Advice on being Mellow Mom during Unifieds

College Majors Musical Theater Major
1

<p>Well, it is “hell week” as my D calls it.<br>
NCSA on Friday. (SF)
Juilliard on Saturday. (SF)
NYU and CCM on Sunday (LA)
CMU on Monday.(LA)
Then the following Saturday, UCLA. (LA of course… her Dad is giving her a tour of the campus too… he’s an alum… Not everyone can go to Cal Berkeley… :slight_smile: </p>

<p>So, I need to channel the great gods and goddesses of CC once more.</p>

<p>I want to help, not hinder, my D who has worked what little hind end she has off getting ready for this.</p>

<p>But as I’m sure you parents understand, we parents often say the wrong thing. (Example: “You know the odds of getting into the “x” school are astronomical and you are already in Emerson’s BFA Acting program, so just relax.”) Bad idea. Trust me. I learned the hard way.</p>

<p>So, advice, suggestions welcome to preserve harmony in our household.</p>

<li><p>What to say when she doesn’t get a call back to Juilliard (read above example.) THIS IS MY BIGGEST FEAR. I have to pick her up after this disappointment, put her on a plane to LA and get her pumped up for a much more possible shot - NYU-- the very next day. My D DOES NOT think she will get into Juilliard. She is not that presumptuous. She just wants that first call back. I think she thinks it will somehow let her know she is on the right track. But I think even this call back is an astronomical shot. And I fear her disappointment. On the other hand, since she got into Emerson BFA Acting Early Action, I think she may actually have a shot at NYU Tisch. I know these two schools share a lot of admittees, especially early action ones like my D. I need to get her pumped back up for NYU the next morning 600 miles away after not getting this unlikely call back. And, honestly, I have to say JUST THE RIGHT THING when a lifelong dream of Juilliard for this beautiful and talented child ends. Help.</p></li>
<li><p>What to say when she feels she blew a monologue or hit a sour note on her 16 bars for NCSA. This could cause any actor to slide.</p></li>
<li><p>What to say when she starts saying she had a mystical experience at an audition and they said she was brilliant, etc., etc. Here’s where I worry that she is thinking she got into someplace, but I know that lots of kids think that and then are disappointed. I am cynical. I prefer to assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised. She says this is not healthy way of living. She is probably right. Eh…I’m old. She had this experience at Emerson and was right. She also had this experience at CalArts, but we don’t know yet. She cannot possibly have this experience every time…</p></li>
<li><p>What to say when she does start doubting herself… Let me make one thing clear. I really do feel, deep in my soul, that this kid has the raw talent and beauty and drive to do this acting thing. I have told her this. She also has realistic expectations of what this acting thing is. (i.e. not Angelina Jolie, but instead Khandis Chappelle.) I, however, think I cannot trust the colleges to make the right decision. But when she starts doubting herself in this exhausting process, what do I say to give her just that boost?</p></li>
<li><p>What to do when she doesn’t have the energy for this rather grueling experience? Any old tricks? Things that always work to build up that energy? </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Any last minute advice is good and welcome. I’m an amateur and honestly, all I really want is for her to have a good experience and be happy and proud of what she does this weekend. That’s what matters.</p>

<p>We are outta here on Thursday.</p>

<p>I’ll fill y’all in when we get back… </p>

<p>Chrissy</p>

2

<p>chrissy...your last paragraph says it all. Just tell her that! Think about what this economy is like and what people are going thru. Best of luck this weekend!</p>

3

<p>I think what you'll find is that she will bounce back if she gets some "no thank yous". As
far as what you should do as a Mom. Is tell her how wonderful, talented...etc. she is, smile alot, give hugs where needed, make sure she eats right and drinks lots of water. Keep the list of things to pack, take, print, fold, staple.....tell her how wonderful, talented.... You get the idea, just help and support and LISTEN. And GOOD LUCK to her and you.</p>

4

<p>One sentence of relative consolation that I have seen to work wonders is the simple "things happen for a reason" and "I know you did your best". While it may seem that this falls short, and as parents we are keen on offering extensive emotional support, the truth is that to continue to be your D's biggest cheerleader with a genuine perspective without re-hashing the odds over and over again (we all know those) tends to be all they really need. </p>

<p>After her audition of the day is done, let your D do most of the talking, be attentive, but refrain from asking too many questions "but did you do this?" or "what did they say then?" etc. Just be there, be "jolly" and help her (if she wants you to) to get ready for the next day. Hang in there, this week too shall pass :D</p>

<p>I will be thinking of you ;)!</p>

5

<p>My son was more than disconsolate after failing to be called back by his #1 choice school after his very first audition. Talking on the phone to a supportive teacher who is familiar with his abilities helped a lot. Not that he bounced back immediately, of course, but I know he took her words to heart.</p>

<p>After a bad couple of days, he rallied.....determined to get out there and "show them" at the rest of his auditions. He said he actually felt strengthened by having gone through the dark time.</p>

<p>One thing that helped was that the disappointing first audition was an on-site one, with three days between it and the unifieds.</p>

<p>Your daughter's setting off for more auditions the very next day could be tough, but the excitement of travel can be a tonic. I am sure your daughter is a trouper who has performed/auditioned right through adversity before, and she will certainly be able to do so again.</p>

<p>One thing I can say.....it's probably far better that she's getting on a plane rather than driving around in the family car. ;-)</p>

<p>I wonder how many kids have had fender benders the day after negative callback decisions?</p>

<p>Best of luck to you and your daughter, Chrissy.</p>

6

<p>chrissyblu, one thing to maybe gently emphasize to your D is that she should NOT use getting a callback at Juilliard as ANY kind of a yardstick to whether she is on the"right track." The Juilliard yardstick is not, to be honest, an accurate measure of either her talent or whether she will get into other programs. I know a number of hugely talented kids who did not get callbacks at Juilliard and got into top programs, from CMU and NCSA to NYU, Minnesota/Guthrie, CCM, DePaul, Purchase and so on. </p>

<p>Others may disagree, but I think every kid should go into his or her Juilliard audition thinking "It's one more day that I get to do what I love to do, which is act. If the fates are with me and I get a callback, that's great. But I don't expect to. I am doing this for the experience."</p>

<p>Your D also should remember that Juilliard does not take very many kids right out of high school. Yes, they take some, but not many. Last year, two of my D's friends (one girl, one guy) got all the way to the big weekend callback in March and did not get in. One of these kids had starred on the West End and had some amazing recommendations from very famous people in theater/musical theater. </p>

<p>Please encourage your daughter to be very philosophical about Juilliard. It's really the only way to go into that audition. And if she does not get a callback, she will have plenty of company! The day my D was there, they called back something like four kids out of about 100 who auditioned. It was actually a very pleasant time after the list went up, because people all stood around, chatting and visiting, and what's more, that was the moment when all the musical theater kids kind of came out of hiding and began to talk about their upcoming MT auditions. </p>

<p>Best of luck to you and your D, chrissyblu. Your D is doing just great. Your job is just to remind her of that and be there to tell her you are proud of her.</p>

7

<p>Actually -- what worked for me was this: my D got an early turn-down from one of her favorite schools. I was so disappointed that I ranted and raved about what idiots they were to turn down such a monumental talent! She then laughed at me and sort of shrugged the whole thing off. (LOL)</p>

<p>Seriously, I'm not suggesting that you try that technique! But the lesson to be learned is -- be supportive, give them a shoulder to cry on, and try not to offer too many criticisms. (It's hard for me as a mom, because I'm also a coach.) Your kids will survive this process better if you interfere only when absolutely necessary.</p>

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<p>Chrissyblu - your daughter is obviously very talented and will have many choices. Last year my daughter auditioned for all the same schools except Emerson and CCM and we had a very similiar schedule in SF and LA. She had such a great experience will all the auditors and I know your daughter will too! </p>

<p>One thing I did learn (after being scolded the first time I did it) was NOT to ask her how it went when she walked out the door - I let her tell me on her time. And if she seemed she didn't want to talk about it, I changed the subject to something fun like clothes... In our hotel room we indulged in room service and pay for view movies. And she did make friendships during those audition days that are still very much part of her life today. It really is an intense wonderful few days and your daughter will be energized until the very end.</p>

<p>All in all my daughter got into 11 of the 14 schools she auditioned for and she found the decision of choosing the right school much harder than the audition. She did make the first round callbacks at Juilliard, but Kathy Hood told us there were many, many college graduates auditioning last year and honestly she looked so young compared to the kids in room auditioning I know she would not have been happy there.</p>

<p>I will be at the SF Hilton on Friday morning at the BU audition and at the USC audition in the afternoon with my the young lady I am coaching this year. PM if you would like to meet. With the exception of CCM your daughter and my student are audtioning for the same schools and it might be fun for them!</p>

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<p>I love it when my parents just listen. I don't need or want them to say a word, if they seem like they care that's more than enough. :) I appreciate an, "I'm sorry," far more than unsolicited advice!!</p>

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<p>I think every child is different and you probably know yours better than anyone. Some need to be pumped up. Some need to be calmed down. Some need to be reminded of reality. I'm big on what Mtgrlsmom said - a reminder that everything happens for a reason and for the best and it's going to all end up perfect. I know my D kept expressing how much $$ the auditions were costing and she seemed to have this big burden she put on herself that it was not all for nothing. That was one I could take care of. I saw a visible reduction in stress when I shrugged off the cost and told her we were just having fun vacationing around the country and not to worry about it.</p>

11

<p>You are all the best. You made me cry....</p>

<p>I will keep all your kind words in my heart this weekend...</p>

<p>Actingmom... I'll message you my number so we can meet. We are staying at the hotel.</p>

12

<p>Hoosiermom makes an EXCELLENT point. My dad reminds me repeatedly how much this is all costing him. It's quite the burden.</p>

13

<p>As I look back on the audition track we did last year, I remember that I learned a lot about my son in the trips we took together. I agree that listening is the best thing you can do, as well as assure them not to worry about the little things. Be the right hand man (woman). Part pack mule, part alarm clock, part assistant, part road warrior, part cheerleader, or whatever else they need so they can concentrate on what they are there for. Remember to keep it light, find things to do or talk about that are totally unrelated. Make sure they get enough sleep. Make sure all the plans are taken care of so there are no last minute surprises if possible, and when that freak storm comes up or your plane is cancelled, don't freak out, just handle it as if you were totally ready for it anyway. Make it a great experience no matter what the outcome is.</p>

14

<p>Ninny - This is just a horrid year in this nation financially and a lot of people are tense. It's about all they keep talking about on the news - layoffs, etc. So Dad is probably just venting some of this. Maybe next time he says that you can throw your arms around his neck and say something like "I know Dad...thank you for believing in me" Because actually Ninny that is what he is doing.</p>

15

<p>Personally when I have gotten rejected, I dont like to speak of it afterwords. I tell my mom, and then that's it. Why discuss it more if its already a done deal? I have done all my auditions alone this year ( I'm a transfer and I'm 21) I see all these girls fighting with their mothers when they say the slightest thing, example : "honey do you need your headshot" "YES MOM I HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". From my perspective, we are nervous and on edge, in a strange place, around people we are trying to beat out for spots, chances are, any words you utter will be wrong. But when you take us to dinner that night, all will be well. Just let us say what we say, and dont get on our case if we get....rude for lack of a better word.</p>

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<p>chrissy - </p>

<p>I was at Chicago Unifieds this week with many of the students I coach. In Chicago, Juilliard called back 3-5 people each day out of the many they saw (not sure of the exact numbers, but I am guessing 30-40 auditioned each day). I tell you this so that if your D doesn't get a callback, you can talk percentages with her - even for that very first callback, the % of people asked to be there is tiny tiny tiny. And like NotMamaRose says, it is in NO way a gauge of potential - Juilliard has very specific things it wants, just like many of the top schools. Although one of my students was called back by Juilliard, another who is equally gifted was not - but the next day, she was offered admission in the room at her audition for another top acting program! Why? Clearly she "fit" there but not at Juilliard. And like people have already pointed out, Juilliard takes predominantly students who are NOT right out of high school. So there you go - more anecdotes and facts to add to your arsenal if you would need to comfort your daughter - but here's hoping she DOES get a callback!</p>

17

<p>My dd auditioned at Juilliard in NY last week and her name was not on the list for the afternoon callback. However, they did ask her back in the room after she left and put her through the paces...her song and extra monologues. She felt like they liked her, she did great, and that they really got to see her potential...and she wasn't the right fit. She loved the audition and did not feel any rejection...she had already decided from chatting with the current students that she is too young and "too Pollyanna". I don't think ANY of these college auditions should be used to gauge talent...only to guage fit. And, let's face it, our actors are auditioning the schools as much as the schools are auditioning them!</p>

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<p>I hope this information helps some people, as it's info we did NOT know last year when my D auditioned at Juilliard. We were not aware that Juilliard predominately takes students already finished with college, which has been referenced on this thread. My D auditioned at Juilliard as her last audition, pretty much on a lark because we were already going to be in NYC. We were told at the parents gathering that there were 100 people auditioning in the morning and 100 in the afternoon. There was even the daughter of a famous actress auditioning that day, I know because the actress was sitting next to me in the parent meeting. They called back 10 people from the AM session and 4 from the PM session. My D did get a call back. Only 4 people were in high school. There were 2 graduates of Columbia University and 2 British girls who were RADA graduates in the call backs. Another woman was about 30. My D enjoyed the callback experience, which with the arrival time and actual audition, was 7 hours long. But she knew it wasn't for her after talking with several current students while she waited. She ended up in NYC at a different program that she likes very much. It just helps to stay positive and trust me, everything does happen for a reason. D got into 3 schools and waitlisted at 2 schools. She ended up where she was supposed to be.</p>

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<p>What got me through last year was faith, pure and simple. At one college visit, I picked up a plaque with a verse from Jeremiah on it: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" This became my mantra and let me be calm and supportive of my D. At auditions I carried bags, ran for snacks, and did whatever I could to keep the atmosphere postive and upbeat. And there WAS a plan for my D, a far more wonderful plan than I could ever have imagined! GOOD LUCK.</p>

20

<p>Hi, All. We are back, and no, she did not get the call back and yes, she is alive and well. I was so proud of how she handle it. There were 28 kids auditioning in the morning at S.F. Only 2 were called back. They rejected a guy who was a grad student and had already been called back by UCSD for its grad program which is one of the most prestigious in the country. After that, it was kind "huh? What would you like?" She knew right away that the vibe wasn't there, before they even told everyone in her group "no go." My D is pretty good and picking up on these things. </p>

<p>However, she picked herself up, dusted herself off and went right back at it. Her NYU, CCM and CMU (and NCSA before Juilliard) auditions were all fabulous. </p>

<p>At NCSA, she was surprised by the questions they asked. This was the first time she was ever questioned about the scope and depth of her training. They wanted details about the La Jolla Playhouse Conservatory, her school Conservatory, etc.., what she trained, how she trained, etc. She had never been questioned on that before. We aren't really certain why they asked these things. And they loved her voice, laughed at her humorous monologue and liked her dramatic monologue.</p>

<p>At NYU, well, that was the best. I'll say she had an exceptional comment made and leave it at that.</p>

<p>At CCM, did you know they videotape you? My D moves when she does her monologues, so she had to adjust, but he was very interested in her resume, and made some very positive comments to her. And yes, he wrote down on her resume that she was awarded a Cincinnatus Scholarship.... so mention it if you got one!</p>

<p>At CMU, she shuttled, which from what I understand is a must. She was asked to do five monologues for each of the adjudicators AND sing (she is not doing MT). She received some wonderful compliments about her talent, her voice, her headshot and her general appearance from both adjudicators.</p>

<p>She has decided that whatever happens, she did everything she could and she won't worry about it anymore. She now just has to figure out how to cut one monologue down to a minute and a half for UCLA next saturday.</p>

<p>But I did learn many, many things, both from all of you and from my own observations about this experience. So, I'm going to start a new thread about what I have learned for the parents and kids in the class of 2014 and so on....... look for it and please add your input.</p>

<p>And once more, thanks. She did call her coach after Juilliard. I did just listen. I also did show just the right amount of "anger" at those "people." I mixed and match all the advice, and it seemed to work well. :)</p>