But you know what? Parents often have to compromise. I’m a single parent to two kids the same age and I couldn’t be two places at once many times during their lives. For three years, they went to different schools with different schedules and breaks. Sometimes I missed out on one child’s concert or game or play. One night it was one daughter’s last night at hockey (forever at high school level ) and the other one’s playoff game, each at the same time and the venues about 45 minutes apart. I could have sent the one to hockey by herself but she didn’t drive. We went to the lax game, left at half time for hockey. It happens. Having two move in at college on the same day wouldn’t be the end of the world. My parents sent me to college and said goodbye at the airport.
Graduation on the same weekend would be a tough choice, but my mother didn’t attend my graduation (any of them!) and look, I’m still here to tell the tale of survival. Because I had two graduating when they were in high school, I got 20 tickets! I really only needed one, although in the end we used 6. Neither of my kids even cared if THEY attended graduation. The possibility of both graduating the same weekend is pretty small. If they do, my kids will be 2000 miles apart. Nothing I can do about it.
Hi Pheebers, I actually created an account just to reply to this thread.
I have twin girls headed off to college in 10 days. They went to a HS of about 1000 students, had a lot of the same classes and the same circle of friends. When it came time for the school hunt, they decided that they would make their choices based on what they felt about a school regardless of what the other thought. If they both ended up together, it would be fine, but they wouldn’t try for one way or the other.
One fell in love with a school very early and it did not have the other’s intended major so that basically decided the question. They are at two different schools and each school seems perfect for each girl.
I felt very strongly that it was time for them to be separate. My husband really wanted them together. We promised each other we wouldn’t influence them either way. In my opinion, they needed a little distance to spread their wings. Both are within 2 hours of home but in different directions. I’m very excited for them, but there is a small part that worries about the adjustments.
My best advice would be to back off and let them figure it out. I know that’s harder than it sounds.
@mom2collegekids MHC mixes up the dorms. Nothing’s just freshmen and there are a lot of dining halls. Also my girls are not identical – for starters, one’s 8 inches taller than the other – although they do look like sisters.
I can’t deny that it would be convenient to have the girls be close to each other geographically, but we’re really used to juggling schedules. If necessary, we’re prepared to split up and have my husband drop one off while I drop the other. Not the end of the world. Both my husband and I are very organized and capable of dealing on our own, although I might get a bit sniffly during the first goodbye.
@twoinanddone I didn’t go to my own college graduation and the world didn’t collapse, so I get it. We as parents have also had to miss a lot as one DD has had swim meets on the same weekends as the other DD has had gymnastics meets, so the girls accept it as pretty normal and feelings aren’t hurt. We text and take pictures and fill each other in.
@WWC4me Thank you so much. I do intend to leave it up to the girls and I’ve told them that. One of mine has no opinion at all about whether it’s the same school, but I actually think she could use the independence as she has depended on her sister to lead in a lot of areas. I’m very happy for your girls. Your response is exactly why I posted this thread, to hear how it has worked out for others!
I can’t believe it’s getting so close to move in days. One goes on the Friday and the next on the Saturday. The time is going extraordinarily quickly. I will try to check back and update on the adjustment. I hope your girls have a fabulous senior year.
There is another benefit of having kids at the same college…same break days. If you’re a family that likes to travel for Spring break or Winter break, having kids with the same schedule can be convenient.
If that’s not something that matters to your family, then no biggie.
My DD1 has been room-mates with identical twin gals in an apt since May. They were supposed to be in the same dorm suite last year (4 BR/2BA) but housing screwed up and split up the twins - put one in the suite and the other not, so the twins went in a nearby suite together.
The twins are in different majors, both have their own transportation, and both work a number of hours at one/two/three jobs (now both have primary hours at one job). Both have steady boyfriends. They definitely do a lot independent of each other, but it does make it easy for their parents having them at the same school and close by.
This school gave them both good scholarships (as it did with DD1), is in-state (affordable for remaining costs) and is not far from their parents (or us).
Our two daughters are 25 months apart in age and 50 miles apart in college. They both love where they are at. We like that it is affordable and close enough to see them often enough but far enough that they have their independence. DD1 has a car; the other has two room-mates with cars and lives across the street from campus.
This spring, the kids overlapped spring break by a weekend, but one had some plans that excluded her from our family plans.
My identical girls had this exact situation. There is a lovely school an hour away that offered both very good financial aid and was a great fit. One didn’t care whether sister was at the school and had a number of good offers from other schools. The other cared, a lot. The one who didn’t care wound up at a LAC near her dad on the West Coast, and the other went to the nearby school.
Sometimes the one who went far away will wish she’d gone elsewhere for various reasons, though she had a fine time at her school. Others might have been a better philosophical fit. But identicals do have certain hurdles to jump through regarding individual identity, and they certainly did interesting and diverse things in their years in college. Their interests and abilities are similar enough that separation was for the best.
If one hadn’t done a gap year, I’d have been faced with deciding which graduation to attend. Now that I think about it, I may have that hurdle in two years, as both are starting grad school in the next few weeks, at schools six hours apart.
I have two girls that are 2/3 of my triplets who had the same decision to make this year.It did not matter to them if they were together or apart, whichever way it turned out, would be fine. In high school, they had the same group of friends, mostly the kids in the AP circle of students. Besides our state schools, they both applied to MHC, Smith, and Wellesley. From the get go, they had different first choices, one being Wellesley and one Smith. MHC was 2nd choice for both of them. They both got into all 3, with the best financial aid pkgs. coming from Smith and Wellesley. They did overnights at accepted students days at both schools. My Wellesley girl came home from Wellesley pretty sure what her decision would be, but decided to go up to Smith with her sister regardless. The night they got home from Smith, my Wellesley girl committed to Wellesley. My Smith girl was torn. She ended up making a list of the pros and cons of each, and ultimately decided that Wellesley felt like a better fit for her. So next Monday they will both be moving up to Wellesley. Their dorms are nowhere near each other, so dining and socializing will probably occur in different parts of campus. Classes however will probably include some of the same, given that they are both bio-chem majors. Once the decision was made both seem happy that they will be together. It is their triplet brother who I feel for. Obviously the women’s college was not possible so he will be alone at a state school. I am hoping this is a growing experience for him, out from under the protective wings of his sisters.
My daughter in suite with total 8 girls, four of them are two sets of twins, not living in the same room, but in the same suite. I would think more space than that would be good at this age, but I didn’t raise twins so what do I know? Question, the girls rooming with each of the twins feels like their chance of having a good friend has been nullified and they won’t have a confidant because the twin will always be closer to their sister and tell them everything. No offense to twins in any way, but they are curious (as am I) are these non twin girls in for a less than good experience with 2 sets of twins in the same suite? Is there anything to be concerned about or is it just odd?
It is odd. There are obviously many dynamic choices with this arrangement! My girls always highly valued their non twin friends, and hated the statement that they were so lucky to live with their best friend-true though that may be. They wanted other friends and to be part of a greater social circle, which is what your D will provide, along with the other suite mates. Some may be more insular. It all depends on the individual personalities. I’d say to not prejudge the situation. What an opportunity for someone with an interest in nature vs nurture questions.
I will say that with my girls being twins in HS, making friends was a little more challenging, as it is harder to approach a pair rather than an individual. Rooming with one might just be a way to break into that closeness a bit more easily.
But that is my slightly shy daughters. Other experiences may differ.
I was in high school with twins who I didn’t even know were twins for almost a year. One was in orchestra with me, so I saw her every day, talked to her, we were friendly but not pals. The other was part of my bigger social group but again we were not close friends. It never occurred to me they were twins. Our town had a lot of cousins and other relatives in the same grade, so it wasn’t unusual for last names to be the same. On the other hand, there was a set of twins in the grade above me who continued to dress the same through high school, even though one twin was rather normal and the other sort of a teacher’s pet/suck up kid.
Each set of twins is different, but I can tell you mine have different best friends and someone rooming with one of them would have nothing to worry about, bonding-wise.
I agree with @greatlakesmom that sometimes people hesitate to approach twins, especially when they’re younger, because they’re afraid twins come as a package and can only invite one to dinner, out to a movie, etc. We always went the route that like other siblings, they may get invitations that others wouldn’t get, and vice versa, and it all evens out.
@emah24 It sounds as if that was a pretty intense week or two! I’m sure they’ll love Wellesley. I actually grew up in the town of Wellesley very near campus, and I don’t have to tell you it’s a beautiful town and beautiful campus. I would be thrilled if one of my kids went, but I doubt it’s a realistic reach for them.
I think I always imagined that the ideal (convenience-wise for me, anyway) would be one at Smith and one at Mount Holyoke, but neither bonded with Smith.
I know of a similar situation who ended up going to the same 1,100 student college. Because of their different interests, they hardly ever saw each other except for once a week when they had a lunch date. If you work with the college, they can be placed in different dorms for the first year.
@Pheebers, don’t discount Wellesley as an unrealistic reach. We kind of assumed one would get in, as her guidance counselor told her that Wellesley was a match, and not a reach. For the other one, Wellesley really was more of a reach, not based on her grades, but on her standardized tests, as they are not test optional yet.I absolutely believe that her ACT’s being so much higher than her SAT’s were a big part of why she was admitted.
Just had a conversation with DD1, who has stronger stats and ECs, and she’s going to take a look at Wellesley. They have a lovely med school acceptance rate, which is important to her. She actually has several friends there now and they say academically it’s been tougher than their AP-filled HS, so that makes her nervous as med schools want GPA. I think she was also worried we’d expect her to live at home and commute (we live 10 min away) but I was able to reassure her about that anyway.
I’ve got seven kids, and I’m struggling to pay for their college education. DS is already in college, and he’s already reaching great heights. Took him long enough to make his debut in Super Smash brothers.
Anyone with twins already in college who also have younger siblings at home? I also have a 15yo sophomore and a
10yo fifth grader. All four girls are extraordinarily close and I’m wondering how the transition was in other families. I’m noticing the big girls really taking extra time these days to spend time with and connect to the youngers.
“I agree with @greatlakesmom and @Pheebers that sometimes people hesitate to approach twins, especially when they’re younger, because they’re afraid twins come as a package and can only invite one to dinner, out to a movie, etc. We always went the route that like other siblings, they may get invitations that others wouldn’t get, and vice versa, and it all evens out.”
I am so happy my kids have each other - when they were younger, there weren’t many invitations for any of them .
I have quadruplets - 3 sons + 1 daughter. They just turned 18 and will be going to 4 different colleges in 4 different states - 2 to 4 hours from home. It will be the first time they are separated from each other. There were 3 colleges that all applied to and were accepted, but they money wasn’t enough.
The first leaves Saturday 8-22, then my D on 8-27 and then 9-2 & 9-4
I can’t imagine your stress! I guess the good thing is that you will have more time on your hands at home. Please keep us posted on how it all goes. There’s lots of support to be found here.
