<p>At Spring Break, S (a freshman) informed me that he had a summer job lined up OOS and would only be in town for a short visit at the very beginning and end of the summer break.</p>
<p>I'm ecstatic (and slightly saddened). Standing on his own--Yeah. </p>
<p>I asked if our father-son adventure trip was still on for right before college resumes next fall. Yep.</p>
<p>I like this a lot better now that he is calling more of his own shots.</p>
<p>WHAT's your thoughts/experience?</p>
<p>My D will be coming back home (far as I know!). I look forward to having her, but am also expecting her to be home and REALLY missing her friends/"family" at school. It's one thing to come home for a weekend or a week of break, but 14 weeks of no college friends (pretty much) is a LONG time. </p>
<p>I'm going to encourage her to visit friends out of town whenever possible so she stays connected. And doesn't get tired of us. : )</p>
<p>The summer at home between my freshman and sophomore year of college was perhaps the worst summer of my life, and convinced me that I never wanted to visit my parents again for more than a couple weeks.</p>
<p>I told my daughter that. She came home for that summer anyway. It was the worst summer of her life so far. She will never come back to her childhood home for more than a couple weeks. Her younger brother isn't planning to spend that summer at home.</p>
<p>Now . . . what does it all mean? One uncomfortable, unhappy summer may be a small price to pay as insurance against a more prolonged "visit" after college ends. Still, I think your son is doing the right thing.</p>
<p>I think I am getting about 3 weeks- all spread out and basically to deposit clothes and belongings and then to ship it all back...I couldn't be happier for her!!!</p>
<p>I encouraged my kids to find something interesting/educational/enriching/fun to do each summer. They have different interests but have had great experiences - scientific research at their school or other places; an archeological dig; working at an African AIDS clinic - that not only added to their education but made them more interesting people, who, pragmatically, were more attractive scholarship and grad school candidates. The one summer D came home and worked was her "worst" summer. Once they fly the nest it's hard on the kids and the parents to have them return for a prolonged period of time. And, in my opinion, that's the way it should be!</p>
<p>Both my sons are doing at least a partial summer term, and my oldest has done this from the start. They are usually home for a few days to a couple of weeks at a time, and that's about right for us.</p>
<p>Given the freedom and lack of family rules and expectations (no classes? sleep 'til 2-3 in the afternoon!) it's VERY hard to have this quasi-adult back at home. I say quasi, despite the age, because the ADULTS who come and visit us 1) don't make big messes, 2) clean them up if they do, 3) keep normal hours, 4) let us know when they'll be back if they go out (so we can plan on meals, etc.) 5) have conversations, etc.,etc.</p>
<p>I have no problem with the my house/my rules philosophy. But I really don't want to discuss why grown people get out of bed before 2 in the afternoon, even if they don't have something scheduled to do. I don't want to have drag myself out of my bedroom on a work night to remind someone that I can HEAR the TV in the family room at 3 am, even if it's turned down low. </p>
<p>A few days, OK. All summer? </p>
<p>AARGH. My oldest is going to apply for some local, unpaid internships in our town. If he gets one (yay!) he'll be staying here for an entire semester (yikes!!!). We'll have to work some stuff out FOR SURE.</p>
<p>I was about to start a thread on this topic, but somebody beat me to it. My son will be home in three weeks for a long four month break. He plans on working two jobs to make a lot of money during his time off. There have been issues in the past about his coming home late and not telling us where he is going. I realize that since he has been on his own for the past eight months it will be very difficult to have him home for such a long period of time. Can any of you give me advice on how to get through this without pulling my hair out?!!! He is looking forward to coming home to see his friends, so working away from home for the summer isn't an option at this point.</p>
<p>
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**Can any of you give me advice on how to get through this without pulling my hair out?!!!
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**
The question becomes how much is your hair worth to you? My recommendation is to always seek sublet and dorm options locally. He can
then make his own life, still see buddies, see your family and eat with you when you offer the invitation. Just my recommendation. This is really a money question.</p>
<p>Rather than "I'm the parent and you're the child.......," I TRY to discuss the common courtesy that people show when they are staying in ANY home. Not sleeping all day and letting folks know when you'll return is common courtesy. Cleaning up your messes etc., ditto. </p>
<p>The worst is the night owl hours. They really have no clue why it should bother us that they live like vampires. It's tough. No great solution. But ultimately they need to appreciate the fact that they are living rent-free with free board. If they can't compromise a little, then I agree with the "find a dorm" advice above.</p>
<p>My d's coming home for the summer. She may hate it. But there's a simple issue: money. We can't afford to pay for her living expenses anywhere else but at home (unless of course she doesn't want us to pay next year's tuition!). There are no choices involved here. She may have to do the same over the next 3 summers, too.</p>
<p>My daughter will be home for about 2 weeks before leaving for a job much further away than her college as a staff member on a service/mission type organization (repairing homes) she has volunteered on as a HS student. Before she was a volunteer for a week each summer - now she will be an employee and there for almost 3 months. Long, tiring hours but a reasonable stipend and room (the floor of a school or some other public building probably) and board included. I hope they have actual showers wherever she ends up - on the volunteer sessions she has had experience of outdoor showers with black plastic between her and the outside world - fun for a week - but 3 months :rolleyes: . I am kind of sad she will not be home but am thrilled for her as she really wanted this. Plus I think she would have been climbing the walls. I think it will be an enormous growing experience for her. Ton of responsibility that she simply has never encountered before. Then she will be back for a little less than 2 weeks before school restarts - though I would not be surprised if she moves back a little earlier to get settled into her apartment. </p>
<p>I know she would go stir crazy if she was home for the whole summer. A couple of her friends are coming home and doing a couple of classes at the local(ish) CC. I actually strongly feel she needs a bit of a mental break so discouraged that idea.</p>
<p>I am Sad and happy at the same time I guess. I had better get used to it as her plans for the future include study abroad and possibly the peace corps.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I TRY to discuss the common courtesy that people show when they are staying in ANY home. Not sleeping all day and letting folks know when you'll return is common courtesy. Cleaning up your messes etc., ditto.
[/quote]
Completely agree with mom2three. I had the common courtesy talk with my daughter and pointed out that her Dad and I do not disappear off without letting each other or her (when she is home) know when we might be returning. That seemed to 'click' So now when she is home she will call and let us know if she decides to go to her friends after a late movie. In fact I think she is better about it than when she was younger.</p>
<p>Summer plans are a bit up in the air, but it looks like freshman son will take up a professor's offer to stay in town and do full time research with him. I had hoped to have him at home this summer because--well, just because! If he can't line up interesting, relevant work here, however (and it doesn't look like it is going to happen), then I will not object.</p>
<p>Most of his friends will not be coming home, either.</p>
<p>I had actually hoped to teach him how to cook a bit. My husband informs me that son already knows how to cook Boy Scout style, and that should suffice. Yuck.</p>
<p>Freshman son will be coming home this summer to do research with a professor at our local university who he took a course from while in high school. But he warned us that this will most probably be the last summer he spends with us!</p>
<p>I have seen several ways to get around the expense of not living at home, but still living in town. </p>
<p>One girl made a deal with a family friend to exchange free rooming at the friend's home for occassional child sitting with the friend's 2 kids. The girl worked during the day and sat with the kids in the evening when the mom wanted a break. </p>
<p>I know one male who lived in free with an older couple for yard work and handyman chores. I've even known of families of high school friends "exchanging" their kids as college students for the summer since the kids seemed to act like an adult when not living in their own parent's home.</p>
<p>Creativity could surely come up with more ideas.</p>
<p>We sent our son to Peru the summer after his freshman year in a Spanish immersion program and will send him to Brazil this year for Portuguese. It is an expensive option, both because you pay for the program and he doesn't earn any money, but I don't think either of us would be happy for him to be home for more than a week or two visit. </p>
<p>He worked like a dog summers in high school and has a lot saved. The summer before college he was a life guard during the day and busboy at Ruth's Chris at night, so put in 80 hour weeks. He deserves some fun now as the 80 hour weeks will probably be back soon enough when he graduates.</p>
<p>He did earn 6 credit hours and became fluent in Spanish last year, so we felt it was well worth it. He expects to do a semester abroad in Brazil his senior year and hopes to work in Brazil upon graduation, so I think this summer will be a good investment as well. Also, as an engineering major it is hard to fit language classes in during the regular school year.</p>
<p>When my son's here, I miss my car. When my car's here, I miss my son.</p>
<p>Mom of 3 - My husband will think I am posting under some odd screen name since we only have 2 kids. Your discussion of "quasi" adult was almost identical to my rant to him after our DD returned to school after spring break (I actually used the word "pseudo", but the text was the same :). </p>
<p>Yes, if another adult stayed at our house (for free) they would conform to our time schedule and be part of the rhythm of the household. One day I told her I would take her to the mall and do a little shopping - but we had to get there early. She was ready by 1 in the afternoon, and she seemed to think that was early. </p>
<p>We are sending her for a summer study abroad program to an eastern european country for five weeks. She will be working before and after she leaves, so I hope that makes the time manageable. </p>
<p>What I want to know is where I can sign up DD for the all-summer habitat/home repair program for next year - oooh, that sounds great, swimcatsmom. Honestly, I want her to have one really tough job before she graduates from college.</p>
<p>By the way - to veteran parents: do they start to act more like REAL adults each year?</p>
<p>eli- my D who is in grad school is acting quite adult and mature these days. When that D was an undergrad, her younger sisters complained that oldest D would come home for breaks for a day or so and then spend the rest of her time gone with friends. This spring break, another UG DD was here for about 2 days of the 10 day spring break, off with friends the rest of the time- she does not recall complaining when her sister did the same!</p>
<p>07DAD, yes, there may be some creative ways to get over the expenses. However, for that kind of thing, it's in her lap to come up with those creative ways. If she can tell me that it won't cost me an arm and a leg, I'll be happy to entertain any options she has! But to pay for her to live away from home to work in the mall? I don't think so.</p>
<p>I may be naive, but my husband and I are both looking forward to having D home with us for four months. We missed her so much this year (she was a freshman 400 miles away). So far she has an unpaid internship lined up for two days a week, and she's looking for a paying job to fill in so that she can make a little money. As long as she's busy, I don't think we'll have a problem getting along. We should all revist this thread in September! </p>
<p>I do believe in "my house, my rules." I don't care how old she is!</p>