We would have had less of a problem with our son being home if he didn’t have two dogs. We didn’t rush him and let things run their course, but I’m not going to lie, I was thrilled when he got his new job and started looking for a place. He’s so happy to have flown the nest, but likes to pop over for dinner.
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There is a lot to be said for living on your own before marriage and being independent. I agree everyone is different, but I know people who got married very young, and it can be hard, if say a spouse passes away or they get divorced later on. To each their own, but it is something to think about.
We don’t have set chores, but we expect anyone living in the house to help out. If mom is making dinner, help set the table and do the dishes. Don’t leave a mess in the bathroom. If something needs doing, do it. If Dad asks for help cleaning the rain gutters and you’re just sitting on the couch, get up and help him. If mom asks if you can please mow the lawn, do it. It would be the same if I asked my H if he could take out the garbage or clean the counter…you live in the house, help out.
I think as long as everyone is fine with it, there is no issue with an adult child moving home. I do think it’s a problem if they move home and do nothing but sit on the couch all day. I also don’t think it should be permanent. If a kid is working full time and wants to move home for a little while to build up the savings and they help out with chores and even pays rent to their parents if needed, that is fine.
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There are a fair number of kids who help pay the family bills before graduating from high school. When/if they leave for college or something they worry about how the family, esp siblings, will keep going.
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I lived with my parents for a few years after undergrad so that I could save for a house. I closed on my house right around my 26th birthday.
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S2 moved out at 26 after living with us for three years, and moved to Ukraine. Five years later, he’s still there. He and GF are pretty serious, but haven’t decided where they’d live yet. The spent six weeks here this fall so GF could get a feel for living in the US. We’re in the DC area, so it has always been HCOL, but prices are far worse now than when S2 left.
Part of the reason he moved overseas was the ability to be self-supporting. Rent is MUCH cheaper there (even before the war) – they are paying $425 for a 2 BR apartment in the city. I enjoyed having them here this fall, and would be amenable if they wanted to do the hybrid life, living part of the year here and part in Ukraine. Both are working remotely and it works well for them. Not sure how H would feel about it. GF has lived at home with her mom at various points since she graduated from university, so she has a comfort level with that scenario.
S2 is fun to have around, he’s my sports buddy, and is a terrific travel companion. I’m also very fond of GF. They work really well together.
A long-time friend of ours bought a house and has had four generations living together. He raved about the relationship his now-adult kids developed with their grandparents.
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Vividly remember a student I was working with who worked full-time as well as going to school to help pay the mortgage when her father lost his job.
This put her over the limits for financial aid, which is set up along the quaint notion that anything a student makes is only for paying for school.
She had to drop out.
Do any of you expect, or require, your young adults to pay their way in terms of expenses such as car insurance / health insurance / phone / streaming etc.?
I’m not talking ‘room & board’, which I know is a hornet nest for some!
I don’t have adult children living at home (and don’t expect to, though you never know…), but if I did, I would ask for some sort of financial contribution, simply because I have to. I’m at the point where my priority is preparing for retirement, and the increased expenses of another person in the household would negatively impact that.
I haven’t given much thought to what exactly I’d expect them to pay for, other than some sort of nominal rent–enough to offset increased expenses in food, utilities and the like. I hadn’t considered the various items you mentioned, but that’s a good list! Those things add up quickly.
Of course, this all assumes the kid living at home is able-bodied and working. If they were legitimately unable to work (e.g. serious illness), I’d make the necessary sacrifices, rather than let them live on the streets.
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My DD is only responsible for her personal spending. She’s still on my car insurance and phone plan. Her firm health insurance is free and better than mine, so I’ve taken her off that.
I don’t have any young adults living with me but during Covid in 2020 my DD did for a year and we did not charge her for anything. She is still on our phone plan and even though she makes much more then we combine we would never ask her to share expenses for anything as long as we can afford it
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After grad school I lived at home for about 9 months. I paid for my car insurance, health insurance, and phone (this was before the days of streaming). I can’t remember if I paid monthly “rent” or not, but I do know that if I did, it was all returned to me when I bought my first place. I did not have to help buy food for the household either.
I suspect that if our kid came back to live with us as an able-bodied adult, that we would expect similar financial independence.
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Our oldest son lived with us for 3 years after college. We did not charge him rent and we continued to pay for his car insurance, health insurance, and phone. We wanted him to save up his money so he could launch when he was ready. He got a job a few months ago with a company car, paid insurance, gas, phone, internet… It felt like we won the lottery, lol. We still pay for our 23 year old daughter’s insurance, car, and cell phone, but she otherwise supports herself.
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We charged our daughter rent and then returned it to her on the condition that she fund her new 401k account with it.
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We covered basics for these through college, but after they graduated my kids took them on. When youngest and wife lived with us through Covid they kept paying them. We mainly covered room and board, but also paid if we went somewhere that cost $$, like the movies. Had we not paid, they would not have gone. It was our splurge, not theirs. They allowed themselves one splurge monthly - going out to eat together on the monthly “day” of their wedding anniversary (they picked this tradition up from H and I). They paid for that. The rest of their money they saved to buy their current place or used on some needs if those came up - no wants that I recall.