Question for parents
I was in line at a restaurant the other day, a long line that involved about 5 minutes of waitng and 15 people ahead of me. Directly in front of me were four boys, probably the age of HS seniors to college sophomores. The restaurant was a little loud so the boys were talking loud enough to hear each other and I could easily hear bits of their conversation but I had no intention of ease-dropping. However, in this restaurant and line that had families, kids and adults all standing in it, it seemed that every sentence the boys said had the “F” word in it. They didn’t use it in a hateful way, but it seemed to be the adjective of choice in describing almost everything.
Am I just old (I have kids their age) and out of the loop on how kids talk these days? I felt like telling them to clean up their language but that would imply I was ease-dropping when instead I just couldn’t help but overhear. I’m sure other people in line heard their conversation as well, including younger children. Just to clarify, they were well behaved, not overly loud and seemed like “typical” college kids just waiting in line.
Is this type of language simply acceptable with young adults and am I just too old fashioned?
I would say that in general, use of swear words is more prevalent, but I agree that in a public place, with families, everyone needs to watch their language. I walked into a car dealer the other day and adults were speaking that way, and one was an employee. At first I gave him the benefit of the doubt but he never cleaned up his language after he saw me. It made me very uncomfortable and I actually ended up leaving.
A similar thing happened to me and my husband last weekend. We were at dinner at a small, nice neighborhood restaurant. Two young men at the table next to us were talking very loudly, with what seemed like swear words in every sentence. They were both wearing the same work-logo t-shirt, so I think they were on some sort of job assignment. At one particularly loud exchange, I looked one of them right in the eye. His response was “sorry, but it’s true.” I got the rest of my dinner to go, and we left. These guys were totally oblivious to how out of place and disrespectful they were.
Noticed this last weekend st a coffee shop in a grocery store. Kids left a mess on the table when they slouched out, too.
Unless it’s excessive, it really doesn’t bother me. Words are words. I find it odd that some are deemed acceptable and some aren’t. Who’s the arbiter of all this? Unless they are being used to ridicule or hurt someone, I don’t give much weight to a word being wrong because it is what we’ve been told is a swear word. By the time a kid starts riding the bus to school, he or she will definitely know them. At that point, it is up to each family to decide what is and isn’t appropriate just like any other household rules.
Disclosure: I do swear sometimes for emphasis but not regularly.
We were in a diner in Connecticut last year and the young people in the next booth used the “F” word in Every. Single. Sentence. It was unbelievable. I’m sorry, but you have to be incredibly clueless to know that’s not acceptable. If we had had kids with us, I think I would have said something to them. 
H and I were at a basketball game several years ago ( back in the 80’s ) and we got up and moved because a group of guys sitting near us were using the F word in just about every sentence. I’m not that prudish and likely wouldn’t have noticed an occasional time but it seemed excessive.
So it’s not just kids today.
Last summer we were on a kayaking trip where they bus you to a drop-off point. There were lots of young kids with their parents on the bus. Two teenage boys were about 3 rows ahead of me, dropping Fbombs everywhere, and LOUD. I walked up to them, told them they could be heard by the little kids, and asked them to tone it down. They did.
It sort of only becomes “acceptable” when we accept it. So, if we allow it, encourage it, don’t contest it, it becomes acceptable. “We” refers to society in general.
I don’t have that much of a problem with swearing in general - of course depending on the tone. The F word is an exception for/to me. I feel in most cases it’s crossing the line of what I don’t want to hear.
I personally think that part of parenting is teaching kids about “a time and place” for swearing or not swearing. Some people are very uncomfortable with swearing. For other people (like my H) some lighter swear words are just part of how he talks - but I’ve had to even make him aware at times that he needs to watch his language around people he does not know well. I don’t get hung up on it but I do thing there is a being respectful issue here.
For the record, sure I swear. But again, the F word is still a little abrupt to hear - even in casual conversation.
We were in a bar/waiting area of a restaurant in Chapel Hill once when members of the Duke golf team came in. They were gathered together near our table, letting f-bombs fly right and left. DH approached them and said, “hey, I know this seems like just a bar, but it’s the only place for families to wait for their tables, and clearly there are a lot of kids in here. Please tone down your language.” One young man apologized and appeared to speak to the rest of the team about it, and they stopped.
You never know how those exchanges are going to go. I think that because they were all in uniform clearly identifying their group and Duke association, they were far more willing to cooperate. If they were basically unidentifiable, it might have gone differently.
Because the F-word really is not in any way an insult really, mostly used without any intrinsic meaning (even though it literally has one), and so useful in so many ways, I use it indiscriminately around those who also do so–most family and friends, and more than a few work colleagues. For whatever reason–I don’t know why, but I know it’s true–it bothers some people particularly, so I moderate where and to whom I use it, and not around kids–not because it will hurt them, but because they could get in trouble for using it.
It’s such an innocuous word. The D-word has a much more dire meaning, actually, and it’s more accepted. I’m much less likely to use that at all. I have to be really, really angry.
So, I respect the ears of others, but I honestly don’t get it.
Speaking of the F word reminds me of George Carlin’s wonderful skit on that word. 
It’s really so versatile - noun, verb, adjective, adverb.
The word I don’t like is the C word but over in the UK it is used pretty casually.
^Me also, because of its misogynist undertone. It IS aimed at, or at least originating from, animosity toward a specific group.
To me, perhaps and old fuddy duddy, dropping the F word casually is done by classless, stupid people. I don’t hear intelligent, educated, people speaking this way, young or old.
I’m a swearer! No I don’t litter my sentences with F but I have always used it especially when I am annoyed. I have never toned my language down in front of my son (18 now). Occasionally I have heard him use F - generally in the exact same spot as I would use it. The funny thing is as an ‘older’ employee when I have sworn at work the youngsters all comment on it as they don’t think I would use such language, which I find amusing. I tend to swear as an expletive rather than an adjective - though ‘Bloody’ often precedes ‘idiot’ or more commonly ‘cat’!
I don’t swear - or rather use the F word and rarely anything else for that matter - in front of my parents or even anyone there age out of deference to their own language use. Neither does my son. I am guessing he swears more with his pals.
While putting my hand up to swearing I don’t like certain words so I suppose I am applying double standards. That always makes me laugh. I just want to say - ‘Oh for God’s sake just use the word we know you want to’.
ps. I am mid fifties and female!
W and I were at a nice restaurant once - white tablecloths, candles, servers in white jackets, etc. Next to us was a couple that appeared to be on a date, and the guy was literally dropping f-bombs with every single sentence, sometimes 2-3 times in the same sentence. His date didn’t curse once the entire time we were there. I was thinking his chances for a second date were slim to none.
And on a lighter note, I was walking once with D when a guy on a bike nearby had an equipment failure and fell off the bike. He shouted “bloody hell!” while falling. That led to D and me having an entertaining conversation on how cursing can tip you off to nationality. (I ran over to help and he was fine, for those wondering.)
I think a lot of intelligent, educated people curse, both young and old. They may be more sensitive to certain situations, but even here on CC, many people on this thread are owning up to their language, and I would bet that most of them are quite intelligent and well educated.
I really doubt there is any correlation to intelligence and swearing.
“Classless, stupid people.” Raises hand, I guess.
I was raised in such a strict home that my dad didn’t want me to say “golly.” I’m not kidding. At one point, he got in the habit of saying “bloody” until my mother finally explained to him that it was a curse word.
I make a distinction between milder curse words and the F bomb or the C word or MF. Everyone says the milder words when provoked to anger. But dropping the F bomb in everyday conversation is unacceptable.