My S’18 will be going away to his first summer precollege experience and I would like to make sure I cover all bases with my advice, suggestions and comments to him. Anything that you can share would be appreciated. This is especially true if it is based on your experience with your own child attending precollege program. Anything good, bad or just plain things to watch out for would be helpful in my framing my suggestions to him.
Tell him to have fun! My S had a blast at his and made friends with whom he still keeps in contact. Make sure he does his laundry at whatever interval he needs to (and knows how). How far is he going and for how long?
D has been to four summer precollege programs and got something valuable, but different from each one. She found out that some subjects of study that she thought she’d like she didn’t (so glad she found out BEFORE college) and discovered a love for lab work that was completely unexpected. She’s gained confidence in her abilities, but she’s also learned that it’s okay not to be the smartest person in the room. She’s met new people and made lasting friendships. Successfully completing four precollege sessions has prepared her well for college this fall.
We expected the precollege experiences to be enrichment learning rather than acceleration or advancement, and I can say that our expectations were met every summer she went away. I do think that the main benefits from our POV have been emotional and social rather than academic. But we’re perfectly okay with that.
Thanks for the suggestions. @cameron121 he will be about 45 minutes away and it will be for four weeks. Honestly, I think I am the one that needs the advice and suggestions as to how to handle him being away! I’ve already told him to call, text or face time each day but we will see how that goes… Was your S good about keeping in touch? I have heard stories from friends whose son’s go away and are not the best at communicating.
What’s a “First Summer Precollege Experience”?
My daughter is at a precollege program now. She’s across the country. This was her first time flying alone and her first time in an environment not knowing anyone. She’s quiet but not shy but it takes her awhile to get to know people. That said, she had dinner with 4 girls from her dorm last night and hung out with them until curfew.
She started her class today. She texted that she loved the teacher, the material was interesting and she had lunch with girls from class.
I am hoping that this experience gives her confidence that she can be successful in a new environment and that it will help her determine how far away she wants to go to college. Right now, she is considering schools across the country as well as schools instate.
She is only doing a week long course. She originally wanted a two week course as there are many opportunities over the weekends. But she is having surgery so she was unable to go for two weeks. This was the only week that fit into her schedule.
One piece of advice that we’ve given both kids is to spend money to keep safe: Do not hesitate to call a cab if they find themselves in a sketchy situation. Leave anywhere that feels unsafe. If friends are in danger, protect them too. They have an automatic ‘no questions asked’ from the parental unit, if they feel they need to do something to be safe or be a good friend - they just have to say to us, ‘I needed to leave. Please don’t ask me anything else.’ It has rarely happened, but when it’s come up, we were glad they knew that they had a choice.
I tell my kids not to do anything they don’t want to appear on the front page of a newspaper, or on unwanted social media.
You might want to give up on the daily communication idea, but obviously your call. When my son went away the first time, I think I went a week without hearing from him. I wasn’t happy, but he was 
Thanks all for sharing your experiences and the suggestions.
@Justonedad the precollege programs vary but they are basically a way for students to experience college life over a summer. They are offered in various disciplines and students stay on campus.
My ds did summer programs for four consecutive years. As a general rule, the older they are, the more freedom they have to go off campus, etc. I would basically tell him to make sure he follows the rules of the program and stays with his group. For some reason, my dh felt compelled to tell ds not to do any gambling??? No idea why - makes me think dh might have gotten taken in a card game at a young age. Lol!
I agree with everything @EllieMom said. The experience of living away from home in a dorm setting, learning how to do laundry, going into situations where you know no one were all huge confidence builders for my ds. I think all his experiences helped prepare him for college.
The separation will likely be harder on you than it is on him. I think a daily check-in is a wee bit excessive. Maybe start off with that for the first couple of days, but then back off from that requirement. Depending on the type of program, he is likely pretty well-supervised, and you would be contacted if something were dire. Ds is our only, so we enjoyed more couple time and some long weekend trips while he was gone to his programs.
I hope your ds loves it!
DS has done many years of precollege experiences.
- If he does not know how to now, remind him how to get up by himself with an alarm clock.
- Make sure that he knows how to do his laundry.
- Remind him not to experiment with alcohol or drugs; if this makes you feel uncomfortable, then remind him to not do anything illegal or “wrong”
- Remind him to learn lots and that some of the things that he does or learns in this pre-college might be listed on his college application
- If he gets a good connection with any of his instructors, have him ask for a letter of recommendation from them before he leave.
- Make sure that he always travels in pairs or groups; remind him to stay safe.
- I asked that DS text or call me at a few times per week because I wanted to hear about all of the fun stuff they were doing. Asking for texting every day might not happen, but I guess it depends on the kid; especially if you are paying.
I was surprised to learn (after the fact) that my DS did have his first pot experience at a presummer college program (before Sr yr) and this was at an arts college. Also, my DS has been taught to sort his laundry by whites, darks, medium colors and reds and other students thought he was crazy and taught him to put everything together and wash in cold (before Fr yr). Also, one of my DS program was across the country. I calculated how much a cab ride should cost from airport to dorm and if the fare was ringing up too high that he should point out to the cab driver that the fare should be closer to XX amount.
@YoHoYoHo Ok now you are scaring me with the pot experience story - but I guess I should not be so naive! These were the types of things I was imagining would take place which will of course take place in college too so this is their preparation. Thanks for your honesty and sharing.
OP, I had similar concerns that you raise in your post before we dropped D off. We had a text from her the next morning, and then almost nothing thereafter. She had an amazing experience, loved every minute, and still keeps in touch with friends she made there. And it gave me the opportunity to stop being a helicopter parent for a while!
Sorry OP, haven’t been on in a few days - don’t expect frequent communication from your son - we had to threaten him to eventually have a call with us once a week or so. The bottom line is that he did have a good time, he took two interesting classes and met some like-minded people. Gotta cut the cord at some point, summer pre-college is a good test.
"I’ve already told him to call, text or face time each day but we will see how that goes… " - Ditch that expectation. It will only cause you pain. Get him to agree to return any text with a “?” (question mark). When it’s been many days w/o word, send a “Doing OK?” text. Also ask him to do a “Sunday Heartbeat Call” or email or skype.
I would say the less he calls the better he integrates. Plan something special for you while he’s gone, and use this as “practice” for an emptier nest
The nest is going to be emptier pretty soon, try and end enjoy these last short moments with your “child” before he becomes a “man”
Personally with my first, I know it sounds stupid… 
I just started to miss the little kid I used to take to grade school. So what I did was this - I went to this game site (http://www.whoseturnnow.com/games-1/iq-games) and bought lots of games we used to play when he was younger. He hated it LOL but it gave me some great memories…
Josh–I still drag out games when kids and us get together.
OP- A text of “How’s things?” and a reply of “Good” or KK (cause thats only two letters) or one emoji is probably all you’ll get. But it works. The better it is the less you’ll hear.
Thanks to all for helping to keep me in “check” about my communication expectations and cord cutting. So the funny thing is that I will not be an empty nester as I started the clock over and still have an 8 year old. D’XX (will have to figure her year out sometime soon!), more than anyone, is looking for this time alone with me! Hence, she will be certain to keep me occupied when I don’t get the daily response from S’18.