<p>Academic WARNING, not suspension. Apologies</p>
<hr>
<p>So, a few years ago, I took a few cc courses in San Fran for the first time, and failed. I simply stopped going to class due to health reasons that forced me to attend a hospital once every twelve days for chemotherapy and other toxins that were shoved into my body, and I believe I may have suffered from depression. Or so my doctor hinted it, but she couldn't diagnose me, herself and wanted me to see a therapist. I never did. After a while, I tried college for a second time after giving up on treatment, yet failed again. I couldn't bring myself to finish the courses, but I certainly knew well what was being taught. I simply tried to correct things myself with a poor attitude and anxiety. I took almost two years break, and taught myself some mathematics up to pre calculus level, as well as just regular physics, simply for my own enjoyment and paranoia. I'd help my own friends with their calculus homework, sometimes, and had a decent grasp on it. Numbers and patterns are unfortunately the only thing I'm capable of comprehending, well enough. I still felt like a complete useless idiot.</p>
<p>After this second break, I took a class, simply for fun, but in the end, I was actually forced to stop attending due to very personal matters that required me to leave the city for a while.I never spoke to any of my friends or professors about ANYTHING. I don't like to share my problems with anyone. Ironically, I'm doing it now and feel completely terrible about it. Full of shame and embarrasment. I feel completely worthless, and at the moment hold little to no value for myself, and at times have contemplated suicide. I was ready to talk to someone within my school to help get myself back on track, but I had received a letter stating I was on academic suspension, and this was recently. Things have gotten from bad, to worse and I really don't know what to do. I was really looking forward to trying to get my life back on track, and I had high hopes (or better yet, wishful thinking) in getting into a good school in NY like CUNY/Baruch, Pace, or if I was ever running on sheer luck, even Fordham (more wishful thinking). What chances do I have now to achieve a great career I will enjoy and a good university that will accept me? I don't want to simply 'settle in life', anymore, but I fear I have no choice. Is it even worth it, anymore?</p>