<p>Anyone with advice re OVs and the alcohol issues?
Our student did an unofficial last year --and the hosts in the suite had a blow-out party... which made our kiddo (a jr) really uncomfortable....</p>
<p>I have heard from parents and kids that its not uncommon for the teams to "show the recruits" a good time...</p>
<p>What if the scholar-athlete isn't a partier/drinker?
How does a recruit handle this without drama and without alienating the team?</p>
<p>No lectures on us being in denial etc...Kiddo is not a drinker and we just want to know how other non-drinker athletes handle this during recruiting OVs</p>
<p>Perhaps this is an oversimplification, but we let the coach know ahead of time that our S was not a big partier and if he wanted to make a good impression and increase the chances of our S attending his school, he’d match him with a kid that didn’t party til he puked. Seemed to work.</p>
<p>I think it becomes awkward when the kid is the only one communicating with the coach regarding the visit and may not be comfortable saying that themselves.</p>
<p>My son ran into a similar situation at different schools. In fact it was the party situation that ruled one school out entirely even thought they wanted him and would give him a slot. He was with his host and they had plans to attend different parties during the night. He just made sure to do a lot of socializing, moving from group to group within the party, no one seemed to notice how much he was (or wasnt) drinking since each group was different. He also knows that he can carry the same cup all night, sometimes watering the plant or grass with it. He knows that a regular coke, with a lime, looks enough like a rum and coke that others will assume what they will. </p>
<p>On one visit, he mentioned that he wasnt drinking, and he became the designated driver when they needed a run to the store, since he wasnt drinking and the other guys were really happy because they could all drink. </p>
<p>As it turns out he selected a school known as a VERY big party school, even though he is not a big drinker. He liked the attitude he encountered which was, are you drinking? Great? Not drinking?? Great… </p>
<p>It’s also ok to let the host know the recruit is ok spending time with another team member or dorm mate if that works better for the host. At one school, the host had a huge exam so he arranged for my son to spend time with his next door neighbor. My son and he hit it off and spent time at the student center with that kids friends. It worked well.</p>
<p>My S had to sign a policy at some schools when I dropped him off that he would not be drinking(or engaging in any illegal activities)as part of the honor code, and it explicitly stated he would NOT be considered for admission if something happened, and at those schools(probably not coincidentally), no alcohol was offered to him.
At another school, he was urged to play beer pong, which he states he did not do, but it was awkward.
I can’t see getting involved myself, but I also don’t think it hurts to ask the coach.</p>
<p>DS drinks very little, and we talked about this question before his 1st OV. He thought he wouldn’t want to drink, knew that according to both the law and NCAA rules he shouldn’t drink, and anticipated that he might find himself at a party with future teammates where he was expected to drink and might want to in order to fit in. He decided that if he were to find himself in that situation, he’d go ahead and just “hold a beer”.</p>
<p>Sure enough, he was taken out for a good time one night. He called me around noon the next day, told me a little about the prior evening, and complained about feeling dehydrated. I’ll never forget his reply when I asked him how much he’d had to drink:</p>
<p>“Dad, remember how I said I might ‘hold a beer’? I think I held three or four.”</p>
<p>Yes, drinking occurs on OVs, and while abstinence might be a good idea, I’d recommend discretion and moderation, and above all, doing nothing the recruit is not comfortable with. If your athlete is made to feel uncomfortable for not drinking, that’s probably a good clue that this isn’t the right team/school for them.</p>
<p>My daughter is anticipating this as well. She doesn’t drink, and I am also not in denial. Will she drink? Probably. But she doesn’t yet.</p>
<p>She has been to enough parties and with enough people who have been drinking that she is not uncomfortable not drinking around the others. The issue will come if they don’t accept her answer, and when we discussed this, I said that I didn’t think having her first drink at an official visit was a really good idea. Of course, I’m not going to lecture her - I imagine she will do what she feels is best. She was told a story of another girl who went and stood around with her arms crossed, and all the girls thought she was a snob.</p>
<p>What a fine line it is. The poor girl was probably just unsure of how to act.</p>
<p>Thanks for the thoughts
Our kiddo went to visit an school last year and the hosts’ party was off the hook!
Kiddo worked out alternative plans that night and went back to the dorm very very late(actually about 2:30am!!) The way the teammates treated the 16 yr old recruits definitley soured kiddo on the school–which is a great school Its a shame.</p>
<p>I hear this is not uncommon.
We just need kiddo to have thought about the 'what if’s" …so kiddo can negotiate this minefield alone (no mom nor dad there to rely on…)
–and yet be confident in the choices.</p>
<p>My son visited quite a few schools last year. There was only one school where the team drank a lot. The guys didn’t mind that DS didn’t drink, but he was still appalled! This was a small D3 school that offered him a full-tuition scholarship, and he declined it - he just couldn’t get over how bad the drinking was.</p>
<p>One parent recently told me that at one school-the coaches dont make offers to the recruits until the team has had a chance to meet, and discuss the recruits/how they fit in etc.
So this drinking thing -and how they approach it can really impact the kids…</p>
<p>My daughter’s friend went on an official visit last weekend and it was one big party weekend. Her host passed out at someone else’s house pretty early in the evening, leaving the kid to fend for herself. Another team member stepped up and hosted her for the night, but it was pretty crazy from what I heard.</p>
<p>My daughter and I have talked about this quite a bit. She does not drink and, no, I am not in denial. She has friends who drink, her cousins drink, but she chooses not to. She has said that if she is offered a drink at an official, that she will politely decline. If she is questioned or chided, she will explain that she is taking medication that she cannot mix with alcohol (true) and will lightheartedly offer to be the designated driver. </p>
<p>I think it is important for the non-drinkers to not appear judgemental and to show that they can have a good time whether they are drinking or not. Teammates are looking for a good fit also and someone they feel comfortable with. Plus, they want to be sure that “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”, know what I mean. If there is a heavy drinking/party culture on the team, it might not be the best fit for our non-drinkers.</p>
<p>I was told by a parent with three collegiate student-athletes in two different sports, one who has hosted recruits for the past three seasons, that the amount of drinking is at its worst early in the school year, when freshman are trying to “fit in”. She also told me that coaches get a full report on the evening activities, and not just from the host. And their are times that the team’s reaction to a recruit can sway the decision one way or the other, especially if there is a toss-up between two recruits.</p>
<p>All good points Fishy–I think kiddo will be handled it similarly to your student.</p>
<p>its not about being judgemental as you know–its just that kiddo is pretty committed to fitness as well as some other pretty strong personal commitments.</p>
<p>well said fishymom, I think that was the point I was trying to make as well - just not drinking should not be the important factor - it’s how they go about it. And I agree - if this is a culture that they’re not comfortable with, or where they don’t fit in … then maybe this is not the right fit for them whether or not they’re wanted there.</p>
<p>Going to be an interesting couple of weeks, aren’t they?</p>
<p>Our DD’s OV schools ran the gambit (D’s 1,2, and 3; public and private, LAC and research oriented) - she saw drinking at all of them, but at none was she expected or pressured to drink. She did go on these trips fully expecting to be exposed to drinking, so she left her “judgemental hat” at home.</p>
<p>When she was brought to drinking parties, she tried to be a good sport and even participated in some of the games with soda instead. She noticed there were always some recruits standing in corners with horrified/judgemental expressions on their faces; she also heard some unkind remarks from team hosts about these “sheltered babies”. </p>
<p>On one OV, team members admitted that they had just recently vetoed a recruit - DD didn’t ask them their specific criteria or who tallied their “votes”. Glad for the info, but pretty sure the details were none of her business.</p>
<p>She got a welcoming vibe from every team she visited even though she didn’t drink because she handled herself in a mature way. Some schools stayed on the list because she was also invited to activities that didn’t involve drinking (concert, intramural flag football game, hanging out in rooms, local restaurant, club meetings, etc.) and she felt confident that drinking was not the only social outlet for team and on campus; she wrote off a few schools (with well-known and respected names here on CC) specifically because she felt that drinking was the main activity on campus and she would have a hard time finding other outlets. </p>
<p>I went on all of these trips to interview coaches in person - stayed out of the way of the visit, but had serious discussions with each coach to judge the character of the team, coaching/training philosophy, expectations, scholarship/slot realities, etc. (DD is under 18, so i am her legal advocate). Coaches never directly said this, but I got the vibe from all of them that they knew the kinds of activities recruits would be exposed to. They are not clueless, they know what their campus culture is.</p>
<p>DD knew what she wanted and what she didn’t want in a campus culture. OV’s were the only way she could see for herself and make an informed decision.</p>
<p>This is all really helpful. Looks like the consensus is to advise the kids to be prepared and be sociable, especially if they choose not to drink.</p>
<p>What’s really helpful about this thread is the description of the various situations/events the kids go to. Since a variety of situations have been described here, it will help my child plan how he might act in any one of them. I find it helps a lot to visualize something and your behavior in advance so that if/when it happens, you’re at least a little bit prepared. (Works in actual competitive situations too.)</p>
<p>Wiggle, I wholeheartedly agree! I think that talking about what ours kids may likely encounter and ways to deal with various situations is very valuable to them. They may roll their eyes and give you the “Oh mom, not again” stuff, but it is worth repeating, in my opinion. Another thing I know that my daughter is looking forward to is having an itinerary of the plans for the weekend. If she knows what to expect, she will feel more comfortable. </p>
<p>For those who may be curious about what happens on these visits, besides drinking haha, for her first OV, she will attend an early afternoon class, tour the facilities and attend practice the first day. The next day she will attend morning practice, meet with coach, and attend a football game that night. She will have breakfast the next morning and then fly home. At least that what they say she will be doing!</p>
<p>If you think your kid might be tempted to party with the big kids while on an OV, it might be good to have a chat about the consequences of getting caught underage drinking while on a trip. Even the savviest kids on campus get busted from time to time, and you do not want your child to be at the party when that happens. Having to deal with campus police, college administration, and their own school’s disciplinary action if something were to happen would be really, really unpleasant, especially this close to end of the road. </p>
<p>I’ve known kids who were caught drinking during senior year (not on OVs) and had their athletic scholarships revoked. Presenting the realities of this to your children before the OV might be enough motivation for them to take the possibly embarrassing stance of declining an invitation. They have too much to lose.</p>
<p>It’s interesting that the NCAA has such strict rules over this and that it’s so rampant even on official visits. If this is so openly discussed in this public forum, do the coaches and NCAA officials really have no idea? Bad as it is, I can see coaches turning a blind eye to team drinking parties. Like it or not, it’s part of college life. But it does surprise me that they allow it with recruits involved; mainly because of the risk of something happening to one of them, but also - you just never know who you can trust.</p>
<p>Incidentally, my daughter texted me from the trip she is on (her first). We had discussed this before she left, and she said that they were having movies and popcorn; maybe they <em>have</em> been reading this thread!!! At any rate, she is having a great time, liking everyone and finding the campus beautiful. But if I know her, she’s going to like every school she visits, unless something goes wrong on one of the trips.</p>
<p>Identical experience for my daughter as wildberry. Just wrapped up her second overnight, likes every school, no drinking although we had discussion to prepare for it. </p>
<p>I’m beginning think the trick is to do OV when your sport is in-season. </p>
<p>Perhaps girls are just more likely to be rule-followers but at the most recent, there was some talk of it being their “dry season” due to the NCAA random testing. The boys who were out of season were drinking but none of the girls who were in-season…</p>
<p>PTMajor - her sport isn’t really ‘in season’ although it never actually goes out – but they’re technically a winter sport…glad to hear your daughter is having good experiences as well. I guess if they don’t like what’s going on at a school, they won’t like it. I think now that she seems to be having this ‘dry’ and low pressure experience (of course, she still has tonight left…hmm) if she goes on one where it gets wild and crazy, that would probably be a deciding factor. (to which end I’m not sure - LOL - just kidding <i hope=“”>)</i></p><i hope=“”>
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