<p>I now am lucky enough to have been admitted at a few places, including a Big Name Uni.</p>
<p>My POI at Big Name U is so friendly and helpful (7 emails in 10 days!) that now I feel a little bit awkward since I am still waiting to hear from the other big uni. If I were accepted at both of my top choices, it would be a hard decision but I am a softie and I am already dreading having to turn down the offer! Yet I know that being afraid to say no is not the right way to decide on something as important as grad school.</p>
<p>Are other people experiencing that as well?</p>
<p>I also keep thinking that they overestimate how good I am, and that they'll realise what a mistake they've made when I start. Is that kind of feeling common?
How did you prepare for your PhD once you knew you were in?</p>
<p>I must be one of these people who never stop freaking out....</p>
<p>BTW, once you’ve been accepted, the tables are turned. Instead of you wanting them, they now want you. The professor mailing you is doing all he/she can to recruit you. There won’t be hard feelings, only disappointment, if you accept an offer elsewhere.</p>
<p>Katanaji, exactly, I also felt the same way. The friendliness and prompt reply by POI is so attractive as if I feel guilty if I’m not going to accept the offer. I also look at the style of interview. Different schools have different ways of dealing potential grad students, some friendly, some impersonal, drilling questions as if I’m the victim. </p>
<p>I guess I’m going to make my decision within a few weeks, not going to wait until April 15. A few seniors have told me the first year would be stressful as you’re trying to settle down in a new place, coping with the coursework and trying to learn from laboratory rotation. Of course, I’m going to be as well.</p>
<p>I’m in the same position as you. I really like all the schools I got into or have interviews at, and they’re all fantastic places. I’d feel terrible about having to turn any one of them down, but I will have to eventually. I felt absolutely awful telling a safety school no and was upset about it for an entire day.</p>
<p>I think you need to do your best to think clearly about what’s best for you. Science is a very tough world, and in order to be successful, you’re going to have to make hard decisions that won’t make everyone happy and may even hurt other people. I don’t think you can let feelings like guilt get in the way, because what’s best for your POI simply may not be best for you. If you really don’t want to go to a place, but a POI is trying his/her hardest to make you come, don’t go unless the place really is best for you. A Ph.D is long and difficult, and you need to put yourself in the best place for you, not a POI.</p>
<p>Congrats, Katanaji - and yes, I’m having similar thoughts. I am already 2-for-2 with six more schools yet to hear from… I’m going to hate turning down some of these offers. Maybe they can clone me? :D</p>
<p>Yeah…I’ve been talking to different professors about working with them and I’m in a similiar boat. I’ve been fortunate enough to have been accepted to four top 10 schools and a top 20 for my prospective degree (inorganic chem) including one in the top 3. I’m having issues deciding which to turn down because they’re all very good programs (not that i’m complaining in the slightest ). Just be respectful in turning down offers and if a professor has been in contact with you try to be candid and professional in your responses. You never know whether you might end up collaborating with someone or get a post-doc at someone’s school so leaving bad feelings is never a good idea. </p>
<p>Professors understand that students get multiple offers and provided you are professional in declining an offer and respectful there shouldnt be any bad blood.</p>
<p>Turning down an offer need not be the end of your contact with that wonderful professor, either. Keep in touch and make sure they know you are interested in maybe working on some projects/papers in the future together. After all they have done to help you, it is clear they are interested in working with you, but you don’t have to be <em>their</em> student to work with them. Professors collaborate with fellow colleagues from other schools, so why can’t you as a grad student?</p>
<p>I took the summer off before I started my PhD. Not everyone can afford to do that, but I saved up academic year earnings and lived with my parents that summer on very little money. I wanted to have a last summer to refresh and recharge before I started studying intensely for the program.</p>
<p>As a note from the other side - I’ve been involved in grad school decisions with our new PhD students. We only admit students that we really want in our lab, and while we’re usually mildly disappointed when people pick other places we’re happy for them for finding a great fit and wish them well. The last student who turned us down actually ended up at a university in the same city and is in our sister lab there, so we actually work on projects there, lol. My advisor expressed disappointment but was also happy that she seemed happy with her choice and wished her much success.</p>
). Just be respectful in turning down offers and if a professor has been in contact with you try to be candid and professional in your responses. You never know whether you might end up collaborating with someone or get a post-doc at someone’s school so leaving bad feelings is never a good idea. </p>