<p>My daughter's a bright, lovely, socially conscious junior in HS. I've always assumed we'd find a way to send her to a sweet, possibly Quaker college similar to the ones where her dad and I met (Haverford and Bryn Mawr, back when oxygen was forming.) I know we're not rich, but I've never felt poor-- until I started looking at EFC stuff for college. I filled out the net price calculator for Earlham-- and spiraled into depression. How could I have misled this kid all these years? I was prepared to pay 25K a year out of our $110K income, but the NPC suggested that we should borrow 29K a year and that our daughter should borrow a further 7K a year. We haven't managed to save more than 15K for her. She has a mildly autistic older brother who will be in community college for a while-- it's great for him-- and there is a younger child to provide for. I feel like such a failure and a fraud and an awful parent. Our EFC is 10-20K-- low for our income, I guess because of her college-age brother and getting caught in the housing bubble-- so it blew me out of the water to be told that I would have to come up with 36K a year. I feel so broke, helpless, and awful. I am picturing my bright, eager Nabokov reader going off to Shippensburg with the drinkers and the partiers. It really feels like the ultimate failure to me right now-- that in spite of steady professional work, we can't afford to give our daughter the education we had ourselves. I'm so, so sad and overwhelmed and that's really not helping her right now. Anybody have any coping tips?</p>
<p>{{{ hugs }}}… :)</p>
<p>It sounds like you’re looking at schools that don’t “meet need”…so they’ve given you a big ole gap that you can’t fill.</p>
<p>What are your D’s stats? What is her likely major? There probably are some schools that would love to have her and help with costs. Maybe Mt Holyoke? Smith? some LACs? Birmingham-Southern? Some of the other CTCL’s?</p>
<p>Give us more info about your D…SAT breakdown, GPA, major, etc.</p>
<p>I don’t think there is any way our generation could have predicted the incredible rise in the cost of college. This chart says it all:</p>
<p><a href=“http://gunsandbullets.files.■■■■■■■■■■■■■/2010/06/total-cost-of-college-vs-other-goods1.png?w=500&h=338[/url]”>http://gunsandbullets.files.■■■■■■■■■■■■■/2010/06/total-cost-of-college-vs-other-goods1.png?w=500&h=338</a></p>
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<p>As m2ck suggests, a kid in the middle of the applicant pool at Haverford (1400 SAT) can get merit aid at some fine colleges.</p>
<p>What they expect you to pay and what they will give you at some colleges is very different. She might get merit scholarships or other types and as suggested, full need schools are sometimes more generous.
I have found that that some full need colleges can be very generous but others, can also meet the same numbers with scholarships. A lot depends on what GPA, scores, and other things she might bring to the table.
This sight might be a little overwhelming but it does have a lot of information about cost. No one can tell you exactly what a college will offer though, that to some degree will always be a mystery.</p>
<p>I am so sorry. I think you are experiencing what many of us have felt. I know I did. 2 years ago, my DS got into his dream school and they expected us to pay 42k. Luckily he also got into our state school which was also tied for #1 in his mind and our payment was dropped by $15k. It was the best decision and he couldn’t be more happy. Right now he is a sophomore and currently in Sydney doing a study abroad program.</p>
<p>Look at all your options, but don’t financially take on more than you can. Everything tends to work out.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>I know. I feel like a failure on many fronts,as a parent in many ways too. I live in an area where most families send their kids to whatever colleges they want and it 's usually the most selective, biggest name brand in terms of prestige and academics and to the tune of $60K a year, probably closer to $70K since they do all of the bells and whistles that go with it. We are struggling to pay half that, and we have not qualified for any financial aid. When I read what families are expected to pay at incomes/assets far lower than ours, I know that it’s all on us, not the system, And it depresses me greatly. But all of us have to juggle the every day living standards for the family as a whole and other commitments that arise, and though the story of a family living in a hovel with parents working 3 jobs to send kids to dream schools may be inspiring to some, I would never want my parents to have to live that way for a 4 year experience, and it churns my stomach the wrong way that others are doing this, risking their health and life experiences on such a tunnel vision. It’s still a lottery ticket whether it would happen and whether it is even the right thing.</p>
<p>My son who is in college got a full tuition scholarship to a local school which he immediately dismissed. He wanted to go away to college and to bigger name school. And he had such choices that he took. The cost is right at what we said we could afford, with just some leeway. Do leave that leeway as you may need every bit of it as he has. He now sees kids going to that school that he turned down who are happy and thriving and he is dealing with problems specific to the higher cost choice he made. Two years of perspective and a wiser young man now sees those choices in a whole other light. He still feels he made the right choice, but he can see it would not been the end of the world to have gone to school locally, and that there are some definite pluses doing so </p>
<p>The way it works for college is that you and your student have to pay for it with past, present, future dollars. Past in that you both save. Yes, your student should be putting away some of the birthday money s/he got from the get go. Those checks from the Christening on up to graduation. Any odd jobs, half the money should go into the college fun, it’s more than the tithe for church. And as soon as they can work they should be doing summer and some vacation/weekend jobs. It’s doing no favor to a kid who is going to have to work for a living to think otherwise, and too many families do that. It’s a rude awakening when they have to suffer the indignities of a paying job. So the kid should have a nest egg of his own by the time he hits 18, and the summer before college a marathon of work hours to get that money up to as high as possible. They are young, they can do it. They also should know that a part time job, maybe 10 hours a week is going to be in the picture while at college. And the Stafford loans are available at $5500 freshman year, though many schools snatch up the part that can be subsidized and maybe the whole thing for their own financial aid package. So, yes, the student should have some savings, work during the school year and summers and take out loans for his share of the cost.</p>
<p>Then, as a parent, you need to do the same. Get those savings up there, divide by 4 and that is the first year’s “past” contribution. Then you tighten the belt while they are in school–you will have some lower costs since you have one less driving or to drive, utilities may go down a bit, food bill can be lowered, etc. You also have to cut your costs when there is a kid college that is not a free ride. That’s how you make your “present” contributions as high as you can. Then, you borrow, to spread a four year cost over 14. </p>
<p>You also look for lower sticker cost options like state and local schools as well as some schools that may give merit money. It’s a tough go.</p>
<p>What year is your D now? It may be that you need to restructure your savings, especially any funds that you anticipate setting aside for your oldest, so that you can maximize aid.
And definitely run the net price calculator at a variety of schools. The numbers really do vary depending on the formula that they use, and the school’s financial picture. There are options out there that will fit your D, but it will require lots of legwork, targeting schools with good endowments that meet need with grants more than loans, and schools where merit $$ might be in the picture.</p>
<p>Demeron2, while I don’t necessarily feel like a failure, this whole process is causing me a fair amount of stress too. I work in higher ed and have been well aware of the skyrocketing costs, but I didn’t fully realize and appreciate the situation until we started personally experiencing it. We are a middle class family (perhaps bordering on upper middle class), and we simply cannot afford what may colleges say we should pay, and we’re not keen on S taking out the maximum amount of loans (especially since it seems that his will mostly be in the form of unsubsidized). He applied to a good state school, but that’s the last choice on his list (since it is much more rigid in its requirements than the other schools we’re looking at; all of our state schools are). </p>
<p>Besides the state school (which serves as our all-around safety), we ended up picking several colleges that award merit and several colleges that meet full need. So far, even at all except one of the schools where he has gotten the highest merit award they have to offer, the cost still seems daunting. I think if he were willing to travel farther from home, we would have had more options, but his very strong preference is to stay within a few hours drive from home. (Unfortunately, the one that so far actually seems relatively affordable IS the farthest away and is the only one that would require flying back and forth to.) </p>
<p>Like you, we also have multiple other children to think about. S has three younger siblings, and while DH and I might be able to struggle through big S’s college years so he could attend whatever college he’d like to, it doesn’t seem fair to make the other children struggle along with us for that reason.</p>
<p>So what are we doing? Well, we just keep plugging along and trust that even if it turns out he has to attend the state school, he’ll be fine. He has been accepted EA to his current top two choices (both of which award merit), and one of them has already started sending out FA information, so we are going to make sure that school knows it’s right there at the top and how much he would truly like to go there, and we hope that might make a difference. I am happy that at least we have something concrete to start working with now rather than having to do all of the comparing / negotiating / appealing in April. This is all so exhausting that if we were able to work a good FA package out with one of his top picks in the next month or so, I don’t even know that we’d even care anymore what were to happen with the rest of the schools. It will just be such a relief for all of us to have it settled!</p>
<p>You’re in good shape since your daughter is a junior. You still have plenty of time to spend exploring your various options - and I suspect there will be a good number of them. Seriously, even if she ends up attending a state college, she will be fine. But if that option is at the bottom of the list, like it is for my S, I’d suggest you start reading, reading, reading as much as you can and come up with a solid list of “appropriate for her” colleges where she may be likely to get generous financial aid (colleges that are known for being generous with their notion of need, colleges that you could expect her to receive significant merit).</p>
<p>Take a deep breath, make a cup of hot tea, and find a comfy chair in which to start reading those college guidebooks. It’ll be okay. :)</p>
<p>(BTW, one of the books we found to be helpful in this regard is The Princeton Review’s “The Best Value Colleges”. And we also happened to really like “283 Great Colleges”.)</p>
<p>Ouch. That BMC/HC thing really does leave its mark.</p>
<p>Guess what? Despite what you read in the Alum magazines, plenty of us send our kids to state schools. Mine even completed her AA at the local community college before transferring. She loves her university and her major there!</p>
<p>If your daughter has BMC/HC grades and test scores, there are good options out there that will throw money at her. For research techniques, start here:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/148852-what-ive-learned-about-full-ride-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/148852-what-ive-learned-about-full-ride-scholarships.html</a>
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/291483-update-what-i-learned-about-free-ride-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/291483-update-what-i-learned-about-free-ride-scholarships.html</a></p>
<p>Hang in there.</p>
<p>I, too, work in higher Ed and so was aware of the spiraling costs, but our income was low-- until a few years ago. We now enjoy larger income, but didn’t have the years to save leading up to college. Our strategy has been to (more or less) spurn many of the schools mentioned on cc regularly in favor this those in the tuition exchange group my employer belongs to. The exchange will cover full tuition, but it’s very competitive, even at schools most here would call “no name.”</p>
<p>My oldest d decided to attend school where I work, so the tuition benefit was guaranteed, and we pay about half our EFC. Younger d is a junior and looking. There are state schools on her list that we can pay for in addition to exchange schools. The problem with “merit” is the awards are misleading. Looked at a school d2 might have considered. Estimated “merit” was a big number, but the school was so expensive that there was still a big net cost. </p>
<p>There are almost 4000 colleges in the US, most of which are never mentioned on cc. The first step in finding a college you can pay for Is to get it out of your head that the kids need to go somewhere well-known. There are high stats kids everywhere, even community colleges, and they don’t die of boredom by being forced to hobnob with the academically non-elite. Your child really can have great experiences there. The second thing that helps is to realize state schools are often huge for a reason. Lots of people go there. They’re more affordable. U of state always has name recognition, too. </p>
<p>You’re not a bad parent because you couldn’t save a quarter mil per child. You’re a good parent because, knowing your financial limitations, you’ll be able to guide your children to affordable choices. </p>
<p>(And no, your EFC isn’t low for two in college).</p>
<p>We have saved a little more than you have for college. However, not only could we never afford the exorbitant costs most colleges expect, we would NOT pay it even if we could. It is not a message we would want to convey to our children. We were fortunate enough to get good fin. aid for our older son, and are waiting to see what we get for our younger one. However, he is well aware that he may not be able to go to the school of his choice because they are stingy with need-based aid. </p>
<p>Although this is unfortunate, he will find a college that works for him. And it is a life lesson. Just like not having a TV in his room or getting a car at 16. He is learning that he is privileged enough just to be able to go to college, and if it’s not perfect, then he will have to learn from it.</p>
<p>I am picturing my bright, eager Nabokov reader going off to Shippensburg with the drinkers and the partiers,</p>
<p>Just to let you know, virtually all colleges today have drinkers and partiers, except for the bible-type colleges. Even the small LACs and the top ivies have parties and alcohol issues. The good news is that all schools have serious students, so no matter where your D lands, she’ll be able to find friendships with like-minded students. </p>
<p>Regarding finding schools that will give your child large merit: Look for schools that are known to give VERY LARGE merit, where your D’s test scores (M+CR or ACT) are well within the top 25% of the school. As an extra insurance, also apply to a couple of schools that will give ASSURED large merit for her stats as safeties.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that merit awards FIRST go towards “need”, so to get costs down to what you can afford to pay, you need merit that is large. </p>
<p>Example.</p>
<p>$50k = COA
$20k = EFC
$30k = Determined Need</p>
<p>So, if a school’s tuition is $30k, and your D is given a full tuition scholarship, then your remaining costs are $20k…which sounds like an amount that you’re more comfortable with. </p>
<p>(Just my opinion…but, if you only have $15k saved and your income is $110k, then paying $25k per year may be quite difficult with a family of 5 and a mortgage…That would require you to be paying $2k per month towards college for 4 straight years. You might want to consider aiming for a lower ultimate cost. And, keep in mind that college costs increase each year, and sometimes aid, doesn’t.)</p>
<p>Take a look at some affordable alternatives. One is York College of PA, which has the most reasonable tuition among private colleges in PA at $16.5K tuition and fees. Room and board is also reasonable at 9K per year. They also provide merit aid up to $8.5 K per year, which brings the cost down to a public college like Shippensburg. York College also offers on-campus housing for all 4 years, and has built many new residence halls. They are also known to be more strict on partying than the public colleges.</p>
<p>Also, I’d apply to some colleges that promise to meet full need, or close to it. </p>
<p>In addition, I’d have her apply to the Honors Colleges at Penn State and U. Pitt. Penn State’s Honors College offers around $4K a year merit scholarship, plus a high quality residence hall.</p>
<p>My goal was to send my kids to colleges where they would not have to work during the academic school year, where they are likely to graduate within 4 years, and where they could graduate using only federally subsidized student loans. </p>
<p>It is desirable to avoid PLUS loans because the interest rate is high, and because parents need to save for their own retirement, so they don’t become a later burden to their kids. Also, there has been a toughening of credit standards for PLUS loans, and many parents find they no longer qualify.</p>
<p>PA.'s PHEAA offers grants to students of up to $4,000 a year. There is a table on their website that shows the average grant based upon income and the cost of the college, based upon an in-state public or private college. If you attend a college out of state, a student is likely to be ineligible for a PHEAA grant or only receive $300 a year. That provides an incentive for PA. residents to concentrate upon in-state colleges, unless an out of state college offers enough aid to make up for the difference.</p>
<p>Along with the other posters above, I wanted to tell you that you are NOT a failure. That you are investigating the realities of paying for college now is very smart and gives you time to find a great school that you can afford and that will be a great fit for your daughter. We had a similar situation in that the schools my husband and I went to (top 20 type schools) would have been great for what my D is interested in, but would be ridiculously expensive for us, probably >50K. It was an eye-opener. So we did a lot of research and have found a great fit in a public flagship that gives some merit scholarships to OOS students and has an amazing honors program. My D just loved it when we visited. Depending on your daughterÂ’s interests there are some amazing LACs that give really good merit aid. I have no idea if their NPCs would indicate that though. I would recommend reading Lynn OÂ’ShaughnessyÂ’s book The College Solution. It really puts things into perspective that there are colleges which will be a good fit for your D from all aspects, financial, atmosphere, and academics, and helps show you how to find them. She also has a blog which has some good articles. Good luck!</p>
<p>My family has similar financial constraints. One parent Ivy League, one instate Big 10. They would have liked to send me to any school I wanted, but despite being intelligent and hardworking their combined income has dropped from 100k to 40k over the last 8 years, due to underemplyoment, unemployment, and the weak economy. They told me up front they could afford 10k/yr, mostly from savings, but didn’t limit where I could apply. I knew where I went would be influenced by final cost. I applied to 6 schools and was accepted at 5. None met full need on paper and my stats were top 50-100% for all. One school had a huge gap, two a small gap, one private and the state flagship were fairy close and very doable. Final cost to me after merit scholarships and grants ranged from 9.5K to 32K, no loans. I took $5k in loans for freshman year, work 8-10h/week WS and my parents pay transportation, books, some personal expenses, and 5k for R&B. I picked a small LAC over the large state party school and couldn’t be happier. It’s not a top 50 school, but my classes are rigorous, the profs friendly and the campus welcoming. Earlham was a school I looked into, but like you the NPC was not favorable. The state flagship was probably my second choice. Despite being a large party school it has an honors college and many of friends both serious students and partiers have found niches and are happy there. I know I don’t go to the most prestigious school, but lots of people here pay way more than I do and it makes me feel good to get such a deal for a great college experience. Lastly both of my parents have had career ups and downs despite one being ivy from a rich family and one being state from a pell grant poor one. The college you attend has very little bearing on how your life turns out.</p>
<p>I love what soccerdude thought to add to the end of his post - he is absolutely correct and it’s something to keep in mind. My husband’s family is not wealthy but pretty darn comfortable. His mother went to Rutger’s and Columbia, and his father went to Duke and Princeton. My husband went to Cornell. I hail from a single-parent, very low income family and was a first generation college student. We knew little about the college process, and I ended up graduating from (and absolutely loving, btw) a little tiny school with only 600 students that almost no one has ever heard of. </p>
<p>My husband and I have extremely comparable state jobs - doing essentially the same type of work and making essentially the same amount of money. The big difference is that I ended up with nearly oppressive student loans. This is something I want to absolutely avoid happening to my children and so would push S (and the others too) towards attending the state school if it comes down to going there without loans vs. going to one of the other schools with maximum (or even “a lot”) of loans.</p>
<p>The problem with taking out loans for college is that if you couldn’t afford to save back then and can’t afford to pay right now, then how the heck are you going to pay for 10 years after your kid finishes school? And the fact of the matter is that a lot of kids are un and under employed for a year or more after college and if they have taken out student loans, they become due and payable too. If you don’t want to compromise their employability with a bad credit rating, you may be taking on some of their loan payments until they are on their feet. Also making a living wage may take more time than one thinks. They don’t become self sufficient and able to meet all their needs the day after graduation, you know. There are the job hunt bills, and getting on their feet bills and the gap bills those first years out of college in addition to paying off the loans incurred to get that degree. It doesn’t end right at graduation, believe me. Also medical issues… oh, the medical issues. they break a tooth, need new glasses, need an eye exam for those glasses, sprain an ankle, get into an accident, have symptoms that need to be checked out. The list never ends. You just hope they have a job with benefits before they turn 26 and are kicked off your insurance.</p>
<p>So the payment of college is just the first step. Most kids are highly likely to need support for some time after college, and things happen that cost extra during college too.</p>
<p>^ and forget about it if you have other kids who will be presumably going to college too. There’s no way we could take out loans to pay for the first one to go when we have three others in the queue. If parents take out loans to pay for the first one’s college, I don’t even want to think about how much more stressful the college process / financing becomes for the subsequent children.</p>
<p>First off, HUGS. You are not a failure to be in a situation that approximately 99% of the US population finds itself in – not having an extra $260,000 laying about for college 
Increasingly, many colleges in the US are becoming accessible only to the very wealthy or the very poor.</p>
<p>However, I’m not sure how to express what I want to convey. If YOU feel bad, then it might make your D feel bad. You need to get clear that being a “good parent” has nothing to do with having cash on hand to buy three Lamborghinis, if you know what I mean </p>
<p>So first, heal that heaviness in your heart, and then sit down with your D and explain what some of these schools look like in terms of cost – and give concrete examples of WHAT that kind of money buys around your house (show paychecks, show value of house, show car payments, show what high student loans would look like amortised over 10 years, show starting wages at “normal” companies). </p>
<p>In so doing, you will be giving your daughter a very valuable GIFT called a financial reality check, called realistic expectations of how the world is. Teach her to make the most of what she has available (that’s affordable) and teach her “who to be about it.”</p>
<p>To do that, you will need to clear/release your disappointment, and trust the universe a little.</p>
<p>When it’s time for her to choose among safeties, reaches and financial safeties and reaches, which are not always one in the same, you may both be pleasantly surprised at how things work out. But whatever happens, you’ll both be “ready” if you’ll be generous with yourself now and move forward.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing what many of us have grappled with. I wish you many blessings.</p>
<p>One conclusion - apply to a range of colleges - some in-state publics, some where merit aid is likely (which is usually one tier in selectivity below where you normally would target in admissions), and some where need-based aid is likely. Try to not let your son or daughter become too emotionally attached to any one college until you see the net cost. </p>
<p>Many less selective privates advertise automatic merit scholarships on their website for certain credentials. </p>
<p>Take advantage of any ability to apply for honors programs. Some colleges also have separate applications for some merit scholarships.</p>
<p>Take both the ACT and SAT. Many students do much better on one than the other. Most merit aid will use the better score between the two tests.</p>
<p>Submit financial aid forms as soon as reasonable to get a result back as soon as possible, to help in the decision-making. Some colleges require you to apply for need-based aid before you are accepted. Some will give an early answer on aid if you apply early.</p>
<p>Don’t rely too much on net price calculators. They are one very basic tool. Generally, the fewer questions that are asked, the less accurate they are.</p>
<p>Many students start in an expensive college, find they can’t afford it, and then transfer to a cheaper college. They get the worst of all worlds - large intro classes for basic subjects, lots of debt and a no-name degree. IF you realistically determine that you will not be able to afford 4 years at an expensive college, then a person will realize they should start at a cheaper college to study basic subjects and then transfer to a college with a better name to put on your degree. </p>
<p>At the same time, most private colleges offer the most aid to students who enter as freshman, not to transfers. At times, as a result, it can be cheaper to attend a more expensive college for four years that offers a large amount of aid than to attend a cheap college for 2 years and then end up paying full price for the last 2 years of the expensive college.</p>
<p>One factor that blows a hole in the budget of many families is when students don’t graduate in 4 years. Look at the average 4 year graduation rates. Some students don’t graduate on time because they change majors, and some because they need to take time off to work. However, other students are unable to get into the classes they need (in the order they need) to graduate on time. This is particularly an issue with programs that require a rigid set of classes to be completed in order.</p>
<p>Unless you have a special hook (orphaned female African-American studying engineering), don’t expect that applications for private scholarships will make a college affordable. The ones that are the easiest to get are often small, and the ones that offer the most money are almost impossible to get. The vast majority of aid money comes from the colleges, not from private scholarships.</p>