ADHD--Inattentive: Senior and Just Diagnosed. Help?

<p>Hey if she is getting good grades at least she is a functional addict! If she is in the honors program I don’t get how she could possibly have a learning disorder.</p>

<p>My current situation: I have 1 semester of college left, in which I need to complete 24 credits of work in order to graduate. For a normal student, this means doing 12 hours of homework per day (my average is 3 focused hrs, my best is 7). The only reason I was granted permission to take 24 credits is because the faculty committee didn’t have a choice - it’s my only shot at graduating.</p>

<p>Background: I did well academically in high school, graduated with all 4s and 5s on 6 AP exams my senior year, and was accepted into a very selective four year college. I had no idea I had ADD, since I never had to put much work in to get a top grade.</p>

<p>Fast forward 4 years: My GPA is abysmal, I’ve been on academic warming or probation almost every semester (I’m lucky I haven’t been expelled), and my friends seem to change every year.</p>

<p>(I still can’t believe I’m writing this, as I would’ve laughed and considered this more than impossible as a high school senior)</p>

<p>Classmates who I considered slower or less resourceful are landing jobs at Microsoft, Google, Goldman Sachs, or a host of tech startups in San Francisco and getting paid a starting salary of $80K. There’s no reason I shouldn’t have been able to do this too, or better. My parents are supportive, but I hate seeing them so unhappy. A few family friends have compassionately told them that they failed as parents.</p>

<p>Despite hundreds of ideas and plans to be innovative and do things on my own, things don’t move for a host of classically ADD reasons described in detail by others.</p>

<p>I have 1 month before school starts, and this was supposed to be the summer which I would focus and launch a tech company - my one chance to prove myself. That can’t wait till after I graduate, because the window of opportunity is blown if it’s not launched by November. Now it looks like the summer in which I have 4 weeks to figure out how not to get butchered in the fall.</p>

<p>I was diagnosed with ADHD my freshman year of college, when things first started falling apart. I was on meds for a few weeks before I decided that I wanted to try succeeding without them (it’s complicated, but basically my brain seemed to readjust to the meds really fast rendering them ineffective). I’ll just say that the next few years made me a far wiser and more compassionate person (I have never failed so much in my life), but despite definite improvements in various areas (like organization - read David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”), the change in structure from semester to semester meant I had to fight a new beast every time. I feel a little old in that I can identify with this quote: “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”</p>

<p>With 1 semester left and 24 credits to complete (18 engineering credits, 6 advanced mathematics credits), I finally admitted to myself that I’m in no position to deal with it, and I needed to find a way to make significant improvements. Thus I decided to try medication again.</p>

<p>Medication allows me to focus better, but that could be on homework, creating a non-critical plan to redesign my room, or typing this long-post on the forum when I know I have a 3 pm deadline (it’s going to be blown). It certainly makes me calmer and less likely to overreact to negative things, but I need to figure out a whole new set of strategies to become a top performer ASAP.</p>

<p>I have 1 month to figure out how to build structure into my life, or my degree is blown.</p>

<p>Here goes.</p>

<p>…</p>

<p>I have inattentive/hyperactive, so if I don’t get a sharp dosage of excitement every few hours (I HATE being at home with no one instead of at a college campus), I feel like I’ve been locked in a cupboard for a week.</p>

<p>My son’s story of ADHD- early elementry school he was impulsive, and easily frustrated. Beyond what was normal for his age. He was disruptive in class, because he was bored. Being bright and ADHD are common. He is also left handed, which makes him right brained. We did not believe in meds, and heard all of the horror stories. I am a nurse, and needed to research in great deal. We first tried behavior modification, including charts and rewards. And a psychologist. After a few months of that, and a child who’s self worth and confidence was sinking lower and lower, we agreed to medications. The first medication was OK, and seemed to help some. Then Straterra came out. Switched to that, which made him physically ill for a few months until we switched again. He was started on Metadate CD, a single pill that combines a short and long term ritalin. Initially, he took the medication 7 days a week, with medication vacations in the summer. We then went to school days only for the Metadate CD, and short acting medication for anything outside school hours that required focus and impulse control. We wanted DS to develop skills to manage his ADHD without medications as much as possible. To recognize when he was having problems, and to know when he needed to take medication. There is mixed opinion about whether or not this is a good way to manage medications. But it worked well for him. He has remained on the same medication, with only 2-3 increases in dose, since that time. And the medication remains effective. It improved his school performance significantly, and more importantly it improved his happiness. Then, despite all of my education for my son, and knowing that this was possible, my son did the typical teenager move that I read about, dreaded, and hoped he would not feel the need to do. He decided that he wanted to stop his medications, and not use them as a crutch (his words, not mine). He stopped them in April 2011. Right before AP exams, finals, and end of year projects…sigh. And he felt he was doing fine without them. But his grades, organization, and AP results suffered. Not to mention his relationship with me and his dad because we had to stay on him constantly for everything- even non-school related. Luckily, I knew that this was a common teen move, and I was watching for it. I recognized the signs almost immediately, but he did not. He denied there was a problem. Because he did not get his summer internship application in on time, he did not have one this summer so he was required to get a job, and take classes at the local CC. The CC classes are not over taxing, but do require organization and some level of focus to complete. So, after lukewarm AP results, pulling A’s off in his classes by the skin of his teeth at the end of the year (mostly because of late/missing assignments), terrible SAT II scores, and getting a B in the first community college class he took (that he should have earned an A in in his sleep), he FINALLY admitted that he probably should not have stopped his meds.
Now, I am looking at sending this child away to college in a year. It is frightening, but I am also glad his need to stop meds happened at home, and not his first year in school. I have considered looking for a coach, or life counsleor/coach that works with HS/College age students to help them develop and improve their executive functions, organization, and planning. And we will be having a lot of discussions during his senior year about “how would you handle this/ what if” regarding his ADHD to help prepare him for college. I am hoping he will get back on a regular routine of doing homework, and taking extra steps to be organized. He is a smart boy, and could probably get into top tier schools. The cost is a real problem, but more than that, I worry that the stress of those institutions will be too much for him. I want him to have some fun in college as well as learn! And be able to recover if he happens to slip a little. So we are looking at schools that offer good merit aid. Since money is a real motivator for him-having to take out loans to cover school would make him mad. So there is real incentive for keeping his grades up. And schools that offer the program he wants, but has other options with a campus that offers a diverse set of activities to keep him occupied. </p>

<p>So, that is my readers digest version of my life with ADHD so far. I have a feeling that there will be more to this story over the next 5 years. I just hope I can help him continue to learn coping strategies to control his ADHD, and he continues to be the wonderful and successful kid he is. His ADHD is a part of him, and I can not change that. But I am doing everything I possibly can to make sure that his ADHD does not define him.</p>

<p>Valley- so if someone is manic-depressive do you tell them to just “deal with it”? Do you tell them to just cope with their illness on their own for the sake of not taking a drug? No. </p>

<p>ADHD is no different. I just started adderall 2 weeks ago and couldn’t be happier with my decision. You’re right - the real world won’t care if you have ADD. Deadlines ARE deadlines. Which is precisely why medication is a completely valid option; people with ADHD and other neurological disorders are at a disadvantage. We don’t have the same brain functioning that may be considered desirable by the work force. Is it so wrong then that we take certain medications to fill that gap between us and the general population? No. Exercise, diet, and other lifestyle methods are great options. However, they’re not for everyone. I tried for 5 years to deal with this ADHD and I have never felt as healthy as I do right now. </p>

<p>Perhaps you resent never getting medication; I don’t really know. But is your moral compass so strong that you have to “guide” us to a better life? You need to learn to have some humility and be more understanding of others’ lives.</p>

<p>vlines and others,
Your son’s story is similar to my daughter’s - it is called being twice exceptional (high IQ with ADHD as an example). In my opinion, you have two options - hire a coach, or insist on an IEP at the school (basically, a state funded coach).<br>
I know that hiring a coach is expensive, and it wasn’t easy for us either. However, as a teenager one of the most critical developmental tasks is separating from your parents. We knew that she needed to do that, and wanted to maintain a positive relationship while doing it. We realized that someone other than mommy and daddy needed to coach her when she hit middle school, and successfully advocated for an IEP for middle and high school. I am in the business of special education, and understand that legally a student who can demonstrate that there is a split between their ability and their school performance due to a health impairment is entitled to an IEP. However, there are three basic issues with IEPs for ADHD/Honors students, which I will illustrate using my DD as an example.
1 - After testing, the educational team says"Yes, we see that her ADD is affecting her school performance, but she is still above where most of her classmates are. Therefore, we will not qualify her." This is not legal, however, it is extremely common. I was able to get ian IEP, but most would not without a strong advocate. You might end up paying the advocate as much as a coach, with no guarantee of success.
2. Even if you get an IEP, you are at the mercy of the team members whether it will help. Using my DD as an example, in seven years of carrying an IEP, she had six “case carriers” (we call them resource teachers in CA). Two were effective. One was neutral. Two had no idea how to help an honors student. One saved my sanity by coming in on her own time, during the summer, to tell the school principal “This is NOT a crazy Mom. This student needs and deserve effective assistance. You need to figure out a way to give it to her.” I can’t really fault them - as a profession, 99.9% of the students they see are below grade level. When a kid walks into their office with a 140IQ and impatient with people who patronize her, it is tough to know what to do. Every school (in CA anyway) has “adjunct” duties. Each teacher has a special job they do in addition to their courses. For example, one may be in charge of the Junior Great Books program. When the principal got the speech above from the terrific RSP teacher - who was only temporary - she and the RSP teacher figured out that she could assign my DD’s honors teacher the “adjunct” duty of assisting my daughter 15 minutes after school one day a week. The honors teacher was happy to be relieved of whatever other job she had been doing to help our DD, and was the perfect choice as she both understood the honors curriculum and how to support an honors student. This worked extremely well at the middle school level.
3. “We can’t assign an adjunct duty to an honors teacher.” At the high school level, this didn’t work as the honors program was spread between multiple teachers, and they were all swamped with other duties. We elected to hire a coach at this time. The RSP teacher was not someone my daughter could relate to at all, but she was good at paperwork. Therefore, we maintained goals on an IEP, declined the weekly sessions, and assigned her the job of three times a year collecting data from each teacher on teh goals. This worked very well - she told me that she would literally have to sit on some teacher’s desk while they wrote their comments, but was required by me and the IEP to do it, so she did.<br>
4. The coach I used was expensive - $400 for four weekly phone calls and unlimited emails - but with her help I stopped nagging, gave over ALL responsibility to she and our DD, and regained a positive relationship. I found her through the internet ADHD coaching network, but what she did was NOT rocket science. Using a planner. Setting small goals. Thinking of both long and short term consequences. Settting up systems for success. To be honest, as a special educator, there was pretty much NOTHING that came out of her mouth that I hadn’t said. But it was NOT me, it was NOT Mom, and it was my daughter’s responsibility to maintain instead of mine. Think through your personal network - is there a person who your son admires that you could hire to do this? Maybe a former teacher/coach/family friend??? </p>

<p>Spent a long time on this post, but thought it was important. Good luck to you!</p>

<p>Thank you shoot4moon. I am not sure if we have ADHD coaches in this area, but I am going to look. Did you have any problems getting your child to buy into working with a coach? That is my second obstacle!</p>

<p>vines,
We told her we could visit any college she was interested in between her soph and junior year. She picked schools in Boston and New York, probably because they were far and fun cities. As we ate lunch after the tour of Boston University, she said “I will do anything to get here.” I said, well I think you can do it if you raise your Gpa and rachet up your ECs, but you would need to carefully strategize and plan. Maybe we can find someone to help you with that, as I think I would nag you too much if I did it.". When we got home, I researched coaches, picked a couple, and suggested that she interview one. I told her we had lots of other choices, and it was her decision. They clicked, I stepped out of the day to day monitoring business, and we moved on. I would say that email and phone was a really good system. I don’t think you neeed someone local necessarily, and I can see substantial advantages to the phone/email system.</p>

<p>vlines and shoot4 moon,</p>

<p>It seems all our stories are similar. smart kids with inattentive ADD. Creates a dilemma as it is difficult to get an IEP because the kid does well in school.</p>

<p>Not getting and IEP or forcing the issue (to get an IEP) is a big mistake It screwed us up for SAT and ACT. We could not get extra time without the IEP. Now we have crappy scores.</p>

<p>I agree an ADD coach or educational coach is the way to go. I do not know how to find one either, but will look online.</p>

<p>Next dilemma is to attend a college like Lynn or Curry or to go to a school with more majors and good support. </p>

<p>Psychologists tell the us (parents) we need to lower expectations and be content with small successes. Let the student progress at their pace and not what we expect them to.</p>

<p>Fritobandito- my son is not happy moving at a “slower” pace. My son is not happy being different. Much of his frustration continues to be that his actions can not keep up with his brain. He gets ahead of himself. IEP’s for kids with good grades are almost impossible here, like you state. We have a thing called a 504 plan (or 503…not 100% sure) that is like an IEP “light”, but it is harder to get enforced than an IEP. I never bothered. I delt with teachers I needed to one on one. As for the SAT/ACT…I actually think that the repetitive and mundane set up makes it that much worse for him. Surprisingly, he likes/is good at math and is majoring in computer science. Both repetitive and mundane to me…but gives him a challenge that he finds stimulating!! The other thing that has been true with my son from early on is that he does much worse on easy things than harder things. If he has to stop and really think about something, he does great. If it is a basic concept, he appears to only really take in part of the question, and does not look at the whole picture. He played chess in elementary school. When it came to board position and moves, he could find and see ahead some of the most complicated of attacks. But sometimes could not find his way out of the simplest of checks. We continue to struggle with this same thing in testing. A great example was his AP World history mid-term last year/ He was well preped. KNew the info cold. He took the test, got a 75. He spoke with the teacher, who asked him the questions he missed verbally, and did not give him the multi choice answers to choose from. He knew the answer to each question cold. He did not get any more credit, but at least he knewhe knew the answers. The next test, he took more time, re-read each question, and understood the question before he read the answer. Much better on the test. But still only a 90. He has straight A’s in school, right now is on target to Val. But it is not based on his test grades. It is everything else, HW,projects, participation… I am so worried that college will be difficult, particularly courses that only have 2 grades (like the Stat class he took this summer). If he bombs one test, he blows his grade. Scary!</p>

<p>I quickly googled adhd coaches to see if I could recreate the trail that led me to ours.<br>
An article came up in ADDITUDE magazine (highly recommended if you haven’t heard of it) and it was called “What is an ADHD coach and how could an ADHD coach help you? Learn more about this popular treatment option for people with ADHD” You can’t link websites here, so you will need to google on your own, but this would be a good start.<br>
I have also gotten a lot out of the blogs and info on danarayburn dot com, and a quick review of her site says she is starting a group coaching session for adults. Wonder if your son is old enough or maybe she could refer you to something similiar?</p>

<p>By the way, our dd is going to Boston University in the Fall - her first choice. She applied to the College of Arts and Sciences, but was admitted to the College of General Studies. You can research it on this board. There are some very negative comments about it, but they are ALL from people who not only weren’t in the program but have stupid misconceptions about it. Here are my extended comments about it
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/boston-university/1129749-cgs-visit.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/boston-university/1129749-cgs-visit.html&lt;/a&gt;. There are many other threads as well on the BU forum. Great place for a student with our kid’s profile!</p>

<p>Valleyaccount, it is certainly possible to be in an honors program and have a learning disorder. I’m sure many of the posters on this thread can attest. One early poster stated she had ADD and her IQ was tested at 151. There are many brilliant minds who suffer from ADHD.</p>