<p>I don't think we're likely to get anyone else's sympathy on the grounds that we've got kids who are or will be at Harvard.</p>
<p>But I do have an urge to say this once and then let it go. The "H" word is a bit of a burden. My D's friends have made their college plans, and I'd love to ask Suzy's parents where Suzy's going next year. But then to be polite, they'd have to ask me where D is going, and when I tell them, it'll appear that I started the whole conversation for the purpose of name-dropping the H. But rats, I'm really interested to know what Suzy decided! My D will eventually tell me, but it's a nuisance to have to feel that I need to be on alert about starting any conversations that have to do with colleges.</p>
<p>I happen to like college shirts and sweatshirts. I even like to browse eBay for bargains on college sweatshirts for schools to which I've got no connection. So I was looking forward to buying a new sweatshirt for whichever college D decided to attend (and hey, maybe a rear-window sticker for the van). But now that it's Harvard, I don't really feel like walking or driving around town looking like a billboard for D's acceptance letter.</p>
<p>I've seen shirts and coffee mugs that read "Harvard Dad" or "Harvard Mom" - I couldn't imagine getting one of those. Does this sound familiar to any of you all or is this just my personal neurosis?</p>
<p>I can't imagine that you would be the only parent to feel that way. I suffer from the very same problem, but as an admitted student. There's a kind of strange irony in finally achieving what we've been working at for for so long and then not being able to share it with other people.</p>
<p>I used to have the same problem, but I decided to get over it. I don't have a Harvard mug or car decal, and I never go out of my way to tell people where D is going to school, but if they ask I tell them. </p>
<p>A couple of years ago I decided it was worse to try to hide the fact, so I devised a mental test that I call the UCLA test. That is I silently ask myself if D were attending UCLA, would it be okay to mention the school, wear the t-shirt, cheer for the team, etc. in similar circumstances. If the answer is yes, then I go ahead and wear the Harvard t-shirt or answer "Harvard" when asked, etc. - not boast-fully but not bashfully or apologetically either. I try to use the same voice I would use if I were saying "UCLA."</p>
<p>If after passing the UCLA test there is still a problem with some people's reactions to the H-bomb, then I figure it's their problem and not mine, and I'm not going to worry about it.</p>
<p>I should be on the Yale board with this one...</p>
<p>D is having problems with people making snide remarks like "name brand school" "your speech should be worthy of the Ivy league" (an adult) "Oh yeah, I forgot you're going to Yale..."</p>
<p>We were so excited and wanted to share it with the world when we found out (we didn't) but D told a few teachers and the word spread. D has worked hard and deserves to go and to be proud of her acceptance. She is not arrogant, just happy. I don't understand the rudeness by people who didn't even apply. D is the only one who applied from her school. I wanted a bumper sticker but I don't think I will get one now.<br>
I just don't think it's fair that D is made to feel ashamed to wear her t-shirt when the kid going to party-school USA is walking around proudly advertising it for all to see!</p>
<p>I understand this sentiment. My d bought me for my birthday: a hat, teeshirt and a decal for the car. Last year she bought me a sweatshirt. I feel uncomfortable wearing them even though people whose kids go to other schools seem to have no problem. I do however have the decal on the car. For $47k a year, I should get something out of it!</p>
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<p>I just don't think it's fair that D is made to feel ashamed to wear her t-shirt when the kid going to party-school USA is walking around proudly advertising it for all to see!<<</p>
</blockquote>
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<p>I say don't let your D be ashamed. Ivy League kids get to have school spirit too. It's part of the college experience. Like I said above, as long as she is not being snotty about it, the bad reactions are the other people's problems, not hers.</p>
<p>And she'll be much happier once she gets to the Yale campus. As my D puts it about her campus: "Around here <em>everybody</em> got into Harvard, which leaves us free to talk about other things."</p>
<p>Living in New England it seems as if everyone has a Harvard sweat shirt (you can buy them cheap on street corners) they're almost as ubiquitous as Red Sox shirts! I doubt that most people who wear them are connected to Harvard. </p>
<p>I remember years ago, my Harvard bound brother and valedictorian of his high school class had a write up in the local paper at graduation. "John will be attending Howard University in the fall" He didn't even get bragging rights. </p>
<p>I think it shows a lot of class that you're concerned about this. Some people are obviously extremely insecure about this kind of thing. And the H-bomb can be a notorious conversation-stopper. I'd stick with what you do because on the other side of things are the people who drop the fact that they go/went to ______ university every chance they get. That too actually usually reeks of insecurity, but it doesn't come across that way.</p>
<p>Think about it this way. There are dozens of teams in the NFL. Only one wins the super bowl. Those guys are proud to be Super Bowl champions, not bashful. It is perfectly fine to say that you go to Harvard. As someone who got waitlisted there this year, I wouldnt feel bad if someone came up to me and said they got in. I would be happy for them. Thats what winners do, be it college admissions or the Super Bowl, they proudly display it.</p>
<p>As an accepted student, I'm constantly in this situation at school. After my acceptance, some of my friends even went so far as to stop talking to me. I certainly did not brag and I only informed the teachers who wrote my recommendations. My teachers proudly announced my acceptance in class and that is how suddenly people are talking about how "arrogant" I seem.</p>
<p>Sometimes I feel that it is unfair that everyone else can freely tell the world where they'll be going to college next year, but then I just tell myself that I don't need to have bragging rights to feel proud of myself. When my classmates purposely congratulate each other in front of me and then just look at me and walk away, I just ask myself what college I'll be attending. The answer I am able to give myself is more than enough to make me happy and forget about these petty people.</p>
<p>My son is finishing his freshmen year at H and I avoid the mention of his school to parents of his high school friends because there is still a bit of awkwardness especially among parents/kids who didn't get accepted. If forced we jokingly refer to Harvard as "Cambridge State"</p>
<p>Among his friends, my son has the extra burden of not really having tried to get into H but somehow he got accepted anyway. He didn't bother to tour the school and cut & pasted his application together on New Year’s Eve doing the bare minimum on the H supplement. Many of his unaccepted friends spent much energy and years focused on getting in, so he/we definitely feel the need to downplay his attendance.</p>
<p>My university supplied "Harvard 2011 Parent" t-shirt sits unworn nicely folded in my dresser although my wife still has the crimson "Harvard Parent" button that they give you during the move-in weekend to allow free admission to the H museums discretely (sort of) pinned to her hand bag.</p>
<p>My 17 year old daughter, who is completely unimpressed with her older brother's college, tells me that a H window decal won't even stick to the rusty '87 Honda that I drive, "so don't even try" - I wouldn't anyway.</p>
<p>H is a fine school; for many of you just accepted you may find it to be quite different from what you expect or what your other friends will experience at their colleges. Go with an open mind and be quietly proud.</p>
<p>Can you expand a little on your last statements, that Harvard will be different from what students expect and from what other students will be experiencing at their schools? Would love to hear about your son's first year. Did he like Harvard?</p>
<p>Our daughter is trying to decide whether to go to Harvard. She also did not put much effort into applying, mainly because she was focused on conservatories. The financial aid is very tempting, as are the classes in the catalog we picked up at the Coop. She just visited a class, and liked it a lot.</p>
<p>When she went into school after being accepted, she did not tell anyone, for fear of hurting feelings on a day when so many got bad news (from many schools). (I think she would have been equally reticent about getting in anywhere, actually). But when word got out anyway, it seems that the kids take it as a victory for the home team, because she is not exactly a conventional Ivy striver type of kid. In return, she is also really happy for friends who are headed various places that will suit them and are just as exciting as Harvard.</p>
<p>The reaction to the "H" word is pretty annoying, actually, and surprising. It's just a school. At this point, she/we try to avoid this reaction by not talking about it, not because we feel anything but because other people seem to.</p>
<p>Thanks for starting this post. I'm trying to get over it. Our kids have worked very hard and we should be able to say that they go to Harvard or anywhere else they chose to go to.</p>
<p>Regarding your request for me to expand my posting............my son has done well at Harvard academically and socially but the school "feels" different than he expected. He didn’t have older friends who went to an Ivy so the stories he had heard about Notre Dame, Bowdoin, GW, etc. were the typical freshman college stories - harder academics balanced by new freedoms and some zany freshmen antics. He did not find Harvard to be quite like that. The academics are as rigorous, or a little more, than expected but the intensity of his fellow freshmen, their seriousness, work ethic and competitiveness was a surprise. He's made lots of new friends at H but he still regularly visits his old high school friends at nearby colleges to decompress with more low-keyed kids.</p>
<p>This shouldn't be a surprise. A college completely full of "top 1%'ers" will feel different from a top school that has their share of stellar students but is also rounded out with just regular smart kids.</p>
<p>As an accepted student, I have the same problem. I try not to mention the name "Harvard" in my conversations with my fellow seniors whenever we talk about how excited we are for college. It's always, "I can't wait for college" instead of "I can't wait for Harvard", etc. I am literally the only senior going to an Ivy next year, so it makes it even more awkward when the name does come up. Most people are pretty happy for me though. What really didn't help the situation though, was that my principal announced it to the whole school via the intercom when she found out. I got a ton of dirty looks for that, mainly because people thought I wanted them to announce it. :X</p>
<p>My older son goes to Harvard. My younger son (a junior in high school), who's an athlete, wears Harvard sweatpants sometimes, and my wife wears a Crimson hooded sweatshirt on occasion. While they're both proud of their older brother/son, the fact that he happens to attend Harvard is perhaps the least of the reasons why. When they wear their Harvard sweats, that matter-of-factness about where he happens to go to school comes through, I think. It's just not that big a deal to them - so it isn't to others, either.</p>
<p>I resent the fact that I can't wear a Harvard t-shirt, without getting semi-dirty looks from a lot of people I know. Or, that I have to hedge with: "I'm going school in Boston" which is a lie, because Harvard's in Cambridge! </p>
<p>But those going to in-state schools have all the rights to brag & talk about decisions. </p>
<p>I couldn't even bring up the fact that I was deeply torn between Harvard and Yale without stupid critic. OK, I know I "can't go wrong" (but honestly, I can!!) --dont look down on my concerns, because choosing were one will be spending the next 4 years is a big deal, no matter if you've gotten into two great schools.</p>
<p>Fortunately, I know of several intelligent people (outside of school of course) to share my acceptance news with, each of whom would not feel "slighted." </p>
<p>And then everyone else...well, they dont get ****ed, just "awestruck," especially the non-seniors.</p>
<p>In fact, I think one of my friends put it best: </p>
<p>"It's impossible to get _______ mad now, because he has the best comeback for every insult: 'I'm going to Harvard'"</p>