Advice On My Circumstances

Paying for College
21

This is all so weird. If your parents have no jobs, where does the money come from? Do they accept aid for themselves, but just wont let you get free lunch? Do you buy lunch? Where did the money come from for your APs and dual enrollment?
See the other post. Sometimes the money seems to come out of no where. I assume it is relatives. We are on foodstamps. I forgot about that. Sometimes I only get one meal a day. I get into really bad arguments with my mom about it sometimes. My mom would just say it was covered everytime I said to get it reduced through guidance! It freaks me out constantly!

When do you turn 18?
Feb 1st.

The counselor always going to your parents is also weird. Find someone else at your school who will respect your situation. A vice principal or someone suggested psychologist maybe.
Ok. I will try when school is in session. Thank you for the advice.

22

Around here, dual enrollment courses are paid for by the HS. Don’t know if that is true for OP or not.
They are paid for (most of the time) by the school. I dont know where this comment stems from as I have a problem with the college transfer agreement rather than my school with this. Sorry if I sound rude or ignorant. I dont understand.

Lots of unanswered questions in this OP. Hoping the poster comes back and answers at least some of them.
Getting through it.

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I was the person that originally asked (about the DE course fees) and no you don’t sound rude or ignorant. I only brought it up because at our school we have to pay for DE courses, so I was confused where your money was coming from to pay for DE classes and AP tests.

24

I can offer some insight to other posters on CC based on my experience with a young man we mentored. At the high school he attended (in NJ) he was considered a minor in the eyes of the school even after he turned 18 (6 months before graduation). This meant he could not sign himself out of school, any changes he made to his schedule, any college communications etc. went thru his parents. (things were different in the 80s, we could sign ourselves out at 18)

He was having extreme problems (emotional abuse, not allowing him to get a job, throwing out his college acceptance letters, enforcing a 7PM curfew on an honors student with no drug/alcohol use, removal of internet/phone access, bugs added to his phone/internet etc). This was just the tip of the iceberg.

**This sounds accurate to me beside the phone, but with my parents other times they will not come home especially my mom. I cant talk to my father without being yelled at for either not being good enough or making mistakes. It hurts so much.

I may have doubted him had he not being on Skype with my daughter when some of these conversations with his parents happened. I had firsthand interactions with the parents as well, plus what my own eyes were showing me. In his case, the parents are both receiving government assistance in the form of SS Disability, and I believe the change in attitude toward him had something to do with them not getting money for him after he turned 18. They also have mental health issues.

**My parents dont have mental issues other than both being abused when they were growing up. Which, if this is mental abuse or fits there, than why? Why would they do this to me?

We decided to get involved, and this is when we found out that even though he was 18, he was considered a minor. Yes, the guidance counselor called his mother. No, the GC really was of no help, and plainly stated her fear (real or imagined I don’t know) that the school could get sued if they interfered, and since the abuse was not physical it was “he said she said” and she wouldn’t do anything. It was so incredibly frustrating and mind
blowing. Of course since he was a minor, we were not allowed to talk with the GC without his parents’ permission.

**It reminds me of elementary school. I was so afriad of my father that I told my teacher and she didn’t believe me. That’s why I am anonymous about this because I know I won’t be believed. I just want advice since I have to take care of this myself.

**I remember when I got into a physical altercation with my mother years ago, I was told not to report because it would hurt the family. I dont want to hurt my family. I just need to get away.

My point in sharing this is that some parents just suck beyond belief. In fact, because it is so beyond belief that people don’t believe(who would do this to their own child? Who punishes a kid after they win a big scholarship?! these people did!)

We were lucky that our mentee had a gym/health teacher who saw the impact it was clearly having on him and agreed to write a letter that supported the dependency overrride we got him. Too often though I think these type of students are not believed, and are afraid to really reach out for fear of repercussion from their parents.It is not something a lot of us can wrap our heads around, but sadly and heartbreakingly, it does happen.

** But see there are so many of us at my school. Treated like this. My friend is gay and his parent’s are super religious. One of my friends gets cursed out everytime she gets below an advanced score. She’s 2nd/3rd and it’s not good enough for her parents.

*** Plus I am considered one of the happiest people in the school (because at school I am happy which is why I initially want to go into teaching). I uncontrollable cry once or more a year and cant function. I was at guidance when this happened once and nothing happened.

** I dont know how to tell people about mg situation and pain anymore. It just seems . . . Hopeless.

My advice to the OP is to cultivate teachers and friends parents to get support. Eventually you are likely going to have to do as our mentee did and move out in order to improve your situation. You will need documentation and letters in order to apply to college as an independent student, so I suggest strongly that you start moving toward that now.

I have wanted to move out but how? I dont have money. I don’t have experience. It’s feels like I was born in a black hole. My friends parents are just like mine. That’s probably why we are friends.

Thank you for the response. It helped to at least know that you believe me and have experience with the situation.

25

You will turn 18, and then you can get a basic federal student loan without a parent signature. However, it is going to be hard to get any financial aid if your parents do not fill out their part of the FAFSA. The parents financial info is typically required for students under age 24, and a basic student loan might cover tuition at Richard Bland but not room and board and living expenses.

I can’t move out. That would be over the other amount someone mentioned. But thank you. At least I can get it at 18.

One way to be free of your parents is to become an emancipated minor: talk to your attorney mentor about that. That way, your parents would not have to file a FAFSA for you to get aid. But, once you are emancipated from them, you will have to have a place to live until you can graduate, get financial aid, and move into a college dorm.

  • I dont know any place like that. I will ask him about this however.

If you are not able to be emancipated before age 18, you will need to find a way to document your situation. Some ideas to consider: Report yourself to a teen crisis line.

How does that work?

Talk to a social worker or maybe a doctor (a doctor has to keep patient confidentiality but also has to report vulnerable minors to child protective services).
I dont go to the doctor unless I get a cold and need a note. My mother is there so that would be hard to do.

Are there any teachers, a different guidance counselor, extended family, parents of your friends at school that might help you? You will need to have some basis for appealing to the school financial aid office for professional judgement that you are independent of your parents and that trying to get the parents’ FAFSA is a waste of time.

They fill it out. At least I think so/seen it. My extended family has reached out (know my father has a temper) to talk about it but no further. They also live far away, but if I can make it to WM or near there I can live with my uncle who is 30 min-40min away from WM. Also, there have been mang deaths in the family and unexpected costs from all sides (fathers). My mothers family doesnt have stable houses or income.

26

I worked in a school. School employees are mandatory reporters to CPS if they even suspect any kind of abuse, and it does not have to be physical…or witnessed. It can be reported only.

It wouldn’t be the first time my school hasn’t done what it is suppose to. We almost lost accreditation multiple times. We dont even have tobacco signs.

Shame on that school counselor. The reality is that she was MORE liable if something had happened if she didn’t report than by not reporting.

I just dont think REPORTING FOR ANYONE happens. Is it because we are a poor school? Old-fashioned? Idk.

In every state I know of, this counselor absolutely was required to report the reported mental abuse.

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27

OK, parents will file the FAFSA - but is that dependent on you living at home and going to a school they approve of? I’m worried that they will not keep it up if you try to get away from them.

Colleges usually have you sign forms to let parents access your financial and educational records. If you do not sign these, your parents cannot find out if you took a loan or have a balance on your financial aid that they could confiscate. (It’s all online these days, no paper mailed to the house in many cases. Or, if the school isn’t fully online, you can change your address to somewhere else.) Signing up for your own bank account will be pretty easy once you get to school. I know you don’t have a driver’s license, but you should work on getting a state ID it will come in handy for building your adult financial life. Usually it’s done with a parent bringing in your social security card and birth certificate to the department of licensing. If you have access to the documents, but your parents are not helping you get the ID, you may need to investigate alternative ways of getting the ID.

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OK, parents will file the FAFSA - but is that dependent on you living at home and going to a school they approve of? I’m worried that they will not keep it up if you try to get away from them.

*I don’t know. I’ve never looked at a college they didn’t already like. It wasn’t my idea at first to go to Richard Bland and stay at home but they said it was for the best and I couldn’t afford anything else anyhow. The only college that I have mentioned that was dismissed was Virginia State University. I honesty don’t know. They might drop it or they might keep going. My Mother really doesn’t want me to move out/become independent.

Colleges usually have you sign forms to let parents access your financial and educational records. If you do not sign these, your parents cannot find out if you took a loan or have a balance on your financial aid that they could confiscate. (It’s all online these days, no paper mailed to the house in many cases. Or, if the school isn’t fully online, you can change your address to somewhere else.)

  • I don’t see that going over too well. Though that is a good idea for the loans.

Signing up for your own bank account will be pretty easy once you get to school. I know you don’t have a driver’s license, but you should work on getting a state ID it will come in handy for building your adult financial life.

  • Actually, I have one of those (a minor one I think), but my mom took the hard copy. How hard would it be to request another? Or is the adult one all together different? It’s good to hear that a bank account will be easy to get. It seemed hard. I just know I need to keep my money away from them.

Usually it’s done with a parent bringing in your social security card and birth certificate to the department of licensing. If you have access to the documents, but your parents are not helping you get the ID, you may need to investigate alternative ways of getting the ID.

Thank you very much!

29

I don’t know how it works in Virginia, but in my state the picture is sideways until you are 21 (legal drinking age). It’s proof of age and identity regardless of whether it was issued to a minor or an adult. You would also have to look up the replacement ID policy for your state. In my state, it would be mailed to your house and not given to you in person (to help prevent identity theft).

I know that trying to become independent is not going to go over too well with your parents. That’s really the crux of the problem: Do you want to (and think you can successfully) muddle along in this household, or do you need to make a full break?

30

Have you considered retaking the ACT?

Would you consider a full ride at an HBCU rather than attend your local community college?

What do you want to study in college?

31

@thumper1 I hear you and that was what I believed too, but it was not at all what happened. The GC felt it was a family disagreement, teen growing pains or whatever, not qualifying in her mind as abuse. Maybe since he was over 18? no idea.

Luckily he is doing very well, has a stable homelife (with us), works 40 hours a week now that school is off, bikes everywhere since he can’t afford a car. He got himself a great (unpaid) research assistance-ship as a freshman, earned a 3.8 GPA in his first year and developed that research into his own funded project for this fall. Very proud of all he has overcome, and thank goodness for Gates Millennium, Horatio Alger, Rowan Merit aid, Pell and NJ TAG money for making it possible for him. Could not find a more worthy person.

32

@TheYellowBiscuit in post #16 you said “Another reason I think they talk so much is to get me to take harder classes” (about your guidance counselor talking to your parents).

Who was trying to get you to take harder classes? Your GC or your parents?

33

@TheYellowBiscuit, at our local high school, a student we know qualified for and received the fee waivers even though they did not do the free lunch app. I believe they just had to show a tax return that proved the family would qualify for free lunch if they filled out the paperwork. Maybe that would work in your case.

Also, I realize there are more pressing issues for you right now, but if you stick with William and Mary as the school you transfer into, please check out all of their transfer requirements. Some courses will not transfer at all if W&M does not offer a course in that subject (one example that comes to mind is Engineering). My son transferred to W&M from UVA, and several courses did not transfer over or did not transfer fully (e.g., he would get 2 of the 3 hours of credit). Make sure you follow the guaranteed transfer steps to the letter so that you transition smoothly:).

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FYI The College of William and Mary is not particularly generous to low income students

https://projects.propublica.org/colleges/schools/college-of-william-and-mary

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William and Mary meets full need for instate students. @AroundHere

36

IF your GC has a relationship with your parents (since they talk), talk to your GC about educating your parents on filling out the lunch forms and the benefits that you will get if they fill out the form; Free Testing for the SAT/ACT/applications, free filing of the CSS profile (which you will need in order to get aid)

While your parents may feel embarrassed or may not want others to know about their financial situation, perhaps your counselor can also explain how it will be affordable if you are accepted

37

"I don’t know how it works in Virginia, but in my state the picture is sideways until you are 21 (legal drinking age). It’s proof of age and identity regardless of whether it was issued to a minor or an adult. You would also have to look up the replacement ID policy for your state. In my state, it would be mailed to your house and not given to you in person (to help prevent identity theft).

I know that trying to become independent is not going to go over too well with your parents. That’s really the crux of the problem: Do you want to (and think you can successfully) muddle along in this household, or do you need to make a full break?"

  • I don't know. I don't see either being possible. I wanted to leave completely at 18, but without money I can't afford anything. That's why I am trying to push through though it seems I will be stuck here the rest of my life due to the whole family situation.
38

“Have you considered retaking the ACT?”
Yes. But a five or more point seems impossible/unreasonable.

“Would you consider a full ride at an HBCU rather than attend your local community college?”

  • I thought about it, but VSU (haven’t looked at others) is a place where my parents dont want me to apply. The college itself also seems to be going through a melt down.

“What do you want to study in college?”
Double (claimed to be very doable last time I looked) at william and mary or mary Washington. My Majors in History* and English. Leaving me with terrible job prospects, but it’s the only things I am really good at.
Believe me, if I was good at math (a struggle for me to understand and one of the reason my standard test sores are so low) I would love to major in computer science or economics/finance, (much more marketability and demand) but I have a serious issue with math that I cant (even after all this time) overcome. I guess it’s nature. Idk. I wish I could program and understand (I watch ppl on the robotics team do it and even tried to get help learning). I loved economics in school, but I don’t know if I can withstand all the math requirements.

*I might switch history for a foreign language as I want to teach overseas before going to law. At least that is/was the plan.

39

Thank you for all the responses/help.

40

"@TheYellowBiscuit in post #16 you said “Another reason I think they talk so much is to get me to take harder classes” (about your guidance counselor talking to your parents).

Who was trying to get you to take harder classes? Your GC or your parents?"

  • Guidance Counselor and later parents. I remember not wanting to take AP World (had all history requirements and it would count as elective) but even though it was a full class and ppl who wanted it with the same schedule as me didnt get it, I did. I had problems with the teacher and tried to drop but he always told me I couldn't get into college without that class. So I stayed thinking I'd regret dropping then. It still wasn't worth it. 30-35 kids/15 took test/ 2 got 4's/ 4-5 got 3/ the rest failed.

I also have wanted to be in slower or less math classes. Yet he kept trying to but me in AP cal/Stat. I have serious issues with math in my opinion (bad foundation-cant do anything without calculator sometimes) and feel like I just get pushed through classes/ it’s all memorization. I got a 98 in pre-cal because all u did was memorize hw and it was the quiz.

He also tried to put me in Ap cal/ stat/ chem all at once. (I shouldn’t even qualify for ap chem). Which would be high intensity out of my strong suit. Especially after getting a B in chem and not getting an adv. Sol score.

And then there is other stuff like this too etc.