As we all know, at most only one or two kids from a school get into each top school. How do kids adjust to live in new city, new school, competitive environment and new living quarters without a single familiar face?
They meet a lot of people who are there in college and who also don’t know any one. So every one is interested in meeting others. The entire situation is designed to facilitate getting to know new people and getting comfortable with the new school.
Most students will likely never see any familiar faces unless they actively seek them out or it is a super tiny, local school.
I went to our state U with literally hundreds of students from my high school. Didn’t see anyone I recognized until long after I was settled.
In other words, this is very common and certainly not limited to elite schools.
I’m speaking as a Texas resident, most of our kids go to UT, UTD, A&M, SMU, Baylor, TCU, UNT,UH, UTA, community colleges. OOS majority opts for neighboring states like Oklahoma, Arkansas etc. Most kids find out about who else from their school, district or neighboring district is going to same college as them and request to share dwelling with them.
For entering freshman, just about all your class mates are simultaneously adjusting to living in new city, new school, competitive environment and new living quarters without a single familiar face.
Schools typically organize an orientation with some kind of ice breaker event right when new students move in.
I typed out a whole response, and then I realized that I may have misinterpreted your question. We went through this at an OOS school that does not accept many kids from OOS. Our HS had 3 acceptances over a 4 year period. It can be hard initially as these OOS kids do not have the familiar faces that often serve to be a source of comfort at first. It can be hard because these OOS kids are so used to being the “big fish,” and suddenly nobody knows them.
These kids quickly adapt and become just as involved as they were in high school. They join clubs, get involved in campus activities and events, get to know their professors, and…suddenly they love their new school.
There are also a LOT of activities designed to bring new freshmen together.
Schools usually have great freshman orientation programs to help the kids meet /make new friends and transition smoothly.
I interpreted the question as more, how do kids going to a top school that’s far away adjust to the combination of being far away from home, with all new people, and then also suddenly being a small fish in a big pond and in a much more academically challenging environment?
My S did this - most of the kids from his HS, if they go to college, attend a nearby state school, and choose to room with friends. My S went very far away to an out-of-state private LAC that no one had ever heard of. He was the only person from our state in his class. Freshman year he met 2 other students (other classes) that were from the same state, but different cities.
He was a little homesick at first, wondered if he should have stayed closer to home.
He’s graduating at the end of the month. I asked him last year if he had to do it over again, if he’d make the same choice. He said absolutely. He’s really sad that his undergraduate years are ending. He’s had a fabulous education, made great friends, and is so happy he made the choice to venture far from home.
Why do you think this only happens at “elite schools”?
We live in an area where a lot of kids attend our “top” state school, but the same number of kids (about 15-20) also attend schools such as UDel, UMD-CP, Penn State, etc. There are not as many attending schools such as Michigan State, Alabama, etc. There may be 1-2 attending those schools each year. I think the adjustment to these schools is probably similar to the “elite,” given the same number (1-2 kids) may attend. There are few familiar faces. So, as @thumper1 suggested, this is not limited to the “elite schools,” but rather, to any school where few kids from home may attend.
@twogirls I think OP is asking about the COMBINATION of a new environment far from home and the academic challenge/competition that would be more present at too schools.
@mountaingoats yes I think you are right.
No, I think OP assumes that at non-elite schools, kids will have more of their high school buddies to help them with the transition. It’s an understandable assumption, but in reality, most of the big publics that attract local kids in large numbers are themselves so large, that kids are unlikely to have much contact with their high school friends. So their adjustment is like everyone else’s: one day at a time, by getting to know their roommates, classmates and club/sport participants.
Many of our brightest students go to our state flagship, 30 minutes away and the largest single campus in the country (or 2nd, depending on the year). And I am continually amazed at how they find each other. They room together as frosh, later rent houses together. It’s possible to avoid your HS classmates but at least here they seem to prefer not to. I don’t know how that feels for kids who go there from out of state and don’t have a friend group in place - it’s so large that they probably do fine.
My kid went far away where she knew no one and the thing that’s been key is that most other kids there don’t know anyone either, so they’re all very open to making friends, especially at the beginning of the year. The school had lots of orientation social stuff and dorm-based social activities and of course kids meet in clubs and classes and such as well.
The competitive environment…well, again, everyone is going through that at an elite school. I daresay kids are going through it at less elite schools too, just because college level work is often different than HS work. At the (very few) elite schools I am firsthand familiar with, there is a lot of support for academic struggles, it finds you if you need it even if you don’t go seek it out. I’ll guess that probably doesn’t happen at the flagship so that may make things even more challenging.
Interesting, @OHMomof2 – in my state – Colorado – many kids end up at the state flagship, Boulder. But it’s almost a badge of honor NOT to hang out with your high school friends. The idea being, that if you have to go to school 45 minutes up the road, then at least you should hang out with a whole new group of people.
In my experience, the people that held on to high school ties had the most difficult time socializing in college.
My kids’ friends all scattered for high school except for the contingent that went to NYU. As others have said the many ice breaker events at freshman orientation helped them find new friends. My oldest had far more compatible friends in college than he ever did in high school. He doesn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school. Younger son still gets together with lots of his high school friends many of whom have come back to the area to work and quite a few who worked summers.
Both of my kids went to college without any friends and it worked out well. Expect a social adjustment period until they find their “group” at college (can happen immediately or take a month or so) and a bit of an academic adjustment period until they get used to the demands of college work. But that is all part of the growth experience of going to college.
My nephew goes to school in Boulder and about half his friends are from high school (or his sports teams) and the other half are new. The one person who he is not friends with is his freshman roommate. He decided to try for a random roommate assignment, got a kid from another local school and they had nothing in common at all.
My niece, his sister, went to a smaller school 1000 miles away. Her roommate was her BFF from high school. She knew at least 15 people from high school or other metro high schools. They in turn knew a lot of upperclassmen. They met many new friends, but that original core, all from the same metro area, stayed strong.