Usually the holidays - Thanksgiving through New Year’s Eve make me sad. I have missed my (admittedly dysfunctional, divorced) extended family. I find DH’s family super-frustrating and without social graces. I don’t mind that day to day, but I really feel it at the holidays.
Since the pandemic, it’s gotten a lot easier. We lost some family members, so I appreciate the ones I’m left a lot more. Since the pandemic we haven’t really resumed holidays with one family branch that caused a lot of stress. We aren’t estranged, but there’s no pressure for us to do a big group thing anymore. Some of their kids are grown up and now they are pulled in different directions. Not having to even discuss the holidays with them lightens my heart.
We became closer with good friend/neighbor family during the pandemic. They were in our bubble. We have a new tradition of hikes together before we split off for family dinners.
My MIL passed away 18 months ago…it’s so easy to make my FIL happy. And it makes me feel REALLY good to take care of him.
My own sister’s kids are 12+ hours away - they were so cute, my heart ached for them at the holidays. Now they are big kids. Great kids! But my yearning to smother them in hugs has abated. A zoom will do.
My fun thing this year is that I decorated my bathroom for Christmas with fairy lights & white candles and Christmas Eve night I’m climbing into a bubble bath with a glass of Prosecco - I miss cookies for Santa and putting together the Barbie dream house, but I think the Xmas bubble bath will be my new tradition!
Your BFF is one wise therapist…it’s just amazing how capable people become (even the lazy, “phone it in”, “I can’t be bothered”, “It’s too hard” people in your life) when the person who has been carrying the entire load sets the burden down by the side of the road and says “your turn!”
Thinking of you and your BFF taking longs walks and discussing the lunatics in your life who can make you feel guilty for not “volunteering” to their satisfaction!!!
Completely can relate to it - with kids grown up and (understandibly rather) enjoying the company of their peers, and everyone else trying to cram in last-minute business tasks before the holidays, I very much don’t get into a holiday spirit at all - if anything, I despise all the extra deadlines and stress it creates, and for disrupting my routines.
Every January I’m frustrated with how little I accomplished in the (supposedly) quiet time of the final week of the year, because I’m just filling in for everyone on every subject.
Totally relate. Since we lost my parents it has been really hard. No grandparents left. Now my daughter is going through a child support issue with the baby’s father. She and her son are living with us and it should be fun with a 2 1/2 year old here but the dad wants to take the baby out of state from the 21st til Jan 3. He is only supposed to have him from Dec 23 evening until Dec 30. There is a court date on the 15th to try to stop the dad from taking him out of state until the custody is determined some time next year. This makes planning hard since my son won’t be home until the 17th. If the baby has to go then we have to have his Christmas rushed early.
What makes me really sad is this is the last Christmas I will have my son home for probably several years. Next year he has already found out that he has clinics over the holiday week and he may not even get to spend his first Christmas married with his new wife because she may also have clinics in another location. Of course this is all far away from us. Then he has internships and residencies after that for several years so may not have Christmas off.
It is only us. My sister is much older and won’t travel to us and my other sister passed away many, many years ago. My husband’s sister spends her holidays with her daughter and children. I miss the days of big fun family holidays. My son is marrying into a large close family so I feel good for him but bad for my daughter and her son who have only us. The baby’s dad is estranged from all his family. I know my daughter is also very depressed this holiday because of all this. Makes it hard to keep upbeat for my grandson and my son who is really looking forward to coming home for the holiday.
Trying to work, keep my daughter’s depression in control, help with my grandson, decorate, and buy all the gifts has me worn down. My husband feels his part is to decorate outside and work, hunt and play golf. It is so hard.
Update from my earlier post: The Houston SIL called us to talk about something completely unrelated to the holidays, and we mentioned to her the Dallas sister’s plan to get together some other time. She was just as skeptical as I was, which was GREAT because sometimes I think dh thinks it’s just me and that I am too rude about his sister. Nope, dude, not just me.