Anyone else want out of here?

Colleges and Universities A-Z Binghamton University - SUNY
1

<p>I'm a freshman here at Binghamton, and I've been terribly homesick/having an awful time adjusting to college. I'm not much of a partyer, and being from upstate, I feel like I can't connect to the people here at Binghamton, who are almost all from NYC/Long Island/New Jersey, and who are also almost all Jewish.</p>

<p>These just aren't my kind of people.
Does anyone else feel the same?</p>

<p>I've entertained the idea of transferring to Geneseo as soon as for the Spring 2009 semester. I want to give this place a chance, but can anyone tell me if it's gonna get better?</p>

2

<p>I'd try going to schools in Ohio if you want to get away from that sect of people</p>

3

<p>hp - i wonder if you realize how offensive some of your statements are? all those downstaters and Jews keeping you from feeling comfortable at binghamton. i can only hope is you didn't really mean this how it sounded.</p>

<p>first of all, college should be time for expanding ones horizons. if you really just want to be surrounded by the same type of people you were with in high school, by all means, transfer -- but don't expect any college to be homogeneous -- admissions officers try hard to avoid that.</p>

<p>second of all -- i think your unhappiness is distorting your perceptions a bit. a lot of students are from the NYC metro area -- that's something you really should have been prepared for. but only 42% are from NYC and long island. 33% from upstate. 15% are even from outside of NYS <a href="http://admissions.binghamton.edu/measureofexcellence.pdf%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://admissions.binghamton.edu/measureofexcellence.pdf&lt;/a>
and only about 30% are Jewish. but how is that exactly relevant anyway? </p>

<p>as for the partying -- that occurs at any college campus. there are plenty of people at binghamton who are happy to hang out and watch movies. maybe your hesitancy to look beyond certain labels is keeping you from finding them? and by the way -- did you consider requesting chem-free housing? it might have increased your chances of finding like minded people.</p>

<p>there are an awful lof of clubs at binghamton -- have you tried going to any that might let you meet people with similar interests?</p>

<p>it sounds like you've found yourself outside of your comfort zone -- that's not unusual for college!! please really think about what is making you uncomfortable. the fact that people may come from different backgrounds than what you are used to does not in any way mean you can't get along with them and be friends. try to push yourself outside your comfort zone -- its not easy -- that's why its called a comfort zone!!</p>

4

<p>I understand the homesickness, but not the "These just aren't my kind of people." thing.
Enough said. Also, you should have looked at the school in more depth if those "kind of people" bothered you. disgusted!</p>

5

<p>Ok, I didn't mean to sound offense, people. I'm not some ignorant bigot.</p>

<p>I just don't feel comfortable here. I could be very wrong, but I strongly feel that NYC/Downstate people are very, very different in inherent nature/personality than upstate/western New Yorkers.
I think it's the city mindset--know everyone, be friends with everyone, always have things to do and entertain you.</p>

<p>That is the vibe I get. I admit my perceptions do prevent me from trying harder, but then again, I also feel that I've tried my fair share. Eight weeks here and I still feel like it's week number one. I meet up with new and different people about once a week and I've been consistently let down. I expect too much from this place, I think.</p>

<p>So excuse me for not clicking. Excuse me for feeling uncomfortable, and excuse me for feeling scared. </p>

<p>And "these people" don't bother me. They can act how they want. What bothers me is that I'm stuck amidst them all. To be their friends--real, true friends--I would have to change who I am, and compromise what I believe in. That is NOT going to happen. Let me tell you. And as for looking more in-depth, that's kinda difficult when you're limited financially to the SUNY system and, likewise, limited academically to either Binghamton or Geneseo. Those are the best schools out there that I can afford. </p>

<p>But, thank you all for your opinions and advice.
Though this may have been taken offensively, I did not mean it to be.
This is simply how I feel, and I hope I clarified in this post.</p>

6

<p>Do not belittle the SUNY system in such a regard. "Limited academically to Binghamton or Geneseo". Have you considered Stony Brook at all? I don't think the partying thing would as much as a problem there. It's generally more of a suitecase school. A lot of kids go home on weekends... </p>

<p>But you'll run into a lot of Long Island/downstaters there too.</p>

7

<p>hp - you may not want to be coming across as offensive, but quite honestly you are. you are accusing others of having a certain "mindset" when, it seems to be your mindset that is limiting. no one is telling you to change who you are, but you have lumped all downstaters together -- truth is that they are a diverse group in and of themselves -- but you can't see that. </p>

<p>you are having trouble being comfortable at college -- that happens to a lot of freshmen. i'm not trying to deny that it can be hard to find a group of people with whom you are truly comfortable - that can happen anywhere. but you are blaming it all on upstate vs. downstate. there are 11,500 undergrads at binghamton and you have convinced yourself that they are all downstaters who are just too different from you for you to find friends. (you didn't reiterate your issue with the number of Jewish students - I hope that is because you realized just how inappropriate and offensive that part of your complaint was). </p>

<p>as long as you feel this way, it will be true. i don't know what else people here can tell you.</p>

8

<p>Listen, I stand by my convictions because I am an individual and I am entitled to my opinions. I do not mean them to be offensive, and quite frankly, I feel that they are not. </p>

<p>I am open to meeting new people and trying new things. Really, I am.
But I have been here for 8 long weeks, and nothing has improved from week one. I have made the efforts necessary. I have tried numerous times.
Forgive me for trying to find out what's wrong here. Because I have no intention whatsoever of spending the next 4 years of my life in such a state of unhappiness. </p>

<p>If it's not here, it's not here for me.
I'm sorry.</p>

<p>And it's not ALL upstate v. downstate, though I do still believe that's a large piece of it.
It's also the city of Binghamton. It's a crappy town. Not much to do other than a bunch of sketchy bars and frat. parties. Sure, there's the First Friday Art Walk, but that's once a month. An online Calendar of Binghamton Events through the city's website is one of my favorite pages that I check every day, only to be disappointed. There are some things to do here, but they seem to be few and far between. </p>

<p>I miss my Rochester, NY. I miss my Finger Lakes.
Frankly, I'm not sure why I decided to post on these forums... I am sure enough that I want out of here. I do not need your opinions to help me formulate any logical decision.
The only person who knows what I need is me.</p>

9

<p>As a recent graduate of Suny B I can understand your viewpoint even though I dont necessarily agree with it. Bing is not a place for everyone, but I also dont think your giving it enough of a chance. It took me until my sophomore year to have a good group of friends that I hung out with all the time. Once you find your niche of people that you enjoy hanging out with you sort of make the most of any boring weekend in bing. You should join more clubs and groups and expand your comfort zone. Meet more people, go to more events. I passed the time by going to most oncampus basketball and soccer games because I met a group of guys like myself who really enjoyed college sports. Try going to soccer game at the sports complex or a basketball game when the season starts. Try to meet like-minded individuals, that might help.</p>

10

<p>ok - if nothing else, i think it important for you to really identify what is going on because that will help you decide whether transferring will solve your problem.</p>

<p>now you are saying its the town of binghamton you have a problem with. and you are considering transferring to geneseo?! do you really think that there will be more to do in geneseo than in binghamton? (i'm not trying to put geneseo down, its a fine rural community -- but i don't think anyone will claim its known for offering exciting activities!)</p>

<p>geneseo is a lot closer to your hometown of rochester -- but if you expect to go home most weekends, consider this -- 1) leaving college most weekends significantly decreases your chances of making close friends at college, 2) is what made rochester so attractive to you still there -- ie are most of your hs friends elsewhere now anyway?</p>

<p>i get that you are unhappy. but you're not going to become happy if you don't figure out what it is you are really looking for and what YOU need to do to get it. don't let your unhappiness make you jump to conclusions as to what is causing it and what will solve it or you will just find yourself unhappy elsewhere.</p>

11

<p>Maybe I can help a little. I’m the mother of a college student. I live just up the road from Binghamton University. I went there as a grad student a long time ago. My son is an upstate kid, a graduate of a local high school who goes to college in Rochester. But I grew up in New York City. I’m even Jewish. So I understand your situation from a lot of different angles (and I’m not offended by any of the things you said). </p>

<p>If you really feel you’d be happier at Geneseo, and you can get the kind of education you want there, you should go ahead and transfer. And if going there means you’d be visiting your family in Rochester most weekends, that’s no big deal. Plenty of students attend colleges that aren’t far from home; many even live at home while going to local colleges. These people manage eventually to become adults and separate themselves from their parents, just like the students who go to school far away.</p>

<p>As long as you’re at Binghamton, though, you might as well look around you for the people who aren’t so obvious – the quieter ones, the ones who don’t dominate the room. These might be the people you’re more comfortable with. They are out there. They’re just harder to notice, by definition. Some of them even come from downstate. </p>

<p>For more information on off-campus events, beyond what you’re finding on the City of Binghamton’s Web site, try the Entertainment section of [url=<a href="http://www.pressconnects.com%5Dpressconnects.com"&gt;http://www.pressconnects.com]pressconnects.com&lt;/a> | Press & Sun-Bulletin | Binghamton news, community, entertainment, yellow pages and classifieds. Serving Binghamton, New York<a href="the%20Web%20site%20of%20the%20local%20newspaper">/url</a> and the Arts Calendar at [url=<a href="http://www.wskg.com%5DWSKG"&gt;http://www.wskg.com]WSKG&lt;/a> Public TV & Radio - Home<a href="the%20public%20radio/tv%20station">/url</a>. </p>

<p>If I can help with any information about the Binghamton area, please don’t hesistate to ask. Good luck!</p>

12

<p>I absolutely agree with the whole point of... well if it's binghamton the town that's disappointing to you than Geneseo won't help you much there. I've visited both and part of the reason why I chose bing. over geneseo was simply because of that. Geneseo is about half the size of binghamton, but it lacks the "city" surrounding it. So therefore, statistically speaking you would have a LOWER chance of meeting like-minded individuals along with the "exciting activities" that are perhaps, well... missing...</p>

13

<p>
[quote]
I could be very wrong, but I strongly feel that NYC/Downstate people are very, very different in inherent nature/personality than upstate/western New Yorkers.
I think it's the city mindset--know everyone, be friends with everyone, always have things to do and entertain you.

[/quote]
I'd say that on average, most 18 year olds like to be outgoing, make friends with others, and have things to do...it's a little unusual you don't. Of course there's nothing wrong with that - some people are just really introverted and don't like to make friends or go out - but don't expect a radical change once you leave Binghamton. In general, most college students like to make friends and have fun...and that's what you said you're trying to avoid. </p>

<p>But how can you complain that other people are always trying to have things to do and be entertained, when you yourself are complaining about lack of exciting things in Binghamton?</p>

14

<p>I never said I don't WANT to make friends and have fun!! I do!! I don't want to be the miserable mess that I've become! </p>

<p>With that said, I admit, I am an extremely introverted person. I'm ridiculously hard to get to know, I have serious difficulties trusting people, and I need more "me time" than anyone I know. But when I've had my fill of alone time, I need to be social, too! I think one of the reasons that the college transition has been so hard for me is that I came from high school, where I had 2 or 3 circles of friend groups, but I also had 3 best friends who I spent the majority of my time with. I'm a prime example of a kid who put more focus on quality than quantity. The four of us knew each other inside and out. We felt completely comfortable in every situation with each other. It sounds cliche, but we were in almost every regard, the same person. We became known as a unit. It wasn't one without the other three. That sounds pathetic and silly, but it was my life, and I enjoyed every single minute I spent with them.</p>

<p>Coming from 4--almost 5 years--of that kind of friendship, I think I immediately expect that kind of intimacy when I try to make new friends. I don't know how to not expect it. I try to befriend people, but I feel let down, and I'm just bringing it to my immediate consciousness that my subconscious gives up because I've never had to work to make friends like this. I know how you're supposed to do it, but I can't! I have a mental block, and I just give up too easily. I'm not ready for the college experience. I'm not ready to let go of everything I know and replace it all with new things. I can't do it without someone or something familiar pushing me and leading me along. I tried to take the leap to Binghamton, and I fell flat on my face. And I've been lying on the ground for 2 months now.</p>

<p>I know I can't live in the past. But I'm too stubborn to allow myself to accept the present.
If I were to transfer, I would be connected to pieces of my life--the Rochester region, people I know from high school, etc. that could be the crutch I need.</p>

<p>I want to be able to leave the nest. I want to be able to live on my own. I want to be happy and enjoy what everyone keeps telling me are supposedly the "best years of my life." I don't think I can do that here. It's only been two months, but I can't spend 4 years at even half of what I'm feeling now if I'm going to survive without become a complete depression case. I really do want them, but where I'm at now, I can't do them. It's a battle of wills inside me, and one side is losing.</p>

<p>But maybe it's a question of "not now... not yet." I just need to take the baby steps for now. Geneseo isn't a stretch for living on my own and living the college life, but it is still college. I'm confident I can handle it. It's a baby step that will hopefully eventually lead me to the things I want to do in life.</p>

<p>I apologize 1,000 times over for saying things that seems to contradict myself. I'm sorry for offending anyone. It's a lame excuse, but I am a mess. My is racing over hundreds of thoughts and "what if's" at once, and my heart aches like no other. </p>

<p>I don't make the wrong decision. I research and research until I know every possible fact there is. And until I've gone over and weighed every what if in my head, I don't decide on anything. But when it came down to Geneseo or Binghamton for me, I immediately disregarded Geneseo because I thought it was too close, that it wasn't the stretch I was looking for. </p>

<p>High school blinded me. I thought I was so ready to do it all. And I still want to do it all. But these 2 months at Binghamton have proved to me that I was not ready. I can't do it. It's not a matter of self-confidence at this point, it's a matter of fact. I am not ready to do it. I have never felt like I have these past 8 weeks for more than a single day, if that. I can't do it any longer. It's ridiculously hard for me to admit that I could have made the wrong choice, but it's even harder for me to try and survive this environment. I think I did make the wrong choice. </p>

<p>But please, continue to give me your opinions and your advice. I don't want to screw this decision up. I feel like I've already done that once, already. Everything you say helps me to see with a wider scope, and a larger perspective that will hopefully allow me to make the most rational decison--the right decision.</p>

<p>Again, sorry. But please, bear with me.</p>

15

<p>I understand what you are going through as I went to a college I didn't feel was right for me when I was your age. I stayed for 2 years and then transferred. I didn't like the "mentality" of the kids there either. Their values just didn't match mine. Maybe there were kids there that would have meshed with me, but I just never met them. You are only at Bing for a short time, so things could still work out for you, but maybe you should send out a few apps to give yourself an out if you want it.</p>

<p>My son is also at a school where he feels that many of kids don't really mesh with him, however, he did find a nice group of like minded friends. Even so, he has decided to transfer with mixed feelings. He is going to SUNY New Paltz. It is a step down for him in school reputation, coming from a good Private school, but I hope he will find lots of cool people to hang with. New Paltz has a very diverse population and an accepting reputation. Hopefully it will all work out. I have my fingers crossed.</p>

16

<p>Ok, here is the situation. You must have been very sheltered wherever you grew up . Your friends are moving on, and you may not have been ready to go to any college for at least a year. Because of peer and parent pressure, you had to make a decision on where yo go. It could have been a 1000 people college and still would have been a problem, for you were not ready yet to take this task. Now, you are here, and the cold months are coming which could make matters worse and really bring you into a depresssion.
So, having said that, and the unlikeliness you will take some time off from college, based on what I have read, you need to look at your options. You are homesick, and need advise in the school itself. They have to have counseling for people experiencing what you are experiencing now. The other option, is to look elsewhere, but don't expect your old friends to be the same as they were a short time ago. They have found their niche, and they have grown. Youu need a small college, with more personalized attention, and I am not sure of your financial situation, but a school like Junniata in Pensylvania may be a good fit. Look at the book "Colleges that Change Lives", easy read, and will help you to discover where you would like to have a fresh start. Howver, be prepared for life. Not everything will come to your door, you have to go and get it!
Be brave, and admit publically your feelings, and you will see you are not alone, there are many kids in the same shoes as you. Then, learn from them, and see what they did to overcome this anxiety. good luck and let us know on what you decided to do!</p>

17

<p>I have scheduled appointments with counselors, actually. I've only been to one, because they're really backed up, I guess.</p>

<p>But I think you're right in that I need a smaller school. Financially, I'm mostly limited to the SUNY system, as a New Yorker. I've applied to transfer to Geneseo, and I am anxiously awaiting the decision. I'm 95% sure I'll go if I get in. It's half the size of Binghamton, less Math, Science, Engineering oriented (though I realize they do have GREAT programs in these areas, they aren't the only areas that the school seems to excel in), it's closer to home, but not too close, and there are people there from my high school and the surrounding region that I know and that can help with with the whole college transition process. I'm not the best of friends with these people, but I can trust that I can finally be myself at college if I'm around them. </p>

<p>Here, I've turned into this sad little puppy dog who's just a mess all the time. That is not me. That never was me. I don't know who I am here, or how to be happy. It's pathetic and I hate myself for it. A change will be welcomed, and I think I'm making the right decision by transferring. And at this point, even though it's so early, I'm looking forward to having a second start to college. You know? Like, I messed it up once and let life get the best of me. I learned more about myself in these past 2 months that I have the previous 18 years of my life. I'm ready to go back to being me, but this time, I'm going to know more about myself. I don't like to think I've changed, but rather, I've just found out more about myself. I'm ready to try again, and give it my all while subconsciously (or maybe consciously) drawing support from the familiarity of people and place, and the closer proximity to home. </p>

<p>Just thank you all so much, and please, keep giving me suggestions.
For the first time in my life, I'm seeking all the help I can get. I realize I can't do this by myself, and that is so hard. But I'm ready to listen, and I'm ready to move forward.</p>

<p>Now it is just a matter of reminding myself what lies ahead, and keeping that in my mind to help me survive the present. I just need to stay stable and OK here until I can leave in 53 days.</p>

<p>Is it bad that I'm counting?
Hahaha...</p>

18

<p>I hope you get into Geneseo, it will give you something to look forward, and will bring a smile back in your face. Good Luck!</p>

19

<p>Topic creator, you're not the only one who feels this way. I want out too. The truth is, Binghamton isn't a very friendly school. During my first few weeks as a freshmen, people were friendly. I met a lot of interesting people. But after a while, if you haven't made any friends, you're pretty much stuck. By then, people have already established their cliques.</p>

<p>Speaking of cliques, there are many. You see, Binghamton students are very, well not antisocial, but definitely insecure. Many tend to stay within their comfort zone. Heh, you know exactly what I mean, just walk into ANY dining hall. Whites hanging out with whites, large groups of asians congregating within their own ethnic group (ie. Chinese with Chinese, Koreans with Koreans only, that's how bad it's gotten), blacks and hispanics together... You catch my drift? Of course, you occasionally see an asian or black person in one of those large white groups, and vice versa, but these are only the exception.</p>

<p>I'm not saying these are the only kinds of people you see. There's definitely many friendly people here, but they are few and far between. I spoke to someone who had transferred to Cornell from Bing, and I asked him how the people are like over there. He told me that people are much friendly over there, and much nicer. Well, that's not surprising since many of the people at Cornell are smarter and know that differences in races are trivial, and that we're all really the same inside. Of course, the people in Binghamton won't ever get that.</p>

<p>So yeah, if you're feeling down, I'd seriously transfer to a better school, if you can make it in. I don't know who ever coined the term that college will be the best four years of your life. It certainly isn't the case for me. Since you're a freshmen, don't let this opportunity pass you up.</p>