Accepted, Can Afford It, But Parents Won't Pay? What can I do???

College Search & Selection
61

<p>Classicrockerdad, though I am inclined to agree with you because I’d be scraping the tills to see how to do this if the OP were mine, there are other things that may be in the picture. Though I don’t agree about the engineering, yes, the CS program at CMU is second to none and that would be a killer to me, to saying no. I know a number of poorer kids who applied to CMU and the packages did not meet need, which CMU does not guarantee to do, only does so in a few cases and for ED. They also do not have a generous definition of need, use up the Direct loans and Perkins and work study, and so that a kid has a tough time making up the EFC since the loans and work hours are eaten up by the aid package. They are tight with their aid. Schools like HPY do come up with great aid packages, but a lot of the schools make it very difficult for those from families with financial problems and they often just can’t afford to go. My son’s girlfriend from high school could not scrape up her institutional expected contribution, parents could not come up with money or qualify for loans (thank goodness as they are in enough trouble already). Didn’t get to go to college. IS working full time at a store, going to school one course at a time locally. So no, CMU is not a great school if you have need. </p>

<p>The other thing is that we really don’t know what financial issues the parents have. They make enough money, yes. Have money coming yes. What about debts, obligations, problems they are not sharing. I often say, it’s never a good idea to be counting someone else’s money, and it holds here too. </p>

<p>Also, though I don’t agree, and you don’t either, they may be right in the long run with having the kid go to OSU and then do what he pleases later. The quarter million saved might come well in handy, with interest in future years for any number of purposes including possible inheritances. It’s not like the parent is refusing to let the kid go to college, which I’ve read about here, too, refusing to pay, file FAFSA and just telling the kid to figure it out. </p>

62

<p>Yes, I agree with you in principle, but I can only go by what the OP says, and if that’s the case, then he has every right to be resentful. If there are other circumstances, they should explain it to him. </p>

<p>There was that girl, jigfeet, who I’ll never forget, whose father went to the Super Bowl every year, but wouldn’t pay a cent for her to even go to community college, and kicked her out after her mother died. </p>

63

<p>OP should go to OSU and make the best of it. Don’t resent your parents because resent is just a wasted emotion on your part.</p>

<p>Regarding the lessons the parents have taught OP, it is do what you want with your own money and don’t expect much from others.</p>

<p>From OP’s posts it appears that the parents want to spend as little as possible for college. Quality does not matter. OP said his father tried to steer him to the lease costly alternatives. OSU only became allowable because of in-state tuition and other awards/money. It would appear CMU was never in the picture.</p>

<p>In the real estate world theere are A buildings , B buildings and C buildings. The parents were willing to pay for C buildings. OP gets to go to a B school with a C price. This is an acceptable price for the parents.</p>

<p>The lesson OP should take from this is that if OP ever need to provide anything to his parents, he should first take his own concerns into consideration and then his parents. Next he should only provide them the C option instead of the A or B option.</p>

64

<p>Always so easy to spend others money without knowing all the facts. </p>

65

<p>

It seems like your parents are really frugal even to themselves. Why would they want to pay exorbitant price for college when OSU is fine.
For what it’s worth, I had a CS Phd from CMU helping me reviewing documents for a large software project. All he could provide was grammar errors or spelling errors, nothing significant. I had to have him remove from our project. Again, just one case but it make me wonder whether the school is worth it.</p>

66

<p>@LucieTheLakie I’m going to take a wild guess and say you don’t make a lot of money. likewise at you @cptofthehouse</p>

<p>I completely agree with @ClassicRockerDad. The point of having money isn’t saving it, it is spending it. 50k a year for college is a lot of money but in the grand scheme of life what else is worth that kind of money? House? Car? Maybe Yacht or Airplane? </p>

<p>If I was the OP I would yell at the parents until they coughed up the money. </p>

67

<p>Really, OP’s parents were picking some pretty good NMF schools. Wow! Good job, parents! They are being realistic about their money and the cost of college. Sounds like OP is set on his state school, but he/she could still apply to NMF schools and maybe pay even less.</p>

68

<p>No one knows what the extent of the conversation has been in the OP’s home. As the saying goes there are three sides t every story.
To be full pay at a private, unless a family is truly wealthy is very scary. The parents have to be making significant incomes and their employment has to be incredibly stable or they would have lived significantly beneath their means for a very long time.
Do you go to the wall on the Undergraduate degree and likely not be in a position to assist with Grad or Law school? Will this influence the parents retirement circumstances, ability to contribute to the expenses of their child as a young adult etc.
I’m of the opinion that where you receive your UG degree plays a very small aspect of your career potential. Of course there are exceptions to this but they are just that, exceptions.
You can believe in education and still be incredibly frightened about how you will handle a full pay situation. I have compassion for the OP, I understand the dissapointment.
If your parents are kind and great parents in all other regards, ease up and cut them some slack.
Best Wishes to the OP, work hard, apply yourself creatively. The rest will take care of itself.</p>

69

<p>

</p>

<p>When the OP makes money, he’ll be able to spend it however he sees fit. Yelling at parents until they “cough up the money” doesn’t suggest to me a maturity that could handle going away to school, much less a full pay one. If a child of mine behaved that way, I think I’d suggest a gap year full of work or work and cc to give him a chance to grow up. </p>

70

<p>

</p>

<p>However, the honest conversation between the student and parents about cost limits needs to happen before the application list is made, to avoid let-downs and arguments over cost in April, a topic that seems all too common around these forums every year (this thread is only one example).</p>

71

<p>Assuming US News and World Reports is correct in their ranking (I have yet to meet an engineer or engineering prof yet who hasn’t told me that when it comes to engineering, US News has no clue) OSU’s master’s program is 18 in CE. Their undergrad can’t be that bad. Plus, your parents know what all parents know. There is a high likelihood that you’ll change your major. OSU is outstanding in all types of engineering. Go there, be thrilled you won’t go into debt. Go to CMU for your masters if you really want a degree from there. The rule of thumb is, if you are going for your masters go to the cheapest school that is at least good in your area of study. No one will care where you got your undergrad once you have your masters. </p>

<p>Above all, DON’T listen to the folks telling you to yell at your parents! Absolutely foolish! If my kids did that, they’d be paying for college on their own. You should be thankful they are willing to pay for you, and that they are willing to pay for you to go to a very fine university. Perhaps you can even talk to them and get them to help pay for your masters if you go to OSU. If they would do that, OSU over CMU every day of the week and twice on Sundays :)</p>

72

<p>I completely agree with Hokiesfam on this. OSU is a very good school. That yelling/resenting stuff would definitely be counter productive in this household as well.</p>

73

<p>tiger…you NOW can have an EFC like that. </p>

<p>"" I honestly believe that paying for the school will pay off financially with a better starting job leading to a career of better paying jobs and I have seen studies that prove this."""</p>

<p>You can believe it all you want but it’s not true. and if you’ve truly seen such studies then they are not telling the whole story or are BS</p>

74

<p>OP, you really do sound like a smart young man who is trying to make the best of this situation. The one thing I was hoping to read from you, though, was something like “If my parents were to make this quarter-million dollar investment in me now, I would certainly pay them back out of my higher earnings upon graduation so they could still realize their own dream of retiring early.” As it is, it was all parents giving and sacrificing and you taking and benefiting.</p>

75

<p>I agree with ucbalumnus. And this is for parents of kids going to to college who have just started the process–You absolutely have to talk with your kids about what you can and can’t afford way in advance of applications. I’d say, let them know a year in advance and then calmly revisit the topic frequently. </p>

76

<p>

</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>And I know families in which this conversation was held early, and yet the child was still shocked. Few parents are able or willing to say, “I will spend $X and no more.” It’s usually “We can’t afford full pay. Let’s see where the financial aid comes out.” And the kid hears, “We’ll pay wherever you get in.” It is not unusual that parents say one thing and the kid hears another.</p>

77

<p>@austinmshauri</p>

<p>I had 3-4 gap years with work experienced (started my own small company), went to CC, going to a top 50isn Uni right now (ranked around the same as OSU). You think life experience would make me appreciate going to a so-so school? The truth is it’s made me realize how mediocre the school and students are. Thus right now I am applying for transfer into a Top 30 uni. I still stand by what I said. If parents have the money I think it’s messed up forcing a kid to goto an inferior school. </p>

78

<p>

</p>

<p>@bomerr, get back to us after you’ve raised a family of your own. It’s SO easy to spend other people’s money!</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Not that it’s any of your business, and I have no idea how you define “make a lot of money,” but I’ve done just fine, thank you very much. I put myself through college, an Ivy League one as a matter of fact, paid off my loans, and have been gainfully employed ever since. I’ve also sacrificed to pay for private schooling for one of my kids, so don’t lecture me on what’s worth spending money on. You may think prestigious degrees, houses, yachts and airplanes are the only things worth spending money on, but I’m guessing you’ve never had a family member with serious health needs or believe in the importance of giving to charity.</p>

<p>Personally, I’ve always placed a high priority on providing the best quality education to my kids that I can afford, but I will not take on debt to do it. And I don’t think another parent who thinks public schools are “good enough” is morally inferior to me. The bottom line, however, is that I have NO RIGHT to tell another person how to raise their children or spend their money! Neither do you and neither does @ClassicRockerDad. We’re not talking about child abuse here, for crying out loud!</p>

<p>My kids also don’t have an entitlement mentality, where they expect me to pay for whatever they want or feel they’ve “earned.” IF I had a kid like that, I can assure you, I would point him towards the local community college and wish him “Good luck!”</p>

<p>Seriously, some folks on CC come off as so insecure about the decisions THEY’VE made that they apparently can’t LIVE with the thought that others might choose differently and, God forbid (!), spend less money, to achieve the same basic outcome. Is a computer engineering degree from CMU “worth more” than one from “OSU”? All things being equal, yes, it probably is. But all things AREN’T equal. </p>

<p>I also can’t believe how many people just assume the OP’s one-sided version of the “facts” is the full story. How often does that EVER happen in life?</p>

79

<p>@‌LucieTheLakie</p>

<p>an income where you can afford a private jet. </p>

<p>It seems like you are conglomerating a mass of different “cliche” viewpoints and arguing them instead of objectivity looking at THIS situation. For instance: are you trying to say “the importance of giving to charity” is more important than giving to your own family? Or is that for tax benefits (which college doesn’t offer?)</p>

<p>The bottom line is the title of this thread is “Accepted, can afford it, but parent’s won’t pay.” The parents can afford it so that’s that. The question then becomes SHOULD they pay. To be clear, I agree with the following quote “I don’t think another parent who thinks public schools are “good enough” is morally inferior to me.” BUT OSU IS NOT a top public. University of Michigan Ann Arbor, now that is a top public. From going to a public university that is ranked around the same level of OSU I can tell you 100% from my own personal experience that it’s not a good place to be. It’s noticeably inferior to a top school (public or private). When I think of all the ways the affluent can and do spend money, 50k a year for college is at the top of the luxury list, but it’s also a price worth paying. </p>

80

<p>Sorry this fight had to keep going on! To those who said I’m probably exaggerating what they can pay here’s a bone to chew on. We are paying more just today in unexpected taxes on investments that did better than expected (negative tax return hahaha) than my parents will be paying (with room and board) for my college education next year. We aren’t juggling investments for that 20some K, we just wrote a check like it was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Its their money though. </p>

<p>That being said, I’m realizing that grad school admissions is a bit more like undergrad admissions than I had thought. Going to a top college is like going to a top high school, it will look good but its almost more important to do well at the school you go to and make the most of opportunities and I really hope to follow through on my commitment to do that.</p>

<p>I’m looking forward to OSU, its gonna be four years of studying hard and making some seriously good memories that I probably would miss out on at CMU. Its a good enough school that if I do well I can get into grad school nearly anywhere, and I’m going to make sure I do some internships and the like to be prepared for that cost financially regardless of if my parents choose to support me or not. To be honest, OSU is gonna be way more fun. Just gotta get that studying out of the way before the football games and make only small mistakes not big ones! </p>

<p>I am actually turning down a “Top Public” due to cost as well with UVA, but to be honest I don’t think UVA is as good as OSU’s honors program for Engineering anyway! Also turning down RPI partially for money with a 20K merit and CWRU with 30K merit because I hated it there.</p>