For those who know me, you know that I am totally deficient at writing college essays. I’m a good writer, but my writing is mundane and isn’t very expressive of myself. My past two essay attempts were insufficient, so I scrapped them. Now is my third and final attempt, which I really believe is much better than the other two. Of course, now that I only have a week to edit this thing, I better get moving.
Well, anyway. . .here’s my new essay, fresh off the press. Keep two things in mind - this essay is 640 words. Not good, and I’m horrible at cutting things down. Please tell me how I can cut it down without affecting its meaning. Also, I only read it over twice for grammatical mistakes, so I’m sure they’re in there. So yes, criticize away and help out this desparate fool.
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In an instant, the pandemonium subsided and a strange sense of serenity and silence surrounded the scene. She towered over us like a titan and spoke accordingly with an air of authority and wisdom that could only come from her position. From her congratulatory remarks for making it into the National Junior Honor Society to her stress on the importance of the five pillars of the NJHS in our lives to her stern warning for those who dont maintain their excellence, each word she spoke was filled with fervor and fluency. By the end of this former NJHS and current National Honor Society presidents speech at our NJHS induction, I had gained two aspirations to become NHS president and to speak with the same command and passion idealized by this brilliant speaker.
<pre><code>Unfortunately, I was restricted by disadvantages that persisted four years later that would make achieving these dreams a daunting task. I had never been an excellent orator, and I had a slight stutter when I spoke. I also learned that the competition for NHS presidency in past years was little more than a glorified popularity contest, and while I was well respected by my peers, I was still a nerd obsessed with science, math, and technology at the bottom of the school social hierarchy. This absurd caste system wasnt going to dishearten me, however, and I signed up with the mentality that I had nothing to lose. I then found my third disadvantage I was campaigning against two of the most popular, politically adept, and intelligent students in the school. My peers advised me that my odds were slim, and I was even told that I should save myself the trouble and drop out.
However, the only purpose their comments served to make me more zealous in my campaigning efforts. With an undying persistence, I filled the school with carefully constructed ads and addressed my fellow NHS members. However, the most important part of the campaign is the speech that each campaigner must deliver directly preceding the elections. Impassioned, I spent hours upon hours editing and revising my speech. The product was a powerful and persuasive paper that I was finally proud of. I delivered my speech to my closest relatives and friends until I overcame my inabilities in public speaking.
The fateful day came when my schools NHS congregated in the auditorium to elect their officers. Following the speeches of my two opponents, I walked slowly to the podium, hearing some childish laughter in the background. Ignoring it, I finally delivered my long awaited speech. Suddenly, my impediments vanished and I talked in a bold and articulate manner. I addressed my audience with the same conviction and authority as my brilliant muse did all those years back. I implored my audience to consider the importance of the position of president. As opposed to the grandiose but vague promises of my competitors, I made simple and understandable promises. I urged people to vote from the heart and to pick an officer who embodied the pillars of the NHS. I stressed that my fellow members were too individualistic and bright for them to act like sheep and make this another meaningless popularity contest. At the end of my speech, there was a concentrated silence followed by uproarious applause. Content, I smiled slightly and walked off the stage.
The following day, the PA announced the news that I had won the presidency, news that surprised everyone but me. Since then, I have dedicated myself fully to the NHS, hosting programs and being responsible for managing a large group. In the end, perhaps a nerd’s touch is what was the NHS needed I have dedicated time and effort into creating a chapter website to keep our members organized and informed and to eliminate the ridiculous paper bureaucracy our club once revolved upon.
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