<p>So, my parents and I have a very volatile relationship, to say the least. They've given me hell for the past 3 years of high school, and I don't think that I'll be able to put up with their crap when I'm finally legal and 300 miles away. </p>
<p>They've said that they'd only pay for me to go to 4 schools (that I want to apply to, out of a list of about 10): Brown, Northwestern, UChicago, and Maryland (state school). 3 out of those 4 have admission rates below 30%, and the last one I really don't think I would be happy at. </p>
<p>Even if I am lucky enough to get into Brown/Northwestern/UChicago, my thing is that I really don't think I would graduate if my parents foot the bill. I've had numerous problems with anxiety attacks and depression, 99% of which were caused by them and their crazy threats and demands about my schoolwork.</p>
<p>I am choosing to apply to many schools that give merit aid, but my main issue is that my top schools don't give merit aid. If I didn't get into any of them, I would have no problem attending a school that gave me lots of merit aid or even Maryland, which is a good school despite the fact that it's not a good fit for my personality. </p>
<p>To cut a long story short, is there ANY way I can convince a no-merit aid school to give me financial aid even though my EFC is really high? I would do work study, low-rate loans, apply for random scholarships, ANYTHING to keep my parents away from me for the next part of my life.</p>
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<p>To cut a long story short, is there ANY way I can convince a no-merit aid school to give me financial aid even though my EFC is really high?>></p>
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<p>Are you talking about need based aid? The answer is NO. Your family's contribution will be based on the income and assets of your parents AND you. </p>
<p>If you really don't want anything to do with your parents, why don't you get an apartment when you graduate from high school (or rent a room), get a full time job to pay for your expenses, and attend a community college part time (using your own funds)? That way you would not have to depend on your family. </p>
<p>Re: merit aid...you don't give us your full list here, but I will say that at most places merit aid does not cover the full cost of attendance at all (except for a few very select scholarships that are very competitive at some schools and usually require a separate application and interview).</p>
<p>If it were me...I wouldn't burn my bridges behind me. I would try to have a peaceful coexistance with those parents who sound like they WILL contribute to your college education under certain circumstances. Maryland is a terrific school and I know plenty of students who would LOVE to go there. Bottom line is that you say that a lot of your anxiety, etc. is due to your family. Well...even at Maryland, you won't be living at home with them. I think you need to look at what you are trying to accomplish.</p>
<p>I know that with my own daughter ( she is a sophomore in college an hour from home, but lives there), there was a lot of tension when she was at home. We get along much better with her out of the house. We talk on the phone quite a bit, and she does come home for some weekends. She got a lot of merit aid and also need based. We do put some money on her "flex" account at school. However, when she first went, she was told that if the grades dropped below the level that the merit based aid required (3.25 in her case), that she would have to take out loans for for any aid that was taken away. So just beware that to maintain merit based aid, the school demands a certain grade level. </p>
<p>Also, even if you do not qualify for work study, you can find an on or off campus job for several hours a week that would supply you with spending money so you would not have to ask your parents for that. Personally, I would try it for a semester, or a year, with your parents contributing, and you living out of their house. You may find, as my daughter did, that things are much easier. If after that time, things are still stressful, come up with a plan B.
Good luck!</p>
<p>the best revenge for kids that want their parents to disappear..... go to college (even if you have to limit your choice as to where) and work your butts off. </p>
<p>Nothing says "I can't stand you" better than becoming financially independent.</p>
<p>believe, we parents are looking foward to the day the cell phone bill and every other bill has YOUR name on it.</p>
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Even if I am lucky enough to get into Brown/Northwestern/UChicago, my thing is that I really don't think I would graduate if my parents foot the bill. I've had numerous problems with anxiety attacks and depression, 99% of which were caused by them and their crazy threats and demands about my schoolwork.
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<p>Brown doesn't give merit aid. I think Chicago has some but very little and very difficult to get, I'm not sure about Northwestern, but I imagine it's would be very difficult to get. </p>
<p>If what you say is true and are not exaggerating, then it seems like you should ONLY apply to schools that will give you substantial merit aid. That means just saying no to the ivys. Why bother if you can't graduate. Why risk your entire future. Many honors programs have high quality programs and give substantial merit aid. One example that I know of it Pittsburgh. </p>
<p>Once you get used to the idea that you can gain financial independence and still do extremely well, it seems like that should be your primary goal. I know that it's very difficult to give up a dream of attending a certain school, but the reality of your situation suggests that it may be prudent. </p>
<p>I'm sorry about your situation, it's very sad, but you have to take a mature view and play the cards you're dealt. </p>
<p>Back over the Christmas break, there was a post from a woman at Brown whose mother was mentally unstable and kept threatening to cut her off financially. If she did, she couldn't even transfer because most merit money is only given to freshmen. </p>
<p>If you can get a full ride at Pittsburgh or someplace like that, your parents can NEVER cut you off. The only problem that you may have is that some schools require you to fill out a financial aid form because they want to get federal funds if you are eligible. If your parents don't cooperate with that, you still may have trouble getting the merit aid even if you're not eligible for FA.</p>
<p>I'm really trying to make this sound as serious as it really is. This isn't a "mommy and daddy won't buy me a shiny new Benz, I hate them" kind of situation...i'd venture to say that some of the things they do would be classified as verbal/psychological/physical abuse. </p>
<p>It's so difficult to be taken seriously when your parents make money and are educated. I feel like if my family was poor, things would be taken much more seriously, but since my father has an advanced degree and we live in a nice house and they drive nice cars, everyone is convinced that I have no right to complain...it's very frustrating.</p>
<p>Anyway, to those who seem to understand: I haven't fully developed a list of merit aid schools; I have a lot more research to do, but so far I have Goucher, Northeastern, and Maryland. I still don't know what to do if I got into a really good school that didn't give any aid. Maybe things will be better if I am far away. Anyway, thanks for the replies.</p>
<p>Princess...once you are living at college, it really doesn't matter whether you are five miles away or 5000 miles away. You will be THERE and not at home. Try to create a well balanced list of schools. You haven't posted any information about your grades or stats but if you are a very high performer, you should look at scholarships like the McNair at U of South Carolina and the Pogue at U of North Carolina. These are highly competitive but DO give full cost of attendance awards (or pretty close to it).</p>
<p>My other question for you is if you do go to a school like Chicago or NU, will your parents be at your throat about your grades as well?</p>
<p>Coming from experience here, I can tell you that the LAST thing you need to be a successful U of C student (or probably any elite college student, for that matter) are parents who, on top of all the pressures you face, ask you why you aren't making straight A's. </p>
<p>At my brother's college orientation (a college of a similar elite category that you didn't mention), the dean of students mentioned again and again to parents that yes, your child is smart, that's why she's here, and will continue to be smart, but that he or she might bring home a few B's and C's, and that's okay.</p>
<p>The joy of being at Chicago is being able to push yourself exactly as far as you see fit, and not further. You're the one at the wheel and responsible for getting your work done and making sure it's good. Most people here don't consistently make A's, and that's more than fine with them. Perhaps if you take on paying for college yourself, you'll give yourself the chance to have this same experience...?</p>
<p>^ how possible is it to pay for Chicago on your own? It's my number one choice, but like princessbell, my parents won't pay unless i get into stanford or yale. </p>
<p>"I'm really trying to make this sound as serious as it really is. This isn't a "mommy and daddy won't buy me a shiny new Benz, I hate them" kind of situation...i'd venture to say that some of the things they do would be classified as verbal/psychological/physical abuse. "</p>
<p>i don't think it sounds like that at all... i really hope you can figure something out..</p>
<p>I didn't mean to give the impression that I didn't believe you. However, you have to face reality and seek financial independence first.</p>
<p>If you have the stats to get into Brown, you probably have the stats to get a full merit scholarship including room and board somewhere very good. These are usually only available to freshman. Do your homework, ask around on this board, research old posts. If you can get one of those free rides then I think you would be putting your career at great risk by turning it down and accepting parental money, even for Brown, Chicago or Northwestern. The free ride is a once in a lifetime chance, and if you let it go, you could get totally hosed by your parents. If they get angry at some point for whatever reason and cut you off then you have no recourse. </p>
<p>Again, I'm sorry for your situation, but you need to be strong and persevere. Students who do well at top publics still get into great graduate and professional schools.</p>
<p>I know exactly how you feel! I got into UCI and i did NOT recieve ANYTHING from them. And my parents can pay for it but they don’t choose to. So my options are loans or joining the military so yeah, it really sucks</p>
<p>If you really want an education that your parents aren’t paying for, there are merit scholarships out there. You may have to go to a place you have never heard of, but it is indeed possible.</p>
<p>I have to agree with Classicrockerdad. If you have Brown like stats, you should get major merit aid if you apply to the right schools which probably don’t include any currently on your list. If you want to cut ties with your parents badly enough that will have to be your priority in choosing schools.</p>
<p>my mom makes over 100k/yr. I got a full tuition merit scholarship (just completed frosh yr) to a top 20 school, having to turn down my “dream” school. Every time I come home, however, she still makes me feel sooo guilty about the 6k she pays for room and board. We get in huge fights and it’s really ruining our relationship. </p>
<p>Considering just paying the 6k a year myself? I am doing paid research this summer…my merit scholarship even covers room and board.</p>
<p>The way it works is that your parents have a key role in deciding where you go to college, just as they did for your high school and earlier grades. It’s not as dominant of a role, but it is their responsibility to pay as much as the aid formulas expect them to pay, and if they won’t pay, you are not considered eligible for aid if their financial situation is such that they CAN pay according to the formulas.</p>
<p>As others have said, the other choices are that you leave home and do it yourself. Either through merit awards, which are possible to get as a full pay if you research the way Happymomof1 says, using Momfromtexas’s thread. Or find a job and go to college part time. Find a room where you can live on the cheap. That’s what kids do who want to be independent of their parent’s checkbooks. It’s not an easy life. </p>
<p>Yes, you have it tougher than your peers whose parents are more flexible about their college choices, and who get along with their parents. But there are many parents who won’t pay ANY money, won’t fill out any forms, just won’t do anything. There are parents who don’t have the money. There are hundreds upon thousands of families that are so dysfunctional that the kids have to get out for their own safety. So you fall into a very small percentage of kids whose parents have the capability to help you financially. They just have their criteria. It’s their money, so it’s their choice as to what they want to pay and for what.</p>