Ridiculously homesick and bad roommate, too.

<p>I am a freshman at SUNY Binghamton, one of the best public universities in the country. It was by far not my first choice. I begin in this manner not to gloat, but just the opposite - I acknowledge the wonderful educational opportunity offered to me, but I still have an immense amount of trouble adjusting.</p>

<p>I hate it here. Let me note right away that I am trying to transfer, I am just having so much trouble dealing with things in the meanwhile. Moreover, I am fairly satisfied with the academics - challenging classes, great professors and TAs. It's adjusting to the college life that's very difficult for me.</p>

<p>Where do I begin? I was born in Moscow, Russia, and moved to NYC when I was 10. I am a city boy in every sense of the word. I spent my last three summers at an international arts festival in Michigan, where for 6 weeks immensely talented artists from all over the world - musicians, filmmakers, actors, photographers, etc - come together to do art. The learning experience is unparalleled and the instruction is fantastic, but what I remember best was the friends I made from all over the world - a friend from Spain, Seria, Bolivia, Hong Kong. Diversity is a big deal to me. Meeting people that come from a completely different background from mine and sharing ideas is a really, really big deal to me. Needless to say, when I was searching for a college, I was trying to mimic my summer festival experience - a diverse population and a passionate, talented student body.</p>

<p>So, there is problem number one. I am in the middle of nowhere, and the student body consists entirely of New Yorkers - Long Island, Upstate, a few people from the city. The majority of the people here are intelligent (admissions is tough), but everybody comes from the same place as I. I don't learn anything new from the people here. Everybody is either from a farm in NY or a small suburban community in Long Island. There is no diversity, no spice, no excitement.</p>

<p>Problem number two is that I miss the city. I got together with my girlfriend at prom - I had known her all throughout high school - and we spent every minute of the summer together. I didn't see it lasting past that, but when it came time for me to go away, I couldn't let go. I was absolutely madly in love with her, and she with me. We decided we were going to make it work. I visit her in the city [four hours/$50 away] every two to three weeks, and we find ourselves to be more and more in love as time passes. The girl is my world, and although it is immensely hard for me to leave her to come back here, she is worth going through all the trouble in the world for. I'll admit that she is about half the reason I'm feeling as homesick as I am, but she isn't the entire reason, and that's important to understand. The thing here is, because I visit the NYC so often to see her and my parents [whom I love!] it's a little harder to adjust.</p>

<p>The campus here is crap. It is seemingly green, but all the buildings are gray, square blobls. The tiny town of Binghamton is crap and the weather is terrible - everybody acknowledges it. It's most often overcast and snows and rains a ****load. I will quote Wikipedia: "Binghamton is known for its heavy cloudiness; it is the seventh cloudiest U.S. city, and the cloudiest east of the Rocky Mountains." It's pretty depressing.</p>

<p>Finally, there's my roommate. We used to be best friends in HS, and when we applied to eight colleges each, we couldn't imagine we'd have the opportunity to room together. People warned us plenty - "don't room with your friends!" - but of course, we didn't listen.</p>

<p>We haven't argued once in three years, but when we moved in, we immediately had disagreements over who plays music out loud (I need complete silence to study), who keeps what in the fridge, whether the window gets left open at night (it gets really cold, but he likes the breeze.) We used to be close and together, now we barely talk (although we don't fight anymore). I wouldn't care less if he were just some guy, but we used to be best friends. I hate arguing with him, he starts yelling and treating me like a complete idiot, and I'm not the yelling kind of guy.</p>

<p>I'm taking a very challenging course load (21 credits) and I'm doing a LOT of music, so I barely have any time at all to hang out. I'm a pretty social person, but I've made few friends. I have time to go out on the weekend, but I haven't met anybody exciting at all.</p>

<p>Now, the two reasons this is REALLY getting to me:</p>

<p>I live an hour away from Cornell, one of my top choices, and a school where my best friend goes. I visited her more than once and had a fantastic time. The food is amazing (arguably best in the Ivy League) and the campus is breathtaking and inspiring. She lives in a single, which are abundant at Cornell. I came to visit her, and we went out with a bunch of people, some her friends, some she had never seen before. I got along with these people amazingly well. They are incredibly intelligent, yet still very modest. Moreover, everybody has a story, and there are very few New Yorkers. One of the people in the group was a Canadian engineering major who used to work as a chef, another on a full scholarship from Columbia (yeah, the country in the Caribbean).</p>

<p>Still, most importantly, it all comes together when I go home for the weekend every two to three weeks and feel so cared for by my parents and my girlfriend. I have my OWN room and I don't have to worry about whether I open or close the window, don't have to worry about paying for food, running to the library to study or print stuff out. I feel so cared for and so loved, so at home, because of my parents and because my girlfriend has become a part of 'home.' I feel like I may have moved out too early, and I sure as hell have nothing but studies to come back to when I head back up to college at Binghamton.</p>

<p>So, I'm working my butt off to try and transfer next year to a school like Cornell or Penn (my dream school), but if it doesn't work out, I am contemplating moving back home to go to college. It wouldn't be as well-reputed a school (probably CUNY Baruch), but it'd cost a hell of a lot less and I'd be back in the city I love at the home I love.</p>

<p>I'm having a very tough time. My studies are all I have - I think of them as my anchor out of here. Please help, share if you have been through something similar. I read up on being homesick, but it's way past the first three weeks, and going back home every few weeks is sure as hell not helping.</p>

<p>Funny, I'm miserable at Baruch and applied to Bing for the upcoming Spring.</p>

<p>I moved across the country for school, didn't really get homesick. Although, I did hate it at first because I was a little culture shocked. You have to realize that lots of freshman feel overwhelmed by everything at first. This is my advice:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>You took a heavy course load, terrible idea for first semester. The beggining is when everyone makes friends and you are put at social disadvantage. Also, adjusting to college academics can be dificult. Lighten the load next semester.</p></li>
<li><p>You and your roommate need to hash some stuff out. If he wants to listen to music then he should wear headphones. If he wants the window open then you should wear a blanket. You are going to have to compromise and make the best of it. </p></li>
<li><p>You are going home too often. I know your girlfiend is back home and you are in love with her. I'm pretty sure everyone your age in a serious relantionship thinks they are in love (I know I did.) I will tell you right now, I knew tons of people with HS relationships coming in, and I only know of one that survived and that is because he transfered to her school. I'm not telling you to break-up, just realize people change after going to college. You are investing a lot of time and money while sacrificing your weekends for a high-risk relationship. Continueing highschool relationships without intent to transfer is a classic rookie mistake made by freshman. Some people are going to disagree with me on this, but that is just the way I see it.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Why didn't you just go to Cornell?</p>

<p>Like I said, I didn't make it to Cornell, but I am looking to transfer there and to a few other schools closer to the city.</p>

<p>Thanks for good advice so far.</p>

<p>A mom here.</p>

<p>You are taking waaaay too many hours and I think the stress is probably ninety percent of your problem. I know you love the academics, but I've done 21 hours with labs (like music) and it doesn't leave you time to sleep, much less get involved in some ECs. I would drastically reduce that for spring - probably 15 hours, definitely not more than 18 in any way, shape or form.</p>

<p>It's normal to be homesick!! You love your parents and you've got a relationship going. This should not be a surprise. The question is: how to cope? I would <em>highly</em> recommend seeking out some ECs - clubs will be where you find other kids like you!!! That's why you've got to cut back on those hours.</p>

<p>Also, I know this is really hard, but you've got to cool down your relationship with your girlfriend a bit to make sure you make it through college. We are made so that we desire to complete relationships - to become one with one another - to get married. It is going to be brutal to keep up this level of intensity for four years and you really need to graduate in order to be the right kind of husband for her. If you really love her (and not just being in love), tell her y'all have got to cool it down some so that you can get this degree that will make the future easier for both of you if this relationship lasts.</p>

<p>I think if you get out and get involved, it may make it a lot easier to like where you are. If you are sure you want to transfer, remember that you need to keep your grades up and you really need some ECs if you are applying Ivy.</p>

<p>I hope this all works out for you!</p>

<p>Huguenot Mom</p>

<p>Transfer to NYU! This is the best of both worlds...being in the city, near your girlfriend and family and great academics with the atmoshphere you're looking for. I went there and loved it.</p>

<p>I am looking to transfer to NYU amongst other places. It's a great school, but so terrible with financial aid. My parents are already paying 20K for college, and we can't afford to pay more.</p>

<p>Huguenot, great advice. 21 credits isn't THAT bad. I have time to sleep. The music classes take up 5 credits, and those are all easy As, good for my GPA. Honestly, I'm not feeling overwhelmed academically, just challenged, where I have little free time. Still, I can't say I'm crazy stressed. It does leave very little time to hang out, and I haven't made any friends in my classes that I would be interested in hanging out with.</p>

<p>People at my school rarely make friends in classes that they hang out with outside of class. I'm the closest with people I met in the dorms.</p>

<p>I am having a similar situation. My advice: push yourself. What is easy or 'nice' in life may be comforting in the moment, but in the long term it becomes a disadvantage. I agree with others in that you should consider taking fewer credits next semester- my school doesn't even allow students to take more than 18! hah. Also, you know what you like (diversity, music, etc.) so inspire that, find that in different capacities...you can't really expect your college to be like your summer adventures, but trust me- that is a good thing.</p>

<p>I am a filmmaker/writer from the Nova/Washington D.C area and I miss it every day. I'm a freshman at an NC university right now and suffice it to say I would have preferred to go to Chapel Hill, but my grades were definitely not up to par my senior year. I am thinking of transferring to VCU, because it is closer to home, way more diverse than my current college and most importantly- my friends go there. I wanted, more than anything at a point, to just pack up and go home and attend Mason or something (because it is SO close to where I live and yes, I miss home too) and that seemed like the best scenario. </p>

<p>But that would be all too easy. Which is why I want to push myself to go to VCU and really get involved in their film program. And you seem like a very intelligent, passionate person who I bet will find his place. But by no means should you ever "settle". Your parents, your girlfriend, your former life (as it was) will always be at home. And yes, they may change...but so will you. Don't allow the prospect of that to hold you back from accomplishing your dreams. Go for Cornell! :)</p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

<p>Yeah, I know what you're going through.</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/604381-what-should-i-do.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/604381-what-should-i-do.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Sigh.</p>

<p>Just live off campus.</p>

<p>I think your courseload is fine, I have 19 credits, but I spend 2 hours each day on the bus. But, I'll give you some tips as well.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Roommate issue: Compromise. You can try and go to the library to study when possible. Set hours so that you know when he'll be a distraction and you can be at the library. </p></li>
<li><p>You should be wary of the girlfriend issue. If you two are in a great relationship then she should be willing to see you as well, so you don't have to travel so much. Use Skype/MSN. </p></li>
<li><p>How will moving to Cornell or Penn help you with your homesick problem. You'll have to make new friends there, new social environment. </p></li>
<li><p>Settle down. Maybe you're thinking about your old environment too much. How many clubs, extracurriculars have you attended? Are there stuff close to your university that offers excitement? Clubs for music, the gym</p></li>
</ol>

<p>It seems that when folks transfer, they just bring their problems with them. Not everything will be perfect, you are still going to have to work--remember that. The part that really stuck out to me is when you compared your experience with someone who went to Cornell. You shouldn't do that, because I'm sure your friend at Cornell's experience is not perfect. That's the thing, we all think when we get to college it will be perfect, but after a few months it loses its novelty and we realize that perhaps college didn't meet our unrealistically high expectations.</p>

<p>I would certainly take less hours, because that will give you less time to socialize. Try to be more tolerant and compromise with your roommate. Also, stop comparing yourself to others in other situations, it certainly isn't helping. Try to fix your situation first, and only use transferring as a last resort. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>hey I live right in Vestal, and definately, being right next to BU after a few years gets boring. For everyone else applying to Binghamton from a big city, you're going to be in it for a surprise! It's basically tiny here, and there's very little to do. But I mean it's just four years. Still transferring is a personal choice. Good luck with Penn!</p>