Adhd son & adhd mom - help!

College Search & Selection
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<p>I don't want to drop the ball on my son's college search...but i am sitting here having a mini anxiety attack. We will be doing the spring break college tour and I want to get it right............</p>

<p>My son got a 31 on his Act, 2.95 GPA and in the bottom half of the class...
never studies or does homework( I have tried everything)...........aces most tests....great class participation, absorbs info like a sponge.....no ADHD accomodations.....tried many things....should we look into accomodations at a college...I think so...</p>

<p>Assuming he is not in reform school by 2007, (just kidding, sortof) ..........</p>

<p>I am looking for guidance.....Does any one have experience with a child like this? likes artsy,liberal,excellent debater, speaker, struggles with writing,
career of the moment is photo journalist in Iraq....or any other exciting place.</p>

<p>I have been reading some great stuff these past few weeks on these forums...thanks</p>

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<p>Has your son recently been tested? First, there can be no accomodations granted without testing.</p>

<p>Secondly, are you sure he is ready for college and really wants to go? I would be concerned about a student who gets 31 on the ACT but only has a 2.95 gpa because he does no homework or preparation. I think colleges may also be leery in seeing the contrast between the scores and the grades. My guess is that his references would also note the discrepency. If you send him off to a traditional four-year residential college, are his study habits likely to change, or would he find himself in even deeper trouble? Does he need some kind of seasoning year, or a stint in a community college to show that he has the drive to succeed? If he's interested in photography, there is the option of art school.</p>

<p>I am not unsympathetic to your situation. My daughter has ADHD and an auditory processing disorder. She attends a highly competitive private middle school with no accomodations other than an occasional kindly teacher, and her average is similar to your son's. She generally does well on standardized tests. She's good about homework and studying (she'd better be since her school is strict!) but I've needed to lend extra help many times in language based activities. We're going to take it one year at a time.</p>

<p>I'd be leery about having your son jump into a traditional college situation, one that requires real independence and motivation with parents far removed, if the motivation to study truly isn't there. Since you say he is weaker in language based activities, I am wondering if there is a learning disorder other than ADHD. Have you ever had him tested? Are there subjects he finds easier or has an interest in? My daughter is geered to science and math since her LD problems cause less of a problem. Ideally, he should find something that truly interests him before tackling four years of college.</p>

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<p>I agree with Cami's comments.</p>

<p>Definitely test him and see what is going on. Maybe with accomodations or medication he could really improve his grades senior year and show the schools that it was the disability causing the earlier GPA. </p>

<p>We went through this about two and a half years ago. My S has ADD and also had a correctable visual issue. We did a year of major support from home & school with no meds, and it did not really help the grades.</p>

<p>My son went from a 2.6 last year to a 3.6 this year with a very low dose of Ritalin. Last year = me dragging him uphill by the hair; this year = he's doing everything himself with no problem. He's like your son re: strengths. His writing used to be weak, but is a strength now-- with meds, he is finally willing to settle down and organize his thoughts!</p>

<p>There are some great schools that will take a 2.95 kid with a 31 ACT. I personally suggest finding one with an "open curriculum" so that he can focus on the things he really enjoys. (My son could sometimes get A's in the classes that he really LIKED even before meds.)</p>

<p>Check out the "Colleges That Change Lives" by Loren Pope for some ideas about good schools that are more forgiving on GPA.</p>

<p>If he doesn't feel ready for college or if you think he could gain admission to somewhere more suitable for him with a little more "polishing," consider a Gap Year. It would just give him one more year to show improvement and success.</p>

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<p>My son was diagnosed with adhd when he was in middle School.....started meds in 8th grade.....very helpful with concentration.....but his 2.95 is with meds.....I did not get my act together wth an IEP in middle school.....because the school said he was doing too well....I know I should have been more proactive.....we tried many things.....but he still is very lax with the home work..... He gets A's in Photo, Honors Spanish, Drama, Speech,</p>

<p>he does better with honors classes but not significantly.........</p>

<p>the current GPA is partly from a 2 week suspension last year......</p>

<p>i want to make sure that if he needs an IEP in college or even senior year that that is handled....our other issue is that dad has cancer, stage 4 and has for 3 years ....so we have lots of issues</p>

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<p>It sounds like your son has made great strides...that is great that he is settling down and succeding.....gives me hope.....</p>

<p>Last year was much harder on my son, grounding, signed sheets from guidance, having to wake him up every morning with great difficulty...
it was a terrible year for many reasond......</p>

<p>This year, he is up on time every morning with his alarm....never a problem -
very independent....so what happened ??? meds are always taken....</p>

<p>he drives to school this year, he has an old blazer suv ....he enjoys that freedom....he has a girl friend....that has improved his psyche.....</p>

<p>but the home work is still a problem.................and his EC's have dropped way off.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
want to make sure that if he needs an IEP in college

[/quote]
</p>

<p>There are no IEPs in college.</p>

<p><a href="http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>If you need an IEP or 504 plan for your son while he is still in high school you need to immediately contact the school and request an evaluation. You should marshall all the information you have to present to the school supporting your belief that your son has a disability.</p>

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<p>First, applause to you for reaching out for advice to help your son despite the stress that you're under with your husband's illness. I wish the best for you and your family.,</p>

<p>As the ADD mom of an ADHD and ADD S and an ADHD son, my advice is to make sure that you allow your S to do the majority of work to search for and apply to colleges.</p>

<p>If you end up doing the majority of this work, that will be a giant hint that your S is not ready to leave the nest to go away to college.</p>

<p>I made that mistake with older son: Searched for colleges for him, structured his time so that he got his applications done and in well before deadline, kept track of the follow-up mail from college, made sure that he applied for merit aid to be able to afford the colleges of his choice (all of which happened to be 1,000 or more miles away). What a big mistake!</p>

<p>S did get into his top choices, and happily went far away to a college that he loved that also had given him virtually a full ride. (As is the case with your S, this S had sky high tests, low grades, hardly studied.). </p>

<p>The college offered accommodations, which S refused to take because he was convinced that he lacked ADHD (despite the fact that when he chose to take meds, he had gotten wonderful grades in school).</p>

<p>Anyway, bottom line is he flunked out of college and several years later, hasn't gone back. In college, he had been wonderfully organized with his academically-oriented EC, and even won a regional award for his work there. However, he didn't go to classes, do papers or take exams. Despite being offered organizational help by the college, S didn't bother to follow-up.</p>

<p>I learned important lessons from that.</p>

<p>I helped younger S (ADD, smart, high scores, mediocre grades) look for colleges, but did not organize his applications.As the deadlines loomed, he announced he would take a gap year, and does have a structured plan for this involving continuing with an EC that he has productively done for 4 years.</p>

<p>He said he wanted to do this EC away from home, and there are excellent programs for this EC, but he didn't apply although I did let him know about those programs.</p>

<p>He does, however ,have opportunities in our hometown to do this, and people eager to employ him. So, it looks like he'll live at home next year, which will give him more of a chance to mature and learn how to organize himself while he also does some good things with his EC (As is the case with ADD/ADHD folks, he does an excellent job of staying on top of activities that greatly interest him).</p>

<p>So the bottom line is: Don't take over your S's college application process. If he seems to need you to structure his time and to figure out where he should apply, that's a big signal that he's not ready to leave the nest</p>

<p>. Better to have him living at home and commuting to a college (even if that college is not as good as where his scores could gain him entrance) or spending a year at home doing a productive gap year than being a college drop out who's living on his own and who thinks that it's the rest of the world, not him, who has organizational problems.</p>

<p>Hugs to you! Welcome to CC, which I think you'll continue to find a valuable support and resource.I also suggest that you post over on the Parents' Forum where there are a lot of wise, supportive adults who can give you additional information.</p>

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<p>Northstarmom has great perspective on this; I feel I can benefit from her advice as well. NSM: Thank you for your candor; we can all learn a great deal from your experiences.</p>

<p>A ray of hope: my H has severe ADD, never medicated; has had periods of 1.5 GPA, graduated in bottom 1% of class from college, etc-- but as an adult is EXTREMELY successful in his chosen field. He just had to find his "bliss." He is hyper organized now and very responsible. A real Felix Unger.</p>

<p>I find with my son sports = huge help to general attitude/happiness and working for $ is very motivating for him. I insist that he does sports each term now as it is clearly a big emotional boost.</p>

<p>My main concern is that he could wind up at a college that, due to easiness, causes him to tune out altogether (a likely result of being under-stimulated.) OTOH I do not want to boost him into a place that he can't sustain on his own.</p>

<p>What a puzzle!</p>

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<p>what a lovely message....I am enjoying this forum immensely...I do not feel alone & surrounded by friends & relatives with perfect high acheiving children..........</p>

<p>you are right about doing everything for my son I need to back off.......he just told me he will go to art school no matter what & would like to handle the financing himself...he feels he will apply himself if he is paying...........where did this come from..........</p>

<p>My parents desperately wanted me to go to a nice womans college in boston where I received a full scholarship...............but I fell in love with Mass College of Art...........so i ended up paying for most of College myself which was very tough.............I still don't know if i made the right decision..........
my how history repeats itself.............yikes..........................</p>

<p>again thanks for your kind words>>!!!</p>

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<p>very interesting re: your husband ...is he in sales???.................</p>

<p>sports are wonderful....for attitude etc.....unfortunately my son had trouble with motor skills early on during little league, soccer & swim team..... took alot of teasing for being slow..........</p>

<p>he has caught up now.....but still shies away from team sports....bummer...</p>

<p>pretty good golfer.....when he feels like it.....</p>

<p>thanks for the kind words!!</p>

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<p>I would definitely suggest a small LAC type school with a good advising policy.</p>

<p>He still has some time to boost his grades as much as possible. I hope that you can get him to boost his gpa as much as possible so that he can apply to a good school.</p>

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<p>H is a writer.</p>

<p>Has your son ever seen an eye doctor skilled in vision therapy and functional assessments? The motor skills thing is related.</p>

<p>My other son without ADD had myriad vision problems (as did my H). However, vision therapy really helped. Basically my S's eyes did not coordinate with eachother, did not move smoothly, did not change focal distance smoothly etc.</p>

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<p>interesting........who does that kind of eye testing.....?</p>

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<p>Like Northstar's s , my son doesn't think he needs any accomodations....
he takes his meds and realizes he functions better with them... at this point the thought of an IEP or anything else leaves him cold.</p>

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<p>yes....I think he is getting that message from me & many of his teachers.</p>

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<p>that is a good point...though my son wants no part of an IEP or 504.....I wrestle with all of this...</p>

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<p>The kind of eye testing you need is from an optometrist with a specialty in vision therapy. Google "vision therapy" and you will get to an institute that lists optometrists by area.</p>

<p>Some of the signals that you may see:</p>

<p>moves head to & fro when reading
uses finger to keep place while reading
if no finger, will lose place or skip a line when reading
suffers from car sickness
poor hand-eye coordination (catching ball, etc)
terrible handwriting
fatigue or headaches when reading, doing homework
poor at conceptual math (like can't add & subtract "in head"</p>

<p>There are others but I can't remember them all...</p>

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<p>All good suggestions by others here! One word of caution....even if tested and deemed to have a "disability" the determining factor in getting an IEP or a 504 plan is actual academic performance. The deciding (or at least is supposed to be) factor is not whether the student could "do better" with services, it is does the child "need" special services to learn. I think that it is pretty certain he could do better, but with a "B" average it is obviuos he is learning.</p>

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<p>csdad, I think they also look for a big gap between intellectual level and performance level. For example, a 2.95 GPA coupled with a 160 IQ might warrant the IEP / 504.</p>

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<p>I wonder if any parents have any experience or anecdotes to offer with regards to ADD kids and entering the military. I know that they can't be on meds, but does anyone recommend or not recommend entering the service?</p>