hello CC friends -
I’ve been trying to find an answer to my question in any and all threads and have had no such luck. For the “diversity” supplemental, I’m planning to write about being queer and gender nonconforming, but I’m also white, upper-middle class, and go to the fourth rated girls’ school in the U.S. I start my essay by acknowledging my privilege as is proper, saying something like “I understand that I have never been discriminated because of my race, I have a roof over my head, and I have never had to worry about food being on my plate.” My college counsellor isn’t having one bit of it!! I go on to talk about how because I am queer and GNC I am a minority and have experienced discrimination, and this has lead me to a view of the world in which I wish for all of my peers to be equal and comfortable as who they are. BUT even though I’ve been discriminated against I still feel it necessary to acknowledge my privilege and then conclude by saying “I wish to speak out against social injustices by using my privilege in order to draw attention to minorities and then stepping aside when it’s time for them to speak on behalf of themselves.” This falls with the concept of “white saviors” not speaking over/for minorities. Is this right? Is it wrong? My college counsellor really doesn’t seem to like it at all. Is my topic even worthwhile??? Please help!!! I am DYING to get into this school and the app is due Sunday. Willing to PM full essay to anyone. Would be eternally grateful for help.
What does the counselor propose as an alternative?
she deletes my entire portion about acknowledgement and suggests i expand on “how i support my community and am devoted social justice.”
Well… she is probably thinking you should use the very limited real estate of your application to talk up what you bring to the table. While I appreciate why you like your approach, it really doesn’t advance your actual addition to diversity on campus. I can see her point. Remember the purpose of your essays.
intparent, could i PM you my essay? i think it does do just that, though i’m not sure if it’s clear or not.
I would replace this conclusion (and probably some discussion earlier in the essay) about what exactly you are doing. “Using my privilege” isn’t very illuminating. Also, why would you decide when the minorities should speak for themselves? This is icky.
not at all what i said. i believe that minorities should be allowed to speak on behalf of their group at ALL times and their voices should not be covered by those of the majority. for example, men in congress should not be allowed to speak on behalf of women’s rights, but i think it’s acceptable for those men to use their foothold to draw attention towards the issue.
^ I recommend a new topic. Men should not be allowed to speak on behalf of women’s rights? Yikes.
What is the exact prompt? If it is asking what you would bring to improve diversity on campus, I think you are looking at it wrong. In the context of that college essay prompt (which a fair number of colleges have), there are tons of ways to bring diversity to campus. There is diversity in the traditional racial or ethnic sense. But there are other kinds – diversity in hobbies & interests, in skills, in sexuality, socio-economic, in experiences. You are so focused on the narrow definition that you are missing the point of the question. So spending time addressing that narrow perspective when you don’t bring that kind of diversity yourself is a waste of your essay space. Stop focusing on the diversity of others, and how you feel about it – broaden your definition and address what your secret sauce is that adds something to the mix on campus.
And sorry, no, I don’t read essays. 
It seems really patronizing to say you feel the pain of minorities as a privileged white girl. White savior? …eyeroll…
Speak for your own suffering; don’t presume to speak for other people who can speak english.
right ok did anyone actually read my post? i’m talking about purely the intro and disclaiming my background before i dive into the fact that i’m queer and gender nonconforming. intparent as you mentioned i need to really talk about what makes me special and what MY diversity is, and that’s what i’m doing. that’s the bulk of my essay. i was just trying to figure out a way to discuss that while still including that i understand my privilege.
“Speak for your own suffering; don’t presume to speak for other people who can speak english.”
that’s literally what i’m trying to do. i guess people aren’t understanding my post. the whole point of my essay was to be that because i’m privileged i don’t understand the struggles of specific minorities that i’m not a part of, but i understand oppression from being queer/GNC, and that’s why i believe so strongly in social justice and empowering those who are oppressed. so i am speaking for my own suffering. just trying to find a way to recognize first that i’m not a part of certain minorities and i’m not trying to speak over them.
yikes. nevermind. i guess i should have just posted the essay instead of trying to describe it because obviously my point isn’t coming through correctly…and i think it does come through in my essay.
Men should not be allowed to speak on behalf of women’s rights? Yikes.
so you believe that men should have full jurisdiction over women’s bodies? and women should have no say in their OWN rights? wow. i just don’t think men should not be controlling all legislation regarding women’s laws and women’s rights.
this isn’t my point though. the point i’m trying to make it that majorities should not speak over minorities.
Is this in addition to the box prompt?
jym626, yes.
The topic’s not bad. It’s all going to be in the execution. Maybe that’s what the counsellor is trying to help with.
What is the prompt?
Come on now…is that REALLY what the statement you quoted says?
Anyway…if your counselor doesn’t get it after reading the essay, and nobody here gets it when you explain it, it’s quite possible that your point is not as clear or eloquent as you think it is. Don’t stubbornly cling to your first draft. Common writerly advice is “Kill your darlings.” You have to be objective about this. Is this essay giving the admissions office a reason to admit you to their academic institution?? If not, cut it mercilessly.
ETA: Plus, your counselor and many of the responders here are adults, just like admissions officers are. That’s your target demographic. If they don’t get it, you can’t just hold out in the hopes of getting some hip young activist who WILL get it as your app reader.
JustOneDad- I think you’re right. I think the thing is that I tried to describe my essay on here instead of just posting it, and I didn’t do a very good job of describing it, so it came across wrong. I have since redone the essay and I’m pretty happy with it, so… she basically explained that my intention was great but it could be misconstrued (as it obviously was in this thread).
The Committee on Admission is interested in getting to know each candidate as well as possible through the application process. The following essay question is designed to demonstrate your writing skills and facilitate our full appreciation of your unique perspective.
The quality of Rice’s academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What personal perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (500 word limit)
thank you bodangles. that’s basically what her advice was and what i have done. i was mostly clinging to my point, not my execution, because i realize my execution was poor.