<p>I know some vocal performance graduates who are able to support their need to travel for auditions because they come from wealthy families; I know others who work a regular job and fit their auditions in between their other work obligations, because they don’t have financial support from their middle class families. I will say that I think the skills that are required to be great in music are ones that apply to any field - diligence, practice, goal oriented, etc. </p>
<p>We like to say that in this country it is a level field when it comes to opportunity, not to rewards. But we all know it is not a level playing field. It isn’t fair, it never was, not anywhere.
We still try to help the situation by improving public education, raising funds for scholarships in the private sector, volunteer-mentoring, and more. Every attempt to make it more fair is both noble and righteous.
But it will never be perfectly fair. It begins with genes, after all. Where’s the level playing-field there?</p>
<p>As parents we struggled and will continue to. We gave a lot of our time, when we couldn’t give $$. I’m sure this is what most middle class parents do.
It is easier for the rich. That’s just the way it is.</p>
<p>I have a daughter choosing to major in theater (and I’ve had people tell me they can’t believe I’m ‘letting’ her do that). Honestly, she’s not that good, has little dance or singing experience. I felt my job in this process was to steer her to a school where she has a chance, that was affordable, and that offered enough for her that if she didn’t/couldn’t continue in theater she’d have a few other choices. She’s an okay student, but hardly driven. She didn’t do the whole audition thing (and I really didn’t even know it existed until reading about it here on CC, and by they she was already set). Now my job is to keep her out of debt. She chose the college wisely, OOS but low tuition. She applied for a department scholarship (audition, and it was a lot of work for her) and at first didn’t get it, but in the end it came through and you would have thought she’d won her first Oscar. She’s had to apply to a few other scholarships, and she intends to apply for an RA position for next year. It’s a balancing act, to be sure, and I hope she can figure out a way to make it work without debt. She won’t be going to NYC for the summer to get experience, or doing summer stock for free - she needs to work.</p>
<p>My other child is going to an engineering school and I don’t worry about her going into debt nearly as much as her sister. Ironically, her COA is a lot less because she’s earned a lot of grants and scholarships, and her internships will probably be good paying. Life isn’t fair. </p>
<p>Both kids had activities and were on teams growing up, but there was no money for private lessons or the top travel teams. Honestly, if there had been, I think they’d both be at different schools now. My engineer is also an athlete, and many of her teammates from her early years were heavily recruited because they also played on travel teams, went to specialty camps, had parents who knew the system and how to get their child recruited. My actress daughter didn’t have any summer theater experiences, no extra training or lessons.</p>
<p>They are both happy with their schools, so I’m not worrying about it.</p>
<p>Redeye, as your daughter is an oboe player, you need to look at this differently than if your daughter played a different instrument. Certainly avoiding debt applies, and I agree with everyone there. If you cannot afford Juilliard, and they are known for being particularly stingy with money, then you will be missing out on one of the top schools for oboe.</p>
<p>Students do attend a public university,say Indiana, then go to Julliard, but I don’t know of any of them who play principal oboe in a major orchestra. Second or assistant principal, yes.</p>
<p>European conservatories are far more affordable. My daughter on saxophone may get her masters at one. But for an oboe player, this means that your daughter cannot get a job in a US orchestra, as she will not learn the “correct” sound in Europe and she will be taught to make reeds completely “incorrectly”. Unless she decides she wants to work in Europe.</p>
<p>Would your daughter be interested in playing in a military band? That she could certainly get. A young man I know plays a brass insrument in a local military band describes the oboe players in his band as “ducks”. In other words, they don’t play oboe well, and a number of them never studied with a private teacher. The military, for all its faults, does prefer to hire musicians of modest or lesser means. This young man will do well in the military bands. He works hard, he’s a really good player, and he will get his masters paid for by the military. He has to do many things he doesn’t like, but that’s what you do when you want to be a professional musician but can’t afford the expensive conservatories.</p>
<p>It is unfortunate that in the US, “child prodigies” are still so valued by the media and others. All of these so-called prodigies are children of the wealthy and people of means. In Europe, there are fewer child prodigy labels, so more people get a chance to make it.</p>
<p>I agree fully that music, and the arts in general, both performing and visual and whatever, are just other fields where the competition to make a paying career out of those activities is very steep. Creative writing, journalism, political science, anthropology…the list goes on, have limited jobs that pay a living wage for those wanting to focus on those subjects in their careers. We all have to be flexible when it comes to what the job market is like. There are times when even lucrative fields dry up, and those working in them have to “turn on a dime” and find other venues to make a decent living. Happens in many of life choices.</p>
<p>The very painful time is that time when it starts becoming clear that living at a certain standard, when the prospects have not panned out, and you want more, and that transition is considered. Very painful and sometimes long in coming. In many ways, i wish my kid were a full flop in his field, because I think he would have given it up by now. The problem comes when one is just successful enough to still be motivated to keep in there when other venues should be sought. It’s not as though it’s always a clear when and how to do this. </p>
<p>Many parents spend years on lessons, conservatory prep, summer programs, and so on, and make ourselves available for driving (in one case I know, flying on weekends!). These efforts are on a sort of linear path upward, with a desired end of being one of the best, and one of those (few) who can support him or herself in music or dance or whatever.</p>
<p>It is important though, I think, not to be too attached to any particular outcome, and to make sure, along the way, that everyone is living in the present, not the future. In other words, stop and make sure everyone in the family would have no regret if the student stopped music, or dance or theater, or whatever, because the value was in the doing, at the time. (This can be hard: sometimes this adjustment is made after the fact!)</p>
<p>The other thing is that there are many ways to “make it” in music, dance etc. There are courses in entrepreneurialism at many conservatories .The Internet has changed the field and ways to market and fundraise. Orchestral music is not the focus for many. There are music non-profits that need staff, and skills learned there are transferable. Etc. And music majors can of course work in any field.</p>
<p>And many ways to study music.</p>
<p>I think the problem being raised in the original post is really a common one: for those who do not qualify for much financial aid, but do not have the money to pay full price easily, debt is a big big issue. This is not particular to music. </p>
<p>
Agreed: and I’d also like to point out that it’s a problem not confined to “artsy” majors. Students studying or graduating with degrees in English, math (except for applied math, but lately I am even hearing grumbling from engineering majors), architecture, history, political science, philosophy–none are immune to the difficulties of the job market and the problems of financing higher education. </p>
<p>I think that for many parents and young adults there is a big disconnect between what it is like to be a practicing musician, artist, dancer, or actor in the real world and what it was like to be passionate about the arts while you are a student. As much as my D was defined in high school by her singing, in the end, she knew by her second year as a vocal performance major that as an adult she wanted a lifestyle that would not be attainable if she pursued musical theatre full time after she graduated. She wasn’t put off by the hard work that it entailed, or how success can be fleeting for many, it was more a realization that she wanted to have a set job, a clearer path and did not like the constant cycle of auditioning. As much as she liked to be in the cast of a show, she did not want to travel, live a nomadic lifestyle without roots and rely on the cast to be her temporary family. She also saw through those who graduated before her the percent of time her friends were actually using their craft vs. working jobs just to get by. With this realization, she began to take classes is entertainment/ music business and sought out internships that were available in NYC (she attended NYU.)</p>
<p>I am in no way saying that D was unhappy with her degree and that I don’t support studying the arts or pursuing them as an adult. But I think as parents we need to expose students pursuing the arts to what life is most likely going to be like in the real world–that includes frank discussions about debt, location of probable job opportunities, finances and how they will stack up vs. their peers, etc. </p>
<p>@ usk-
I think the realism factor has to be there as well, I think knowing the odds, knowing that the stories you hear about the friend of the teacher who didn’t start playing Violin until they were 15, got into some okay music school, then ended up in some high level orchestra are either a)urban myth (the friend of the friend) or b)someone isn’t telling the full story (like, is that high level orchestra really high level? Or when was this, recently or 30 years ago?). I think it is really, really important to make clear that if the kid is a violinist and thinks they are going to be the next big soloist, or has their heart set on getting into the NY Phil, Philadelphia, etc, or being a chamber musician in top group, that if they think this is going to be their path they need to realize the reality, and realize that their goal should be, if they love music that much, to shoot for what they can do to have music in their lives, and not see the end game only. As others have pointed out, the world of music has changed and continues to, and the golden dream of yesterday are less and less achievable than they once were (which wasn’t easy back then), and a lot of this is learning to go with the flow. USK’s D realized this, and changed her focus, and one of the most important things I think to tell a prospective music student is that it is incredibly rough, that it takes a thick skin and a lot of perseverence and realizing that even with all the passion in the world, that may not translate into a living, a vocation as they see it, and if their dream is to have the lifestyle of a financial industry analyst, might want to think about it again…but if the passion is there, if the fire is there, they see all that, and still want to try, then I think it is also important to tell them if they try and don’t make it, it isn’t abject failure, they aren’t going to be out there after x years of study and trying being someone only fit to work in a Mickey D’s or Walmart, that they have unique skills and training, have made an effort that quite frankly even a lot of successful people haven’t made, and that makes them valuable…and also, I think it is important, even with our doubts, that the kid knows we think that they are the kind of person that if music fails in the way they want to do it, you believe in them enough that you know they will land on their feet. </p>
<p>It is one thing to be realistic, and let them know the reality, it is another when I see parents telling kids that a music degree isn’t worth anything, they aren’t good enough, and so forth, that is projecting their own bs on the kid and worse, undercutting them. No, I don’t think telling a kid who picked up the piano at 15 that sure, you’ll make it into Juilliard and be a concert pianist, and be all polyanna about it, that is where realism comes in, helping them to see the reality and let them make the decision. On the other hand, if the kid is talented, seems able to get into a school, telling them it is a waste of time tells them that their dreams or passions are worthless, that only the ‘real world’ counts, and it also tells the kid that they have no confidence in them being able to find their own path, or worse, that somehow the end of the journey is all that counts. It is funny, I was talking to someone the other day, about my own path, that had its ups and downs, I originally was pre med, was a chem major, ran into major problems, switched into comp science, wasn’t a superstar…and kind of got a job by a back door in the financial industry…anyhow, this person asked me if I regretted my path, did I wish I had become a doctor, and (in their eyes) made the great living, etc…the ironic part is, something this person couldn’t fathom, is that my journey led me to a job where I make more than a lot of doctors do, if the numbers out there are correct <em>shrug</em>…the point being that I, in a sense “failed” on one thing I wanted to do, didn’t in school do so great in my other major, and found my way, because for whatever reasons I had the abilities and such on the path I ended up on…and music majors can end up on another path , too, and sometimes all it takes is confidence. My son knows that if music works out, he will never hear from us that he should of studied something else, that he wasted his time, because he knows we had our eyes wide open, made sure he did as well, gave him as much exposure as we could to working musicians and the like, and he also knows we believe in him as a person, too, that he is intelligent, hard working and personable, and that if music doesn’t work out, we fully believe he’ll find something else. </p>
<p>As far as Europe being easier, it is in one sense, because in the classical world it is still a lot more supported. However, in the conservatories and music schools there you are seeing the same trends you already have seen here, at least in the violin world those schools more and more are relying on students from well off backgrounds, a lot of the times from Asia, for their student base so a lot of the same issues are cropping up there from what I have seen, especially on piano and violin. </p>
<p>My dad encouraged his kids to pursue the arts/humanities and he ended up with a music major, an English major and an art history major. He had the resources to fund our undergrad education, and he did not turn us away when we needed to live at home during grad school. I knew my limitations as a performer when I finished undergrad and took a different path. Now I have a community music group that provides a lot of really talented people an opportunity to enjoy music. No regrets.</p>
<p>Ah, realism! The crusher of so many dreams! But also the path to a satisfying, contented life. My kids and I have had many discussions about the “reality” of performing for a living. One of my kids seems to be a little more realistic than the other. Even though her brother may be more talented, she is the hard worker, the resourceful one. Quite frankly, we don’t worry about her making a living and supporting herself - in any field. I doubt she will ever be a full time performer, but I think she’s fine with that. Fortunately, she has other passions and is equally happy pursuing those. </p>
<p>My S, however, is single-mindedly pursuing a career in performance, and he assumes, as a top performer. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he has been successful as a performer since he was young. He has had few disappointments. I wonder what will happen to him if his career-path does not work out as he plans. He has no backup plans. However, he is young so perhaps some increased maturity will help broaden his perspective. </p>
<p>As for Europe having more opportunities - yes to a point. Budgets are being cut here and competition is also increasing from Asia. We socialize with many professional musicians and singers here in London (jazz and classical) and they are scrambling to find work just like in the US. We were originally encouraging S to come to London for grad studies so he could at least live at home and save money. But now, we’re not sure its a good idea as most of the best post-grad opportunities for young singers seem to be in the US. </p>
<p>I thought I’d check back in on this thread after watching mcson put in a full day’s work yesterday (designing) and then staying up until the wee hours polishing his set of original electronica for a festival he’s playing Saturday 
He’s moved into the poolhouse loft (a semi-finshed pole barn of sorts) for a year to save up money to go join his gf in San Francisco.</p>
<p>So I could hear his rehearsing from his makeshift studio and I thought to myself by god he sounds awesome…even his singing (was never a singer before, but took opera lessons on the side to improve vocals) was at a level heretofore unheard of.</p>
<p>But what was most striking was the fact that he was happy as a clam.
So I asked myself if it was all worth it. Even if he’s not sustaining himself on music alone…even if he doesn’t have the time to compose as much as he’d like. Even if “work” gets in the way…and I am still convinced that it was. (Mind you, he’d received generous scholarship and was fortunate to have a stellar in-state option so his education didn’t cost more than it might have in any other discipline.)</p>
<p>That said, I’m also glad I’d bought a place with some land and a spacious, half-finished pole barn where a kid could live semi-separately … Now I just have to put that land in a trust so that one day Medicaid doesn’t get it all trying to keep me alive past my time I guess that would make me a patron :)</p>
<p>When I went to college, I was a theater major, and it was probably not the best choice for me - I did have a revelation at a certain point in life that the thing I enjoyed working hard on the most was music, but my time to pursue a music based career was really over at that point, considering I was the sole support for our family and wouldn’t have been able to go to school during the day. So I have a part-time job as a church musician, and sing in several groups, and I feel fulfilled by all of that. </p>
<p>With my daughter, I waited until she was 16 to start voice lessons because I’m a single mom and I couldn’t afford it, but I felt that she needed the assistance of a good voice teacher as she prepared for college, and I love her teacher, she’s made tremendous progress since October of 2013, when she began studying with him. I don’t really know where my daughter is in terms of competition with others. I know she’s the best in her school, but if she was there when my older daughter was, she’d be in the top 10, but probably not #1. I suspect she will be vocally ahead of some of the kids who are looking to go into music therapy, her preferred area, because we have heard from some music therapy/music admissions folks that they standards they expect in auditions for music therapy are not as high as they are for vocal performance, but I really have no way of knowing that for sure. But since she started harmonizing the the alphabet song at 2-3 years old, she’s always been focused on music, and I think she has the drive and skill to achieve her goals in that area. </p>
<p>So you’re saying if we can’t afford Juilliard or like on Oboe it’s not worth it? Because I will admit right here and now we can not afford Juilliard without merit. </p>
<p>As to those that say “it’s the same as any other liberal arts degree”, I was convinced but now I’m not. I was a history major with the idea going in to continue on to a Ph.D or Law school. I ended up doing neither of those things but was open to new ideas and accepted a job and later went to grad school. My daughter specifically wants a BM to perform. Yes, that can change as well but she’s been working hard. She knows we have monetary constraints but didn’t think certain conservatories were her only route. She’s already got Grandma and other members of the family acting like she’s waisting her time. </p>
<p>This is what I mean by money being THE deciding factor. I guess all I can say about that is that it’s really sad. I guess I’d even go as far to say that’s why people don’t value classical music as much anymore, and why there are fewer US orchestras. It’s looked on as an “upper class” thing. To an extent it always has been but much more today. Most people don’t look at $150,00 and up in income as “middle class” as many on this board do. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I guess that’s the mood I’m in right now. We had a situation that made it impossible for us to save the entire cost of a private education. DD didn’t take the hardest school schedule available as she concentrated on music which was advice we were given and followed. So she doesn’t have the huge stats for non-music huge merit aid either. So basically what your saying is all of the NY oboe players she consistently beats out will be the career oboe players because they’ve got the cash. I can’t wait for that conversation with her. </p>
<p>As for the military, that requires basic training after you receive your Bachelors, and acceptance at any placement in any country. Yes, DD could pass basic. But not to keen on joining. And it is sad that you said that the military is basically for those that don’t play as well and went to subpar schools.</p>
<p>Speaking from a family that makes less the $100,000 a year with a husband retiring in 4 years, classical music interest and music in public schools will continue to decline when we keep sending out the message that for most if you can’t cough up $60,000 a year don’t bother working your butt off and concentrate on something else. Like I said, sorry if I’m just sounding negative, negative, negative. But my daughter has worked hard, and I feel I’ve failed as a parent because I can’t provide her with what she needs. Unless we as parents borrow huge sums. </p>
<p>Ok, I’m not an instrumental specialist (parent of 2 vocalists) but aren’t there good public options for instrumentalists - Indiana, Michigan, UTexas, UCLA, etc. I can’t see why your D couldn’t try for a top public music school for undergrad and then try for a conservatory for graduate school? I know that that is a viable option for vocalists. And I also wouldn’t reject conservatories out of hand. You never know what kind of scholarships you will get until you audition. Yes, wealthy students have an edge in terms of having the best instruments, paying for the top teachers, etc. But I don’t think that should limit the ambitious middle class kid.</p>
<p>redeye41, you don’t need a Juilliard degree to get an orchestra position–they are all about the audition. Certainly if your daughter works hard and receives excellent training (which she can do at many other schools besides Juilliard!) she has as good of a chance as anyone to compete for jobs. And I’m also going to disagree about the military bands–many of them hire very top-notch players. The competition for those is as great as orchestra jobs (contrary to the post about it being only for mediocre players–it depends on the organization). And, they pay off student loans, provide excellent benefits, etc. So it is definitely another possibility to consider. And President’s Own, for example, does not require basic training.</p>
<p>I feel your pain–we are exactly in the same boat as you financially. But, like megpmom said, don’t leave a school off your list because of costs–believe me, sometimes the scholarship packages will surprise you. So, by all means, audition–get a list of schools together that are safety, middles, and reaches, and go for it! Our son from this middle class family was able to graduate with no loans from one of his ‘reach’ schools and get accepted to a conservatory for grad school–all through his own hard work. So, stay positive, and I know things will work out for your daughter!</p>
<p>We are in the same position but my dh makes well over the 100 but we still can’t afford conservatories 1. Because we have 5 kids. 2. Student loan debt to earn that great salary and then more debt for being self employed. I’m not going to let my sons dreams fail yet. I can still send him to short camps, get an ok cello only worth 5k, and cross my fingers for good merit. We also have a good relationship with a luther and can trade up on bows and cellos and get full credit plus the appreciation, which helps. The only reason my son has a decent bow is because we slowly traded up to one. Do your research. There are fantastic teachers at other schools. Don’t be too discouraged yet. </p>
<p>Clarimom and cellomom6 we will be applying to some reach schools, but woodwinds says that for Oboe the major conservatories are basically the only choice. DD was thinking of a state school undergrad (or affordable private with merit) and major conservatory grad but now I don’t now if this is worth it. woodwinds has steered me in the right direction in the past. Others have told me other things. I just don’t know. </p>
<p>Redeye, your financial situation is not clear. Does your daughter not qualify for any financial aid? Would, say. $15K merit aid at a conservatory help enough? You don’t need to answer (due to privacy) but I think you may be in the middle group in terms of income, not low enough for significant financial aid and not high enough to comfortably pay. I agree it is tough to deal with money limitations.</p>
<p>But it can be done. There are many ways to make this work and we found it was a waste of energy to envy those who could choose where to go freely. My daughter got into some great conservatories but could not go, and it has been fine.</p>
<p>Conservatories affiliated with colleges/universities will have more aid. Many state schools have respected BM programs. Students can also attend college and do music privately, with lessons, as long as they can find decent performance opportunities. If your daughter wants to minimize academics, a BM would be the way to go.</p>
<p>The point about a BM being as good as any other bachelor’s is still true. If, hypothetically, a student wanted to compete for grad school, med school, or certain jobs, a BM graduate has the same chances as a BA in humanities/liberal arts. So regardless of outcome over the years, there is no reason not to study music performance in the undergraduate years. It is as “practical” as anything else. And very much respected.</p>
<p>At the moment your daughter may be viewing conservatory as vocational training, but that training also provides for flexibility of options in the future in many ways.</p>
<p>My daughter ended up at a university with financial aid, and then researched the most affordable option that fit her artistic needs, and is doing an MM in Europe. She hopes to get good funding for a DMA or PhD. So far, with quite low income, it is working out, but once out with a doctorate she will still have to work, most likely in arts administration. Your daughter can gain skills through the kinds of interning and outreach programs offered by many schools and conservatories.</p>
<p>I disagree that classical music and orchestras are declining. And the classical music world may move more slowly than some other segments of society, but diversity in terms or gender, race and socioeconomic status is on the radar and things are changing slowly. There are many outreach programs, efforts to educate audiences, and fundraisers for scholarships out there. So I feel classical music is actually less elite than in the past. The Internet helps a bit too, even if it takes away from income from recordings.</p>
<p>@ redeye-
I understand your frustration about the cost of music schools and also quite frankly how much training it takes, how costly, and then how fraught it is. Where I would disagree with woodwinds is that you don’t have to go to Juilliard or Curtis or a conservatory, there are some really great music programs, especially for woodwinds, that aren’t in a conservatory (Rice comes to mind, the daughter of a friend of ours went there on bassoon, is now making it as a professional musician doing their own thing). If you would ask me, the key to it all is your D’s playing level, that she should be at a very high level to think of going to music school, so if she has the potential to get into a top program, then that should be the basis for deciding. Woodwinds and other orchestra instruments are different than the solo ones, they have different characteristics (on one hand, unlike violin, piano and cello orchestral instruments haven’t been subject to quite the crazy competition from overseas, which is starting to change), but there also tend to be a lot less orchestral instruments admitted, so the competition is still high. So to get into a competitive program, you need to be playing at a high level, and on that I agree.</p>
<p>That said, I would not panic about things like aid, either, as some have said, you never know with admissions or aid. Try a program like Colburn, that if you get in, is full free ride. Bard by what I have heard seems to be pretty good with aid/scholarships in the conservatory, there are plenty of other schools out there. The key factor is to find a school that has a good teacher on the instrument(s), and from there see a)where she gets in and b)what they offer, you don’t know. If a program admits your D, but doesn’t offer good enough aid, contact them and ask them if they can re-evaluate, one thing I have learned is with any bureacracy, you don’t get results by osmosis, you have to be active. </p>
<p>As far as the value of a BM degree, it is as valuable as almost any liberal arts degree, to be honest, very few UG degrees are ‘instant sale’ with job skills. General business degrees, for example, in my experience aren’t necessarily all that great with the skills in the ‘real world’, based on people I have seen hired out of school, they need to learn so many things that while they might have some advantages, it isn’t all that big. </p>
<p>Like I said, I understand the frustration, the uncertainty, and yes, the unfairness (perceived or real), but keep in mind that a lot of factors play out into this. On violin, my S faced kids from Korea who were the scions of well off families (same with many Chinese kids on Piano), where they literally are almost bred for battle, kids who were taught at home by tutors, who literally had lessons 4 or 5 times a week, from the time they were really small…same with kids coming out of state programs like Chinas, or being the ‘little emperors’ having ridiculous amount of support…yet many of those kids don’t get into top programs necessarily, while someone like my S, who put the time in, or GH’s daughter, who didn’t go quite that crazy, did get into top programs…so it doesn’t always play out the way you think. My S got his dream teacher, someone he didn’t think he had a chance of getting into their studio, so you never know. </p>
<p>And yes, it is frightening and stressful, first to get through the audition cycle, find out where you got in, and then having to deal with studio assignments and worse, the financials. The thing you have to remind yourself is that despite what people seem to think, the world is quite all that fouled up that if you make the wrong decision somehow the world is going to end, it isn’t. If you D in the end decides not to do music, not doing the heavy academic load in HS with the uber AP’s and such is not going to be an albatross she will carry around her neck, despite all the craziness about getting into the right college (generally an Ivy class school), and if she does a BM degree then figures out she doesn’t want to do performance, or feels she won’t make it, there are plenty of paths to success. This mania affecting parents and students flies in the face of the reality that is out there, it is a different world than when I came out of school, but the reality is still there is room to try and fail, and usually those who try, and fail, really haven’t failed, they often do better than those who take the golden path.I have seen plenty of people who got into the Ivy, who thought their future was paved with gold, then found out it was an illusion. There are a lot of kids who go to places like Juilliard and think because they went there, that their ticket is punched, then come out and find out it isn’t so easy…</p>
<p>We were fortunate that financially supporting our son was doable (not easily, been a cost to us, lot of sacrifices, going to have a lot of catching up with retirement savings and so forth), but in many ways it is just as daunting, realizing that the money we are spending/have spent might not turn out what my S is hoping for, but in the end I firmly believe that it isn’t money badly spent, that if this path doesn’t work, it will open another one. It sounds like your D, redeye, has the kind of personality where she works at what she is doing, is willing to put in the effort, is willing to take risks, and those are people who in life IME generally succeed:)</p>