<p>Im happy im not the only person to feel that way... when I told my classmates that i got in, i was expecting "congratulations" not "so what?" or "you suck" that was disturbing to say the least... </p>
<p>and i can rely relate to your observation, ped-neurologist, when i tell ppl that im having a hard time choosing between these colleges, they always come up with some sarcastic remark like "ohh, i feel so sorry for you" </p>
<p>i especially hate the fact that every little mistake i do is critisized w/ the same exact statement "i thought u were going to harvard"</p>
<p><em>sigh</em> ohh well... wat ya gonna do?....</p>
<p>OP, My DD is also in her first year at H, and to this day when people ask me where she goes to school I respond by telling them that she goes to school in Boston. This is normally a satisfactory answer. I have, however, gotten follow-up questions, such as "Oh, she goes to BC?", and I usually respond, "no, she goes to school in Cambridge." Usually, this stops the conversation regarding what school she attends.</p>
<p>On the T-shirt/sweatshirt issue: I must confess that I have a Harvard Parent t-shirt and that I rarely wear it - I really do not want people to think that I am boasting. My wife does have the "Harvard Parent '11" button that was given to us during the parent orientation function, and she keeps it hanging from a lanyard on the rear-view mirror of her car. </p>
<p>Last year, during DD's last months of High School, she did encounter a range of reactions from other students - from admiration to disdain and jealousy. She tried deliberately to only tell a few teachers about her acceptances to HYPSC, but the school grapevine..... Fortunately for her, there was a very vociferous senior who had been admitted to MIT who told everyone within ear shot that he was going to MIT (this was the first time in my DD's public school history that a student had been admitted to either HYPSC or MIT), and this deflected attention away from her. </p>
<p>compmom, my DD has had a different experience than ODOTG' son/daughter. She has not found H to be very competitive, and has made friends that are likely to be life-long friends. Her experience has been that students cooperate with each other. Is the course work demanding? She would say that it certainly is, but it is not overwhelming. As an aside, I would also say that H did an exceptional job of matching my DD with her four roommates - they have become really close and are going to be roomies for the next three years.</p>
<p>the whole t shirt thing is stupid. My mom did a conference thing at H two years ago and bought a H t shirt for my lil sister who was 12 at thetime. Kids at school(6th grade) gave HER gruff over it. SHe never wore it to school again.</p>
<p>My D is trying to decide on whether to attend H right now. She's got several other good options but is nervous about H because of all the bad press on student unhappiness, lack of ungrad focus. I'm not sure where she's hearing about this but it really concerns her. We visited H last week and the students do seem very focused. What is the story on this Harvard Student Malaise syndrome? Just groundless criticism of a great school?</p>
<p>I posted about the H-bomb about a year ago (from the point of view of a student):</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
When I saw on the "101 reasons to go to Harvard" thread that someone had put the reason "dropping the H bomb," I couldn't help but laugh. Harvard students know that telling someone you go to Harvard is a decidely UNpleasant experience.</p>
<p>Think about it a second- outside of your friends and family (who are just going to be happy for you), these are the possible reactions (every one of these has happened to me at least once):</p>
<p>a)"Whoa- you must be really smart!" After which, you feel uncomfortable.
b)"Hey, I didn't think you were smart!" Even more uncomfortable.
c)"Wow. I totally could never get into that school." How are you supposed to respond?
d)"Wow. I could have gotten in, but I thought Harvard was just too pretentious and so overrated..." Ummm, thanks... jerk...
e)"Hey, what were all of your scores and grades?" Then you have to defend yourself and why you got in.
f)"Whoa, way to brag about it!" Uh, you asked me...
g)"Doesn't Harvard pay no attention to undergraduates and have distant professors and isn't everyone snobby?" This one bothers me the most. Does any other school have to face this, where the first thing you hear is all the flaws and perceived flaws parroted at you? This would be considered rude if it were talking about any other school- why is it OK when it's Harvard?</p>
<p>Dropping the H-bomb is only fun if you're arrogant and like attention (as I'm sure you're not). It's never enjoyable to be in uncomfortable situations like that. Harvard has a lot going for it, but if the only reason you want to go is that you want to tell people you got in- well, it's not a good idea.
<p>^ As the mom of a Harvard accepted student I find myself confiding this wonderful news to (1) the lady I buy my morning coffee from at the cafeteria at work, (2) the two guys who repaired my dishwasher last week, and (3) the hertz car rental agent who I reserved a car from in California last week. These anonymous folks are nice and safe and actually seem excited for us. Other parent friends, work colleagues, neighbors -- no way would I talk about this with them -- too many sensitivities. </p>
<p>And my D seems to be allergic to telling anyone - only her boy friend (going to Dartmouth) and best girl friend (going to state U). That is her support network - they are unequivocally thrilled for her.</p>
<p>Of course - for the parents of prospective students - if your student is going to Prefrosh weekend in a week and a half, everyone there will be in the same situation and no one will have their guard up. That's got to be fun.</p>
<p>Mammall, maybe you could start a different thread on this topic-? A discussion of these impressions or rumors or whatever might be helpful to a number of people. I believe that the one about lack of undergrad focus has recently been debunked, partly due to some efforts made by the college since 2003. I have also heard students may be serious, some driven and some focused on work they are interested in, but not necessarily unhappy. I don't really know. Our daughter is in the same position as yours.</p>
<p>I work with a not-for-profit that uses Harvard grad students for interns. Several have mentioned that they are reluctant to 'drop the H bomb' at functions. They don't want to intimidate others, and they don't want to be seen as snobish or bookish, or who know what. It's an interesting phenomenon.</p>
<p>would you guys say the same problem exists with stanford? i feel the same thing as everyone here. I want to be happy, but there seems to be a sort of resentment from others. People get really happy for those going to state school, but for me, it is so different. It makes me sad. I wish I could pretend I was going to state school so I would get no attetion that is bad at all, and just go to wherever I end up and not let anyone know.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
Of course - for the parents of prospective students - if your student is going to Prefrosh weekend in a week and a half, everyone there will be in the same situation and no one will have their guard up. That's got to be fun.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>Interestingly, this is true not just of prefrosh weekend, but of Cambridge in general. I've noticed that people are less impressed/intimidated/whatever the closer you get to Harvard (which is great for students that feel a little uncomfortable about it, though not that much help for the parents).</p>
<p>For example, some Harvard Square businesses offer discounts to Harvard students, and they obviously don't blink if they find out someone is a Harvard student.</p>
<p>Seriously, I think that hesitation or uneasiness about mentioning where your child goes to school (or where you go to school) just serves to perpetuate the myth that H is so superior that mere mortals need not apply. I experienced something similar myself as a college student because I went to Bryn Mawr College, when most of my family, and many friends attended our state university. I learned to tell people where I went to school in a straightforward, matter of fact way, with a smile, because I really loved my college, and to ignore whatever reaction I had in return. I have encouraged our future H student to do the same. When people ask us, we tell them straight out, and we express our excitement about it. </p>
<p>I am also accutately aware that notwithstanding how hard each and every person worked to be in a position to be accepted to Harvard, or any other great school, there is still an element of timing/luck/and or karma that is beyond your control, but which has played a role in your landing in the accepted pool. I am not afraid to express this sentiment to people as well. </p>
<p>The truth is, where you go to college is a lot less important than what you do when you get there.</p>
<p>Hi all - My child won't be attending H, but its cousin, P. This thread is wonderful and I wish we had one on the P page. I think it must be more of an issue though for H parents, as H is the most recognizable (IMO) school in the country, if not beyond. </p>
<p>When my son got into P they sent a decal, which I would really like to put on my car. I haven't. I would like to put it on the car because I am so proud of him. I did frame the acceptance letter but obviously that stays in the house. I know my son worked hard, but I also feel grateful and as if we won the lottery. Many other hard working, deserving students did not get in.</p>
<p>My husband and I went to a local dance last evening and I was surprised at how many people knew where my son would be attending school and congratulated us. Luckily he is a well-liked boy/adolescent and our neighbors are happy for him.</p>
<p>The H - bomb phenomenon exists beyond our borders. I work at a company with headquarters in the Netherlands. I was over there with a group of people from here - one of whom has a Ph.D. in applied math from Harvard. We were at a bar and the individual mentioned that he went to Harvard (20 years ago) and all the Dutch said they didn't realize he was so brilliant (by the way, he isn't)</p>
<p>My general rule is to only say Harvard right off the bat if it's anyone from Boston. I find this works pretty well because people around the area don't find Harvard too special, so telling a Bostonite you go to Harvard isn't really a big deal.</p>
<p>If the person is from outside boston, I say I go to school in Boston. This usually satisfies most people who are only really asking to make conversation anyway so the convo usually devolves into a discussion of the Sox or some other Boston culture. If the person asks where in Boston I say Harvard because they obviously have more than a polite/conversational interest, so why bother beating around the bush.</p>
<p>I think the beating around the bush approach only makes the matter worse once the full truth comes out. It makes it look like you were playing games with them and indulging in false modesty.</p>
<p>I never volunteer the info, but if they ask I tell them in the same matter-of-fact way I would tell them about any other school.</p>
<p>D is a recruited athlete who was actually able to choose between H & P. She, ultimately, chose P, but did enjoy her visit to H also. I actually felt relieved. I am able to say P to people, but did not feel comfortable saying H. I agree with above posters....just start to say it, don't feel that you can't, it will get easier each time...and, as they say...if you've done it, it ain't braggin'..:)</p>
<p>Congrats to all of the students who got in to H or any of the great schools...stand tall and be proud. Don't rub in your achievements, but don't hide behind them either!!</p>