The bulk of the last revision is still heavy on self blame. All the “what you did wrong” dominates. “I underestimated,” “I did not dedicate enough time.” You assumed 142 would be a breeze because you got through 141, You “did not seek help when I knew I needed it,” You didn’t prioritize, didn’t seek help, and more. Mea cupla, mea culpa. Three paragraphs of it, when what they need to see is how you have already changed, why they should take a chance on you.
OP, in a case where you want to turn around adult opinions, you need to quickly get to the positives. You want them to give you another chance based on xxx. Find the xxx.
If this were, eg, at a job, your boss wouldn’t want you to detail the mistakes (I underestimated the time, I assumed, I thought it would be ok because it was ok last month, I didn’t ask for help when I knew I needed it.) They would want to see you learned a lesson, have already changed, and won’t repeat.
It’s one thing to say, I know I made errors in x and y. I realize now that I focused to much on Z. But short, then get down to the real message.