<p>My son was accepted, and we went to the admitted students weekend this past weekend, and on the way home my son admitted he is not sure if he wants to attend H. His first choice was Stanford, he was waitlisted there but got into all his other schools. Harvard seemed to be the best 2nd match for him, in terms of their engineering program, location, resources,etc......but he says it lacked "warmth", doesnt' like the city atmosphere, and that it seemed cuthroat. I mean when you are getting together some of the brightest minds on the planet, there will be a certain degree of competition. I was thinking maybe he is just totally overwhelmed, mixed feeling about being away for the first time, suddenly he was not that "shining star" he was in his own high school but surrounded by many many other highly accomplished students.
He now says he wants to pursue the waitlist at S. or attend UVA if it doesn't pan out (his cousin to whom he is very close is attending UVA) I personally think and can see that he would succeed at Harvard but want him to be happy first and foremost.
Curious if anyone else out there has experienced these feelings and how did it work out?
Thanks...........signed a very anxious mom</p>
<p>Kaywarn - PM me if you’d like for me to ask my kids there to e-mail with your son. I think they’d be glad to be frank and honest about the highs and the lows. They’re both Peer Advising Fellows, so they’ve been exposed to a lot of what their classmates typically encounter.</p>
<p>Kaywarn - D is also an accepted student and we were at the admitted student events over the weekend. Fortunately, we live 1/2 hour away and were able to extract her Sunday night and return her on Monday for the academic portions of the program. Sunday night, D was definitely overwhelmed - tired from the time on campus as well as from coming to grips with the fellow pre-frosh she met. I think she was prepared for them to be smart, but she did not expect to encounter such a disproportionate number of attractive, poised, friendly, smart, and talented individuals. She has these traits herself but they have been part of how she has previously stood out. At Harvard, she is going to have to come to grips with the fact that she will blend in. We had talked about her concerns and I mentioned to her that she can react two ways. One is that she can feel bad about herself and therefore should turn Harvard down, and the other is that she can benefit by learning from these other individuals and should accept the offer of admission. Neither response is wrong, it depends on what is right for a person. BTW, last night D decided to enroll at Harvard.</p>
<p>smoda - “Blending in” has been perhaps the greatest joy of my older D’s time there. In her previous life, she found that “standing out,” while celebrated, was often lonely. The interests (like opera) that led friends in HS to suspect she was “weird” are embraced by her college friends, and she never has any trouble finding others willing to participate with her.</p>
<p>Totally agree with the coldness of Harvard’s admit weekend. Though I did leave with a vaguely positive impression, everyone (especially the other prefrosh) were a LOT less open, relaxed, and friendly than any other college I’ve visited.</p>
<p>:-(</p>
<p>Sorry you (and your children) didn’t have a wonderful + exciting weekend. It’s hard for me to tell whether they just lucked into a bad impression (i.e. they just met a less-friendly subset of the prefrosh) or if this is just their interpretation of the way Harvard is.</p>
<p>I love it here - but I also had an amazing time at prefrosh. Check the “Don’t go to Harvard” thread if you haven’t seen it already - it seems pretty relevant to this situation.</p>
<p>Interesting how people have different experiences. D was actually taken aback by how friendly everyone was, both those already attending and pre-frosh. We had people offering help anytime we stopped and looked confused. D had people introducing themselves (unsolicited) in the bookstore, in the lecture hall, everywhere. D commented that the pre-frosh were friendlier there than any of the schools she visited previously. She commented that she is hoping that her roommate(s) next year are like the pre-frosh she met this weekend.</p>
<p>As for the actual weekend, for us the most valuable part was Monday’s academic lineup. So those who did not stay into Monday, missed out on that component.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t characterize Harvard as open, relaxed or friendly. It reflects the personality of Boston, so is more reserved, intense, and individualistic than are, for instance, schools like Stanford and Brown. </p>
<p>If one would be happiest in a warm fuzzy atmosphere, Harvard isn’t the place for you. If one would be happiest in a place where one isn’t likely to raise eyebrows while doing one’s own thing, no matter how unusual your interest is, then Harvard is likely to be a place where you’d be happy.</p>
<p>Lots of discussion of Type As, but I wonder if all are using it in the same manner. If Type A is self-motivated, self-starter, goal-oriented - great. Or are people using it to describe overtly competitive students who enjoy one-upping each other in any activitiy from board games to the classroom? Who are the Type As at Harvard?<br>
I also wonder if students who were accompanied by parents had a better experience at the visitation program. My kid went solo and arrived sunday morning to a rather brisk registration “welcome”, no T-shirt and just a mere, “this is where your dorm is” on the map. Not a very good start.
Just realized I posted this on the wrong thread, there are two on this issue and the other one is the Type A discussion.</p>
<p>“I also wonder if students who were accompanied by parents had a better experience at the visitation program. My kid went solo and arrived sunday morning to a rather brisk registration “welcome”, no T-shirt and just a mere, “this is where your dorm is” on the map. Not a very good start.”</p>
<p>It’s not a huggy-feely place. Depending on where you’re from, a warm New England welcome can feel very cold. The , "Hi, how are you? Nice day isn’t it, " etc. chitchat that people do, for instance, in the South and Midwest when meeting store clerks and the like usually isn’t done in Boston. Northern accents and humor also can seem snobbish and grating to people from other parts of the country.</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom about we New Englanders. We live 30 minutes north of Harvard and D only really knows the personalities New Englanders. I think that was why she was so shocked this weekend. I have to say, a lot of the friendliness was from pre-frosh, who would have therefore come from other parts of the country and not become jaded by New England, but we were definitely assisted by plenty of people who were not pre-frosh. Another factor in her finding Harvard friendly and others find it unfriendly may be that every school my daughter visited was also in New England. So all campuses would be equally impacted by the region factor and the rest of the friendliness would be determined by the students attending a particular campus. Harvard’s campus is probably a broader representation of the country than some of the others.</p>
<p>I don’t think it was a northern thing since we are New Yorkers , albeit displaced the past few years, and my kid is quite familar with the “bum’s rush”. I think it would have been a better experience if he had arrived on Saturday as that appeared to have the more social and fun activities. But I was told by admissions that coming late would not be a problem. He did not complain, it is his mom who is trying to figure out why his impression was not great. And it is his mom who can’t understand why they couldn’t give the kid a T-shirt, he had no idea that he was supposed to get one and just thought people had purchased them.</p>
<p>Arriving late would not be a problem, and apparently was not a problem, except that the fun activities that took place on Saturday would not be repeated on Sunday. As for the T-shirt, what can one say? Is that a deal-breaker?</p>
<p>:) nope. The FA package makes up for it.</p>
<p>It ought to enable him to buy many T-shirts then! :)</p>
<p>My reed-thin S spent what would have been his lunch hour entertaining pre frosh. I hope that his forbearance pays off dividends!</p>
<p>lol Northstarmom! What a great example of the power of the first impression! :)</p>
<p>My D1 also went solo and arrived the first morning to an enthusiastic greeter who saw her name and said “Oh, wait - please wait - your admissions rep just headed out and she’ll be so sorry to hear she missed you!” She came back in a minute with an effusive admissions officer who came up, called D1 by name, and said “I’m glad I didn’t get away - it’s so good to see you made it here!” D1 said “You mean you actually know who I am?” and the admissions rep said “Of course!” and rattled off the highlights of D1’s resume. My daughter’s take on the place when she got home? Open! Relaxed! Friendly!</p>
<p>Marite - was your son helping with some of the admissions events. There was a tall, very slim young man (dark hair and I think glasses?) that I saw a couple of times. He was helping out in the parents lounge Saturday AM and then I recall seeing him again speaking with one of the panels before a presentation. Curious if that could have seen your son.</p>
<p>No, that would not have been my S. He’s very slim but not tall. And he was nowhere near the parents’ lounge as far as I know.</p>
<p>This young man could not be called anything other than tall - solidly 6+ feet. </p>
<p>It’s nice that your son gave his time. It was people like him and their actions that made an impression on my daughter.</p>
<p>" My kid went solo and arrived sunday morning to a rather brisk registration “welcome”, no T-shirt and just a mere, “this is where your dorm is” on the map. Not a very good start."</p>
<p>Were the other accepted students given T-shirts? Maybe the student who checked him in forgot to give him a T-shirt. If the other students were given T-shirts, when your S found out about this, did he ask for a T-shirt?</p>
<p>One thing that I remember from decades ago when I took the Harvard tour as a high school student was that I myself was so intimidated by HARVARD that I viewed almost anything that the Harvard student did as being snobbish and unfriendly. I think it could be possible that an accepted student could misinterpret spaciness, distractedness, tiredness on the part of the person at the reception table as being unfriendly. It’s hard for me to imagine that Harvard would let a student who was truly unfriendly be helping with student orientation.</p>