and can be admitted as an in-state student. PA and NY have some very good options.</p>

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<p>You will have a difficult time “lying” about it. Both parents need to provide tax returns if you apply for financial aid. You can’t get around it. If you are not eligible for need based aid because of high income (sounds likely), then you need to look at less expensive in-state schools and schools with high merit for your stats.</p>

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<p>(Edited to delete question about parents’ marital status already answered.)</p>

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<p>Your mom doesn’t have to submit any information to colleges if you’re not planning on any financial aid. It’s only required if you’re applying for financial aid.<br>
I agree with the posters who suggested looking into your state universities, as they are generally much more affordable than the privates as a full pay family. Also, look into schools that offer merit aid not dependent on income. Grinnell comes to mind, and there are many others. USC in California offers very generous merit scholarships for their top applicants, and there is no income requirement. The pinned threads on this site, as well as the colleges own websites will have a lot of information. It will take some work, but you should be able to find affordable options. Do you have a high school college counselor? Pay them a visit and tell them your situation. It’s possible they can help steer you, as you’re most likely not the first in your school in this boat.</p>

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<p>Has your mom said why she doesn’t want to submit any financial information? Is it possible she’s in the US illegally? Did you try telling her the net price calculators will give you an idea of what colleges will be financial possibilities for you?</p>

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<p>Thanks for all of the replies! I have been looking into my in state options and looking for lower cost schools. It is a little difficult because of what/how I want to study, but I am making progress. Finding the schools isn’t really the problem, as much as getting my mother to share her information.</p>

<p>I am really not expecting a lot of aid (if any). </p>

<p>Intparent, that is what I meant. I know I cannot lie or omit. I know I cannot avoid it. I was just trying to say that I wouldn’t even try, as it is an exercise in futility. </p>

<p>I have been scouring the pinned posts in the Financial Aid page, and I am now just trying to see which schools can provide me with the experience/education I want/need.</p>

<p>Prefect, my mother is definitely a legal citizen; there is no possibility she isn’t. I told her that at this point, nothing is set in stone and it is just to see what colleges I can afford. She still refused, saying I won’t get any aid. But the whole point is to get a more accurate figure for what we may be expected to pay, so we can compare it to what we can pay.</p>

<p>And even when I apply to lower cost schools, the issue still isn’t resolved. My mom still won’t give her info. That is the core of my dilemma. </p>

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<p>^^^
You do NOT need your mom’s info if you apply to schools that will give you large merit for your stats. I dont think you understand that. We have never filled out FAFSA, but our kids were awarded large merit scholarships for their stats. </p>

<p>What are your stats? We can help you find the merit you need.</p>

<p>You need to accept that there is a very good chance that your mom will not submit her info for need-based aid.</p>

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<p>But @mom2collegekids, shouldn’t I at least apply for financial aid to see what I can get? I cannot guarantee I’ll get merit scholarships. I checked out the automatic tuition threads on the Financial Aid board but I only really have Howard University and Temple University on my radar. </p>

<p>I think that there is a decent chance that I can get my mother to submit her information, since my brother got her to submit something (of course, by then it was too late and they got into a whole mess of problems). I was just asking for different angles to approach her. I figured since you’re all parents you’d be able to help me understand her issue more and come up with ways to start a dialogue?</p>

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<p>And these are my stats:
Race: Black/African American (from the Caribbean, first one in my immediate family born in the states)
Gender: Female
Rank: School doesn’t rank
GPA: 95.75% this year, 93.4% all three years
Transcript: I won’t do every class, but my grades are in the 90s for all subjects, except the occasional 86-89 in math, science, or history</p>

<p>ECs: Model UN, Arts in Action (a club where we do performances for charity through senior citizen homes; leadership role: head of singers–I organize vocal acts and rehearsal times for our charity concerts), ARISTA (just a member, but I intend to do a ton of work through the summer and next year to make sure it’s not just a title), acting classes since January 2013, freelance writer for this teen art critic program since May, piano lessons for 10+ years, I volunteer for around 100-150 hours at school these past three years, I applied for yearbook next year</p>

<p>Test Scores: APUSH 4, AP English Lang 5, and AP Music Theory 5, 3 on AP World History
SAT 1- 2020 (630 M, 700 R, 690 W) I am retaking in the Fall, and I’m confident I can get 2200+
SAT 2- Not going to submit, but 580 on World History; I’m taking Math 2 and Lit in the Fall
Not taking the ACT
PSAT (don’t think it matters): 202, 51 M, 73 CR, 78 W)
9 on my SAT essay</p>

<p>Income: Between $150,000 and $200,000, my dad has a normal job (like $40-50,000 per year) but my mom is a registered nurse and makes much more. Plus we have assets. We cannot afford full price. We are not expecting a lot in aid, so I am looking into jobs, work study, and scholarships now. I may go to graduate school, which complicates things. </p>

<p>Summers: Between freshman and sophomore year nothing, between sophomore and junior year I had scoliosis surgery that prevented me from regular movement until September, and this summer I was involved in a solid filmmaking program and in a great poetry program, and looking for a summer job and volunteer hours</p>

<p>Possible Majors: Acting, Music Composition, and Journalism (thinking about economics but I’m not as enthusiastic about it)</p>

<p>Recs: my English teacher who I adore and knows me, my physics teacher who knows me really well (and I was failing the class at the beginning of the year-which has never happened to me-but now I’m in the 90s), and my voice/chorus teacher who I’m going to have had for the past three years</p>

<p>Other points: I go to a specialized performing arts high school in NYC (there are only 9 specialized schools, and only 1 arts school is among them) where I have studied vocal music at a near conservatory level. I commute there each day, an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening</p>

<p>Senior Schedule: AP English Lit, AP Psych, AP Comparative Gov, AP French, Opera Workshop (as an assistant), Senior Chorus (most advanced chorus in school, has gone to ACDA a few times, did Mozart’s Requiem last fall, had Eric Whitacre as a guest composer–sorry, I’m gushing, I just can’t wait to join in the fall), Music History, Audition Prep, Calculus, Gym, and Health (I have 4 APs, 4 music classes, and no free periods)</p>

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<p>Oh and @moonchild, I have talked to my counselor a little but I will bring it up with him in the fall if the issue persists. Funny enough, USC is one of my top choices!!</p>

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<p>Since u are black & scored 202 on the PSAT, u are likely to be a National Achievement Scholar. A number of schools give the same automatic merit scholarships to Natl Achvmt Sch, as they do to Natl Merit Finalists. </p>

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<p>^^^
True…sounds like you will be a NA. Some schools have great offers for that.</p>

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<p>I think that there is a decent chance that I can get my mother to submit her information, since my brother got her to submit something (of course, by then it was too late and they got into a whole mess of problems). I was just asking for different angles to approach her. I figured since you’re all parents you’d be able to help me understand her issue more and come up with ways to start a dialogue?</p>

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<p>Yes, you should apply for FA if your mom will submit her info. Since you say that last time (with your brother) they had all sorts of problems, I am concerned that she wont submit again. I dont know what all the headaches were back then, but if she refuses because she doesnt want to go thru all that, then that can be an issue.</p>

<p>Your mom makes a very high amount for a RN. Is she in management? </p>

<p>Anyway…your parents income and assets are too high for much/any aid, even if she does submit her info. </p>

<p>Yes, you can guarantee that you will get some merit scholarships if you apply where those are assured for stats. If you are a National Achievement Finalist, then there is great merit available for that. For your M+CR, there can be merit for that. Are you retesting? </p>

<p>You need to challenge your “radar”. There are other schools than Temple and Howard on that list. </p>

<p>What is your career goal and major? </p>

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<p>USC should offer half-tuition, I believe. At least for NMF. Look in to National Acheivement.</p>

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<p>The challenge is that OP is not NMF. The cost of USC is $62,245. Even with a 23k tuition scholarship, there is 39,245 left on the table where based on the family’s income/assets, they will most likely not be eligible for need based aid. Unfortunately due to 150-200k in income and a second residence, it is highly unlikely that op will get need based aid.</p>

<p>OP needs to sit with both mom and dad, find out how much they are willing to pay/borrow for college and work within those numbers.</p>

<p>While OP is eligible for scholarship consideration at Howard and Temple, it is not guaranteed that she will receive one. THe COA at Howard is $41k. Even if OP were to get were to get a scholarship that covers tuition, fees, room are parents willing to pay the 10k out of pocket balance (as they will not be eligible for need based aid)? Op would be able to borrow $5500 to cover board and parents could pick up the ends. However, if this is a stressor to them, then Howard, even with scholarship is not an affordable option.</p>

<p>When you go back in the fall, consider taking the ACT. Register for the October test (Deadline September 19)</p>

<p><a href=“ACT Registration | ACT Testing Dates | The ACT Test”>ACT Registration | ACT Testing Dates | The ACT Test;

<p>IF you are going to retake, spend these next few weeks before school starts studying for the October and November SAT (deadlines 9/12 and 9/9)</p>

<p><a href=“The SAT – SAT Suite | College Board”>The SAT – SAT Suite | College Board;

<p>With a little more of a push, if you could raise to 1400, you would be a competitive candidate for full tuition, room board at Hampton</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.hamptonu.edu/studentservices/financialaid/docs/1112FINANCIALAIDBROCHURE_000.pdf”>The page you requested cannot be found.;

<p>Again, you need to get the bottom line # as to how much they are willing to pay and then work around that. IF 20k is the jumping off point, then use a bottoms up approach and send an application in to Purchase (which I am certain a lot of students at your school use as a safety, so show a little love toward them).</p>

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<p><<<
USC should offer half-tuition, I believe. At least for NMF. Look in to National Acheivement.
<<<</p>

<p>There is no NA award on USC’s website…only for NMF and this student won’t be a NMF</p>