Let me start off by saying, I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. It’s gotten worse as I have gotten older. High school is when it really hit the peak. I couldn’t even talk to people because I was so scared that they would find something in what I said wrong, or analyze every word I was saying looking for flaws. I sweat terribly when talking to another person, my hands shake, I cannot speak up, and start to itch. I do hate the way I am, but no matter what I do, it always stays the same.
Fast forward to now, a sophomore in college. My classes are all online except for one music class. When I do an online discussion board, I still get the EXACT same symptoms as I would talking face to face with someone. My words always come out as word vomit almost, its like I cannot piece anything together. I overthink and over analyze after I talk to someone. Last night, I was attending my class and a very talkative girl sat next to me. She began asking my name and what my major was etc.
She was working on becoming a pharmacy tech, and she works at a local chain pharmacy. So what do I do? Tell her about the time I picked up a 700 dollar prescription and the pharmacist was rude to me. It’s things like that. That’s what I do. Things just come out, even though I try so hard over analyzing it all still just comes out sounding terrible. We then started talking about nursing. My mother is a nurse at a hospital, and the girl was telling me about how sometimes people come to the pharmacy asking her for medical treatment. I explained that the same thing happens to my mom, people ask her for a diagnosis or prescription, which she can’t do.
After the conversation, I cried when I got home. I kept thinking “What if she reports my mom for not doing her job?” “What if she reports that pharmacist for not doing his job?” “What if my mom looses her license and can’t support her family?” I stayed up all night, not being able to sleep worrying and I can’t stop! This happens every time I talk to someone. It’s ruining college for me. I cannot meet new people or socialize because my anxiety is out of control.
Does anyone have experience with this? I want to just try and be semi-normal and be able to socialize.
Your college probably has a counseling center. Go set up an appointment.
In case you’re still worried about this…think it through. 1. You said your mom is not allowed to give prescriptions, which means she is, in fact, doing her job by not giving them. 2. How would the girl report the pharmacist? Did you give her the pharmacist’s full name and location? Otherwise there’s no way she could even find them. And who would care about reporting that anyway? It’s not her problem that some random person was rude to you once. 3. As the first two don’t make sense, this one isn’t going to happen either.
Look into Cognitive therapy it will give you some tools to use when you start going into this spiral of anxious thoughts.
Please see someone -if you have already -try someone else.
The level of anxiety you are describing is not normal. It sounds like it has escalated over time, and has become quite debilitating. This will not get better on its own. Have you been treated by a psychiatrist and been prescribed medication? That, along with seeing a good therapist who can help you develop skills to manage your symptoms, could be very beneficial to you. Best wishes to you.
As other have stated this level of anxiety is not normal. It is very normal for someone that has an anxiety mental illness. You need to work with a psychiatrist and a therapist to be able to treat this illness. There are medications and there are non- medication therapy that can be effective. There is no fast solution. However there are solutions that with time can help.
Understand that this is a VERY COMMON issue! College counseling centers are filled with students suffering with anxiety of all different types. You are not alone. There is a good chance that you know someone that has this issue. My daughter suffers from anxiety and found out that her two closest friends are also dealing with this.
I agree with @veruca. Cognitive therapy would help. You are doing the best you can with a handicap (inborn high level of anxiety.) You need to be more forgiving of yourself for mistakes that other people would just let slide by and not worry about for more than a few minutes. Don’t focus on the mistakes. Instead focus on rewarding yourself for doing your best to connect with people regardless of the discomfort. Just regard little slip-ups as lessons learned on the path towards getting better at it.
By the way, be wary of a therapist whose first response is to start you on an SSRI drug. There are therapists who do more harm than good, so be sure to shop around if you don’t find the right one at first.
I also agree that cognitive therapy could be beneficial to you. I too suffer from anxiety and I HIGHLY recommend searching for a therapist that you can really click with. Yes be weary if they start pushing medications too early, but also hear them out if they suggest it. When I first met with my therapist I saw her about once a week for around 2 months before she brought up medication. She would mention it in passing,but never told me that I needed it. Eventually I decided to go on medication after a lot of research and talking with my therapist and family. I would have to say that it has really changed my life. I feel like I am finally the person I was meant to be. Obviously I have days where I feel and believe I am crap, but through therapy and medication, I am stable. Of course, this option isn’t for everyone.
I think you should do some research into therapy types and in the meantime look into the counseling center at your school. I am sure they can offer you help and suggest the best plan of action for you. It is normal to feel anxious about things, but not at the level where it becomes debilitating to your life. I wish you the best of luck!
You must talk with a therapist. Go to your counseling center, and continue with therapy over the summer. When you cease to be able to function in ordinary life, it’s time to admit that you need outside help. Please go asap. Good luck.
My daughter has anxiety. Her life is so much better now that she is on medication. Anxiety was stopping her from doing things she wanted to do. See a therapist/psychiatrist.