ADVICE REQUESTED: Pressing Questions About College and Me!

<p>To marite, JHS, and Nrdsb4: I’m grateful for your consolation, and I absolutely agree that studying 6 hours a day is counterproductive and not fun at all. As a matter of fact, more than two thirds the time, I’m spacing out even when struggling to read attentively. Does that mean I have ADD? One thing is for sure. I can’t focus on anything I’m not passionate about for very long. Anyway, I’ve tried reasoning with my parents about this and they deny giving me time to do anything else for fear that I’ll score poorly…yadda yadda… basically things that don’t concern me. </p>

<p>I also feel a bit guilty for not spending this time to study but to post on CC instead. In essence, I’m deceiving them right behind their backs since they think I’m studying. I feel as if I deserve a slap in the face for doing this, but since I’ve been secretly rebelling for quite a while, maybe I deserve greater punishment?</p>

<p>Hi Dave,</p>

<p>I’m not a parent, but I think I might have some insight.
I’m also the kid of immigrants: but from Russia. They are in many ways similar to your parents…
For most parents, the most important thing is their children’s health, not their college admission results. Studying 6hours a day in the summer is in no way healthy. You have a tough year coming up. You, like me, need to REST. Read, watch TV, run, and waste time. I have seen too many people burn out because they don’t get a break. Summer is break time. Talk to them, tell them that this craziness is impacting you negatively. The SAT isn’t worth a summer.
On another note, you sound like a very interesting person and an excellent writer. What you mentioned about your interests: a math nerd/singer/runner/historian makes me think that you might be happy at a Liberal Arts college. Check out Williams, Amherst, … in New England. A male from Oregon would be in demand… and they are just as prestigious as HYPMS..</p>

<p>IF you have any more questions, feel free to PM.</p>

<p>This whole thing is so sad. Is there anyone who could talk to your parents and tell them that what they’re doing to you is just awful? Look at the guilt they’ve burdened you with – to the point that you feel bad you “haven’t set a good example” to your younger brother. Are you crazy? Any parent would be proud to have you as a son. You are articulate, kind, intelligent and an outstanding performer scholastically. You will be able to do anything you like in life. </p>

<p>Six hours a day studying during the summer (unless you’re part of a summer school program) is unhealthy. Forcing you to become a doctor is awful. Trust me, no one wants to go to a doctor who is just a doctor to please his parents. Is there a counselor or someone else who can introduce a bit of rationality to your parents, as JHS mentioned? That they’re no longer in China, and their beliefs that success only happens if you attend HYPS are completely false?</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>

<p>You do not have ADD. Six hours of study is counterproductive precisely because it makes you lose focus. you need breaks between periods of study; you need downtime to absorb what you’ve been reading. At Harvard, during exam times, the proctors organize study breaks with food. I do a lot of my thinking while doing manual chores such as ironing, doing dishes, etc…</p>

<p>There is a reason why in school, students do not spend 6 hours studying math one day, six hours studying English the next, etc… They cannot absorb all the materials that is thrown at them beyond a certain point. Someone needs to tell your parents about study skills. They need to be told that they are undermining you. And the need to be told that less than perfect scores will not keep you out of HYP. But if all you have to offer to HYP is perfect scores, you won’t get in.</p>

<p>***This is a PM I’ve written to a CCer that I think everyone on this thread should know:</p>

<p>To CCers on this thread:</p>

<p>I’ve made up my mind earlier today and had a well needed one-on-one talk with my parents. It was initiated by the fact that all three of us read in the paper about a girl in my class with terminal leukemia and her imminent death. We began the talk with our perceptions of what the purpose of life were. I said it was to be happy. My parents agreed although they added the fact that one must be rich enough in order to be happy and to keep off the streets (and <em>I</em> thought the implication is that it came from attending a prestigious university). We were denied many materialistic pleasures due to a tight financial situation when we first came to Oregon. Of course, since I’m the only person in the family who still attends a Christian church weekly, I wanted to bring in the gospels of God and what He wants us to do; however, I restrained myself from doing so since this requires faith on both sides if you know what I mean. </p>

<p>So instead, we focused on the newspaper topic about the girl with leukemia and somehow, I connected that topic with my academic record and college. We had a good talk about everything I learned from CC including my showing them the thread I started on CC. At first, I was afraid my parents would smite me for disclosing our family situation over a public forum, but I assured them that our last names and locations have been changed (I’m still known as Dave or David in real life and my previous posts about my circumstance are essentially true). That quieted things down a bit and we really got into the meat of the discussion. </p>

<p>One word: Epiphany!</p>

<p>In the end, I gleaned that I was being overly harsh on my perceptions about my parents and that they are not as strict as I made them out to be on CC. Sure, they want me to do well at school. Sure, they want me to go to HYPS. Sure, they want me to become a doctor and have a great future. But, I realized that they don’t impose these expectations on me any more than other Asian parents or as a matter of fact, any loving and caring parent in the world. I realized that part of the problem was just plain old me. I was being a bit too irrational on myself. I had overly ambitious goals that I subconsciously knew I may fail to accomplish, although I convinced myself that I was capable of reaching these goals. Yet, I wasted so much time convincing myself of this and worrying about that possible failure that I never really concentrated on my studies efficiently or enjoyed myself so that I wouldn’t burn out on my priorities so when cruel reality smote me on the cheek during the past year and this year, I was left thoroughly defeated, despondent, and depressed. Yes, the infallibly audacious Dave has fallen.</p>

<p>Added to all of this, I’m more cynical and pessimistic than the ordinary high school senior, so that might have played a role too. After realizing this, I’ve decided that there was nothing I really needed to worry about, so now I’m going to concentrate solely on raising my cr comprehension skills, spending more time with my family, and going through the college admissions process without being paranoid at all. I’ve even convinced myself that if all of the top students in my class made it to Yale and I only got accepted to the local community college, I would not shed a drop of tear. So, now I guess I’ve to walk the walk now that I’ve talked my talk and begin the path to selfless optimism. </p>

<p>To sum it all up, I couldn’t have done this without you and all the other CCer’s help. Your insightful advice and hopeful consolation have given me renewed hope and gotten rid of some of my vain despairs. I know that I still have a long way to change my attitude into accepting the way I am but I’m well on my way. </p>

<p>As a token of my appreciation, I’d like to keep you all updated on my admissions process since you have expressed interest in that (When the time comes, I’ll start a new thread entitled Eye on Apply: Davezhan version). If everything goes successful, I don’t know how I can repay you for your advice besides a simple thank you, a grateful heart, and a pledge to help others who are in my situation in the future. </p>

<p>Forever Grateful,
Davezhan</p>

<p>I’ve been lurking on this thread and am just a student but it sounds really great that you have connected with your parents about this issue- I can name some friends that are almost exactly like you and its so great that you are more comfortable and happy with yourself now.
You said that you would be happy to go to your CC (and I know of course it was just a leap from Yale, a comparison) but just reminding that there are so many (quality) schools that would give you lots of merit money and want you because you are a great student- and knowledge of a school in the job world is not exactly the same thing as knowledge of a school in day-to-day life.
Best wishes!</p>

<p>So glad to hear this Dave. I actually thought about you last night: a smart, accomplished, articulate young man under sooooo much pressure. Certainly not blaming your parents, because you were obviously putting much of the pressure on yourself.</p>

<p>Keep on trucking! The irony will be when you come back in April saying you got in all of your top 5 schools and you are tortured with making the right choice!!! Good luck.</p>