I agree. If your instate choices are affordable why can’t she attend UNH and join a living learning community, take a mix of classes, attend critical language academy in the summer and do study abroad.
Going to jump on the UNH bandwagon. There are 13,000 undegrads. There are surely enough classes and students where she will find her niche.
And of course, CC for two years then transferring is a great option. With the money saved, you might be able to afford a more expensive school for junior and senior years.
Kids tend to go to college, find their niche or cohort, and the size of the school fades. Especially true when the draw to their particular major is smaller, but that major is well served.
“Big” is BU, at 32k kids. Or UMass Amherst, at 28k. UNH is about 15k total, about half those. Plym State is 6300. How we react to “size” is personal. PS doesn’t seem small, to me. But neither is UNH what I’d see as crushingly large.
Sometimes, it’s less about number, than how easy it is to get across campus, if one needs to. Look at that.
There are OOS schools that will give in state tuition based on certain GPA and test scores
Yes, but travel expenses, room and board might still be more than the budget, and D doesn’t want to go far and the school might not have the major or offer that award for her stats.
This is just a bit of parent talk. When our kids are juniors, they don’t always know what they want or will want, a year from now. They’re not trapped forever in their 16 year old selves.
In OP’s case, what she thinks is comfortable- or artsy enough or academically exciting - is based on home, her own hs, her own town. That’s fine. But just recognize that it’s limited. As twoinanddone said, they’re still changing. Our GC put it: there are two growth spurts, from jr spring thru summer, then senior Sept to December. You aren’t there yet.
Add in the $ concerns- which most of us agonized over. We want to know a college is easily affordable, not some hypothetical “if this, if that.”
So rather than “What do you want?,” sometimes we do need to exert influence, use our adult experiences, our rational sides, our knowledge of them, to help them form their ideas, help them see the whole. And calm down, lol.
Frankly, in D1’s case, that meant no direct pressure. We didn’t ask, do you like this school?, though we did listen. When she voiced concerns, we answered with calm positives for her to consider. We didn’t want her to think we were steering her, not about some college or our finances, but of course we were. The top priorities were her major and affordability. By mid fall, she had eased into that. Many of us are saying the same.
And UNH looks pretty good to us.
I absolutely sympathize with the OP’s predicament- it feels terrible to be putting a couple of unpalatable choices in front of a kid. But I think if your D doesn’t feel backed into a wall she’ll start to approach the process with a more productive attitude.
She doesn’t have to go to college right after she graduates from HS.
She doesn’t have to spend four years on the campus of whichever school she ends up attending- and in fact, for a languages major, living abroad is a terrific thing to do for a year, to explore another culture, another university, etc.
She doesn’t have to attend college in New England- this is a choice that she is making. She could likely find something affordable if she expanded her geographic horizons-- but she is choosing not to.
Etc.
Choices. Point out to her that she has options-- but that every time she says “no” without really exploring what she’s saying no to, she is limiting herself. Which is fine- she can only attend one college so she doesn’t need to apply to 15 of them. As long as she’s comfortable with the things she’s said no to.
I’m still trying to work out how UNH is unpalatable. If you’re looking for comfort at 16, something close to high school with small class sizes, you are going to miss so, so much opportunity. Having to leave Durham and travel to Manchester (a branch which is not as strong of a school) to get the high schoolesque class size that she think she needs is not reasonable. Class size won’t matter. It really won’t and she’ll probably have maybe a dozen people in her year of Arabic. What a gem! And that starts to open professional contacts for her. She is choosing a big world major. It is time for her to ease into the big world with a small flagship like UNH. Portsmouth, which has got to be one of my favorite little cities, artsy and hip, is a maybe 15 or 20 minute bus ride.
You need to give UNH a true chance. Meeting with her department and professors. It is the people who make a university. Spend a weekend at UNH while splurging and staying in Portsmouth. Go to sports games, go to plays or an art event at UNH. Start on a Friday or Thursday night and stay through Sunday morning. Just take her. There are reasons UNH might not be a fit for DS but her choice and her career need to start being independent.
After all this, she might have real objections but with limited resources and marginal stats, she really needs to try a pragmatic approach to this. I wouldn’t let an imperfect campus tour guide kid, hamstring my daughter professional career by disqualifying what is going to be your most affordable, high quality choice.
How difficult to complete, and how different from each other, are the applications to all of the in-state options that offer the current projected majors? If it is just a matter of completing the Common App, and then clicking somehwere to include all of the in-state options, your daughter could just do that. Once she has her acceptances and any scholarship/aid offers in hand, that would be an OK time to visit each of the “Yes! You are in!” universities. She doesn’t have to decide now the UNH is a no-go. She can decide that on April 30 of 2019.
For what it’s worth my niece who had the stats to apply to a couple of Ivy colleges ended up at UNH. She really enjoyed it - found her community in a group of women rugby players of all things! She’s gainfully employed and recently got her Masters taking evening classes at Tufts.
Thanks, all. We’re going to visit UNH again. Right now she’s reacting to two very unenjoyable visits there. DH and I have talked about me taking her there in the summer, just the two of us. It’s possible that the “twin factor” was an influence, not just the bad guide from prospective student day, and I think we flubbed their second visit by not setting more up for it ahead of time. We will also be visiting Keene again, and we’re looking into some of the options mentioned in this thread, which has been invaluable. It’s also so true that what she thinks she needs in a school at 16 could change. We’re encouraging her to keep an open mind and realize that no school is perfect.
We’re also going to have to intervene with the guidance counselor. It sounds like a lot of folks have pretty short lists based on needs/affordability. We were in agreement with the GC that DD only applying to Keene was not ideal even with the local CC as a backup, but the GC’s alternatives are unworkable for us financially and we don’t want DD going down the rabbit hole of NE LACs we can’t afford. So that will be an upcoming conversation.
^Yes, I would put in the common apps and then go “date” the university. How many people fall in love with the right person they are going to be committed to in the first five minutes. That is what is being expected in a way. Really take the time to get to know the place during the school year. (not the sumner) Don’t let a march around campus with some 19 year old kid who spoke about their favorite subject determine her life. And it is fun to get acceptance letters. You also likely want a school with enough majors to give the student room for growth to change majors.
I bet a box of Krispy Kremes, that if she had a chance to meet with and get to know the Arabic professors, that they would be enchanted with her. She seems truly precocious with languages which is a gift. My son (not precocious) DS is also studying a *fringe" language, Japanese. They form a small, tight knit community within the similarly sized flagship. You get to know the professors and students really, really well. She’ll be lucky if she has 20 kids in her Arabic classes. You should also ask about Arabic cultural activities and clubs. UNH might be big enough to support these.
@blossom This is such a helpful way of looking at it. Saying no to a school is a choice not to apply/attend. She does have choices even if it doesn’t seem like it to her right now.
@GraniteMom, the other posters have given you great information for your searches. However, I want to address the “twin thing.” I have college junior twins who are very close. Their circle of friends in HS was the same and would call each other their “best friend.” They were each looking for different things in a college and one ended up in NYS while the other is in PA. Neither has a car so if they were an hour or so from each other it wouldn’t make things any easier than the three hour distance they are now. With Facetiming and messaging, they know they can get a hold of each other when needed. They’ve helped each other through hard times and celebrated good times. Many vacation breaks line up so they’re “mostly” home at the same time. Some of the smaller breaks and family weekends aren’t the same (and that’s good because up until this year, they were able to visit each other on those weekends.)
Life is going to be different for them. Their “closeness” may be redefined, but that’s part of growing up. Sending you all good luck thoughts that they find the right fit.
“This is such a helpful way of looking at it. Saying no to a school is a choice not to apply/attend. She does have choices even if it doesn’t seem like it to her right now.”
Exactly why she needs multiple schools on her list, not just one (among other reasons). It’s nice having choices and being in the driver’s seat on April 1st. It’s empowering. 
@GraniteMon She has a gift. Being able to learn languages like that is a gift. Hopefully her choice will have the resources to nurture that special gift. All this angst is normal. Best of luck to you.
Just read post #90. Just be aware that sometimes summer visits can be a bit depressing since the campus will not be as vibrant. No special activities or events. Not as many kids or just the madness of orientation. Please contact professors in her field to arrange meetings ahead of time. I’m still am betting the Krispy Kremes that the language professors are comp!etely enchanted with her.
Btw, in general, GCs are notorious for not understanding families’ financial needs or limits. You’re doing the right thing by trying to anticipate costs.
ps. Had you seen this https://cola.unh.edu/calendar/all
Make sure you look at schools which meet 100% of need- they will bring costs to your family’s EFC as determined by FAFSA. http://www.thecollegesolution.com/list-of-colleges-that-meet-100-of-financial-need/
Many of them might not be appropriate for your daughter’s stats, but with her language thing she should take a look. My own S ended up at a school we NEVER thought was possible until we understood the cost calculator…
Most ‘meets full need’ schools meet that need as the schools define it not the EFC as calculated by FAFSA. Almost all those schools use CSS and not just FAFSA.