An unbearable embarrassment to me

<p>I'm a pathetic writer. So I wrote this essay for my college apps. </p>

<p>'A single spotlight ornaments my impeccable shirtless front, as I whip the crowd in a frenzy by playing an
inhuman guitar solo…….so much for dreaming.<br>
Like any other Indian high school student, I emulated American rock stars. Spiked hair, black goggles and
noise pollution made girls go weak in their knees-or so I’d heard- and I could definitely do with some of
that! Hence, when my music teacher asked me to help her found an official school band, I pounced upon
the opportunity.<br>
Being a self-taught guitarist, I was known and appreciated for my unconventional playing style, and had
also been tagged the permanent ‘star’ lead guitarist in school productions and assemblies. However,
sitting down on a stool on stage and brushing ‘em strings dispassionately made a statement so ‘uncool’,
that I would soon have had to resort to unbridled criminality for vengeance’s sake. Now, I had other
plans.
On our first performance, which happened to be outside school in a state-wide competition, I wildly
waved my guitar at the audience and made bat-calls like Axle Rose. However, the wire connecting my
guitar to the speaker, and hence to the audience, came loose in the frenzy. The ensuing embarrassment
is indescribable. A helpful friend solemnly informed me later that the audience had started clapping
even before the performance had ended, so as to shoo us off. I ended all ties with him in retaliation.
In spite of the public humiliation, I found out that it was impossible to dissuade me from ever
performing again; I soon found myself convincing the principal to allow the band to perform in school.
Sensing that the only way to end my passionate tirade was assenting, she nodded her head in
resignation.<br>
On the day of our performance, all of my friends, acquaintances, enemies and strangers- in short the
whole school, blasted me with ‘friendly’ advice about ‘toning down the act’, and shouted down any
protests. The brandishing fists and loud insults seemed quite persuasive, and I decided to play the
mellow guitarist on stage. This was not to happen.
I love playing difficult guitar solos- that’s mainly because then, the spotlight is on me. Moreover, the
echoes of pretty young things cheering for me resound in my temporarily-inflated ego for a long time.
Hence, when the time came for me to play the solo from the song ‘A Brick in the Wall’ by Pink Floyd, in
my excitement to whip up the crowd, I tangled my leg with my guitar wire-the same wire which had
come loose in our memorable fiasco-and dropped like a brick on my knees upon the stage.<br>
I don’t really know what happened next, but I was surprised to find my fingers continuing to bend and
tease the strings, even when the rest of my body was yielded immovable by shock. The audience, which
had stooped forward to register in detail the hilarious details of my faux pas, regained posture in a
disappointed fashion, believing that the fall was just another demonstration of my inability to ‘tone it
down’. Relief flooded through me! In order to continue the act, I soon started rolling on the floor like a slithery python, and then got up to
aim random kicks in the air- all of which were wildly cheered by the audience. I wanted to jump into the
audience, but my Principal’s glare in my direction sealed me to the stage.<br>
After that night’s revelry, I decided to ham up all my future performances. I had succeeded in tiding over
my fear of another faux pas on stage, albeit by accident. Our band went on to win multiple state-wide
trophies. Moreover, all my friends tell me that unlike in real life, I’m a real rock star on stage! On the
contrary, the girls still don’t drool over me. '</p>

<p>I guess I just wanted to emphasize that I'm not the stereotypical Asian nerd, and wanted to flaunt my musical side.....an experiment gone horribly wrong, of course.</p>

<p>I know it's bad. But do you think it'll significantly lower my chance of getting into college?</p>

<p>As for security concerns, I don’t really care. Nobody would be stupid enough to copy that essay :D</p>

<p>I just want you fantastic fellow-applicants to comment on the detrimental effect that this essay has already had on my application. Cheers :)</p>

<p>I kinda like it. It has a lot of personality. Just remember that the point is not to tell an amusing anecdote. The point is to tell us about yourself. Make sure the self-deprecating sense of humor doesn’t overwhelm other things, like your drive, creativity and how you made this sucessful on your own terms. </p>

<p>Some parts could be polished to flow a bit better, but you are hardly a pathetic writer. Don’t hide behind false modesty.</p>

<p>Thanks qialah. But I’ve already given in that essay. So any further modifications are unfeasible.</p>

<p>And I’m not trying to be modest. You could read my other threads to know that. :D</p>

<p>The first time I proof-read my essay, I thought ‘that’s something!’</p>

<p>I re-read it a couple of months later, and thought differently…VERY differently…:)</p>

<p>good overall essay… I wouldn’t call you a pathetic writing by all means, a few screws and bolts are out of place, I like how it has a lot of personality… I would remove this tho so people dont try to run with it</p>

<p>Personality is the right word. Definitely not bad though. Shows who you are, but agree with above; bit too much self depreciation. I wouldn’t worry, may even be a plus point; shows your individuality</p>