<p>Last year we did Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" in English, and our end-of-the-unit assignment was to write an "Original Chaucer", a piece on anything we wanted written in Chaucerian form. I was just looking for something in my old documents and found mine-- i think its very relevant for CCers! So here it is, just for fun :)</p>
<p>The Applicants Tale</p>
<p>There was a boy not long ago, who came from a town
Quite like this one, with a school of great renown.
He got pretty good grades in many a subject
(Though about math, I would not say he loved it).
Well soon the time came to look for a place
To continue his schooling with a smile on his face,
(And hopefully one that would make his family proud
If it were not prestigious his father would have a cow)
Thus decided the boy, I will go to an Ivy;
(Perhaps then a car my father shall buy me).
Surely nothing less than such a school will do
For it will be impressive (and Ill learn things too)
Thus began the stressed-out boys college search
He went on tour after tour but was left in a lurch,
For his grades werent perfect, of this he was certain.
And at every admissions office, there was a person
Who would say Here, we accept nothing less
Than all As and APs, we want only the best!
Well this was not good, the boy realized
He had many Bs, for which hed be penalized.
The boy did not know what to do (though I wonder why
He was so sure that without an Ivy hed die).
So he just pretended everything was fine
And that his quest would end with the opening line:
Welcome to our school, you could not be better
Qualified to join us here, (an acceptance letter).
So he applied to eight schools, you know the ones,
And not on a single safety did he spend his funds
(For applications cost money, this you should know
Which may not be fair, but thats how it goes).
After the last envelope was sealed, the last stamp stuck,
The addresses written, and the mailbox shut,
The nervous boy could only wait
For a team of strangers to decide his fate.
O Admissions officers, please hear my plea
I must get in, take pity on me,
Thus was his prayer, and he prayed every night
As did thousands of others with the very same plight.
With many the boy discussed his situation
Until everyone at school knew of his infatuation
With Ivies. They talked about him behind his back
Knowing he was screwed, but cutting him some slack
(Please excuse the laymans terms, but dont blame me
Its the boys story, not mine, I just tell what I see).
His peers felt bad for him and his teachers did too
So they tried to keep quiet; this is true.
Everyone whispered, Hes no valedictorian
But as the news spread, it became quite stentorian:
Whats his deal, what a fool, what does he expect?
They asked (and not with the utmost respect).
Soon the boy heard his name being mocked in the halls,
The cafeteria, and even the bathroom stalls.
He was so ashamed for he knew they were right,
Nightmares of rejection kept him up every night.<br>
When winter had ended and spring was quite near
The boy increasedten-foldhis fear,
For soon the letters would start to arrive
And surely his dream would crash and then die.
One day he was crying alone in his room
Knowing the future held nothing but doom
When he heard a strange sound, and an old man appeared
I am an admissions officer, hello my dear
The old man said, in a voice filled with gravel
Ive come a long way, Im tired from my travel,
But I have a proposition you surely should consider
I will make every Ivy accept you, and Im not a kidder.
The boy was not sure if this he could believe,
But without an acceptance he knew he would grieve.
So he said Well, Ive gone nothing to lose,
This may be a rash boon but I cannot refuse.
If this last resort fails I have no other plan,
But if it succeeds, well, Ill be the man.
And so the old officer, with a twinkle in his eye,
Handed the boy an envelope, and without saying why,
Told him to mail it, for although it was blank
Its content would pull him to the top of the rank
The man said Ill be back, with a voice that was sly
And was gone before the boy could ask what was inside.
But the boy did not waste time sitting in confusion
Instead he ran to mail the letter before it seemed an illusion.
He slept well that night for the first time in months
Finally feeling like more than a dunce.
And when he woke up, the mail had arrived
He looked at the pile in his mailbox with surprise
For what did he see, as he gasped in awe?
But eight fat letters, not addressed to his mom
But to him! They were acceptance letters of course,
From all eight Ivies. What a lovely discourse
He received from his father, so exuberant and glad
He had achieved all his goals; he had, he had!
And that day at school, there arose such a commotion
Every teacher and student had been wrong in his notion
That the boy would face some serious rejection
And have to move to the very poor section
Of town. And even the valedictorian was shocked:
She had not fared so well (and for this she was mocked)!
But the boy was so happy; all his dreams were now true;
He bragged to one and all, from the classrooms to the loo.
He barely remembered that rash stipulation
Of which this good fortune was surely a creation.
And so he decided he would go to Harvard U:
The most famous of Ivies (we all know its true).
That night he was ready to pack all his possessions,
His mind free from thoughts of any regressions;
But all of a sudden and without any knockin
The old man (whom the boy had forgotten)
Arrived right there in the middle of the room,
Said, I hope you havent forgotten your very rash boon!
No sir, I have not, the boy quickly lied,
And Ill submit myself gladly. Oh Im filled with such pride!
Thank you, whoever you are, for saving my life
And for keeping me from such a great deal of strife.
Well son, heres the deal, the man said with a grin,
Just remember its all thanks to me you got in
To all of these schools that millions do covet,
And I can see that all the acclaim, well, you love it.
Harvard, I know, is the school that you chose
Which does not surprise me (nor any of us, I suppose).
But here is the stipulation that you previously agreed to
(It is not marriage, believe me, I dont need you),
However, nothing will change it, this you must know
(The boy was anxious; it was starting to show).
The Ivies have all accepted you; this you have learned;
But listen closely (youre about to get burned):
You think you secured your entry to Harvard to-day
But guess what my son, youre going to Mass Bay!
WHAT!? screeched the boy, his face turning green,
Thats Community College! And he started to scream,
I would rather die than go to that place!
Surely you jest! But the old mans face
Showed no sign of jesting, and this was quite clear;
And the boy felt as if hed just sat on a spear.
His dreams were falling apart before his eyes:
Community College? He could not be that guy.
Please, please sir, he sobbed (too late)
What can I do to escape such a fate?
Well son, the man said with a sigh,
You must understand that you will not die
Without an Ivy degree, do you understand why?
College is about learning, not about the name
Not about if your bumper sticker is dripping with fame.
There are many bright students who understand
That Ivy League schools arent the best in the land.
There are many other colleges that will be just as great
And thus an Ivy-less life is not a terrible fate.
Suddenly, the boy looked like he finally knew
What many had told him (but never got through).
He could still have a bright future and a wonderful life
A magnificent job and a beautiful wife
Without a school with a name that everyone knew.
After all, he had not done what hed have to do
To get into a school that expected perfection.
(Its not normal anyway! Thats my own interjection.)
The wise old man smiled and in a quiet voice,
Said, Son, listen closely, now you have a choice
Do you still truly desire to go to Harvard?
The boy laughed and said, Harvard Schmarvard!
Ill be happy anywhere I can learn and be taught
(Except for Mass Bay, though insult it I will not,
I simply feel Ive worked harder than that
I hope youll agree.) The old man tipped his hat,
Yes son, I agree, surely you have,
Now come with me and youll be quite glad
To learn that you have many a choice,
There are so many great colleges, my boy!
So they both walked away, leaving behind
That pile of letters for someone else to find.
The boy was excited to explore every school
He had overlooked before (they were all so cool)!
And never would he forget his newfound knowledge
Regarding anyones application to college:
Its not about prestige, no thats not it;
When choosing a college, its all about fit.</p>