Anticipating mother-in-law visit and some of the negative comments that entails

@Hoggirl , I’m curious as to how tall your mother is. I wonder why the fixation of height? It must be because it was important to her husband. I’m curious as to whether she ever compliments you on anything.

I’m curious too about the height stuff. My H is 6’7", kids are shorter but both 6"5 +. DIL is 5’10. I’m 5’6. People do seem to notice when we are together, especially when even taller family members are in the mix when out and about. But when we’re together as a family, it rarely comes up, especially in any negative tone.

I’m the shorty in the family. I’m 5’3. H is 6’4, D is nearly 6’. My FIL is 6’2 and MIL was 5’7. I look like a midget in the in-law family photos. I was called short and fat, even when I wasn’t.

Today was better. There is definitely a correlation to her comments and the wine consumption. She only had two glasses tonight. Though, sometimes her comments (especially the tall ones) are in the morning, so it isn’t always the wine. She’s always kind of negative, but it gets more cutting if she has had more wine.

I imagine she measured 5’8” or so. She has definitely shrunk. She’s probably only 5’6” or so now. She’s kinda stooped.

One funny that is telling as to how little she has done - she has been here three nights, and this morning she asked where the dishwasher was. Lol. It’s not like our kitchen is huge. She just hasn’t been in it.

Definitely better knowing dh is also around over the weekend as well.

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I’m glad it was a better day. I imagine the weekend will also be better with DH around. 5’8” is not that tall. I’m 5’8” and don’t consider myself tall unless I put on heels, then I look it. Hearing she has that dreaded stoop is going to make me continue my back exercises for sure! 3 more nights, 3 more nights!

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Do you notice a difference when your husband is there? (Can’t remember if you’ve said that before).
Hopefully the weekend will be better. Do you get some time to yourself since he’s off?
Do you get a “prize” for being so good? What’s your prize?

I got a break today! Dh took his mom on a driving tour and out to lunch while I stayed home and exercised and did laundry. It was just nice to have some alone time.

Everything seems to have sort of settled down if that makes any sense. She still likes to complain, but that is clearly not going to change. Today she expressed disappointment that we have not had a “very colorful sunset.” I post pictures on FB from time to time, but I tend to post the very best ones, and those don’t happen every day! I just said, “Well, we really can’t control that.”

I haven’t picked a prize yet! I preemptively ordered a dress and a pair of shoes for an upcoming wedding :joy::joy: I’ll probably buy a couple of other new things for that weekend after she leaves :wink:

I have been most appreciative of all the suggestions and support here. Thank you, all!

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That is horrible. I am so sorry.

I don’t think I’m all that patient, but thank you. Being able to come here and vent has certainly helped!

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You’ve done amazing, @hoggirl! Great that your H has wisely stepped up and given you some time and space to yourself! You’re almost done with this visit—congrats! Great job!

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Geez, the comments about short legs. I have to laugh. Just saay sweetly “Oh, Jane, I’m just thankful to have legs. Some people don’t.”

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There are some witty quips to comments about being short (e.g. “when it rains we are the last ones to get wet”, or “if people try to step on us we can set fire to their shoelaces”) but I doubt she’d appreciate them. Reading this makes me think I am a pretty OK MIL.

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I’m 5 ft. I once brought a patient back from the waiting room, and they yelled out- OMG you are so short!. At which time I appeared surprised, smiled, looked down at myself and said ‘OMG, I had no idea!’ The rest of the people in the waiting room laughed.

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My mom was 5 ft and always said “the best gifts come in small packages” when people commented on her height ; )

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My D is 5’1”. She printed out a Yoda (Starwars) quote that she taped to the wall above her desk: “ Size matters not…Look at me…judge me by my size, do you?“

One of her college-specific essays began with the sentence, “ I’m 5’1” and I feel even taller.” She got in :sweat_smile:

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I just sent these on to my D. She liked them !

I’ve been around the tall comments from strangers now for decades. That gets old too.

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You missed the best retort to this @Hoggirl - “I have more steps because my LEGS ARE SO SHORT, I have to take 2 steps to every one of yours!” LOL. Just could not resist :slight_smile:

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Interesting the things people comment on or criticize (in life, not on this thread!). Your height is something you literally have no control over. We should all consider our comments towards things that people literally cannot change!

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@hoggirl You deserve an award. This thread makes me very thankful I’ve lived close to my mom and both MIL–no overnight stays by us or them.

At 5’2"+, I’ve also spent a lifetime with the “short/little” comments, especially by tall people. I don’t understand, and never will, why people think this comment is acceptable. I rarely hear petite people commenting to tall people on their height. The glass ceiling on this is real.

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