<p>Could someone help look over my personal statement? I'm a transfer student and just finished the part that is to be done by transfers and freshmen. It seems good to me, but the more I look at it the more I feel like I'm one of a bunch. Anyways any corrections would be great.</p>
<p>Attaining an excellent education is no easy task, but what happens when boulders of hardships rain down on you beginning with a near-death experience at age 13? Such has been the story of my educational path and the simple answer is that it has extended my dedication of self-actualization to a level previously unknown to me. Unfortunately for me, this course has not been an ever growing one, but instead one with hills and valleys where I fluctuated between lower levels in the hierarchy of needs. Eventually the turbulence in my life did level off, which allowed a steadier route to realizing my academic potential. This didnt occur until I took one of the hardest decisions of my life so far and shaped the persona that characterizes me today.
At 19 years old I was two quarters away from transferring from Heald College, one that had recruited me two years earlier, when I realized that many credits would not transfer the UC system. As a result, I was faced with the decision of either continuing at my local CSU or enduring two additional years at my local community college before transferring to a UC; I chose the latter. The reasoning behind my decision is that I have come to grasp the idea that some people have a gift and should not misuse nor waste, just as Uncle Ben from Spiderman said, With great power comes great responsibility. Another reason is that as a Mexican-American, I have always loved to defy the hurdles that society has placed for me, such as passing Calculus with an A in high school when many doubted my potential.
The event that caused me to think in a more humble manner yet stronger within was an oral surgery at 13 that ended up with one of my main arteries sliced and draining blood out of me faster than could be detained. After this I saw life through different eyes, knowing that it was going to end up well only contingent on Gods plans; this exposed me to perceive how vulnerable we are without each other, since without that doctors expertize I would not be alive today. These motives inclined my decision towards beginning from step one, but this time with the aim at the prestigious UC system so that I can put forth the best of me in an effort to execute my responsibility to the community that has given much to my family and me.
One attribute I am grateful for framing me personally includes concluding those tasks that I begin, whether small or big. I demonstrated this to myself when I recognized Heald College was not the institution that would allow for me to realize my full potential, but still decided to finish before I headed on my newly planned direction. This is an important trait that should allow for me to reach my long-term goal of becoming a Doctor In my chosen field of Business. Throughout the journey to the rooftop of my educational skyscraper I hope to become a role-model to other Latinos that arent as motivated to become educated, as well as my two younger sisters who are already following my lead. With my education I ultimately hope to become an asset not just my friends and family, but to my community as well so that many may profit from my sacrifices.</p>