An Exeter Grad's Experience

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>So I haven't posted on this forum in a very, very long time, simply because I think plenty of the stuff posted on here is unfounded. In an effort to perhaps share my experience to those contemplating boarding school, I decided to come back and post this thread. Take what I have to say as you will, but keep in mind all of this is from someone who has gone through Exeter and moved on to college. </p>

<p>So I applied to a few boarding schools during my freshman year, and much to my delight was accepted to Exeter. I immediately filled out the enrollment sheet, even before visiting -- I knew that this is where I wanted to be, but I could not imagine just how difficult it turned out to be. Long story short, Exeter had taken the steady rock that I once was back home and pulverized it into sand. My GPA was a disaster, I felt like I didn't adjust to the environment around me. My advisor said that I performed "as expected" -- "expectedly" mediocre. I seriously thought about not coming back the next year, but I did anyway with a changed perspective. I'm happy to say that my last two years were truly an Exeter experience. I've never worked so hard -- wrote so much in so little time, thought so profoundly in just about every class. I grew and matured faster than I ever imagined, and now I'm quite proud of what I've become. For that, I would recommend anyone even barely contemplating the thought of attending a boarding school to take the plunge and apply -- having gone to college for a full semester now at a top 15 school (non-Ivy, think NW, UChicago, JHU, WashU -- while turning down other Ivies), I can now say that you WILL NOT get the sort of intellectual and engaging learning experience, in addition to the close-knit community and camaraderie, that you would get at a boarding school than just about any college your first few years. As a professor (an Exonian by the way) at my college told me, most freshman and sophomores have to take mass introductory classes -- often "boring, soulless affairs."</p>

<p>I've also learned that the Exeter experience doesn't end after you graduate. This summer, after graduating, with the advice of a local Exonian that I reached out to on the alumni directory, I studied abroad at a competitive school and had an amazing time, worked at his wealth management firm (in an internship where I actually learned key skills and engaged in the sort of discussions that I appreciated so much at Exeter), and researched medical devices. The networking opportunities, if used in the right way to its fullest potential, can rival any top college in the country, hands down -- just take a look at the Wikipedia page, list of alumni from X boarding school. Even if you do go to a "subpar" college, you'll always have this network to back you up -- whether it be to offer you an independent study or internship, or even to offer you advice. Top boarding schools also carry well with other potential employers, and have a name-brand recognition that is easily comparable to the top universities as well. </p>

<p>It disappoints me that people debase Exeter and other prep schools as simply a vehicle to take someone from point A (middle school, suburban middle class society) to point B (the Ivy League), only to attack and call it "a waste of a small fortune" when it doesn't fulfill this "college admissions-crazy" parents mantra. I've began to see that people at these sorts of schools have a better handle on what they'd want to do with their lives, and are better equipped to go out and succeed in the real world. They are the sorts of people that would take the risk to create a start-up, to go out and change the world. That essence, ultimately, is what you're paying for in a school like Exeter. </p>

<p>So I guess my take home point is: take the leap of faith and go for it. Don't worry about your college admissions chances -- those aren't really that important anyway. You have a lot more to gain than to ever lose.</p>

2

<p>I needed to hear all that. Our son talked us into letting him pursue boarding school for high school. Initially it was just Exeter, we knew from nothing else, and this forum has been profoundly helpful in guiding us as we explored a range of schools. His final list of seven applications are to a great mix of ‘Hades’ and hidden gems. I have been secretly hoping he would not be excepted to Exeter as I am so quietly terrified of his rock being pulverized to sand, as you so poignantly phrased it! Your perspective helped me to see that may not be a terrible thing in the end. Thank you for sharing- your words have inspired me to steel myself to let go, so he can take his leap!</p>

3

<p>that’s great to hear. If others have questions, I can check this periodically and answer them.</p>

4

<p>Umm, all the schools feel like that the first semester or two. It’s because no matter how bright the student is, the first year at boarding school is tantamount to going to college early in terms of schedule, rigor, and social (read dorm and living away) adjustments. I remember my D being in tears about being a “fraud” and “not being smart enough” after her first less than desirable grade (still passing) - and she’s at a boarding school that is tough but nurturing. We always offered her the choice to come home, but she refused and stuck with it since it was her decision to go to boarding school, not ours. And has loved every challenging minute of her experience. Will be graduating this year and I have to tell you - I do think college will be easier for her than for her friends coming out of public school. I’m also in touch with a former CC poster who - word for word - describes their experience at boarding school and it is nearly identical to my daughter’s. Completely different schools.</p>

<p>So - I always say - pick the school that is tough but rallies around the student. Makes the landing much easier. But no boarding school is easy - unless it’s the type of school that takes everyone that applies (in which case steer clear).</p>

<p>But if you can get through the first semester and well into the second - most students will settle and begin to think of it as a second home.</p>

5

<p>Hey VK, it’s nice to hear from another 2012 graduate. I was a little disappointed by some of the senior reflections in the 2012 Exonian grad issue. Some people suggested that they would have been better off staying at there home schools and pursuing some other passion, and that they had gained little by coming to Exeter. I suppose this is somewhat how I felt when I was a new upper at Exeter. I think I was just overwhelmed with trying to transition to the much greater workload, and I felt a little lonely too. But by upper spring I was feeling much better. I had found new passions, both academic and extracurricular, that I still continue today. I learned that you can enjoy many disciplines at the same time.</p>

<p>I enjoyed my senior year much more than upper year. I graduated thinking that Exeter was the greatest place, and I would never experience anything so great again. I still feel this way somewhat, and I am definitely thankful that I went there. I sort of wish that I was closer to the members of my graduating class, but I certainly made good friends there. Now I realize that Exeter is not completely perfect, but no school can be and Exeter was good enough for me.</p>

6

<p>My best friend from college (Yale) was summa and a joint BA/MA in economics and then went on to be an editor at the Harvard Law Review–obviously not a dumb bunny. He has always said that while he thought that his education from Yale and Harvard Law were “fine”, <em>everything</em> he knew about thinking came from his four years at the Academy. My D who is at a top NESCAC college which has a reputation as being very difficult academically has found that she could take advanced classes as a freshman because her preparation was so good. And while she did well at Exeter she wasn’t an academic star there. </p>

<p>However, it comes at a price. Of her five best friends as a prep only two graduated with her. the others left, either of their own volition or were “encouraged” to look elsewhere. She certainly was stressed a lot and worked like a dog. So caveat emptor. But as a education it is top of the line–if you are willing to pay the price.</p>

7

<p>One thing about Exeter that disappoints me is that it seems like many people leave, either because they don’t fit in with Exeter life or because they are required to. I think this is unfortunate because many people who are required to leave are amazing students who contribute to the Exeter community but who may have broken a petty rule or two. I would like to see the discipline system reformed a little bit. It also pains me when people leave because of personal reasons; I understand that that is often the best choice, but those students could have been great Exonians, and sometimes they just needed a little more support, which Exeter will hopefully one day adequately provide.</p>

<p>I guess not a LOT of people leave Exeter before graduation, especially compared to other schools, but I feel like some of it could be prevented.</p>

8

<p>I am quite familiar with Exeter. I cannot think of one case of a student who has been required to leave who has broken a ‘petty’ rule. The violations have been serious. The Discipline Committee takes their job extremely seriously, and in many cases have exhibited compassion and leniency that many other schools would not.</p>

9

<p>I echo what liddyb4 said. Nobody who breaks a “petty” rule is required to leave Exeter. The DC does an amazing, thoughtful, and compassionate job evaluating these cases. And, while we are talking about kids and kids do make mistakes, everyone knows the rules and potential consequences going in. Cases involving academic dishonesty and illegal substances are taken very seriously for good reason and, yes, can ultimately involve tough consequences. </p>

<p>Anyhow, it was nice to read your story, vk77. Your candid insights will be helpful to many, I am sure, particularly the point about admissions-crazy parents and Ivy League expectations! I also agree that while Exeter is not a fit for everyone (is anyplace?), it is a uniquely unmatched and exceptional experience for the right kid, one that will benefit him or her in on so many life fronts well after they leave.</p>

10

<p>To the adult eye, it’s true that students are clearly warned about reasons for dismissal. It’s still hard on students, though, when their friends are dismissed for infractions that might not even garner suspension at a public school. I think it’s important to remember that really good kids–school leaders, academic stars-- sometimes do stupid things. The problem in boarding school is that those stupid mistakes can have much more serious consequences than they would at home.</p>

<p>I’m not saying the DC is wrong to do it or that the dismissal isn’t necessary. But I’m also not underestimating how it weighs on the students who leave and the students who are left behind. I don’t think the average 8th grader goes in to boarding school with eyes wide open on how difficult it might be to say no to friends and dormmates who are, say, smoking dope, and then how catastrophic it can be to get kicked out. And the painful truth is that the strict enforcement of rules will never completely deter all teenagers caught up in a particular moment or situation. So I can sympathize with musisat’s perspective even while understanding why those rules must be enforced.</p>

11

<p>Thanks a lot for the candid reflection, vk77 and others. I have a question about EC activities. With so much time devoted to adjusting to the higher workload and new environment, do you have a vastly reduced amount of time for EC activities? The reason I ask is my son, who is applying, devotes a tremendous amount of time to an EC that he loves and is quite accomplished in that activity. We both worry that his EC will have to be compromised at Exeter. I guess it is pretty obvious, just want to hear about your experiences.</p>

12

<p>Honestly, he definitely will have less time to pursue interests outside of the classroom, but the tradeoff varies on what the interest is. I’ve seen kids balance their interests and academics quite well, and others not so much. As for myself, I did pursue some ancillary interests, but the brunt of my work always came from my classes. I will say that once you do graduate, you’re hard-earned time management skills in college will be quite useful in making time for those extracurricular activities.</p>

13

<p>Dear vk77, thanks a lot for your reflection. Not as deep as Mr. Gaztambide-Fernandez’s book, but still very inspiring just few days away from the Decision.</p>

14

<p>Not a problem. I think now more than ever, people need to be realistic with what exactly they’re paying for in a school like Exeter. Although we’ve had traditionally healthy relationships with top colleges – both liberal arts and large universities – I expect our matriculation numbers to diversify significantly over the next few years. I still subscribe to the belief though that college admissions have truly became more holistic, and if individuals can convincingly tell their own unique stories about their lives in a relatable and optimistic way, expressing more than just a few numbers on a page, they will have an easier time gaining admission into some top of the line schools. A place like Exeter really makes you reflect on your past experiences, and what to draw from them and where you’d like to head with your life when applying to these colleges. </p>

<p>A trend I’ve personally noticed is that the people at Exeter who truly achieved high academic standards were the same as the ones who did something profoundly well outside of the classroom, and across multiple disciplines – they were much more well-rounded. In college, I’ve only met a few people like that – most might be good in the classroom, but socially awkward, or really good at one subject, but bad in others, etc. Just something to think about.</p>

15

<p>OP: Thank you for the post! Son is graduating from Exeter this June and headed to a top 25 school- not Ivy or MIT like we had originally hoped. Good to know his Exeter education will serve him well much beyond the admissions game! :)</p>