Additional essay!

Colleges and Universities A-Z Harvard University
1

<p>On the Harvard supplement it says that if we wish we may choose to write an additional essay. I decided to write an essay on the prompt asking for the most meaningful academic experience. Will you please tell me if this essay will work and if there are any mistakes/awkward sentences in it. Thank you for your help!</p>

<pre><code>It was the beginning of my junior year. I had been warned about the class by several students, but I had never quite gotten the hint. As I walked into the classroom and found a seat, the realization of the mess I had gotten myself into finally hit me. I was in the dreaded Humanities class—the hardest class in the school. For the next year, I would have to survive four teachers (one for history, art, literature, and music), hours upon hours of homework, projects, papers, presentations, and enrichment. Enrichment was the defining feature of the class. It entailed attending plays, watching movies, making projects, and pretty much anything else one can think to do to “enrich” his or herself outside of class. I was in for a rough year.
As the first few weeks of class went by, I learned that the class was just as hard as I had been told it would be. I had never been in a situation like that before. I found myself staying up past midnight doing homework each night and never having any time for myself. I started to complain constantly and dread each day of school. When midterms came out and I learned I was at a “D” in the class, I was appalled. I knew that something had to change or I would end up failing the class. I decided to change my attitude.
For the rest of the grading period, I entered class each day with an open mind. I decided to make every day an opportunity to learn more about the world and myself. This change in attitude made all the difference in the world. I became excited about the material being taught. It fascinated me to see how art, music, history, and literature are all intertwined, and how each one influences and is influenced by the others. Homework became more bearable because I enjoyed what I was learning. Enrichment became not a required labor but a chance to explore topics that I was interested in and to individualize my studies. Humanities taught me more than just the subject material. It taught me time management and organization. My sleepless nights disappeared as I learned to use my time wisely. By the end of the grading period, my dismal “D” had turned into an astonishing “A.”
Humanities has been the most worthwhile class I have taken during my entire high school career. Yes, it was hard. However, it taught me to tackle my challenges instead of letting them control me. I look at all of my classes differently now. I try to relate the subjects to myself and find ways to enjoy what I am being taught. I explore the material I am learning instead of just memorizing facts and trying to understand basic concepts. I try to find relationships from other subjects and try to understand the influences surrounding a certain event. Above all, Humanities has taught me that I can make anything I do worthwhile just by a simple change in attitude.
</code></pre>

2

<p>I would respond critically to this essay, as I do most essays I read on the CC board, but I think the criticism would be so harsh that I think you'd just be angry and not take the criticism seriously anyway. Nothing would really get accomplished anyway.</p>

<p>Edit for the millionth time: Forget it, I was right. You don't want to read my criticism.</p>

3

<p>You dont want to read my criticism.</p>

<ul>
<li>ubercollegeman</li>
</ul>

4

<p>Okay, how am I supposed to make it better if all you guys will say is that I don't want to read your criticism? That's why I posted it on here, to find out if it will work or not! What's so bad about it? It's not my main essay, it's an additional one. Just saying that you hate it doesn't help me much.</p>

5

<p>Okay, fine. The criticism I give is completely void of any holding back, and although an admissions officer or teacher would never tell you this directly, this is what would be going on in their heads.</p>

<p>There is nothing redeeming about this essay: topic, style, or otherwise. My most sincere recommendation for you is to not revise this essay, because it is really beyond any repair. It would be much better for you to just not submit it and write a new one. Also, out of the context of this essay, I remember reading another one of your essays and thinking that it was bad--not as bad as this one--but definitely subpar. If I were you, I'd definitely look into some essay prep books or some help from a teacher.</p>

<p>Anyway, on with the essay.</p>

<p>The introduction is dull beyond belief. You started class and sat down. Nobody cares.</p>

<p>Oh, man, this is the hardest class your school offers? First of all, I am unconvinced. Second of all, even if I were convinced, I still wouldn't care.</p>

<p>Then you begin to melodramatically describe how difficult this class is, even though still, I am unconvinced that it really is hard. You were in for a rough year? Stop whining. I am still unconvinced that this class is as difficult as you say it is, and like I said before--even if I did believe you, I still wouldn't care.</p>

<p>You raised your D to an A after half the semester (you claim you had a D at the midterm) was over? This is impossible in any truly difficult class. Either the teacher went easy on you or this class is not as hard as you say it is. This makes me disbelieve you even more. I now think that you may be lying to me, and I am even more than convinced that this essay is a crock of crap.</p>

<p>"Dismal D, astronishing A"? What is this, a cheerleading tryout?</p>

<p>And then you top it all off with the oh-so predictable "and this is what I learned" conclusion, completely uninspired and something that an adcom has read a thousand times before, hating it more every single time.</p>

<p>So to sum it all up, in an adcom's mind: I am bored, apathetic, and I think you're probably full of it. You have done the opposite of your goal--to convince me that this class is hard and that you learned something from it. I hate you for wasting two minutes of my life and quickly put your file in the rejection pile.</p>

<p>Yes, this is what I honestly thought. A moderator can delete it if he thinks it's too acerbic.</p>

6

<p>exactly. plus, i find it hard to believe that you spend hours studying "Humanities" and couldnt even pull off a C. that is going to portray a lack of ability. what exactly is so hard about it? is this a true story or did you use the golden shovel?</p>

7

<p>Are you seriously going to submit an essay about a class and how it changed your views of the world? The optional essay should be a statement of who you are outside of you academic life, and it should reveal the type of person you are in a unique light. It should relate a circumstance or event in your life that describes you. Scrap this essay. If this is the best you can come up with, do not submit an additional essay.</p>

8

<p>well i think talking about grades in any sort of an essay is very dangerous</p>

<p>i would have to respectfully agree with ubercollegeman</p>

9

<p>Okay, I respect your opinion. However, I am absolutely not lying about the class. I am in four AP classes this year and I took one last year and NONE of them are even a tenth of the difficulty of that class. Gosh, I would spend hours and hours on an enrichment project and my teachers, who were absolutely horrid, would give me two freakin' points for it! I was in tears for a good part of the year because of the stress of that class. I even burnt all of my stuff from the class at one point in time! And, yes, I was at a D at the midterm mark, it is very possible. The reason I was at a D is because enrichment can be done at any time throughout the nine weeks. At that point in time I had done 0 out of the 80 points of enrichment. I really, really regretted this later on when I had to do 10 projects in the last 2 weeks of school in order to get that 80 points. My mom also freaked out when my teachers told her that I was in serious danger of failing the class if I didn't start doing my enrichment. So, I am glad you actually told me why you thought the essay was bad, but I don't appreciate you telling me I'm a liar.</p>

10

<p>I never said you were lying. I said that although I had no proof, I was thinking it. A lot. This is something you do not want an adcom to think, whether or not the adcom is right or wrong.</p>

<p>Also, it is almost universally true that projects are flaky grade-boosters. I didn't take your class, so I can't say for your class. I'm just saying that it's no coincidence that all the project-heavy classes I've taken were also the easiest ones to get an A.</p>

11

<p>so you were doing bad in the class, but you didnt want to do all the work until you realized you were going to fail? i dont think that gets across the PASSION for learning that you want to make evident. it shows a lazy/overburdened student that started working and was able to save her grade in the end. then you try to close it as if it was an enlightening experience or something. horrible.</p>

12

<p>I know, ivyleaguechamp. You might as well have titled the essay, "How I Got an A I Didn't Deserve."</p>

13

<p>Not this class. It wasn't just the projects. We had to read A LOT, about a chapter in our textbook a night or chapters from books we were reading in the class, not that I really mind reading, it's just that there was a lot of it. We had daily assignments on top of the reading. We had a mentor project each 9 weeks, which was either a 15-20 page research paper, a 10-minute individual presentation, or a 30 minute group presentation. We had enrichment, which is what killed me, because you had to get at least 80 points of it, and most things you did were only worth about 5 points and took at least an hour to do. We had a subject project each nine weeks in one of the four subjects which was usually about half a period long to present. We had frequent tests and quizzes and a large essay test each grading period. We had art assignments to do. We had music listening requirements. It sincerely was the hardest class in the school. Maybe my essay doesn't show this, and I probably won't use it, but I am honestly telling the truth. I had soooooo many people tell me not to take the class before I entered it, but I loved my IDEA (gifted and talented program) classes so much that I couldn't bear to drop out of the program. I always had 4-5 assignments hanging over my head in that class, and it was a really hard adjustment to make.</p>

14

<p>And, I don't appreciate you saying I didn't deserve the A!!! It was a hard adjustment, but I did adjust. I was up until far past midnight every night for the first two weeks. I had never had so much work to do before and I wasn't prepared for it to hit me so fast. I would work on all of my assignments due the next day for hours and not work on the enrichment because I thought I would have a few more minutes the next day, but I was wrong. It's not that I didn't do the work, it's just that I did the wrong work in the wrong order. I just needed to get used to it. I was able to maintain my A for the rest of the year. The first midterm came out only 4 weeks into the school year.</p>

15

<p>Once again, you're not drawing the line between what is projected by your essay and what is the truth. </p>

<p>The truth is irrelevant. What matters is what the adcom THINKS. I am presenting this viewpoint.</p>

<p>This essay was doomed to begin with. If you didn't go into detail about how difficult the class was (what you did), then you sounded like a liar. If you did, then you sounded like a whiner. </p>

<p>Also, quite personally, I am still unconvinced that the class was really as difficult as you say it was. For APUSH last year, I wrote something like 500 pages about history and read the ~1,000 page textbook back and forth twice including about 300 pages of additional handouts. Everyone did. We had to, in order to get an A.</p>

16

<p>no offense but seriously it's not worth writing about. i think most of my classes are harder than what you described. i think you gave it a good shot but it's not an essay that puts you a good light.</p>

17

<p>you can keep arguing with everyone over how your essay is good (it's not), or you can just do yourself a favor and write a new essay</p>

18

<p>Yeah ivyleaguechamp, but our class was heavily homework-oriented with essays/questions/etc.</p>

<p>Also, in retrospect, my APUSH class does sound much harder than your Humanities class.</p>

19

<p>hah, that sucks, uber. i think all we had was 1 or 2 DBQs every quarter and maybe 1 or 2 tests and 6 opennotes quizzes</p>

20

<p>"the class was so hard, blah blah blah"..
For the love of god stop whining...The “advanced placement” class was hard?...Hmm, and what the hell do you expect from Harvard? Do you honestly think you have a chance to get in? Because, here is a reality check…If this essay is an honest reflection of your intelligence and intellectual potential then you have no shot in hell.</p>