Accepted at a college, next steps? HFA (Aspergers) and ADHD

Parents Forum Learning Differences and Challenges - LD, ADHD
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Hi all, My D18 was recently accepted ED to Haverford. She has HFA, ADHD, a language retrieval/articulation disorder, and some accompanying anxiety (go figure :slight_smile: ). She has had a 504 Plan since 6th grade and received accommodations such as extended time and preferential seating. There are some other really minor things listed on the plan, but really, those are the two things she has taken advantage of. She did have updated neuropsychological testing done last summer (before senior year), and there are a couple of new recommendations, including having someone take notes for her (it takes her longer to retrieve words whether they be spoken or written).

I gather the next step is to contact the Disability and Accommodations office? Set up an appointment? Is this something that I am at all involved with, or is it really going to be all her from hereon in? I’m all for getting her to be as independent as possible - that’s the goal - but the HFA means that she’s not quite as much there as your “average” 17 year old (who, quite honestly, is likely not all that much there anyways, lol).

We are also considering trying to hire an executive function “coach” in the area to help her transition successfully during her first semester. I know they’re expensive (sigh), but flailing when away at school might turn out to be even more expensive. One of her greatest weaknesses is her difficulty in transitioning. She often starts out the school year a little rockily, and as she gets used to the teachers, their style, and the classes in general she picks up steam and usually ends up doing very well. She is very bright, academically successful, and has had some minor experience with managing herself when away from home in the past (a three week archaeological field study last summer where she traveled there and back alone, did laundry, etc, and had two roommates, with whom she got along well, as well as a one-week-long Georgetown program the summer before). She is quirky and funny, but I worry most about the social part.

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Definitely call the office for an appointment; they may be willing to meet the same day as you’re there for orientation, for example, or (if you’re local or willing to make a special trip) some other time prior to the start of the new semester. You’ll want to have all of her paperwork gathered up: testing results, current 504 Plan, a letter from any professional who’s worked with her regularly (therapist or psychiatrist, if she has one), and whatever Disability Intake forms they require (when you call, the school will likely either direct you to a packet on their website or send one to you).

My opinion, having done this a couple of times, is to ask your kid how they want to handle it. Do they want you there? Do they want to do it themselves? If they don’t want you there, make sure you get everything together and go over what needs to happen ahead of time. If they’re okay with you being there, you can go as well, but try to set things up so that your daughter takes the lead and you’re there as backup. (FWIW both my kids were fine with me attending the initial meeting, which was my preference as a sort of hand-off experience of “here’s what we think is needed, here’s how we’ve managed it in the past, it’s now between you and my kid moving forward.” Your child will have the option to sign a release for the Disability Counselor to speak with you about her progress (this is a FERPA thing); I would strongly encourage even a reluctant kid to sign this release to be in effect for at least the first year. If everything is smooth sailing and they want to revoke it after that, that’s a different conversation.

Some high school accommodations are unlikely to be offered at the college level. The option to turn in work late without a penalty, for example, is something both my kids got in high school and cannot have in college (which, y’know, is fair). On the other hand, a note-taker, extended time on exams, preferential seating – those are all typical and “easy” accommodations to get. You can also ask about more general supports: Do they have a peer group for kids with learning disabilities and/or ASD kids? Are there academic coaches available through the school who have experience working with kids like yours? You may not need to hire a coach if the school has some resources in place already. But if your daughter has difficulty following through and/or speaking up when she’s in trouble, that’s something to discuss at this initial meeting so that you may be able to put a safety net in place. For one of my kids, we did accommodations and that was all that kid wanted. There were bumps along the way, but ultimately that was enough. For the other kid, first semester we asked for a commitment to a weekly check-in meeting with Disability, just because speaking up is not this kid’s forte.

As a fellow parent to a couple of 2e kids with social issues, I’m going to tell you that it’s unlikely that you’ll see any sort of miracle when it comes to the social stuff. It will be slow and awkward and hard to watch. But she’ll get there in her own time, and your job is to be there not for what you perceive as the “right” progress, but to step in (if needed) if she starts drowning. She may surprise you! :slight_smile:

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@yankeeinGA This is absolutely wonderful advice, and just what I was looking for. Thank you!

I will speak with her, but I think she will agree that having me at the initial meeting will be helpful. But I will really try to let her take the driver’s seat. I think she grew up somewhat reliant on me to respond for her, etc, and I’ve slowly but surely been trying to wean her off that. She’s capable of doing it herself (although her delivery may be a bit different than most), and she needs to become independent. She struggles with self advocacy (that’s been one of her biggest challenges), but has recently developed a lot more insight into who she is and what she struggles with. I will most definitely keep your recommendations regarding this in mind. The school is close enough (around two hours away) that I would like this meeting to occur as well in advance of her first semester as possible. I’ll call them and see what they suggest.

Her neuropsych reports always recommended allowing her to hand in late work without penalty, but her high school expressed reluctance to enforce this and I didn’t push, so she’s used to seeing late work impacting her grade (and it does happen, unfortunately). So this should be fine in college (ie, no different than high school).

And yes, I realize she is not likely to make good friends right away. That is definitely the most painful part of this from a parent’s perspective. But I’m hoping she’s chosen her school wisely and will eventually find others she clicks with. She told me, last time we were there, that she felt this school would attract people like her. Here’s to her being right.

Again, this was a wonderful response. Truly helpful. I really appreciate it :slight_smile:

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I’m glad it was helpful. :slight_smile: Assuming she’s a senior in HS right now, if you haven’t already, let her take the reins at a 504 meeting before she graduates. (Most schools will have a wrap-up meeting before graduation, if nothing else.) My kids also were happy to let me do the advocating, so senior year I let them know this was their “practice run” while I was still in the room, so they’d be ready to take over in college.

It sounds like you’re both going to be fine. Good luck!!

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Thank you!

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also, don’t underestimate the gift that is maturity. Ime the maturity jump during college can offset an astonishing amount of the challenges the kids have had along the way. It’s not that suddenly everything is fine or even ok (and it is definitely not linear improvement!), but it seems that the frontal cortex development of the late teens / early 20s makes a big difference. That, plus all the development work you and her team have been doing all these years often produces really heartening progress.

By all means set up whatever guardrails you can, especially for the first launch/transition, but be encouraged by the success of the 3 week program she has already done. The 16 year old who can do 3 weeks becomes the 18 year old who can do a semester, and (in fits and starts, as any emerging young adult), becomes an adult who knows how to manage their world in a way that works for them.

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Thank you so much. I am encouraged by her behavior in the last year. She seems a bit more capable, and has, for the first time, developed a large amount of insight into her issues. I think she will be fine down the line, the ride just may be a little bumpy in the beginning :slight_smile:

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Hi — my S17 sounds similar to previous poster’s daughter and we’re trying to decide on sending him to the college with a fee-for/Service LD program that includes weekly sessions with LD advisor and tutor or “normal” LAC that has accommodations and academic support but student must self-advocate.I’ve been a helicopter parent and trying so hard to turn it all over to him before he heads off to college.

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@Mareekah My daughter is going to a very small LAC that has no Service/fee LD program, but environment-wise seems like a very good fit for her. We just had a meeting with the head of the Accommodations and Disability Services office (college is two hours away) and it has made me feel a lot better. Although my daughter will have to self-advocate to a certain extent, they are willing to set her up with weekly meetings for the first semester to make sure she stays on top of things and isn’t spiraling downwards with no one noticing. The Dept head also gave us lots of good tips regarding transitioning to independent living, courses, orientation week, etc. This particular college also has an Office of Academic Resources that pretty much does academic coaching upon request (without any need for LDs too), so there are plenty of resources on campus, it seems, for a student to use if s/he needs some extra support. Just mentioning because some colleges may have decent supports in place even without specific programs for students with LDs. Yes, she needs to learn to take advantage of them, but if your son ends up at a college without a specific program, try to get him in to meet with the Disabilities/Accommodations office as soon as possible.

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@Momtothreegirls Did you end up hiring an executive functioning coach or was that something you were just thinking about doing once at college?

My S19 was recently diagnosed as HFA with executive functioning issues (previously mis-diagnosed as ADHD). At present he does self identify with the exec functioning issues but not with the HFA. And, as is pretty normal, is a terrible self advocate, though he does have ok awareness of his issues. We are looking at starting executive functioning coaching in August, probably through all of senior year in hopes that he will then buy in to the need and ease of support services and be willing to have them in college. Right now we are looking at programs that either have paid support services or local schools where he could continue with the coach and therapist he now has.

He has 3 schools on his list that don’t fit either bucket and while I know they all have disability services I’m almost inclined to simply remove them from consideration versus trying to fight for the weekly monitoring I think he would need or at least do best with. Ultimately if he will not self identify an agree to support services, we will only consider the local options. I am hoping through, after summer tours of the schools (and I should do the programs but am afraid of freaking him out) and then the coaching that he will be motivated to own his diagnosis and action plan, as he really really likes these schools. Still, sending him away makes me nervous and even with the paid programs I think we’d want to find a new therapist and that is an ordeal in and of itself. I may see if his current one will consider phone or skype so that he has continuity.

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We have not hired an executive functioning coach (we likely should have). I was pondering hiring one for college, at least first semester, but then the head of the Disabilities and Accommodations Office where my daughter is going said that they could provide the same support. I’m inclined to have my daughter try that out as it costs a lot less! They said they could meet with her weekly during first semester, which is really what I was looking to hire someone to do.
We are going to hire an outside therapist, and hope to have my daughter meet with this person a couple of times over the summer before school starts, to become acclimated and decide whether it’s a good “fit.”
My daughter does self identify with her HFA (and ADHD) diagnosis. In fact, I think it made things much clearer to her when she accepted it. She has also, in the last year (senior year), developed a remarkable level of self awareness of her strengths and weaknesses in regard to her diagnoses (the Disabilities head remarked on that after a one hour meeting).
It’s definitely nerve-wracking to send my daughter away with her reasonably severe executive functioning issues. But she’s only going about two hours away, which makes me feel better. And has chosen a really small LAC that seems to appeal to quirky kids, so I have some optimism that this may indeed work, and that she may even “find her tribe” there.

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@Momtothreegirls that sounds like wonderful initial support from her college, what LAC if you don’t mind sharing?

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Haverford. It’s tiny, and the entire environment really appealed to her (most students, even freshmen, get singles, there’s a thriving center called “Nerd House” that offers substance-free activities, and it seems fairly intellectual, which she likes). We didn’t expect them to be so “hands on” in the Disabilities office, but they offered it (she does have extensive documentation of a number of different disabilities, HFA and ADHD being primary ones). They also have an Office of Academic Resources that is really there just for academic coaching and time management, etc, regardless of diagnosed disabilities - it’s available to all students.
We didn’t look at any colleges with dedicated support programs for disabilities, as far as I can recall, but I know that several places she looked at really appealed to her, Beloit being another place she instantly felt “at home.”

14

We are revisiting our position on the executive functioning educational coach. After getting feedback from the high school psychologist as well as his therapist and from S19 himself we are going to continue to let him try to work through his issues on his own, with gradually decreasing intervention from us. He really wants to try to do this on his own with just the network he has and 2 out of the 3 professionals (and arguably 2 that know him better than a psychologist that’s spent a total of 8 hours with him) strongly feel it’s the right call. The school psychologist in particular was very compelling.

I am glad I asked the village for input and feel better for having explored it. I am thinking that maybe adding one more “likely” LAC to his list might be good though.

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I strongly encourage parents to do the initial reaching out to the disabilities office and to do it as soon as your child commits. I emailed the person at S17’s school and asked what they needed. He responded and I had the GC send over his IEP. At orientation, S17 and I introduced ourselves and then S17 made an appointment to meet with him during the first week. My son and I discussed what he might need for his various classes, from the usual note taking (he’s dyslexic and dysgraphic) to being able to have a desk for drafting that allowed his left arm to be free as he’s a lefty. I then helped him compose an email compiling all of his needs/requests and he went off to the office.

Now, he is going to the office to get a letter allowing him to get accommodations at the local CC where he plans to take a math course over the summer.

My son says that the disabilities director at his SUNY school is very responsive, always available and extremely helpful.